poetry – Page 31 – Afterwards

Screw you Haiku

Daily Haiku’s are so last month. I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently.

Daily Haiku’s are so last month. I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently. The deal was to take the rather serious haiku form and treat it with a little disrespect and hopefully a dash of humour.

Secret Santa? No?

You make baby Jesus cry

Ebeneezer scrooge!

Doing shots, fun times

Chug chug, life of the party

threw up on the bed

Oh bugger my subconscious seems to be wandering to Christmas already. No, no, no – that simply will not do!

Got the kids a dog

cavorting, barks of delight

urine stained carpets

Taking out the trash

cabbage juice on my good shoes

bloody cheap bin bags

That’s more like it. tales of the mundane. Maybe 3 more. That’s like a weeks worth of daily late night haiku right there.

Need inspiration

Check Donald T’s twitter feed

juices flowing now

Donald: Players must stand

Women, non whites, poor, sick and

Muslim can kneel though

Oh Orange moron

with your juicy puckered lips

just ripe for prison

I know, enough is enough.

Your lunchtime limerick 30/9/17

Late night limericks

My neighbour Ifraheem

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Fatties in space returns but not quite as you might have wanted.

You really should read this first before proceeding, but you don’t have to – it will just make more sense if you do..I am not ready for the full story but thought I would start exploring story lines through the medium of poetry.

It’s a tale of the round, and the girthy who found

a real love, one that’s true , one that’s strong

and the passion they share, but they’re rather aware

that they just cannot ‘go’ for that long.

For rotund they both are and alas the pair far

From in shape, ‘less that shape is a ball

He has always been big from when he was a kid

And she got real fat after a fall

So both desperate to please one another and tease

In the bedroom they try to delight

So as well as whipped cream for this sexy young team

Nacho cheese and choc pudding tonight

But they try none the less, she fits into a dress

Far too small for a gal of her size

but he gazes with love, says “it fits like a glove”

Then devours her like burger and fries

He heaves up his full frame, and she calls out his name

legs akimbo his hands on her hips

says “I fancy some kink, here what do you think?”

and eats onion rings from her nips

But before it begins pudding still on his chins

and the nacho cheese on her top lip

his legs started to cramp and she’s barely got damp

he tries hard but he’s losing his grip

“That’s enough” she cries out, “I do not want to shout

But I’ve needs and I need to be drilled”

So she books them a flight, taking off the next night

On the love ship, she will be fulfilled

For it heads into space at a jolly quick pace

They’ll be freed of this gravity curse

Yes it cost all they’ve saved, but they’re feeling depraved

And she wants to dress up as a nurse

So next time I will tell, and use words such as swell

And engorge and perhaps Ill use thrust

And Ill tell a bit more and you might just adore

The next verse in this tale of fat lust

More stuff? No? I understand…

Get well soon limericks

Musings

More tea vicar ?

Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

Here we go again. I am going to be serious this week. Feel my haiku!

Here we go again. I am going to be serious this week. Feel my haiku! Thanks as ever to Colleen for her prompts. Check her blog out out here.

This weeks words are Gift and Song.

Intoxicating, lost

in the heady gift of song

melting to her voice

or maybe

thanks, the gift of song

an itunes voucher from gran

My phone’s an android

And back to serious

Song bird, gilded cage

Trapped, craving the blue expanse

I gift her freedom

Then back to silly, using Serenade instead of song

She smiles, crimson cheeks

He serenades from below

Dad’s Chamber pot thrown

And one last Serious one

truly you’re a gift

you fill my heart with such song

My children my life

Ok ok one last silly one, for balance…

other worldly voice

Children crying dogs howling

clown under your bed

Think that’s quite enough for one week…

More shenanigans?

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

End of days #writephoto challenge

Badger and Fox

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/09/19/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-no-51-haiku-tanka-haibun-gift-song/

Screw You Haiku 11/9/17

A little light haiku relief…

Proof that haiku do not always have to be serious…

The life of the clown

by day bringing joy, by night

he’s under your bed

night time toilet trip

lights out, think I saw a clown

run back to bed scared

Long hair and tight jeans

he watches her walk and lusts

bugger, it’s a bloke!

hot tea before bed

up three times throughout the night

Damn old man’s bladder!

One drink after work

woke up in the back garden

bloody sambuca!

More stuff? Ive tons and tons of stuff!

Jeffrey and Cho – FFFAW Challenge

Lion and Zebra – Daily Prompt – Hidden

Probing – a cautionary tale – Daily prompt

Get well soon limericks

Get well soon.

To round off a day of mostly limericks one last post. Inspired by a comment by a reader at http://www.poetrummager.com who suggested limericks could replace traditional get well soon message. Thank you !

An infected promiscuous mate

Got aids from a lass on a date

He was once much much bigger

But now has a nice figure

Since infected he’s lost loads of weight

I saw your dad this afternoon

Heard your stomach looks like a balloon

And your bottom has leaked

But your temperature peaked

So I hope that you’ll feel better soon

Your mum said you just been for tests

For a lump that you found in your breast

Lets hope its not bad

Cos that happened to dad

And just after we laid him to rest

I saw your dad at the garage

said your scrotum is swollen quite large

Since you went to Bangkok

I bet it was a shock

When you saw the quite nasty discharge.

Right…that’s a lot of posts for one day, see you tomorrow perhaps.

Photo couryesy of Typographyimages@pixabay

Hotel haiku

just a few thoughts before I start the day

Just a few thoughts on the hotel before we head out and see what the day has to hold.

Other peoples kids

Drunkards bouncing down the hall

Flatulent neighbours

Four people one room

A night time cocophony

Really need a nap

Lying in my bed

Inches from another soul

In another room

Please shut your kids up

Next time we go up market

Tired and grumpy

Right…im off for an ice cream and to dip my toes in the icy north sea. I will let you know how it goes.

Just one more post…

I have wanted to use the words “throbbing” and “Angela Merkel” in the same piece for some time. To be honest I would probably not bother reading this…

I can’t always muster anything too long when typing on my phone as its far too tricky but Im still awake and seems sleep is some way off.

It is half past midnight and I am in the Premier Inn in Scarborough with the wife and kids and the cocophony of the blissful sleep of others means that you get one more post. Pretty place Scarbrough. I wrote a post or two back why I am awake.

Anyway…my point was that I think I will just wrote one more piece. Perhaps something dirty about Donald trump and Angela Merkel.

Why? Since when did why matter?

How electric was her touch

proud Donald thought on meeting

He felt a stirring down below

As the Fraulein he was greeting

His mind it raced, perfume he smelled

So buxom quite devine

Strong back big hands delicious chins

He craved her “she’ll be mine!”

His mind it wandered, pulse it raced

He hungered for her touch

His little hands they craved to feel

Her German curves so much

Unable to control his needs

he turns Away from twitter

And sneaks away to please himself

Whilst hiding in the shitter.

“Oh Angela” he cries aloud

and dwells upon a kiss

Trousers round his ankles

Face contorted in pure bliss

OK I think I am going to bed this is just getting weird now.

Photo courtesy of 3dman_eu@pixabay

I tried to say goodbye.

Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend

Word prompt : I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.

I tried to say goodbye today

But you wagged your tail and barked

And followed me as I set off

And chased me through the park

So back I walked and took you home

This time I would ensure

the wife who I’d left home in bed

Would all the gates secure

“You’ll not believe just who got out!”

I shout and summarise

The story of our dogs escape

But oh to my surprise…

It seems my pooch has helped me out

My wife is not alone

It seems he’s not the only one

Who rather loves a bone.

I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered. 🙂

Late night limericks

A quick dose of inappropriateness

I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time. So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone.

A baker I know quite sublime

Made cakes pies and puddings most fine

Met a lass who he woo’d

with his sensual food

Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”

A fellow with wife rather bland

For insurance he schemed and he planned

But his plot came to nought

By the cops he was cought

Now in prison he gets nightly manned

Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer

What a weekend he had but i fear

That his wife will discover

His large breasted lover

When the tests come back with gonorrhoea

A hubby his wife sadly binned

But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned

Such a flatulent hag

She’d eat chilli, he’d gag

As it gave her quite horrible wind

They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!

Screw you haiku – Volume 5

Just a few haiku, but no t so serious…

Dream guy, takes him home

so magnetic and charming

turns out hes married

Passion overwhelms

the neighbours call the police

curtains were open

married ten years

what happened to romance. She:

close the bathroom door!

Chinese for dinner

kung po pork or king prawn foo?

all tastes same to me

I hate you haiku

syllables, five seven five

screw you I’m doing six

Day one of diet

Went for a massive curry

ill start tomorrow

want something different?

Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…

Faeries: The long winter

Armitage – Part 1

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/magnetic/

Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…

Proof that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…

Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world. Or, I just wanted a tenuous reason to post this on the daily prompt, you decide.

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?

A fellow alas premature

in his loving, his wife quite demure

Said “I need you to last

and not be so damn fast

cos you’re done fore I start, that’s for sure

A woman got picked up and drugged

and a fellow got beaten and mugged

but I said to the wife

at least we’ve a good life

she said “you’re cold hearted”, I shrugged.

Chap in charge of the choir last spring

said he just loves to make the boys sing

“Do it harder and faster!”

said the old choir master

you really do have a nice ring

A fellow joined up and no doubt

true patriot so he shipped out

Lost his legs to a mine

had some made now he’s fine

and he always gets parked when hes out

A cheating wife knocked up oh dear

Told her hub she was faithful all year

But the couple are white

and the kid black as night

so he left her for chicks, meat and beer

Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/

Colleen’s Weekly Poetry Challenge #47: Shadow & Light

Be wary of strangers on the internet, just saying…

The rules of this challenge are pretty simple, create a Haiku, a Tanka or a Haibun on the subjects of Shadow and Light. I try these each week, let’s see how this week’s efforts turn out shall we. I’m going to try be serious, honest. I know they’re meant to be about nature and such but I do like to use them to try and tell a shortened story too.

Ill start with a haiku…

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

Hmm…not sure where that came from? Maybe some more detail added through the medium of a Tanka, pretty much a haiku with extra lines expressing my feelings on the first 5 lines. But I don’t think its strictly a rule.

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back

Ok, so as a story it’s evolving., I am not allowing myself the luxury of a rewrite, I’ll see where it all goes in the Haibun. Never done one of these before and it’s late so might play loose with the rules a bit.

The endless click of the keyboard, day and night, reaching out with twinkling eyes and sweet smile. Lonely hearts embraced and dreams force fed foul lies and rancid hope. Offers of that which is lost, never had or which remained unknown are his to freely give and without compassion he loves and lusts and smiles at family photos and brushes his hair from his face and tells you how shy she is. A first thought with the sun, and good nights murmured into salty pillows bookend the time apart and the minutes until they will be together at last. They are lines he has used many times over, but well worn and trusted they pull at heart strings and ignite passions satisfied in the night.

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back

Cold beers, new clothes and food on the table, you are a good boy – you make your mother proud. Each day is full of promise, each night opportunity presents itself ripe and ready to be plucked and devoured with sweet juice covered chins laughing. Flights are costly, but can you put a price on love.

Well that all turned out a bit weird didn’t it. Oh well, it is what it is. Bed time!

There are some previous efforts here

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 44 – #Haiku: HUNT & FIND

Screw you haiku Vol 4

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/08/22/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-47-haiku-tanka-haibun-shadow-light/

Haiku Horizons prompt: “Taste”

A haiku challenge on the matter of “taste”

A few scribbles in response to the haiku challenge found at the link below.

https://haikuhorizons.wordpress.com/2017/08/20/haiku-horizons-prompt-taste/

Fighting with the wife

Me: “You’ve awful taste ! She:

“Yeah I married you!”

Lets try another…

Just a tiny taste

Maybe just one more mouth full

whole cake devoured

And one last one

First stolen kisses

The taste of her lips on mine

Oh god a smoker

Fancy More?

Pesky butterflies – Weekly Weather Challenge: Hurricane

Badger and Fox

Ichabod the first

Screw you haiku Vol 4

Crude, infantile and fun to write. Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Crude, infantile and fun to write. Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Cannibals in love

“How do you feel about kids?”

“can’t eat a whole one”

First day of diet

Accidental carrot cake

I’ll start tomorrow

Spicy curry night

poppadoms and spicy dip

explosive repeats

miles from a toilet

buttocks clenched eyes watering

oh look a turtle!

having a fiddle

mood gone, discovered a lump

testicle lopped off

Want to read more of my stuff? It’s not all like that promise…

A story about a girl

Some sci fi

and something for the kids

Https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/spicy/

Haiku Challenge – Hope and Stay

Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge – Hope and Stay

Let’s start with a haiku or two shall shall we. The rules do let me play with synonyms which I might explore too.

In my heart you’ll stay

you drift into the darkness

hope of afterlife

seems a bit serious..

walked her home tonight

Invited in for coffee

hope she lets me stay

another maybe

husband caught, hope lost

empty promises to change

if you let him stay

All very serious…maybe a Tanka

See Maurice eating

watch him gorge on cheese in bed

eats cake in the night

Where can he get new trousers

ones with the elastic waist

Hmmm….not really feeling it.

These ones we kind of funny if you fancy more

https://ronovanwrites.com/2017/08/14/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-162-hopestay/

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.

TANKA

The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”. I think the first 3 are meant to set the scene and the next two express how I feel about it. Not really cracked that bit yet…

I found this one rather tricky.

Sweet honey goodness

runs slowly into my mouth

No diet today

My inner Pooh bear unleashed

Wine fuelled hunger satisfied

Let’s try another

Wine poured, candles lit

Honey, let’s go to bed

Whipped cream, Ice, hand cuffs

This is not like fifty shades

the bloody sheets are ruined

Let’s try a more serious one…

Summer sun shining

Sweet scent of honey suckle

Warm winds on soft skin

Wilful seduction like wine

Warming caress on my lips

Meh…

Maybe I will try something different next week 😊

Fancy something different?

this people find funny…

and this is quite sad

Weekend Away – Daily Two-Word Prompt #102 / Daily Prompt

Flo and Darren plan a dirty weekend away…

A couple I know, call them Darren and Flo

Decided some “them” time was needed

So they packed off the boys, with their books clothes and toys

to grand parents to whom they had pleaded

“Please just for tonight, they said they won’t fight

and we’ll set off back early to home

they’re really not bad, and we’d be oh so glad!”

half a weekend away – all alone!

To a hotel they drove, up the coast near the cove

lovely beach, seafood joint and big bed 😉

“This is just what we need!” Flo declared, he agreed

“Dirty weekend away!” Darren said.

Hand on thigh as they drive, not too late they arrive

short trek, they retire to the bed

“in the mood?” he enquires, but alas it transpires

Flo then asks for some pills for her head.

“Just unpack – in a while, I’ll be fine” Flo does smile

“Then I’m yours you can do as you will!

you can tie me and ravage, go to town get quite savage

but for now will you get me my pill?”

“Yes of course” he agrees… he would tremble her knees

just like when they first met way back when

and they’d make love all night – what a glorious sight

they’d skip breakfast and start it again.

But to his great despair, fast asleep in the chair

he awakes with a knock at the door

Knock, Knock, Knock “it’s House keeping… you awake or you sleeping?””

The evening had promised much more!

Still a breakfast enjoyed as they talk of the boys

and how odd it is here all alone

“Do you think they’re okay?” Daz to Flo then does say

“Let me call them quick, pass me my phone”

It turns out they were fine, “slept from 8 through ’till 9

been no bother at all!” Gran does say

“Did you have a good night, was the hotel alright,

shall I tell them you’re now on you’re way?”

“So perhaps not quite bliss” Darren says with a kiss

and Flo smiles as he kisses her head

“at least we slept well, and were rested and hell

we woke up with no kids in the bed!”

Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://teresacreationsblog.wordpress.com/2017/08/12/daily-two-word-prompt-102/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/spicy/

Picture courtesy of espressoili @ pixabay

In the news this week…

Trust me these are all on the BBC website! Kind of. Okay, maybe not in limerick form…

Trust me these are all on the BBC website! Kind of. Maybe not in limerick form…

Zac Makwala, a Botswanan runner

Ran 400 in world champs this summer

But he got bottom squirts

And excluded “It hurts!

Its unfair, wrong and oh such a bummer”

A bastard it seems, name of Gus

Got quite fat and his wife made a fuss

So he went for a run

got upset and for fun

pushed a lass passing by ‘neath a bus

Kim-Jung and Donald you ought ta

Stop waffling on about slaughter

Cos the Donald will win

‘Leash his nukes with a grin

Then fondle Kim’s wife, gran and daughter

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

You absolute tanka!

I’m still not sure I’m truly embracing the spirit of these…

It’s TANKA time!

Note to self. First 5 lines set the scene, next two express how I feel about said scene. I’ll give it a try. Not sure whether they will be serious or not yet…

How he hates himself

All night cavorting naked

Vodka fuelled hookers

This morning he has no pride

And he has crabs, poor fellow

Pride march, jubilant

See the hate on their faces

Those who disapprove

Get them an umbrella it’s

Raining men hallelujah!

How she hates his face

such pride, always being right

Her mum wasn’t wrong

She hid her joy when he died

And got herself a boob job

See him strut, such pride

Men hating as from the hot

Women, he chooses

Still alone night after night

4 inches is not average

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

https://butismileanyway.com/2017/08/08/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-45-haiku-hate-pride/

Photo courtesy of Peterkraayvanger @ Pixabay

31 days of Daily prompts – Done!

After a month of completing each and every daily prompt I am going to give myself, for the post of the final day of July, something of a reprieve.

I shall certainly be writing about aliens ferreting inside the bottoms of stranger, I will avoid poetry of a most dubious nature and I will most definitely avoid any writings on the matter of chubby people rutting like beasts in space.

Instead I shall allow myself a most substandard (see what I did there?) effort and just rehash things from the previous month.

Having only started writing this month I have found the daily prompts a brilliant way to focus my ideas and to gain exposure for my thoughts. If you don’t already, I would certainly advocate using them.

It wasn’t all tomfoolery and deviant imagery this month though, I tried my hand at some serious stuff too and dabbled with the ideas of dementia, child slavery and death.

Admittedly I preferred to write about things more ludicrous but they were still great fun.

So what will August bring? Not a clue really. But then that is all part of the fun.

Thanks for reading!

Michael

P.S. – Before you ask, yes – that is indeed my body in the picture. Or at least the body I would have had were it not for my love of eating jam with a spoon stood in front of the fridge in my underpants in the middle of the night.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/substandard/

Photo courtesy of comfreak @ pixabay

More sombre limericks…kind of.

Today I’d like to explore the frailty of our existence. through the medium of limerick.

I’ve rather enjoyed the attempts at sombre limericks of late and being a little pushed for time to write this week they still give me chance to write as they don’t take long.

Today I’d like to explore the frailty of our existence. through the medium of limerick.

So here you go, another 4…though these will be the last for some time as they’re getting rather dark and a bit weird if I’m being honest.

A lass I once worked with called Jane

Had a tumour removed from her brain

She went to celebrate

Thinking yeah this is great

But got hit on way home by a train

My friend knew a girl, quite the dancer

Really hot so he thought he’d romance her

Woo’d her hard, they got wed

Had two kids then dropped dead

Nobody knew she’d brain cancer

Mum loved chicken and steak, cheese and bread

Quite often ate cake in her bed

Scoffing chocolate and sweeties

Got real fat, diabetes

Lost 3 toes then one summer fell dead

Old dame lived alone in a flat

Had no family or friends fancy that

Fell, banged her head on the ground

3 weeks ’till she was found

Decomposed, face chewed off by her cat

Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

Screw you Haiku

On Mondays I like to allow myself a little more freedom from the discipline of the more structured writing schedule that I have set for myself and simply do something stupid.

On Mondays I like to allow myself a little more freedom from the discipline of the more structured writing schedule that I have set for myself and do something different. I normally like to dabble with a variety of fiction pieces but Not on Monday, oh no

The challenge of packing emotive imagery into 17 syllables is quite a test, which is perhaps why they seem so daunting and often so very serious. A limerick on the other hand is quite the opposite, filled with such joy and whimsy.

Today I shall attempt to write some haiku that are not serious at all serious.

Hot spicy curry

Arse like a Japanese flag

oh no not again

In the house naked

Wife and kids on vacation

Beer for breakfast

Leaving work in shame

Stomach flu going around

Gambled on a fart

Wife screams in horror

Dogs humping in the garden

Cover children’s eyes

Loud knock at the door

Dancing in the house naked

Police “Close curtains!”

Want to read more of my stuff?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/