Not one of my better ones but it’ll do. Not like there are loads of bestiality limericks out there to compare it to…
A compassionate vet from Uganda
Stroked a cat whilst sat on his veranda
Took his love just too far
Touched a dog in his car
Now gives hand jobs to monkeys and panda
A dirty one about putting people in one’s mouth.
Astute mathematician, Horatio
Pythagarus Fan, loved fellatio
He could tell at first sight
If it’d fit or be tight
Could guess length, girth, and shaft to mouth ratio
One about everyone’s favourite racist
A piss coloured POTUS of note
Lost his job, is protesting the vote
With the loss of his powers
It’s back to golden showers
With hookers, be kind though, don’t gloat
Do it. You know you want to.
Heard you’ve probably lost an election
And it’s years since you’ve had an erection
And your kids are all shits
And your empires in bits
Hope you die from a nasty infection
Mostly Ive avoided politics and Donald the last few years but just a little something for him. You don’t like it? You’re a fan of him? Please unfollow me. Really. Bye.
I like to think that one day it will come out that this is what’s on those secret Trump Tapes…
Trumpesque water sports fan, name of Trystin
Pretty mouth that he loved to have pissed in
Craved his balls to be squeezed
Nipples bit, clamped and teased
And on Tuesday’s a large handed fisting
Crass, obvious, insensitive, and vile. Him or the haiku. You decide…
Wedding cake, poison
nagging secrets of the past
Buried ‘neath patio
Crass, obvious, insensitive, and vile. Him or the haiku. You decide…
The coward dances
on the heroes grave and then
fondles the widow
Incy wincy oh my bloody hell!
Oh I hear that your feeling unwell
You got bit and it started to swell
Lets hope it’s not a spider
That then laid eggs inside ya
Cos they’ll burst out, that’s scary as hell
Ooh what a lovely baguette you have sir
There once was a baker called Brad
Who was fancied by his girlfriend’s dad
The thought of his baguette
Brought him out in a sweat
And his cheese topped bread rolls drove him mad
Inappropriate and just a bit…meh
There once was a chap who loved cake
so much so that for sponges he’d ache
for panache he would pine
for gateau most sublime
fell in love with a lass who could bake
It’s saturday…not my best day for limericks.
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt
Image courtesy of me
Once a prudish young woman named Jude
Had a belly that seemed to protrude
It turned out to be gas
Cos she not let her ass
pass wind as he found it quite rude
I once worked with a woman called Cath
Didn’t shower and seldom did bath
god the stench from her pits
Tits and rank naughty bit
It’s not funny you so shouldn’t laugh
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Limericks? In the middle of the day? Surely not…
There once was a teacher named Tash
Who one day she did sprout a moustache
Cross her lip it did wend
And curl up at the end
Joined the circus and made loads of cash
There once was a farmer maned Bert
Loved his milk cows so much that it hurt
Went too far, made me shudder
What he did with that udder
Let’s just say that it caused quite the squirt…
There once was dancer called Shirley
Who’s pubes were quite thick and most curly
It was full and so plush
A most seventies bush
Who’d have thought for a creature most girly
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
I set myself a challenge this week…
Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies
Image courtesy of me
Bet you a tenner some people are on their knees right now saying this exact stuff!
Dear Jesus
Thank you for Our Potus Donald, and I pray you bless him as he does your divine will as he leads our great country. We pray you will strike down those that the devil brings against him as you struck down the Amalekites and killed all their women and children.
We ask that you will spare him from the temptation of porn stars and spankings because he is your vehicle and chosen by you and we believe in our hearts that you sent him to save our great nation from people using the wrong toilets and the sick and the poor who have no faith in your word and do not give 10% to the church.
We pray that you will allow the scales to drop from the eyes of the wicked press that distort your precious truths coming from your servant’s mouth and heavenly father we ask in the name of your son that you will stop babies being born in the ninth month because we know this is not your will.
We ask in the name of your son that you bless those republican leaders who are fighting in your name to remove from our land those that do not deserve to be part of the bounty you have blessed us with and we ask that you grant them travel mercies and they return safely to countries they left 20 years ago because they have probably been missed quite a lot.
We ask this in the precious name of your son Jesus Amen
One for Mr Walt as I know he rather enjoys these.
Old Donald once had this mate Steve
Who he says we should now not believe
Evidence, bit by bit
Says that Don’s in the shit
From his tweeting please grant us reprieve
Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.
I wrote yesterday that “I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies. Seems fair right…”
I may have to go part time at work to make time for all the writing that needs to be done. I rather enjoyed this tweet of his because it seems that the more insane his tweet the more harassed and under pressure he is and if this is anything to go by he is most certainly suffering, which is a nice thought.
Im hoping it’s given him a bit of an upset stomach and he keeps having to race off to the loo. Not like anyone takes him serious but he is even less believable when he has to keep asking…”Can I just take a moment, I really need a shit.” To which an aide will answer “but you just had a shit sir, is everything alright” to which he then answers “I make shits young man, the biggest shits. The best shits. Presidential shits.”
He is just about to go into how Hilary never stood a chance with the small shits she probably did and about to insist that hers were “barely a shart”and that the rumour of her once producing a steaming log after a particularly meat-heavy Thanks Giving are just fake poos when he realises it’s too late, turtle head has struck and he has kind of shit his pants.
again.
We can but dream people!
Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.
I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies. Seems fair right. This was not on my writing schedule at all but when I saw his tweet taking credit for the lack of aviation deaths in 2017…
Fear of flying? No worries, no sweat
seventeen was the safest year yet
no plane fell from the sky
thanks to Donald that’s why
surely the greatest Pres’ yet
Hmm. Not sure about sarcastic. Think I am better at just being frightfully rude.
Seems the Donald think he is to blame
that no planes crashed or engulfed in flame
The blokes clearly not well
eat a dick, go to hell
you’re a fool and quite clearly insane.
oh how great thou art in thine own eyes
You know by now how this goes right…
A fellow quite fond of gold showers
lay spread eagled and pissed on for hours
cos he loves human waste
smell, feel colour and taste
says he thinks it give him super powers
Heavens that just flowed out of me like a hookers hot liquid leavings…
Watch him pander, right wing evangelics
and the baby boom males, cold war relics
Nazi’s, those at the top
KKK and the GOP
He’s way worse than a mad ISIS cleric
But small hands will do that to a man
who grabs pussy whenever he can
and is mates with Roy Moore
whole likes kids by the score
and sends muslims away by the score
This is a new level of madness…
I awoke this morning to read that Donald has tweeted that given that it is going to be cold on the east coast of America on New Years eve that is proof against the arguments of global warming.
Are you fucking kidding me. Because he had Dinner last night does that mean there is no starvation out there across the planet. What about Science? Evidence? This fool does not even know the difference between climate and weather.
I read once that a people get the government they deserve and I have to ask myself what the hell did you Americans do to deserve this?
You know, I don’t think I can even do a limerick on this right now. Who’d have thought eh.
Fuck you Donald Trump and fuck anyone who supports you. You’re all idiots.
I think this would be fun read aloud all dramatic.
Oh Donald
Piss soaked and rancid monster
Eating the babies of the poor for breakfast
Fried, boiled or poached
Race doesn’t matter when it dribbles from your gaping rectum
You sit atop your mountain of ill gotten gains
Face contorted, scant comfort
Self proclaimed saviour of Christmas
Move over Jesus
the GOP have a new messiah
Cold shrivelled heart beats slowly
Small fingers reaching, searching
Stabbing at late night screens
Drifting into sleep
Dreaming of teens
Bring him your poor huddled masses
Tossed onto his raging fire
Warming himself
Cries music to his ears
Heartless Evangelicals applaud
A slow descent into madness calls
Paranoid, mind full of echoes
Until an end
Cold, feeding the worms
As feet dance merrily above
Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly
A POTUS loved by evangelic
praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric
But to me hes a dick
a piss drenched racist prick
no better than an ISIS cleric
Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved
so you better hope you have behaved
In the name of J Christ
he’s now after your wife
He requests her pussy waxed or shaved
Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂
A quick Tuesday shenannigan
I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.
I believe he likes watching parades
and with family plays cards and charades
now this might seem quite mean
and to some most obscene
but I hope he gets cancer or aids
You’d think I would be bored of these by now. Nope 🙂
The man who would make your wife wet
Is now stealing your free internet
then he’ll fire FBI
and hide every lie
and be crowned the greatest POTUS yet
Just a few thoughts on everyone’s favourite tangerine molester.
A fellow called Donald, well travelled
Took to twitter as shit it unravelled
Makes no sense, spewing rage
His brains gone, it’s his age
Leaves us wondering, sad and quite baffled
Shall we have another?
There once was a Potus, Don T
Who its rumoured has showered in pee
Let it run down his back
Twixt his legs, through his crack
Hence the tone of his skin don’t you see?
Happy Monday!
I feel like I should be throwing rocks at something but all I muster is a bloody limerick
Wicked Donald presides from his perch
Leaves his country alas in the lurch
Muslims, gays, blacks will feel
Twitter wrath, don’t you kneel
But its fine if you gun down a church
Should you like young kids like his pal Ron
Fill your boots cos he says that’s not wrong
and hell grab your wife’s V
cos he likes it you see
and he’ll have Ivanka’s before long
Then his wall he will build and what’s more
Taking health care away from the poor
The right wing he’ll embrace
And he sees no disgrace
giving tax breaks to friends all the more
So fake news will not slow his progress
As America sinks but I guess
the whole world cannot cry
cos we idly stand by
But that’s life, well done us, what a mess
Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.
This occurred to me earlier and made me chuckle.
Theres your POTUS, loves grabbing vagina
now insists Roys a good man, none finer
seems he’s rather quite keen
of young girls of fourteen
doesn’t matter to him, loves a minor
Afterwards 