Oh poor lamb heard you’ve got gonorrhoea
And the symptoms they seem quite severe
Now it burns when you piss
You’d not bargained on this
When you paid for that hooker, oh dear
Late Night Limerick – Get well soon
You might want to get it looked at
Tag: laughter
If youre craving more dirty limericks
feel you need more?
You can read about the WHY here…but remember, this is out there. 300 of my finest limericks. Currently trending at number 359 in the limericks category.
Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
There are ebook versions too.
Maybe one more, eh?
There once was a doctor from Goole
Specialised in the gastric, no fool
Made a fortune in bums
Bowels, Intestines and tums
And continuing study of stool
Dont act surprised, limerick time.
It’s all you get until the end of June. Just limericks. Because why not.
A butcher from Leeds who loved pies
Cant resist them, though trust me tries
Now his belly’s quite round
and his man boobs profound
and you should see the size of his thighs
Limerick o’clock!
Careful you dont catch a cold when frolicking…
A quite lovely temptress from Dover
loved to frolic and roll in the clover
She would lie in the dew
with a fellow or two
caught a chill, went without a pullover
d
D is for stuff, right?
Give me the D, or is it he that surely D deserves
And surely something so profound needs more to calm the nerves
For D , you see, can be what he, or she or we desire
While we presume for our own good
this D would give what a bee should
in sweetness, sticky and sublime
I fight to keep this D of mine
And stake a claim and over time
will learn to be the he who sees the D
and thinks, perhaps it’s not for me
and O-M-G feel free to see that we can be
A he, him, she without the need forD and what might be
A dirty haiku for you.
Can you taste it?
Unbridled passion
When not coupled with hygiene
Oft leaves a bad taste
Screw You Haiku
A little light haiku relief…
Proof that haiku do not always have to be serious…
The life of the clown
by day bringing joy, by night
he’s under your bed
night time toilet trip
lights out, think I saw a clown
run back to bed scared
Long hair and tight jeans
he watches her walk and lusts
bugger, it’s a bloke!
hot tea before bed
up three times throughout the night
Damn old man’s bladder!
A Monday Limerick
It’s Monday where I am. Let us start the week with a special bit of meaty madness…
A butcher, too fond of his meat
Rubbed himself with pigs ears and cows feet
Would spend weekend a quiver
As he fondled lambs liver
Would explode at the sight of meats sweet
A Limerick. Dirty.
Mmmmm tasty…
Married chap I know has him a mistress
Who it turns out will eat only citrus
Says her ass tastes sublime
Just like lemons and lime
And he raves of her tangerine Clitoris
Inappropriate limerick o’clock
Just pop her into the recovery position, she’ll be reet
An epileptic lass called Theresa
During sex would squirt high like a geyser
If pleased ever so right
Eyes rolled back in delight
And then squeal and go into a seizure
Another limerick. Dirty.
Confession time
A God fearing hooker Celeste
Who down on her knees would confess
Let the cleansing begin
Of her mouth full of sin
Get that massive big load off her chest
Screw you Haiku. Both of you. All day.
This was in my drafts…make of it what you will.
Love sees not the faults
and deaf to accusations
turns blind eye again
Thursdays need haiku
How do I love thee
Doting, heart full of passion
reciprocated?
A Wednesday Limerick.
Well it is Wednesday after all.
A betrayed french wife, Mademoiselle Eiffel
Went to jail, for she used Monsieur’s Rifle
Caught his with her next door
Eating puddings galore
Found him balls deep in her Sunday trifle
Your Tuesday limerick
It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
Limerick o’clock
A tale as old as time…
Once a waiter from Greece, tanned and handsome
Held the hearts of the tourist quite ransom
How the ladies would swoon
And his tips would balloon
But was into dads, grandads and grandsons
Limerick time!
Ny what a big…er…hole you have…
A promiscuous lass from Aruba
Who’s vagina was shaped like a tuba
Massive labia, so wide
Men would rattle inside
on the plus side, you don’t have to lube her
Accidental incest limerick. Enjoy.
No wonder he looked so familiar
Once a girl found a boy like no other
Loved him so, wanted to be a mother
Kid was born with three legs
Fifty teeth like clothes pegs
Seems alas he was her long lost brother
Well, well, another limerick….
A dirty one about putting people in one’s mouth.
Astute mathematician, Horatio
Pythagarus Fan, loved fellatio
He could tell at first sight
If it’d fit or be tight
Could guess length, girth, and shaft to mouth ratio
A limerick. A Warning..
Ouchy…
A much betrayed woman called Brenda
Her hub banged her sister and friend yeah
Now locked up, doing time
But she really don’t mind
Put his cock and his balls in a blender
Another Limerick.
Because it’s Sunday
A Christian chap from Seahouses
Who’s girlfriend with fine ass arouses
For his Lord he resists
Peach bum, perky tits
And exploded all over his trousers
Limerick o’clock
It’s something I guess…
A purveyor of decadence, Lionel
Would oft dress in a gimp mask and vinyl
Found it tricky to pick
For he so adored dick
But also loved all things vaginal
Well, well, another limerick….
One about everyone’s favourite racist
A piss coloured POTUS of note
Lost his job, is protesting the vote
With the loss of his powers
It’s back to golden showers
With hookers, be kind though, don’t gloat
Eat my big fat get well soon election limerick
Do it. You know you want to.
Heard you’ve probably lost an election
And it’s years since you’ve had an erection
And your kids are all shits
And your empires in bits
Hope you die from a nasty infection
Mostly Ive avoided politics and Donald the last few years but just a little something for him. You don’t like it? You’re a fan of him? Please unfollow me. Really. Bye.
Afterwards 