Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge: POISON and PAST

Crass, obvious, insensitive, and vile. Him or the haiku. You decide…

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Wedding cake, poison

nagging secrets of the past

Buried ‘neath patio

 

https://ronovanwrites.com/2018/09/03/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-217-poisonpast/

 

Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge: HERO and COWARD

Crass, obvious, insensitive, and vile. Him or the haiku. You decide…

The coward dances

on the heroes grave and then

fondles the widow

https://ronovanwrites.com/2018/08/27/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-216-herocoward/

 

Your lunchtime limerick 03/02/17

Inappropriate and just a bit…meh

There once was a chap who loved cake

so much so that for sponges he’d ache

for panache he would pine

for gateau most sublime

fell  in love with a lass who could bake

 

It’s saturday…not my best day for limericks.  


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt

I tried to say goodbye.

You did what to my Gran!?!?

 

Image courtesy of  me

Your lunchtime limericks 02/02/17

 

Once a prudish young woman named Jude

Had a belly that seemed to protrude

It turned out to be gas

Cos she not let her ass

pass wind as he found it quite rude

 

I once worked with a woman called Cath

Didn’t shower and seldom did bath

god the stench from her pits

Tits and rank naughty bit

It’s not funny you so shouldn’t laugh

 

 

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

I set myself a challenge this week…

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Glorious – Daily Prompt

 

Image courtesy of  me

Your lunchtime limericks 01/02/17

Limericks? In the middle of the day? Surely not…

There once was a teacher named Tash

Who one day she did sprout a moustache

Cross her lip it did wend

And curl up at the end

Joined the circus and made loads of cash

 

There once was a farmer maned Bert

Loved his milk cows so much that it hurt

Went too far, made me shudder

What he did with that udder

Let’s just say that it caused quite the squirt…

 

There once was dancer called Shirley

Who’s pubes were quite thick and most curly

It was full and so plush

A most seventies bush

Who’d have thought for a creature most girly

 

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

I set myself a challenge this week…

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Glorious – Daily Prompt

 

Image courtesy of  me

Thoughts and prayers across America tonight

Bet you a tenner some people are on their knees right now saying this exact stuff!

Dear Jesus

Thank you for Our Potus Donald, and I pray you bless him as he does your divine will as he leads our great country.  We pray you will strike down those that the devil brings against him as you struck down the Amalekites and killed all their women and children.

We ask that you will spare him from the temptation of porn stars and spankings because he is your vehicle and chosen by you and we believe in our hearts that you sent him to save our great nation from people using the wrong toilets and the sick and the poor who have no faith in your word and do not give 10% to the church.

We pray that you will allow the scales to drop from the eyes of the wicked press that distort your precious truths coming from your servant’s mouth and heavenly father we ask in the name of your son that you will stop babies being born in the ninth month because we know this is not your will.

We ask in the name of your son that you bless those republican leaders who are fighting in your name to remove from our land those that do not deserve to be part of the bounty you have blessed us with and we ask that you grant them travel mercies and they return safely to countries they left 20 years ago because they have probably been missed quite a lot.

We ask this in the precious name of your son Jesus Amen

Nukes? Well why not it is a Wednesday…

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I wrote yesterday that “I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right…”

I may have to go part time at work to make time for all the writing that needs to be done.  I rather enjoyed this tweet of his because it seems that the more insane his tweet the more harassed and under pressure he is and if this is anything to go by he is most certainly suffering, which is a nice thought.

Im hoping it’s given him a bit of an upset stomach and he keeps having to race off to the loo.  Not like anyone takes him serious but he is even less believable when he has to keep asking…”Can I just take a moment, I really need a shit.”  To which an aide will answer “but you just had a shit sir, is everything alright” to which he then answers “I make shits young man, the biggest shits.  The best shits. Presidential shits.”

He is just about to go into how Hilary never stood a chance with the small shits she probably did and about to insist that hers were “barely a shart”and that the rumour of her once producing a steaming log after a particularly meat-heavy Thanks Giving are just fake poos when he realises it’s too late,  turtle head has struck and he has kind of shit his pants.

again.

We can but dream people!

 

 

The madness continues

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right.  This was not on my writing schedule at all but when I saw his tweet taking credit for the lack of aviation deaths in 2017…

Fear of flying? No worries, no sweat

seventeen was the safest year yet

no plane fell from the sky

thanks to Donald that’s why

surely the greatest Pres’ yet

 

Hmm.  Not sure about sarcastic.  Think I am better at just being frightfully rude.

Seems the Donald think he is to blame

that no planes crashed or engulfed in flame

The blokes clearly not well

eat a dick, go to hell

you’re a fool and quite clearly insane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the great king across the sea

oh how great thou art in thine own eyes

You know by now how this goes right…

 

A fellow quite fond of gold showers

lay spread eagled and pissed on for hours

cos he loves human waste

smell, feel colour and taste

says he thinks it give him super powers

 

Heavens that just flowed out of me like a hookers hot liquid leavings…

 

Watch him pander, right wing evangelics

and the baby boom males, cold war relics

Nazi’s, those at the top

KKK and the GOP

He’s way worse than a mad ISIS cleric

 

But small hands will do that to a man

who grabs pussy whenever he can

 

and is mates with Roy Moore

whole likes kids by the score

and sends muslims away by the score

 

 

 

 

Are you kidding me?

This is a new level of madness…

I awoke this morning to read that Donald has tweeted that given that it is going to be cold on the east coast of America on New Years eve that is proof against the arguments of global warming.

Are you fucking kidding me.  Because he had Dinner last night does that mean there is no starvation out there across the planet.  What about Science?  Evidence?  This fool does not even know the difference between climate and weather.

I read once that a people get the government they deserve and I have to ask myself what the hell did you Americans do to deserve this?

You know, I don’t think I can even do a limerick on this right now.  Who’d have thought eh.

Fuck you Donald Trump and fuck anyone who supports you.   You’re all idiots.

A bit OTT I admit

I think this would be fun read aloud all dramatic.

Oh Donald

Piss soaked and rancid monster

Eating the babies of the poor for breakfast

Fried, boiled or poached

Race doesn’t matter when it dribbles from your gaping rectum

 

You sit atop your mountain of ill gotten gains

Face contorted, scant comfort

Self proclaimed saviour of Christmas

Move over Jesus

the GOP have a new messiah

 

Cold shrivelled heart beats slowly

Small fingers reaching, searching

Stabbing at late night screens

Drifting into sleep

Dreaming of teens

 

Bring him your poor huddled masses

Tossed onto his raging fire

Warming himself

Cries music to his ears

Heartless Evangelicals applaud

 

A slow descent into madness calls

Paranoid, mind full of echoes

Until an end

Cold, feeding the worms

As feet dance merrily above

Childish Christmas Insults

Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly

 

A POTUS loved by evangelic

praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric

But to me hes a dick

a piss drenched racist prick

no better than an ISIS cleric

 

Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved

so you better hope you have behaved

In the name of J Christ

he’s now after your wife

He requests her pussy waxed or shaved

 

Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂

 

A very Donald Christmas

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

I believe he likes watching parades

and with family plays cards and charades

now this might seem quite mean

and to some most obscene

but I hope he gets cancer or aids

It’s Donald Monday!

Just a few thoughts on everyone’s favourite tangerine molester.

 

A fellow called Donald, well travelled

Took to twitter as shit it unravelled

Makes no sense, spewing rage

His brains gone, it’s his age

Leaves us wondering, sad and quite baffled

 

Shall we have another?

 

There once was a Potus, Don T

Who its rumoured has showered in pee

Let it run down his back

Twixt his legs, through his crack

Hence the tone of his skin don’t you see?

 

Happy Monday!

 

 

 

I hope he gets prison aids.

I feel like I should be throwing rocks at something but all I muster is a bloody limerick

Wicked Donald presides from his perch

Leaves his country alas in the lurch

Muslims, gays, blacks will feel

Twitter wrath, don’t you kneel

But its fine if you gun down a church

Should you like young kids like his pal Ron

Fill your boots cos he says that’s not wrong

and hell grab your wife’s V

cos he likes it you see

and he’ll have Ivanka’s before long

Then his wall he will build and what’s more

Taking health care away from the poor

The right wing he’ll embrace

And he sees no disgrace

giving tax breaks to friends all the more

So fake news will not slow his progress

As America sinks but I guess

the whole world cannot cry

cos we idly stand by

But that’s life, well done us, what a mess

Donny and Roy love the ladies

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

This occurred to me earlier and made me chuckle.

 

Theres your POTUS, loves grabbing vagina

now insists Roys a good man, none finer

seems he’s rather quite keen

of young girls of fourteen

doesn’t matter to him, loves a minor

 

 

 

A couple of Donald inspired limericks

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

Some days I just want to lash out and the best I can muster is a limerick. Big tough guy eh …

Trump the crazy on tour out in China

Salivates, like he would at a diner

Watch out for him trust me,

He will grab yours you’ll see

then your mums and your grans – loves vagina!

A loony chap, Donald the POTUS

Went to Asia, the land of the lotus

Picked a fight with young Kim

With maniacal grin

Big appeal to the racist white voters

Gun control, says Big Don, you don’t need

Mental health caused these murders. Agreed?

Killed in Church? Thoughts and prayers

All he offers. Who cares?

Well not him nor his NRA pals – Greed!

Oh Donald…

You’d think Donald would give you an endless source of things to write about right?

If you’ve read me for more than a day or two you know I like to write limericks about Donald trump.  Yes I know he’s an easy target, but he provides such wonderful content that I cannot but want to.

Sadly though, it is getting harder and harder to do so.  Before I have had chance to write about something the orange baby has done he goes and does something else even more ludicrous.

He recently managed to be quite awful to a war widow expressing that her husband had ‘Known what he was signing up for’ when he joined the military.  Bad enough, but then he goes onto one of his stubby fingered twitter assaults to dispute the claims.  “Okay” I am thinking, “I can perhaps wax lyrical about this!”.  I then realised it was more than likely going to emerge that, by the time I pressed ‘publish’, he would already be on the twitter defending the alleged fake news that he had then thrust his diminutive  hand between her legs, licked her mouth with that little pink tongue of his and exclaimed “and now I know what I’m getting into!”

The world’s gone mad I tell you !

Just a quickie

Zoom zoom zoom

I don’t really have time to write this weekend as I am coordinating a rugby festival for 800 children but a few limericks occurred to me today so Ill just get these out of my head as I need to make some room for other things.  

There once was a Farmer of note

had a thing, quite obscene, with a goat

Neighbours frowned, disapproved

as they did acts quite lewd

“We’re quite happy” he said, quote, unquote

Wrong I know but stuff happens.  I lived on a farm and there was this cow with no ears and one day one of the lads who milked them was found…Actually no I’ll stop there.

A chap I know finds Santa scary

with his beard so big white and hairy

and his bulging great sack

and his lock picking knack

Christmas eve, keeps the lights on quite wary

anyway moving along swiftly.  Let’s end with a Donald one.  If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you know how much I like to write about him.

There’s this POTUS who loves groping mums

wives and sisters and aunties and nuns

You’ll be next, not discreet

he will send off a tweet

share his conquest of you with his chums

Goodnight 🙂

 


Screw you haiku volume…6?

Driving made me super gay

Edgar – A FFfAW word challenge


Courtesy of Free-Napster@pixabay

 

 

Dear Earthlings

I am not best pleased.

It’s me, the Universe.  Call me what you will, Jesus, Allah, Buddah, The Great Nothing, Merlin, Aslan…I do not mind particularly.  My closest friends call me Darren.

Not been here for a while, so just popped in to check up on you and I will admit, you never cease to disappoint me.  You really cannot be nice to each other for five minutes can you.  I turn my back to enjoy a rather lovely supernova sun and when I come back you’re at one another like you always are.

I was going to list the wars you’re waging against each other but you know what, I really cannot be bothered.  Please, slaughter away – the sooner you’re all dead the better.  I plan to bring the dinosaurs back – they were far cooler than you lot.  Oh, I may keep the Japanese – they’re cool too and I think a world populated by dinosaurs and the Japanese would be freaking awesome.

I was going to suggest that it’s about time the Americans took a good hard look at themselves and stopped shooting each other for no good reason but, well, for one they won’t listen because they seem rather fond of such beastly things and secondly, the NRA have sorted me out with a sweet holiday home so I should probably hold my tongue.

Oh, and do not go blaming me for those storms you’re having.  Act of god my big fat celestial bottom.   If you insist on ejaculating inside one another willy nilly and living wherever you choose with no consideration for common sense and then building homes on coastal swamps and places known as ‘Tornado Alley’ what do you bloody well expect.  I didn’t send the storms and I didn’t give your kids cancer either (despite what a lot of the christians reckon) .  Bad things just happen okay.  It’s part of the circle of Life.  You should listen to Elton John more.

I noticed what you’ve done to the polar ice caps too.  Great job you dicks.  I always liked them, lovely and tranquil they are.  Do you not realise what a lovely planet you live on?  Perhaps not – given the quite awful manner in which you treat it. I noticed a turtle with a plastic straw lodged in its nose.  It’s not funny, stop laughing.  You’ve dumped so much plastic in the seas that it will certainly outlast you lot.  Good bloody riddance I reckon.

Oh, and special mention to the Americans.  Bravo on Donald.  As if being disliked by the majority of the planet wasn’t enough you choose that to be in charge.    It has actually made my list of top 3 of monumental humanity cock ups.  It is easily on par with the fact that the Greeks can’t seem to install decent plumbing – despite their creative genius, and the small matter of JarJar Binks.  George..Serious?

I’m going now, I hope you finish each other off some time soon because I can’t wait to see a Ninja riding a stegosaurus, it is going to be frigging fantastic.


Screw you Haiku

100 word Wednesday – The Chase

99 Word Challenge – Sound

 

Photo courtesy of  Werner22brigitte @ Pixabay

Your lunchtime limerick 01/10/17

Another day another limerick.

This week the lunchtime limerick subject will be desire or something kind of inappropriate.

I seem to hate Trump, ghastly man

And I write of his deeds when i can

I should really relax

but he seems to hate blacks

and the poor and the sick and Islam

 


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

I set myself a challenge this week…

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Glorious – Daily Prompt

 

Image courtesy of  me