Looking for Love

I’ve been here for some time now, and let me just say I am a big BIG fan of you earth girls. 


Name: Darren
Age: 43 Terran years 
Relationship Status: It’s complicated

I’ve been here for some time now, and let me just say I am a big BIG fan of you earth girls.  With the relaxation of the cross species breeding regulations I am looking to find someone who shares similar passions to mine.

I love musical theatre and long walks on the beach and despite all that nasty death ray business am really an old romantic at heart.   I adore late 18th century french poetry and I love to cook, and when it comes to wine have a great collection of Chilean reds which are just so fruity and a real treat.

When I’m not in the kitchen, immersed in Oklahoma! or enjoying the outdoors you’re sure to find me in the bedroom and if you’re a fan of probing then believe me, I am your guy.  With Calgarian College of Probing certificates in Entry and Exit Studies, Intermediate Intestinal Investigations and advanced Rectal Ruminations I am sure to delight you in every way possible.

If probing leaves you feeling a little violated then dont let that put you off, I have a ten inch throbulus and with a little yoga and a cheeky sense of adventure I am sure we could make it magical.

So if you’re looking for something a little different how about you swipe right, and let’s hook up and see whether I can make you see stars.


In response to M’s prompt, ‘Meet you later by the flux capacitor.

A thought…

Think I need an early night


Okay so not so much a thought as the culmination of many thoughts.  Arguments aside over exactly what the best phone is I recently bought me eldest the New Samsung on the basis that he promised to stay off of social media.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and whatever else I may choose to broadly lump into that category.  I will then, every couple of years, upgrade him to the newest handset assuming he has stayed off it all.

He happily agreed, and whilst in the future he may not, for now I think it is something worthwhile because I am pretty convinced that the damage done by social media outweighs the benefits.  There will be studies I am sure, but I am not basing it on them I am basing it on my experience and the pressure it puts on people and the need to broadcast ones life click by click.

There is an irony in blogging about this I am sure, and my blogs do post to twitter, but it is something I am happy I did because I think the kids will be better people for it in the long run.  No one needs to know what he had for tea or where he has just checked in to and he does not need to see only the selective best bits of someone elses life to compare his to.

I’d much prefer he simply lives life than spectates…

A thought…

Think I need an early night

That was a long lon g day.  I slept terribly, the cats eventually waking me at 4am after I had stayed up far too late watching ‘Bright’.  The eldest went to a sleepover and went to bed at 4 and the youngest went to bed at 3.  I said he could watch one tv show in his brothers bed before sleep and forgot about him.

He came down to tell us all about the great TV he had watched at 3 rather wired and a little scared about something creepy but I do not recall what.

We were all reunited at lunchtime to head on a couple of hours drive out to the seaside for the afternoon.  We weren’t beyond the end of the street before the younger was crying because of something the other had thrown, the elder professed his hatred for me insisting I should perhaps stop speaking and the wife’s day was already ruined.

I think we just about pulled it back as the day progressed, mostly because the little blighters fell asleep and I heeded the warning I had been given to ‘leave them alone because I just wind them up’.

Families eh 🙂




A thought…


I know this because, in a bit of a stinking mood, I stopped the car to let an old lady cross the road the other day and she gave me such a beaming smile.  Admittedly, she was going soooo slowly that if I hadn’t then I would probably have killed her but that’s not the point.  Cheered me right up how happy she was and how ridiculously slowly she was walking.  You know, she is probably out there now.  Hmmm.  Oh well, that can be someone else’s good deed..



Thistles and Thorns

The things that hold us back…

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we.

I’ve a tale I would tell, and it might do you well

To pay heed and perhaps give some thought

To the things that constrain and the things that we blame

And on which were eternally caught


They’re the things in our heads, that live under our beds

And that lurk when we wake late at night

Paralysed by the doubt and the voices that shout

they defeat when we just cannot fight


Or you think you’re no good and that one day you could

be redeemed if you just do not stray

so you live only just and you hope pray and trust

that divine you’ll be carried away


so we stop in our tracks and we always look back

never trying to push on ahead

and were tangled in thorns and our minds they get torn

cant make sense of the thoughts in our heads


and you’re lying there scared and your wholly ensnared

to the things you believe are the truth

now perhaps they are not but you’ve sadly forgot

how to look for a sign or some proof


Unencumbered you’d find that the world can be kind

and there’s joy to be found and much more

we can live, love and learn and eternity spurn

for there’s hope here and now, life galore

George and Alice

The old clock in the hall struck seven as George sat down at his writing table as he did every night.

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we…this one is in response to the Weaving Words prompt.

The old clock in the hall struck seven as George sat down at his writing table as he did every night.  He opened the drawer and took out the pen she had given him on their 25th anniversary, then carefully took a sheet of the finest paper from a sheath and placed it on the desk in front of him.

He rolled the pen between his fingers and smiled as he read the inscription:

“My heart remains yours always.”

He pulled his chair to the desk, made himself comfortable and began to write.


My dearest Alice

Winter has come at last it seems, and the days grow shorter and we have had the first flakes of snow this evening.   Fortunately I have a good store of wood this year, and the new people on the Henderson farm have assured me they have plenty to spare should I run short.  They seem very nice, though I am not quite sure they are cut out for this life.  Time will tell.

I took a walk by the river this morning, the air cold and crisp and the skies blue with the feintest whisper of cloud.  Sadly the old bridge we built at Millers crossing has collapsed, and I fear age would insist that I am now well beyond repairing it.

Such memories it brought back and I remembered the yellow dress you wore the day we finished it.  It seems like only yesterday, and the smile you wore with it remains with me to this day.  As time passes it’s funny the things we remember and those we forget.  The smallest details of our life together I still recall and yet major events now seem like a story told to me by someone else.

Sometimes I do wonder whether I have forgotten days we spent together, yet my heart remains full of those that are still so clear to me.

My heart remains yours always


Gently placing the pen on the desk George then folded the paper and placed it in an envelope that he pulled from the bottom drawer.  Sealing it he then took a bundle of identical envelopes and slowly unknotted the string that bound them together.

Taking up the pen he wrote ‘Alice’ on the front and then bundled it with the others, refastening them together with the old coarse string and placing them back in the drawer.

He smiled as he stood from the desk, pushed the chair back in and turned out the light.

It had been a good day, she would have enjoyed it he thought smiling to himself as he climbed the stairs to bed.

Head, shoulders, knees and oooh yeah baby.

So it turned out rather rude in parts…

I wrote this in response to something of a request from M.  Kinda.  Sort of.  I am pretty sure the comments goaded me into it.  Not that I take much encouragement on such things.  I am always willing to give things a try.  It probably goes too far… 🙂

Theres this woman it seems, met the man of her dreams

rather handsome and quite well to do

and they went on hot dates and they stayed out so late

so exciting being with someone new


Over time things progressed, and one hight she confessed

“no more waiting, I think that it’s time

let’s go back to your place” and they set off at pace

she was ready for pleasure devine


As she watched him undress, buttocks firm rock hard chest

pulse it raced then he ripped off her clothes

ran his hand up her thigh, made her groan squeal and sigh

goosebumps down from her head to her toes


Then he kissed every inch, gave her bottom a pinch

worked his way north to south quite intent

then he stopped at her feet, remarked “Oh what a treat”

but too long way down there he then spent


“Bloody hell” she proclaimed, his loins somewhat aflame

as he tongued, toe by toe, each in turn

and he sucked every one but her passion was gone

though her feet he continued to yearn


Ran his tongue ‘twixt her toes, “Oh please stop” she then goes

on to say “get your mouth off my feet!”

but he gobbles and licks, groans and then slowly spits

“Oh please baby they’re just quite a treat”


“How about this ” he asks, and she’s taken aback

“A caress with your soles quite divine

“I’ll lay back, use your feet, It will be quite a treat

up and down, and I’ll thrust up in time”


But she’s really quite shocked at the thought of his cock

‘tween her feet and she shouts “No, no, no!

How’d we get here so fast?  I don’t think it will last

get your clothes please I think you should go…”


“Baby please dont’ you know, it’s quite normal and so

many people like licking of toes

It’s my thing no big deal, give it time and you’ll feel

quite at home with just where my tongue goes”


“Not a chance” she replies, realises and sighs

“this won’t work out”.  Alas, such regret

As he dresses to go, “kiss goodbye?” she says “No!”

as his breath’s like old cheese, poo and sweat.


So quite sad, it’s the end and she calls up a friend

and explains that he’s gone and it’s done

and though he was very sweet his obsession with feet

not for her and just weird, not fun…


Music to my ears

If music were a woman then I think perhaps she would be my dirty secret rather than my soul mate.

Mel, who you can and should read, posted a piece earlier today which you can read here.  Mel has a load of posts, and I would recommend reading all about Charlie in particular.   Most enjoyable indeed.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about my own relationship with music.  I say relationship, but to be honest it is more a series of dirty one night stands than something more meaningful and long term.  I doubt very much that music and I will be slipping off for a romantic weekend to a little cabin somewhere to celebrate a lifetime of loyal partnership though there may well be the chance of a dirty romp in the back of the car.

Ask me who I love and I will tell you that I adore Prince and would happily let him touch me inappropriately (were he not dead – something that still upsets me terribly).  I would also insist that I love all things eighties, that I have a thing for rather loud and nasty metal and own most of Bob Dylan’s early works on Vinyl.  I also had an awkward jazz phase (and have the Dave Brubeck red vinyls to prove it), a pop stage and a particularly filthy long weekend where I was into rap music but that just made me a bit sweary and it turns out that there is no appropriate time for a fat middle aged programmer to be using the ‘N’ word.  No matter how fly or dope his tunes.

There isn’t much I haven’t tried but mostly I seem to resort back to the music I loved when I was in my teens in the eighties.  And Volbeat.  I heard Volbeat for the first time about 5 years ago and since then have fallen very much in love with their rockabilly metal.  I’ve even seen them in concert a couple of times and took my kids to see them.  Our Tom loves them especially, and he is only 9.

I then realised that technology has played a big part in my on off romance with music, particularly in recent years.  The music varies slightly but how and when I listen to it has been hugely influenced by the way I access it.  For many years I had the same old stack of CD’s and cassettes and things did not vary much at all.  Perhaps that was to do with having a young family and trying to work on my career.  Probably.  But as the years have progressed and I have found more time I have dipped in and out of music and most often as I have discovered new technology.

I dabbled with peer-to-peer sharing for a while and found myself stealing all manner of music I had never really listened to but that did not last long as I also stole some pirated films and a particular copy of the Lord of the Rings ended up being a virus so I packed that in pretty quickly.

iTunes then made me super horny for all the music I had forgotten from the eighties and nineties (and sometimes later), and for a long time I amassed a ton of stuff that I hadn’t really appreciated at the time and enjoyed it a lot more as I got older.  I ended up with everything Hootie and the Blowfish had done which when I look back was just a bit weird.  They were okay but I’m not sure I needed their entire collection.

Spotify and Deezer followed and that was quite fabulous and I had a nifty little speaker I would plug my phone into as I browsed endlessly but I would always end up coming back to the things from my youth.  I will admit to having a real thing  for Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Band which I picked up from my dad.

Sonos speakers followed and I put them through out the house and again these gave me a new lease of life and it was not long before I was treating my neighbours to hours and hours of Erasure and the Pet ship boys.

Recently my listening time has increased again on the back of picking up a couple of Amazon Alexas which I have hooked into my Sonos speakers and Spotify and Amazon music accounts and between me and the boys there is often sometime playing in multiple rooms throughout the house.

Funny how it goes though because the kids are mostly into eighties music and volbeat…I do wonder what will be next.

Some more limericks

100 word Wednesday – The Chase









Fatties in Space Part 3 – Definitely still not for kiddies

You’d have thought I’d have given up on this idea by now wouldn’t you. But no. No I haven’t.

Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.  You really need to read those first for this to make much sense.  Not that it makes much sense.


The big day came around, as our pair left the ground

and to space they did head quite excited

soon of gravity free they would quite happily

give into their lust now ignited


Not constrained by their girth or the pull of the earth

they were sure to express their desire

to the chamber they floated, rotund hot and bloated

loins smouldered then soon set on fire


Hungry mouths warm wet lips bulging crotch quite pert nips

they cavorted and drifted through space

arching backs roaming hands loves wet warmth swollen glands

In huge bosom he buries his face


Set free from their weight, she’s the food on his plate

he devours from angles quite kinky

with his mouth he then pleases his tongue he then teases

and lord look where he just stuck his pinky


Heaving flesh they’re entwined to their passion resigned

hungry mouths they consume head to feet

Right way upside down how they both go to town

Like that time at the all you can eat


Now the entree is done and its time for more fun

its the main, shes bent over and waiting

Massive buttocks quite round what a sight most profound

he approaches his mouth salivating


Hands on hips legs akimbo, head thrown back like a limbo

how he handles her bulk into place

with no effort he fills her the pleasure it thrills her

Just like ribs, puts a smile on her face


Then with coital alignment and subtle refinement

its doggy, jack hammer then twister

little dipper, wheel barrow, for her age she’s quite narrow

though the Zebra Lunge gave her a blister


As they peak in their lust one more move is a must

and he grabs her and spins her around

They explode with delight and embrace close and tight

For the pleasure and love they have found


She caresses his chins and quite sated she grins

satisfied for the first time in years

pudding eyes drink her in shes his goddess of sin

such pleasure it brings them to tears


Well I think that is enough really.  I will miss them,








Weekend Away – Daily Two-Word Prompt #102 / Daily Prompt

Flo and Darren plan a dirty weekend away…

A couple I know, call them Darren and Flo

Decided some “them” time was needed

So they packed off the boys, with their books clothes and toys

to grand parents to whom they had pleaded


“Please just for tonight, they said they won’t fight

and we’ll set off back early to home

they’re really not bad, and we’d be oh so glad!”

half a weekend away – all alone!


To a hotel they drove, up the coast near the cove

lovely beach, seafood joint and big bed 😉

“This is just what we need!” Flo declared, he agreed

“Dirty weekend away!” Darren said.


Hand on thigh as they drive,  not too late they arrive

short trek, they retire to the bed

“in the mood?” he enquires,  but alas it transpires

Flo then asks for some pills for her head.


“Just unpack – in a while, I’ll be fine” Flo does smile

“Then I’m yours you can do as you will!

you can tie me and ravage, go to town get quite savage

but for now will you get me my pill?”


“Yes of course” he agrees… he would tremble her knees

just like when they first met way back when

and they’d make love all night – what a glorious sight

they’d skip breakfast and start it again.


But to his great despair, fast asleep in the chair

he awakes with a knock at the door

Knock, Knock, Knock  “it’s House keeping… you awake or you sleeping?””

The evening had promised much more!


Still a breakfast enjoyed as they talk of the boys

and how odd it is here all alone

“Do you think they’re okay?” Daz to Flo then does say

“Let me call them quick, pass me my phone”


It turns out they were fine, “slept from 8 through ’till 9

been no bother at all!” Gran does say

“Did you have a good night, was the hotel alright,

shall I tell them you’re now on you’re way?”


“So perhaps not quite bliss” Darren says with a kiss

and Flo smiles as he kisses her head

“at least we slept well, and were rested and hell

we woke up with no kids in the bed!”


Fancy something else?





Picture courtesy of espressoili @ pixabay

The girl in the rain 

Just an idea about a girl in the rain. I worked backwards from the ending.

When he offered her a lift home she wanted to say no, but the weather was awful out and she really didn’t fancy a walk to the station in the rain.  “Go on then” she responded reluctantly, “but just a lift okay, nothing more.”

James grinned that stupid boyish grin she had seen too many times before in married around the office.   “Cool” he replied “I’ll grab my coat and we can get off, won’t be a minute.”

She watched him scurry over to his desk, throw his laptop into his bag and pull on a dark raincoat over his well fitting navy suit.

“Thanks for this” she said as he walked back over.  He was an arsehole, she knew that too well after last year’s Christmas party, but he was an arsehole with a car and it had been a long day and she really didn’t fancy getting soaked.

“I’m parked in the exec section” he said smugly, “we can get the lift down.”

She followed him to the lifts and they stood saying nothing waiting for it.  Once inside, doors closed he spoke again “So are you seeing anyone?” he asked “it’s been ages since we chatted.”

“It was the Christmas party” Sarah answered sharply.

“Oh shit yeah” he replied awkwardly.  “Look I’m sorry about all that really I am – you know how it is when everyone’s had a drink.”

For a moment she actually believed him then remembered what had happened “How are the wife and kids?” She asked.  It was a bit of a low blow but he deserved it.

He shuffled uncomfortably but didn’t get to answer before the lift stopped, the doors opening with a ding.

“After you ” he said, allowing her to get out before him.  “I’m just over there” he said pointing towards a rather nice silver car.  She didn’t know anything about cars but it looked expensive.  He clicked his keys and the alarm beeped and lights flashed once.

“Nice car ” Sarah remarked, opening the door and climbing inside.  A lot nicer than the bus she thought to herself.

He threw his bag onto the back seat and climbed in next to her. “You still up near the school?” he asked starting the car.

“Please” she answered pulling on her seat belt and clinging to her bag.

“Cool, it’s on my way not a problem at all.” He smiled again.

She had grown to hate that smile, he was so certain of himself, so confident.  It hadn’t always been that way though, she’d been out with him and a few friend after work a few times after she’d first started working at the practice and he was never an arsehole.

“They’re all arseholes” her mum would tell her, “especially the married ones.”  She really was not good at taking advice.

James turned on the radio as they drove through the rain heading up through the town centre. “So, you never answered my question” he said looking across at her.

“And you never answered mine.”

“Oh come on” he replied laughing “you aren’t still cross with me are you?”

“Are you serious?” She really wished she’d caught the bus.

“It was just a bit of fun” he insisted “you know how it is.”

“it really hurt ok, you shouldn’t have done that to me, not in front of everyone.”

“I know I know” he said turning down the radio as they left the business of town and turned onto the bypass.  “I just thought you wanted to you know.”

“Jesus James” she snapped “I was drunk – everyone saw us!”

“Sarah, I know I was wrong okay, I’m really sorry.”

She stared out of the window watching the lights of the passing cars stream by, rain running down her window.

“Forgive me” he asked gently, looking across to catch her eye.

“Fine ” she said looking back across at him, she smiled.  “You can give me a lift next time it rains as well” she joked “then we’re quits okay.”

“Deal” he grinned turning the radio back up a little “you can have a lift anytime you want.”

“Just next time will be fine” Sarah answered, for the first time loosening her grip on her bag just a little. “Take the next left” she instructed “it’s a bit quicker.”

“No problem” James replied indicating and taking the corner then pulling to a stop.

“What are you doing?” Sarah asked pointing up the hill, “It’s still a way up there.”

James turned off the engine.  “Can I be honest with you?” he asked, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the back of her chair.

“James, can we just go please” she snapped “I need to get home.”

“Just let me say this, ”  he insisted “Ever since that night I’ve thought about you a lot okay.”

“Jesus Christ!” she exclaimed “are you serious?”

“Oh come on” he continued placing a hand on her leg “no one needs to know, it’s no big deal.”

Sarah quickly unbuckled her belt and slapped his hand away from her leg, grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car into the rain.

“You’re an arsehole!” she shouted, “an absolute arsehole!”

“Sarah, come back please” he shouted.  She stood staring at him saying nothing, watching the rain fall onto the car seat through the open door.  “You’re getting my car soaked!” he shouted “are you getting back in or not?”

He didn’t wait long for an answer and reaching across the passenger seat he pulled the door closed.  “You mention this at work and I’ll just deny it!” he shouted through the still open window.  “No one will believe you” he continued, his face angry and his eyes narrowed.  Without waiting for her to answer he slammed the car into gear and roared off, leaving her alone again in the darkness.

Sarah pulled the belt of her coat tight, watching the red lights of the car shimmer in the rain and disappear into the night.  This time, she decided, this time she wouldn’t cry.



Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.