Don’t go touching my chicken!

I like to just keep my hand in now and again…

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My most black sorrow

Like pitch it sticks to my insides

Lungs fill with it’s acrid darkness and I choke

Spitting and cursing your name as it cooks me from within

And so serves me up on a platter of regret and guilt

As the crows feast on my eyes, devouring my soft pink tongue

And the rats feast and rutt in my rancid entrails


 

Whoah….that’s all a bit much isn’t it.

Sometimes I like to see if I can write like other people and come up with some twisted dark shit but mostly I prefer stick figures being filthy.  Guess it takes all sorts right…

asfasfasfasfasf

 

You know this might be my first attempt at a political cartoon though to be honest I think the symbolism is far too obvious.  Plus my eagle looks like a big chicken and I was a bit wary of actually drawing pictures of men having sex with gigantic birds then I thought the kids might see it and…well..so mostly the whole thing just gets a bit weird but hey, perhaps there is still a cause to be fought for out there.   Some sort of anti  American chicken fuckers alliance.  Hmm.

 Perhaps I should just go to bed.

A quick Donald limerick

Its been a long time since I allowed myself to stray to thoughts of the D

Oh Melania seems you’ve gone missing

Is it ‘cos you hub loves shower pissing?

maybe ‘cos he hates facts

poor, sick, needy and blacks

and spent fortunes on porn stars french kissing

 

 

 

Thoughts and prayers across America tonight

Bet you a tenner some people are on their knees right now saying this exact stuff!

Dear Jesus

Thank you for Our Potus Donald, and I pray you bless him as he does your divine will as he leads our great country.  We pray you will strike down those that the devil brings against him as you struck down the Amalekites and killed all their women and children.

We ask that you will spare him from the temptation of porn stars and spankings because he is your vehicle and chosen by you and we believe in our hearts that you sent him to save our great nation from people using the wrong toilets and the sick and the poor who have no faith in your word and do not give 10% to the church.

We pray that you will allow the scales to drop from the eyes of the wicked press that distort your precious truths coming from your servant’s mouth and heavenly father we ask in the name of your son that you will stop babies being born in the ninth month because we know this is not your will.

We ask in the name of your son that you bless those republican leaders who are fighting in your name to remove from our land those that do not deserve to be part of the bounty you have blessed us with and we ask that you grant them travel mercies and they return safely to countries they left 20 years ago because they have probably been missed quite a lot.

We ask this in the precious name of your son Jesus Amen

I’m going dark

Aah the weekend.

I think I am going to take a day or two off.  I will probably be back Sunday night but it’s been a long week, I’ve hardly been at my best with this stupid cold and I am finding the world somewhat distracting in general and American politics more specifically.

I am going to clear out my twitter because I am just sick to the back teeth of Donald Trump, the GOP and the general stench – and instead I shall fill it with things that bring me joy and inspiration.  In addition there will be more Science and knowledge and art and films and comics and pictures of monkeys.

I have pretty much hit American politics fatigue after spending a large part of the week reading far too much about what is going on.  It’s odd that I have found it all so fascinating as I dont really care that much about what is going on in the UK despite all our shenanigans.  I guess I always like to think that we are just wholly incompetent and bumbling fools whereas your lot just seem rotten to the core and it’s all rather sad.  I think it is actually affecting my my desire to write and create and enjoy things.

Instead I am going to find a load of uplifting and positive American experiences I think.  I will let you know how I get on.  Oh and there’s the Americans amongst you readers of course, I like you lot.

So fingers crossed you’ll have sorted him out by the time I get back.

 

Nukes? Well why not it is a Wednesday…

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I wrote yesterday that “I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right…”

I may have to go part time at work to make time for all the writing that needs to be done.  I rather enjoyed this tweet of his because it seems that the more insane his tweet the more harassed and under pressure he is and if this is anything to go by he is most certainly suffering, which is a nice thought.

Im hoping it’s given him a bit of an upset stomach and he keeps having to race off to the loo.  Not like anyone takes him serious but he is even less believable when he has to keep asking…”Can I just take a moment, I really need a shit.”  To which an aide will answer “but you just had a shit sir, is everything alright” to which he then answers “I make shits young man, the biggest shits.  The best shits. Presidential shits.”

He is just about to go into how Hilary never stood a chance with the small shits she probably did and about to insist that hers were “barely a shart”and that the rumour of her once producing a steaming log after a particularly meat-heavy Thanks Giving are just fake poos when he realises it’s too late,  turtle head has struck and he has kind of shit his pants.

again.

We can but dream people!

 

 

The madness continues

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right.  This was not on my writing schedule at all but when I saw his tweet taking credit for the lack of aviation deaths in 2017…

Fear of flying? No worries, no sweat

seventeen was the safest year yet

no plane fell from the sky

thanks to Donald that’s why

surely the greatest Pres’ yet

 

Hmm.  Not sure about sarcastic.  Think I am better at just being frightfully rude.

Seems the Donald think he is to blame

that no planes crashed or engulfed in flame

The blokes clearly not well

eat a dick, go to hell

you’re a fool and quite clearly insane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the great king across the sea

oh how great thou art in thine own eyes

You know by now how this goes right…

 

A fellow quite fond of gold showers

lay spread eagled and pissed on for hours

cos he loves human waste

smell, feel colour and taste

says he thinks it give him super powers

 

Heavens that just flowed out of me like a hookers hot liquid leavings…

 

Watch him pander, right wing evangelics

and the baby boom males, cold war relics

Nazi’s, those at the top

KKK and the GOP

He’s way worse than a mad ISIS cleric

 

But small hands will do that to a man

who grabs pussy whenever he can

 

and is mates with Roy Moore

whole likes kids by the score

and sends muslims away by the score

 

 

 

 

Are you kidding me?

This is a new level of madness…

I awoke this morning to read that Donald has tweeted that given that it is going to be cold on the east coast of America on New Years eve that is proof against the arguments of global warming.

Are you fucking kidding me.  Because he had Dinner last night does that mean there is no starvation out there across the planet.  What about Science?  Evidence?  This fool does not even know the difference between climate and weather.

I read once that a people get the government they deserve and I have to ask myself what the hell did you Americans do to deserve this?

You know, I don’t think I can even do a limerick on this right now.  Who’d have thought eh.

Fuck you Donald Trump and fuck anyone who supports you.   You’re all idiots.

Daily Prompt – Confess

In a not too distant future perhaps…

Gemma lay her head on James’ chest and he smiled.  Two months they’d been together now and James still couldn’t believe how lucky he was.  The world had changed a lot in the last decade and to find someone as amazing as her really was something special.

She pressed herself into him sighing and he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“You’re amazing” he said and closed his eyes.  “There’s something I need to tell you though“he continued.

He felt her tense slightly.  “Okay” she said slowly.  She could hear his heart racing furiously in his chest.

“It’s about my dad” he said, “there’s a reason you’ve never met him.”

“Uh-huh” she said listening “you said he left in 2020, when the wall went up and the Emperor was crowned.”

James paused.

“It wasn’t just his politics” he continued, eyes still closed.

“What was it?” Gemma asked.  “It’s okay babe, you can trust me.”

James breathed deep.

“My dad was one quarter African American.  That makes me one sixteenth.”

Gemma said nothing and time seemed to stand still.

“Babe?” he said opening his eyes.

“Shit James” she said sitting upright.

“What?” he asked, face now ashen.  “What is it…”

She turned slowly to look at him, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m MAGA James.  I have to report this.”

 

 


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/confess/

A bit OTT I admit

I think this would be fun read aloud all dramatic.

Oh Donald

Piss soaked and rancid monster

Eating the babies of the poor for breakfast

Fried, boiled or poached

Race doesn’t matter when it dribbles from your gaping rectum

 

You sit atop your mountain of ill gotten gains

Face contorted, scant comfort

Self proclaimed saviour of Christmas

Move over Jesus

the GOP have a new messiah

 

Cold shrivelled heart beats slowly

Small fingers reaching, searching

Stabbing at late night screens

Drifting into sleep

Dreaming of teens

 

Bring him your poor huddled masses

Tossed onto his raging fire

Warming himself

Cries music to his ears

Heartless Evangelicals applaud

 

A slow descent into madness calls

Paranoid, mind full of echoes

Until an end

Cold, feeding the worms

As feet dance merrily above

Childish Christmas Insults

Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly

 

A POTUS loved by evangelic

praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric

But to me hes a dick

a piss drenched racist prick

no better than an ISIS cleric

 

Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved

so you better hope you have behaved

In the name of J Christ

he’s now after your wife

He requests her pussy waxed or shaved

 

Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂

 

A very Donald Christmas

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

I believe he likes watching parades

and with family plays cards and charades

now this might seem quite mean

and to some most obscene

but I hope he gets cancer or aids

Dances with elves – Room 101

The colour spilled from Nick’s usually ruddy cheeks as he pushed open the dorm room door.

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we.  101 words allowed only.


The colour spilled from Nick’s usually ruddy cheeks as he pushed open the dorm room door.

“What the… ” he exclaimed marching in and shoving a small man in a cowboy outfit hard in the chest.  “Explain yourself”.

The man, probably in his seventies, wore a sly grin on his face and a large bulge in his jeans.  “We were just dancing sir” he said “We met at the mall and your colleagues suggested they could help me with my bulging Christmas sack.”

“Get out of here you sick bastard” Nick shouted shepherding him from the room, “leave my elves alone!”

 


 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Donald Monday – on Tuesday.

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

Anyway, given that its time for the Alabamians to potentially elect a serial molester to the senate here’s something a little longer.  Limericks ahoy!

 

There’s this POTUS with wandering hands small

Seems he’s fondled women one and all

So watch out here he comes

Fondling grans, daughters, mums

‘cos he’ll grab yours fat, thin, short or tall

 

Young girls he gives to Roy his mate

Thinks at 14 they’re ready to date

He prefers them much younger

Such a vile paedo hunger

And soon could be in the Senate

 

Ron I bet Don would love Alabama

Cos he’d spend all day fondling your gramma’

And he bring round some teens

And you’d cream in your jeans

And then head off to church with your Mamma

 

But it’s fine, the GOP say its forgiven

By the saviour, apparently risen

And besides they’re just men

Least they’re not a damned Dem

It’s the Clinton’s who should be in prison…

 

Vermicious knids

Thoughts on things which I am completely unqualified to comment upon.

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we…this one is in response to the Weaving Words prompt.


I was never a political creature you know and, whilst this may surprise you, I am still not.  Yes I will admit to being somewhat obsessed with writing about the Donald but that is simply because I find him a quite repulsive creature and worthy of derision and mockery because of who he is and the quite terrible things I believe him to have done.

Ever since the ascendancy of his star I have found myself more and more interested in the politics of America and if I am not careful I shall soon find that I make a liar of myself when it comes to whether I am, in fact, politically inclined.

The thing is though, I am English,  so it matters very little where my persuasions lie.  Curiously I find  to myself far less inclined to care one jot about our very own Brexit shit storm and instead find myself compelled to understand more about just what the devil is going on across the pond.

Anyway, I have researched the basis of the political parties, delved into their history and attempted to understand as much as I can about them whilst reading as much as I could about just what is going on.  I am not an over complex sort though, and find myself already making some very basic assumptions about American politics, politicians and sometimes it’s people based on very little information and the behaviour of the people who represent the parties.

It remains a work in progress, and whilst I am quite certain that I would be blue and not red where it a choice I needed to make there is something else of which I am more and more certain the more I learn.  The GOP are such vicious beastly and quite ferocious creatures by all accounts that even they would make the vermicious knid seem tame by comparison.  I am not sure about all of it’s members obviously, but those in positions of power that I have been looking at have left me rather shocked.

I will keep working on it, and happy to have my mind changed but I think it will be quite some stretch given what I have seen. This is not to say the other lot are a whole lot better, I am sure they are equally abhorrent if you look closely enough.

Anyway, I know I am not at all qualified to comment on such things and it is rather ignorant of me to do so but I will nonetheless.  Now I will shut up.

Goodnight x and get back to writing that limerick about the chap who likes his bottom fiddling with.

Michael

P.S. It’s funny you know, when I sat down I honesty intended to write a poem about a boy who fought the knids.  Oh well…

It’s Donald Monday!

Just a few thoughts on everyone’s favourite tangerine molester.

 

A fellow called Donald, well travelled

Took to twitter as shit it unravelled

Makes no sense, spewing rage

His brains gone, it’s his age

Leaves us wondering, sad and quite baffled

 

Shall we have another?

 

There once was a Potus, Don T

Who its rumoured has showered in pee

Let it run down his back

Twixt his legs, through his crack

Hence the tone of his skin don’t you see?

 

Happy Monday!

 

 

 

I hope he gets prison aids.

I feel like I should be throwing rocks at something but all I muster is a bloody limerick

Wicked Donald presides from his perch

Leaves his country alas in the lurch

Muslims, gays, blacks will feel

Twitter wrath, don’t you kneel

But its fine if you gun down a church

Should you like young kids like his pal Ron

Fill your boots cos he says that’s not wrong

and hell grab your wife’s V

cos he likes it you see

and he’ll have Ivanka’s before long

Then his wall he will build and what’s more

Taking health care away from the poor

The right wing he’ll embrace

And he sees no disgrace

giving tax breaks to friends all the more

So fake news will not slow his progress

As America sinks but I guess

the whole world cannot cry

cos we idly stand by

But that’s life, well done us, what a mess

Bedknobs and Broomsticks – Room 101

Saving the worst for last.

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt

Okay.  This is the last Room 101 and the most stupid and rubbish.  It is an unedited version that I bashed out and when I read it I had not a clue what the hell was going on.  Broomsticks made me think witches, bedknobs made me think bed knobs and that got me to dildo’s and suddenly we have this abomination.  It made me laugh though so stupid is it and I thought I would leave it as it is as a reminder to myself that its okay to have a really crappy first draft and sometimes ideas just don’t work.


The swirling contents of the large Iron pot hissed and fizzed as Hilda tossed in a handful of wolfsbane.  “Agnes, fetch the stranglewort from my bag” She asked leaning over the pot.

“This is brewing up very nicely indeed” she said to herself cackling.

“This?” Agnes said holding up a small silver bottle she’d taken from a large cloth bag.

“No no girl” Hilda snapped.

“How about this?” she said presenting a posy of white flowers.

“No, STRANGLEWORT” Hilda said angrily.”

Agnes rummaged around.

“This?” she said holding up large wooden dildo.

Hilda blushed.

“Let’s just leave it out shall we…”


Photo courtesy of pixabay

The art of boredom – Room 101

Ever feel like this is all just one big joke?

Thanks to Michelle for the prompt


“Boss, that’s a terrible idea” Caleb said shaking his head.

AJ smiled, his brown eyes twinkling.  “I’m telling you they’re stupid enough to fall for it.”

“You think?”

“Oh absolutely, remember Hitler?.  You underestimate their self-destructive nature.”

“But why?  Seriously?”

AJ huffed.  “I’m bored.  Bored of this planet, bored of these people.  I really do need a new assignment.” He paused, sensing Caleb was almost persuaded.  “Plus it could be hilarious, especially when it comes out what he did to his daughter.”

“Fine” said Caleb resigned.  “But don’t blame me when head office find out.”

AJ grinned.  “Good call, good call”


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Donny and Roy love the ladies

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

This occurred to me earlier and made me chuckle.

 

Theres your POTUS, loves grabbing vagina

now insists Roys a good man, none finer

seems he’s rather quite keen

of young girls of fourteen

doesn’t matter to him, loves a minor

 

 

 

A couple of Donald inspired limericks

Just a few limericks thrown together whilst I was having my lunch today. Chicken salad, was quite good.

Some days I just want to lash out and the best I can muster is a limerick. Big tough guy eh …

Trump the crazy on tour out in China

Salivates, like he would at a diner

Watch out for him trust me,

He will grab yours you’ll see

then your mums and your grans – loves vagina!

A loony chap, Donald the POTUS

Went to Asia, the land of the lotus

Picked a fight with young Kim

With maniacal grin

Big appeal to the racist white voters

Gun control, says Big Don, you don’t need

Mental health caused these murders. Agreed?

Killed in Church? Thoughts and prayers

All he offers. Who cares?

Well not him nor his NRA pals – Greed!

Oh Donald…

You’d think Donald would give you an endless source of things to write about right?

If you’ve read me for more than a day or two you know I like to write limericks about Donald trump.  Yes I know he’s an easy target, but he provides such wonderful content that I cannot but want to.

Sadly though, it is getting harder and harder to do so.  Before I have had chance to write about something the orange baby has done he goes and does something else even more ludicrous.

He recently managed to be quite awful to a war widow expressing that her husband had ‘Known what he was signing up for’ when he joined the military.  Bad enough, but then he goes onto one of his stubby fingered twitter assaults to dispute the claims.  “Okay” I am thinking, “I can perhaps wax lyrical about this!”.  I then realised it was more than likely going to emerge that, by the time I pressed ‘publish’, he would already be on the twitter defending the alleged fake news that he had then thrust his diminutive  hand between her legs, licked her mouth with that little pink tongue of his and exclaimed “and now I know what I’m getting into!”

The world’s gone mad I tell you !

These simply aren’t my fault.

I blame the United Nations for the quality of these haiku…

So sat at lunch Tuesday 19th of September and I thought I would scribble a few haiku, as one does.  Unfortunately on the TV behind me is Donald Trump at the UN and my intention to write of nature and butterflies and waterfalls and all manner of gorgeous natural wonderment ended up as what you read below.  I’m not even American so not sure why I care, perhaps it is because he is so vile.  Anyway, lesson learned is that your environment can have a huge impact on what you are able to write.

I then spent much of the rest of the day swearing at inanimate objects.


Donald at the UN

Flapping gums and tiny hands

Blah blah blah blah blah

 

Cuddly Korean

With your nuclear arsenal

And your dog soufflé

 

Rancid politics

Women ought to be in charge

Men are such morons


That is all I managed before punching a kitten in the face and making a pregnant lady cry, so foul was my demeanour.


More stuff?

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

My neighbour Ifraheem

Footprints – An AFA Challenge

 

Daily prompt – Thorny