Tag: inappropriate

See, limericks can be sad

Oh such sadness…

Lets explore the sadness of life through the joy of limericks

A young lad I knew as a senior

he got cancer, I think ’twas leukaemia

the treatment it failed

he got thinner and paled

and then died and his wife got bulimia

My dad was a drunk and a cheat

every weekend my mother he beat

took her cash to do drugs

bringing home sluts and thugs

’till we all ended up on the street

First time we met how I tried

not to love, but I made her my bride

then the marriage it failed

when her sister I nailed 

Took her life, overdose, suicide

My dog, my best friend always true

dedicated to me through and through

Drunk, I left the door wide

and she ran straight outside

got ran over and died now I’m blue

A chap that I know who loves choir 

had to quit giving up his desire 

he could not harmonise 

when he lost both his eyes 

and his tongue when he fell in a fire 

I think I’ll stop there, I’m not sure that I’m trying hard enough to make them sad.  Or maybe I should blame the limerick, either way I hope it’s not too inappropriate and I think it goes to show that even the most serious of subjects find some lightness in a limerick.

It’s Monday where I am. Just. Limerick time.

Aah the things we deny ourselves…

Once a lady with grace, class and poise

Had a craving for both girls and boys

She would keep it well hidden

What she thought was forbidden

And so got through so many sex toys

An animal lovers Tuesday limerick.

Not one of my better ones but it’ll do. Not like there are loads of bestiality limericks out there to compare it to…

A compassionate vet from Uganda

Stroked a cat whilst sat on his veranda

Took his love just too far

Touched a dog in his car

Now gives hand jobs to monkeys and panda

Fetish Haiku – A is for Acrotomophilia

Been forever since I did some of these. Found a new list to work to so let’s see where this leads…

In Fingerless gloves

Through absence of feet aroused

Smooth, sensual stumps

Acrotomophilia – Arousal to amputees

To be honest I have heard of this one. Apparently some people (and by that I mean men. Pretty much it’s always men right….) Anyway, there’s some good money to be made from rubs from stubs. That what my research leads me to believe.

I need to burn my computer now because I should have known better than to google ‘weird kinks’) whilst not in incognito mode… Okay so I clicked a few links. I’m just naturally curious!

Limerick. Enjoy.

One about how to work out your manhood volume.

A perverse math’matician of note

to work out his cock volume, he wrote

“Times the length by the girth”

He reported with mirth

And then published with pics and did gloat.

Okay so I know that isn’t the calculation for working out the volume of one’s manhood. But no way am I googling that on the laptop the kids use from time to time. What sort of monster do you think I am.

Anyway, everyone knows you multiply the smallest radius of oval (minor axis) by its largest radius (major axis). Just not easy to get that into a limerick.

Though I did once read that it should be calculated using socks as a measure of volume. Ankle, sports, knee high. You get the general idea. Actually I once knew a chap who was an eye watering European size 12 Knee high. But that’s another limerick completely.

Happy Thursday !

A Limerick. Because it’s…actually I have no idea what day it is…

Ooh Brian you dirty, dirty little imp…

A virginal fellow called Brian

To get laid, he was tryin’ and tryin’

Efforts all came to nought

Then “eureka!”, a thought

Now each week, big boobed hooker’s he’s buyin’

A Get Well Soon Limerick…

Maybe someone out there needs to hear this. Maybe it’s you. Maybe youre a dirty little monkey indeed!

Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend

Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end

Feels like it may fall off

If you move fast or cough

And you near shit your pants when you bend

 

 

Dirty, dirty, oh so dirty Monday limerick

I like to think that one day it will come out that this is what’s on those secret Trump Tapes…

Trumpesque water sports fan, name of Trystin

Pretty mouth that he loved to have pissed in

Craved his balls to be squeezed

Nipples bit, clamped and teased

And on Tuesday’s a large handed fisting

Thursday’s filthy limerick

One about a ladies cavernous front bum

A voluptuous temptress from Cuba

A vagina shaped quite like a tuba

And she would not delay

To allow you to play

Her, so wide was she, no need to lube her

Just work on the speed of that last line…it works I assure you .

A Limerick. On a Sunday. It is Sunday right?

February had 29 days, March 200 and April has 625. I have no idea what day or month it is to be honest…

This poor lad I know, self isolated

Spent his days watching porn, masturbated

Till his bits were quite raw

And his arms were real sore

And his balls were all red and inflated