There once was a woman from France
Asked a baker to go to a dance
As she really did want
His baguette and croissant
And his perfectly shaped vol-aux-vents
Gluten tolerant!!!!
There once was a woman from France
Asked a baker to go to a dance
As she really did want
His baguette and croissant
And his perfectly shaped vol-aux-vents
There once was a wizard called…
A dirty gameskeeper called Rubious
When alone would do things, some deemed dubious
He’d profess, “It’s not weird,
Now come straddle my beard.”
He’d scream loud and explode like Vesuvious
Time brings forgiveness
and oft makes right hearts once wronged
forgiveness once more
Another from the drafts that I cant really remember writing…I should refine it and make it rhyme properly…but I cannot be arsed.
I would kiss your lips a thousand times
But god, just imagine the chafing
and they’d get really scabby
and you’d get quite crabby
And you’d need lip creams and balm and look awful
___
So I’ll shout your name from the roof tops
But not late, we have neighbours you know
Though I could likely fall
So perhaps I’ll just call
Out your name from the top bedroom window
___
Hey I could climb the worlds highest mountain
Swim deep oceans to declare our passion
But heights scare me to bits
And cold water is shit
Is there anything else that’s in fashion?
___
Ooh a poem would show my devotion
And some flowers and choccies and wine
But you’re quite fat already
And drink lots, take it steady
And your reading age is not much more than nine
___
Oh how I love thee, let me count the ways
Let me woo, swoon and bask in your beauty
(once you’ve put on your make up)
Then perhaps we can make up
Cos I quite like your tits and round booty
Found this in my drafts. Don’t have a clue what the devil it’s about. Random words mostly I think…
Do your think of him those days
Where dark thoughts senses suffocate
That joy I watched drain from your face
As life and lies cruel whispers told
Your many secrets slow, unfold
Fools promises and could have been’s
you would not keep them from your door
Instead with smile forced on your face
Arms wide you beckoned them inside
Embraced as they to you heart lied
Promises, so sickly sweet
Coarse noose of lies, soft velvet hopes
’till dangling feet dance all alone
Blinded, stumbling, on and on
And hope, and faith, bright eyes now gone
Enjoy. Or don’t. But secretly do.
A vet from round our way quite smitten
By felines, especially kittens
He made two into hats
And a load into spats
Then the leftovers made into mittens
And with a religious theme
A fan of the clan, angry man
Had a son, tiny hands, orange tan
Lost a landslide election
Inspired insurrection
Lost his shit, got himself twitter ban
One about boobs
A large breasted hooker, Celeste
Did declare that her breasts were the best
Local chaps were invited
And the prospect excited
To put her proud claims to the test
5 months later…
Ok so 5 months ago we started a building project. Then the world closed because of the Corona Virus and for most of 2020 we lived in a building site. Up until this weekend. The builders packed their stuff last week and departed and at last we have our house back.
Now I haven’t posted or really been near my blog for the last week as I have been painting walls and doors and pretty much anything that looked like it would benefit from a lick of paint and after a long week of late nights the place was ready to move into and over the last week we spent many an hour trying to get the rooms set up, the home gym assembled and things mostly in place (though there is still a lot to do).
I now have somewhere to get some exercise as I really don’t like going outside and at last have a lovely space to work and write.
Now I just need to paint the other 3 floors of the house!
Before and after of the coal cellar. I had never actually been right into it in 16 years as it was too terrifying…
Before and after of what is now storage/home Gym/3D printer room/Games machine room. I even managed to sort out all of my tools and that made me feel particularly manly and I may have stood, hands on hips and legs akimbo following a particularly methodical organising of my drill bits.
And then lastly the living room/office thingy. It has a fridge and bar area dedicated solely to alcohol which is odd as I don’t actually really drink though I think perhaps I might try and get into wine because I am of an age where I feel I ought to know more about wine than I do. I lit the fire for effect, and while it looked lovely it was bloody boiling. I also put on the underfloor heating which added to the generally unpleasant temperature and made me sweat in all of my creases…not nice at all.
So now mostly for the rest of forever this is where I intend to be 🙂
Well worth the 5 months of filth and building work! So right that desk is where I am sat.
Really looking forward to getting back to normality, if anything about this new world can be thought of as normal!
Read the word ‘Fluctuate’ somewhere on my reader and it triggered this…
Between the tides he fluctuates
The stir of dreams, the love and hate
seems far too late a pause he takes
And break the silence, then to wait
But echo’s are all that returns
While soul it yearns and passion burns
Like fire, fierce, consumes and turns
Man into cinders, so he learns
To quell the cravings, quiet the hate
Embrace the now, love out of reach
And leaves but footsteps on the beach
Blah blah Blah words
The brightness of the things that were
Like summer sun warm on the skin
Now shadows cast, and blind her gaze
And endless days to night give way
Until they set, horizons crimson
Set ablaze just one last time
No more remembers, dawn will come
Follows the embers, She remembers him no more
And light once more reveals her beauty
Safe in the warmth, new days embrace
One about butt hair
A hirsuite young temptress from Dover
You would see each time she was bent over
Not only her thong
But butt hair, thick and log
Which she styled in a fancy comb over
Blah blah Blah words
I scratched your name into these walls
Of discontent, and love’s betrayal
And red raw, blood drips, slowly pools
Reflected, crimson, stained teeth bared
Wild eyes, I see your laughing face
These knuckles white, your cackles sharp
Like razors cut, pink flesh, clean through
Skin, muscles, sinew, fat and bone
Spilled violently with no regard
Your words, dark deeds, most ill intent
Until a shadow’s all that’s left
Which fades as light tries to caress
’till dark returns scars to embrace
One about leaking boobs
Breast feeding mum, Julie pickles
Had huge boobs but quite lopsided nipples
Left one gushed like a geyser
Gave her baby a seizure
But the right, rather small, only trickles
It’s been far too long, and sometimes anything will do…
I used to do these – 101 words only. This might be a bit longer. This is also using one of M’s prompts.
___________________
Rosa clasped the stem of the rose tight in her palm, its sharp barbs digging into her skin. The pain made her feel alive and she squeezed tighter, not wanting to let go.
“Why are you so upset?” Carlo asked, the cold wind blowing through him as he watched the tears roll down her cheeks. “You know it will be okay. It always is.”
Rosa shook her head and sighed deeply, pulling her dark coat tight about her as the rain began to fall.
“You said you wouldn’t leave me.” she whispered to herself.
“But I came back” Carlo replied trying to catch her eye as she stared at the ground. “I said I would and I did right? I promised. I kept my promise Rosa.”
Rosa shook her head and began to turn, the wind catching her hair as it did and blowing it across the soft pale features of her face.
Carlo reached for her, desperate to touch her, to wipe her tears and make everything better, but she slipped through his fingers and before he could stop her she walked slowly away.
“Rosa wait” he shouted, he tried to move but felt paralysed. “I’m back now Rosa.” His words trailed off as they were strangled by the wind. And then, for the briefest moment Rosa stopped and began to turn, but shaking her head once more she walked slowly away into the rain. He looked down at his feet and there was the rose, its dark red petals in sharp contrast with the fresh, rich dirt.
Carlo opened his mouth to scream but it was too late, soil began to rain down and cover him as the grey skies opened and the service drew to an end…
Blah blah Blah words
Cobwebs thick, paths overgrown with memories grey
and twisted boughs so old and gnarled
they lead the way and whispers call us on.
Shuffling slow through time as thick as mud
not looking back, accept our lot
And knowing, come to die.
For in that place I find you there
and one last time immersed in love
give all I have and know this race is run.
And on the wind and to the stars I’m lifted
To beyond and unto nothing I return
Well lived, well loved, content.
Count your blessings!
Hygienically challenged from Lincoln
was a lass who’s front bottom was stinkin’
She neglected to wash
men would try, but oh gosh
she would only get laid if they’re drinkin’
Well it’s Friday here…
A lewd husband, bum obsessed, inventive
Begged his wife for love, back door, incentive
Of her beauty he’d gush
For a crack at her tush
She’d not budge, no way, anal retentive
Shall we? It involves body parts and a selection of greases
A stammering tart from Calcutta
Rubbed her bottom with handfuls of butter
Smeared oils on her tum
Grease upon her front bum
“Ch-Ch-Cheaper than lube”, she would stutter
Well it’s Friday here…
Loose bowelled Hermaphrodite from Nantucket
Had a penis so yeah, she would suck it
He would caress her clit
Explode cum, squirt, n shit
Near the bed kept a mop and a bucket
Okay so I realise that that first line hardly flows and is somewhat jarring but how often will I ever get to use the phrase “Loose bowelled hermaphrodite”. And I wanted to combine with the limerick classic location of Nantucket which I seldom use. Just let me have my moment okay 😊
Just to get things started again
Hot curry fan who too loved basmati
Rice, samosas and tasty chapati
He’d add chili’s galore
Declared “Please, please add some more”
Left his anus on fire and quite tatty
Really rather vile
Nasty mortician hailed from Brasilia
Spent his nights sweating hard, necrophilia
When suggested instead
Go for live not the dead
He protested “Ive not heard a thing sillier.”
Because why the devil not eh 🙂
Friend of mine met this lass, not realising
That her bum was quite uncompromising
During candle lit sex
Massive fart, and then next
thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising
As seasons turn and memories fadeonce vivid, love like mist gives wayto vistas new and fresh caresswhere once we lay in summer sun.
As seasons turn and memories fade
once vivid, love like mist gives way
to vistas new and fresh caress
where once we lay in summer sun.
Those vows, heartfelt, made evermore
so easily spilled from our lips
where kisses soft and sighs so sweet
such promises we swear to keep.
Such declarations sworn that I would be the first,
and last thought every day
and undertakings to not fail
loves lustre binding tarnished truths.
Through tests and trials and seperation
Face lined, time urges to recall
Let slip for blurred my recollection
will you, like me, forget at last…
Where once we lay
Do your think of me those days
Where dark thoughts senses suffocate
That joy I watched drain from your face
As life and lies cruel whispers told
Fools promises and could have beens
I could not keep them from your door
Arms wide you beckoned them inside
Smiles melancholy, sickly sweet
Coarse noose of lies, soft velvet hopes
Blinded, stumbling, on and on
And to this end inevitable
But now alone where once we lay