Thoughts and prayers across America tonight

Bet you a tenner some people are on their knees right now saying this exact stuff!

Dear Jesus

Thank you for Our Potus Donald, and I pray you bless him as he does your divine will as he leads our great country.  We pray you will strike down those that the devil brings against him as you struck down the Amalekites and killed all their women and children.

We ask that you will spare him from the temptation of porn stars and spankings because he is your vehicle and chosen by you and we believe in our hearts that you sent him to save our great nation from people using the wrong toilets and the sick and the poor who have no faith in your word and do not give 10% to the church.

We pray that you will allow the scales to drop from the eyes of the wicked press that distort your precious truths coming from your servant’s mouth and heavenly father we ask in the name of your son that you will stop babies being born in the ninth month because we know this is not your will.

We ask in the name of your son that you bless those republican leaders who are fighting in your name to remove from our land those that do not deserve to be part of the bounty you have blessed us with and we ask that you grant them travel mercies and they return safely to countries they left 20 years ago because they have probably been missed quite a lot.

We ask this in the precious name of your son Jesus Amen

Nukes? Well why not it is a Wednesday…

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I wrote yesterday that “I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right…”

I may have to go part time at work to make time for all the writing that needs to be done.  I rather enjoyed this tweet of his because it seems that the more insane his tweet the more harassed and under pressure he is and if this is anything to go by he is most certainly suffering, which is a nice thought.

Im hoping it’s given him a bit of an upset stomach and he keeps having to race off to the loo.  Not like anyone takes him serious but he is even less believable when he has to keep asking…”Can I just take a moment, I really need a shit.”  To which an aide will answer “but you just had a shit sir, is everything alright” to which he then answers “I make shits young man, the biggest shits.  The best shits. Presidential shits.”

He is just about to go into how Hilary never stood a chance with the small shits she probably did and about to insist that hers were “barely a shart”and that the rumour of her once producing a steaming log after a particularly meat-heavy Thanks Giving are just fake poos when he realises it’s too late,  turtle head has struck and he has kind of shit his pants.

again.

We can but dream people!

 

 

The madness continues

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right.  This was not on my writing schedule at all but when I saw his tweet taking credit for the lack of aviation deaths in 2017…

Fear of flying? No worries, no sweat

seventeen was the safest year yet

no plane fell from the sky

thanks to Donald that’s why

surely the greatest Pres’ yet

 

Hmm.  Not sure about sarcastic.  Think I am better at just being frightfully rude.

Seems the Donald think he is to blame

that no planes crashed or engulfed in flame

The blokes clearly not well

eat a dick, go to hell

you’re a fool and quite clearly insane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the great king across the sea

oh how great thou art in thine own eyes

You know by now how this goes right…

 

A fellow quite fond of gold showers

lay spread eagled and pissed on for hours

cos he loves human waste

smell, feel colour and taste

says he thinks it give him super powers

 

Heavens that just flowed out of me like a hookers hot liquid leavings…

 

Watch him pander, right wing evangelics

and the baby boom males, cold war relics

Nazi’s, those at the top

KKK and the GOP

He’s way worse than a mad ISIS cleric

 

But small hands will do that to a man

who grabs pussy whenever he can

 

and is mates with Roy Moore

whole likes kids by the score

and sends muslims away by the score

 

 

 

 

Are you kidding me?

This is a new level of madness…

I awoke this morning to read that Donald has tweeted that given that it is going to be cold on the east coast of America on New Years eve that is proof against the arguments of global warming.

Are you fucking kidding me.  Because he had Dinner last night does that mean there is no starvation out there across the planet.  What about Science?  Evidence?  This fool does not even know the difference between climate and weather.

I read once that a people get the government they deserve and I have to ask myself what the hell did you Americans do to deserve this?

You know, I don’t think I can even do a limerick on this right now.  Who’d have thought eh.

Fuck you Donald Trump and fuck anyone who supports you.   You’re all idiots.

A bit OTT I admit

I think this would be fun read aloud all dramatic.

Oh Donald

Piss soaked and rancid monster

Eating the babies of the poor for breakfast

Fried, boiled or poached

Race doesn’t matter when it dribbles from your gaping rectum

 

You sit atop your mountain of ill gotten gains

Face contorted, scant comfort

Self proclaimed saviour of Christmas

Move over Jesus

the GOP have a new messiah

 

Cold shrivelled heart beats slowly

Small fingers reaching, searching

Stabbing at late night screens

Drifting into sleep

Dreaming of teens

 

Bring him your poor huddled masses

Tossed onto his raging fire

Warming himself

Cries music to his ears

Heartless Evangelicals applaud

 

A slow descent into madness calls

Paranoid, mind full of echoes

Until an end

Cold, feeding the worms

As feet dance merrily above

Childish Christmas Insults

Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly

 

A POTUS loved by evangelic

praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric

But to me hes a dick

a piss drenched racist prick

no better than an ISIS cleric

 

Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved

so you better hope you have behaved

In the name of J Christ

he’s now after your wife

He requests her pussy waxed or shaved

 

Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂

 

A very Donald Christmas

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

I believe he likes watching parades

and with family plays cards and charades

now this might seem quite mean

and to some most obscene

but I hope he gets cancer or aids

Donald Monday – on Tuesday.

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

Anyway, given that its time for the Alabamians to potentially elect a serial molester to the senate here’s something a little longer.  Limericks ahoy!

 

There’s this POTUS with wandering hands small

Seems he’s fondled women one and all

So watch out here he comes

Fondling grans, daughters, mums

‘cos he’ll grab yours fat, thin, short or tall

 

Young girls he gives to Roy his mate

Thinks at 14 they’re ready to date

He prefers them much younger

Such a vile paedo hunger

And soon could be in the Senate

 

Ron I bet Don would love Alabama

Cos he’d spend all day fondling your gramma’

And he bring round some teens

And you’d cream in your jeans

And then head off to church with your Mamma

 

But it’s fine, the GOP say its forgiven

By the saviour, apparently risen

And besides they’re just men

Least they’re not a damned Dem

It’s the Clinton’s who should be in prison…

 

Dingle Berries

Honestly, nothing to see at all.

I have done a lot of prompts and am almost never stumped but this one has me.  It is one of M’s December ones found here.  Now this is not because I cannot come up with something, I am quite sure I can but no matter what every time I sit down to write it feels like rather loud mouthed fellow sits on the desk in front of me kegs akimbo and starts to shout rather loudly that I’m crazy about dingle berries, and I am not.  He is accusatory and mean and makes me feel rather bad about myself.

Now, I gave it some thought and I think that this tells me that I do in fact have a filter of sorts – something I am often accused of lacking.

I have researched the differing meanings of dingle berry – and there are a few – but the unpleasant one is the only one I can think of.  So much so that I have revisited this post every day for four days now and no matter how I try my work always seems to involve things that are most unpleasant. More unpleasant than usual.  There was one where there was a glass full of them and another where one fell into someones mouth when they were sleeping.

I think I will just move on to the next one prompt.  Google it though if you’re not sure.  It’ll make sense.

Sorry.

The place where he once sat

In her final few years, her family now long gone,  she would simply sit and watch the seasons change from her chair in front of the window.

The challenge…In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story about a chair on a porch. Why is it there, and what might it mean? Think about using it as a prop or the main thrust of your story.

The deadline for the piece has passed but I figured I’d write it anyway.  

 


In her final few years, her family now long gone,  she would simply sit and watch the seasons change from her chair in front of the window.

As memories faded into nothing, time racing by unrelenting, neighbourhood children passed by and waved occasionally before running off excitedly.  Spring enticed summer, and autumn blew away into winter and always she watched.

When snow fell she would pull a small blanket across her knees.   It was the one he had given her all those years ago.  Before he left.  She smiled to herself and waited, he would be home soon surely.

 

https://carrotranch.com/2017/11/02/november-2-flash-fiction-challenge-2/