New years eve, chap had drunk some, well plenty
“Happy new year he cried, twenty-twenty
will be my year for sure”
then passed out on the floor
Shit his pants. Drink slow, quite elementary…
A Limerick for 2020
Let this be a warning to us all…
Tag: poetry
Screw you haiku returns
With a flacid whimper
Christmas excess calls
There in the shade does not grow
what was once in light
A Limerick.
…About Gender reassignment
A broad shouldered young fellow called Fred
“Bod’s a male, I’m female in my head”
He quite firmly asserted
Has his penis inverted
Keeps his balls in a jar near his bed
Limerick?
You know what time it is!
There once hailed a young man from Dublin
saw the doctor who said “It’s quite troubling,
that it’s looking most queer
could be syphilis I fear
as it’s covered in puss and is bubbling.”
Your Tuesday limerick
It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
.
.
.
I had to do a wee but of research on this to get the imperial measurements as I am very much metric born and raised. Oh and yes I know, position matters here in the general up and down of things. Look you’ll work it out I am sure…Now my browser needs clearing. See the lengths I go to for your limericky pleasure!
Screw you haiku
The stores are already filling up!
Not yet Halloween
Yet thoughts turning to Christmas
Calm yourself perhaps
Your nasty Monday limerick
Count your blessings!
Hygienically challenged from Lincoln
was a lass who’s front bottom was stinkin’
She neglected to wash
men would try, but oh gosh
she would only get laid if they’re drinkin’
Now in the calm
Some rhymey stuff
These words, these thoughts, these in between
The lines, the sheets, the days and dreams
This place he finds her,madness screams
As nothing ever lasts.
Each syllable twists in the wind
Words whisked away, she cant rescind
Or even hide where they have sinned
And clings to hopes now dashed.
Forlorn until time heals and mends
To keep from harm the heart pretends
Until new starts warm cold dark ends
Their pain slips to the past.
A limerick for the start of October
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
A bored fellow from near the equator
Rubbed his cock with a rusty cheese grater
Not sure what he expected
But it blead, now infected
likely to drop off sooner or later
A Monday Limerick
Well it’s Friday here…
A lewd husband, bum obsessed, inventive
Begged his wife for love, back door, incentive
Of her beauty he’d gush
For a crack at her tush
She’d not budge, no way, anal retentive
It’s a limerick. Of course.
Why not eh…
A flight steward, Oliver Brown
A mile higher of sensual renown
He would find himself spent
At a bumpy ascent
But preferred it much more, going down.
Screw you haiku
Another one of these. Art all by my fair hands!
Crisp autumnal days
Filled with rage out on the streets
Dog shit ‘neath the leaves
Screw you haiku
Shall we? Been sooo long since we did.
Autumn Leaves appear
At last Moobs will stop sweating
Fattie hates summer
A Limerick.
A broad shouldered lady called Brenda
Big old hands, hairy arms, legs quite slender
Wispy beard and top lip
Quite full breast, curvy hip
Size 12 feet, hard to classify gender
I do love me a limerick as you know…
Shall we? It involves body parts and a selection of greases
A stammering tart from Calcutta
Rubbed her bottom with handfuls of butter
Smeared oils on her tum
Grease upon her front bum
“Ch-Ch-Cheaper than lube”, she would stutter
A Friday Limerick
Well it’s Friday here…
Loose bowelled Hermaphrodite from Nantucket
Had a penis so yeah, she would suck it
He would caress her clit
Explode cum, squirt, n shit
Near the bed kept a mop and a bucket
Okay so I realise that that first line hardly flows and is somewhat jarring but how often will I ever get to use the phrase “Loose bowelled hermaphrodite”. And I wanted to combine with the limerick classic location of Nantucket which I seldom use. Just let me have my moment okay 😊
Another limerick
It’s that time again
A young cow hand alone on the range
Felt a stirring, peculiar and strange
Watched steers evening till dawn
Loved their rumps, and the horn
Well lets just say that it made him deranged
Been a while. Lets have a limerick.
Just to get things started again
Hot curry fan who too loved basmati
Rice, samosas and tasty chapati
He’d add chili’s galore
Declared “Please, please add some more”
Left his anus on fire and quite tatty
Sunday Limerick
Really rather vile
Nasty mortician hailed from Brasilia
Spent his nights sweating hard, necrophilia
When suggested instead
Go for live not the dead
He protested “Ive not heard a thing sillier.”
Wednesday filthy limerick
The yin to my poetic yang…
Friend of mine met a lass from Bermuda
He pursued, flowers, food, woo’d and screwed her
But within ’bout a week
Realised, quite the freak,
As she cried, strap-on lubed, “Let’s get ruder!”
Limerick. Don’t act surprised.
Because why the devil not eh 🙂
Friend of mine met this lass, not realising
That her bum was quite uncompromising
During candle lit sex
Massive fart, and then next
thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising
Would you?
As seasons turn and memories fadeonce vivid, love like mist gives wayto vistas new and fresh caresswhere once we lay in summer sun.
As seasons turn and memories fade
once vivid, love like mist gives way
to vistas new and fresh caress
where once we lay in summer sun.
Those vows, heartfelt, made evermore
so easily spilled from our lips
where kisses soft and sighs so sweet
such promises we swear to keep.
Such declarations sworn that I would be the first,
and last thought every day
and undertakings to not fail
loves lustre binding tarnished truths.
Through tests and trials and seperation
Face lined, time urges to recall
Let slip for blurred my recollection
will you, like me, forget at last…
A limerick of course…
A bit gross tbh…
Once a vet with unhygienic habits
Would enjoy gerbils, squirrels and rabbits
She got pink eye, and worse
Traumatised a poor nurse
As her bottom it writhed with plump maggots.
……
Sorry…the last line occurred to me and made me gag/chuckle so U went with it…
Inevitable
Where once we lay
Do your think of me those days
Where dark thoughts senses suffocate
That joy I watched drain from your face
As life and lies cruel whispers told
Fools promises and could have beens
I could not keep them from your door
Arms wide you beckoned them inside
Smiles melancholy, sickly sweet
Coarse noose of lies, soft velvet hopes
Blinded, stumbling, on and on
And to this end inevitable
But now alone where once we lay
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Thursday baby yeah!
Lonely farmer confessed one day when boozing
To arousal when livestock perusing
He would moan in his sleep
Dreams of round bottomed sheep
Mornigns wake up quite sticky and oozing
