Nasty, Nasty Limerick time. Been a while.

To those who followed me because I wrote about dieting. This is probably closer to the real me. Sorry 🙂

Sex mad divorcee, now, online dating

Swipes and clicks left her moist, salivating

A transvestite off Grinder

Sweating, grunting, behind her

Tinder twins in each hand, masturbating

Limerick. Enjoy.

One about how to work out your manhood volume.

A perverse math’matician of note

to work out his cock volume, he wrote

“Times the length by the girth”

He reported with mirth

And then published with pics and did gloat.


Okay so I know that isn’t the calculation for working out the volume of one’s manhood. But no way am I googling that on the laptop the kids use from time to time. What sort of monster do you think I am.

Anyway, everyone knows you multiply the smallest radius of oval (minor axis) by its largest radius (major axis). Just not easy to get that into a limerick.

Though I did once read that it should be calculated using socks as a measure of volume. Ankle, sports, knee high. You get the general idea. Actually I once knew a chap who was an eye watering European size 12 Knee high. But that’s another limerick completely.

Happy Thursday !

A limerick just for you. And you. And you, and you, and you.

Enjoy. Or don’t. But secretly do.

A vet from round our way quite smitten

By felines, especially kittens

He made two into hats

And a load into spats

Then the leftovers made into mittens

A get well soon Limerick. Take it. Take it all.

Taste the rainbow…

Oh you poor thing, I hope you’re well soon

Heard it’s swollen up like a balloon

That there’s swelling and weeping

And dripping and seeping

Then a discharge that stinks out the room

 

 

A Limerick. Because it’s…actually I have no idea what day it is…

Ooh Brian you dirty, dirty little imp…

A virginal fellow called Brian

To get laid, he was tryin’ and tryin’

Efforts all came to nought

Then “eureka!”, a thought

Now each week, big boobed hooker’s he’s buyin’

A Get Well Soon Limerick…

Maybe someone out there needs to hear this. Maybe it’s you. Maybe youre a dirty little monkey indeed!

Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend

Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end

Feels like it may fall off

If you move fast or cough

And you near shit your pants when you bend

 

 

Dirty, dirty, oh so dirty Monday limerick

I like to think that one day it will come out that this is what’s on those secret Trump Tapes…

Trumpesque water sports fan, name of Trystin

Pretty mouth that he loved to have pissed in

Craved his balls to be squeezed

Nipples bit, clamped and teased

And on Tuesday’s a large handed fisting

Thursday’s filthy limerick

One about a ladies cavernous front bum

A voluptuous temptress from Cuba

A vagina shaped quite like a tuba

And she would not delay

To allow you to play

Her, so wide was she, no need to lube her

Just work on the speed of that last line…it works I assure you .