A quick Donald limerick

Its been a long time since I allowed myself to stray to thoughts of the D

Oh Melania seems you’ve gone missing

Is it ‘cos you hub loves shower pissing?

maybe ‘cos he hates facts

poor, sick, needy and blacks

and spent fortunes on porn stars french kissing




Thoughts and prayers across America tonight

Bet you a tenner some people are on their knees right now saying this exact stuff!

Dear Jesus

Thank you for Our Potus Donald, and I pray you bless him as he does your divine will as he leads our great country.  We pray you will strike down those that the devil brings against him as you struck down the Amalekites and killed all their women and children.

We ask that you will spare him from the temptation of porn stars and spankings because he is your vehicle and chosen by you and we believe in our hearts that you sent him to save our great nation from people using the wrong toilets and the sick and the poor who have no faith in your word and do not give 10% to the church.

We pray that you will allow the scales to drop from the eyes of the wicked press that distort your precious truths coming from your servant’s mouth and heavenly father we ask in the name of your son that you will stop babies being born in the ninth month because we know this is not your will.

We ask in the name of your son that you bless those republican leaders who are fighting in your name to remove from our land those that do not deserve to be part of the bounty you have blessed us with and we ask that you grant them travel mercies and they return safely to countries they left 20 years ago because they have probably been missed quite a lot.

We ask this in the precious name of your son Jesus Amen

I’m going dark

Aah the weekend.

I think I am going to take a day or two off.  I will probably be back Sunday night but it’s been a long week, I’ve hardly been at my best with this stupid cold and I am finding the world somewhat distracting in general and American politics more specifically.

I am going to clear out my twitter because I am just sick to the back teeth of Donald Trump, the GOP and the general stench – and instead I shall fill it with things that bring me joy and inspiration.  In addition there will be more Science and knowledge and art and films and comics and pictures of monkeys.

I have pretty much hit American politics fatigue after spending a large part of the week reading far too much about what is going on.  It’s odd that I have found it all so fascinating as I dont really care that much about what is going on in the UK despite all our shenanigans.  I guess I always like to think that we are just wholly incompetent and bumbling fools whereas your lot just seem rotten to the core and it’s all rather sad.  I think it is actually affecting my my desire to write and create and enjoy things.

Instead I am going to find a load of uplifting and positive American experiences I think.  I will let you know how I get on.  Oh and there’s the Americans amongst you readers of course, I like you lot.

So fingers crossed you’ll have sorted him out by the time I get back.


Nukes? Well why not it is a Wednesday…

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I wrote yesterday that “I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right…”

I may have to go part time at work to make time for all the writing that needs to be done.  I rather enjoyed this tweet of his because it seems that the more insane his tweet the more harassed and under pressure he is and if this is anything to go by he is most certainly suffering, which is a nice thought.

Im hoping it’s given him a bit of an upset stomach and he keeps having to race off to the loo.  Not like anyone takes him serious but he is even less believable when he has to keep asking…”Can I just take a moment, I really need a shit.”  To which an aide will answer “but you just had a shit sir, is everything alright” to which he then answers “I make shits young man, the biggest shits.  The best shits. Presidential shits.”

He is just about to go into how Hilary never stood a chance with the small shits she probably did and about to insist that hers were “barely a shart”and that the rumour of her once producing a steaming log after a particularly meat-heavy Thanks Giving are just fake poos when he realises it’s too late,  turtle head has struck and he has kind of shit his pants.


We can but dream people!



The madness continues

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right.  This was not on my writing schedule at all but when I saw his tweet taking credit for the lack of aviation deaths in 2017…

Fear of flying? No worries, no sweat

seventeen was the safest year yet

no plane fell from the sky

thanks to Donald that’s why

surely the greatest Pres’ yet


Hmm.  Not sure about sarcastic.  Think I am better at just being frightfully rude.

Seems the Donald think he is to blame

that no planes crashed or engulfed in flame

The blokes clearly not well

eat a dick, go to hell

you’re a fool and quite clearly insane.







On the great king across the sea

oh how great thou art in thine own eyes

You know by now how this goes right…


A fellow quite fond of gold showers

lay spread eagled and pissed on for hours

cos he loves human waste

smell, feel colour and taste

says he thinks it give him super powers


Heavens that just flowed out of me like a hookers hot liquid leavings…


Watch him pander, right wing evangelics

and the baby boom males, cold war relics

Nazi’s, those at the top

KKK and the GOP

He’s way worse than a mad ISIS cleric


But small hands will do that to a man

who grabs pussy whenever he can


and is mates with Roy Moore

whole likes kids by the score

and sends muslims away by the score





Are you kidding me?

This is a new level of madness…

I awoke this morning to read that Donald has tweeted that given that it is going to be cold on the east coast of America on New Years eve that is proof against the arguments of global warming.

Are you fucking kidding me.  Because he had Dinner last night does that mean there is no starvation out there across the planet.  What about Science?  Evidence?  This fool does not even know the difference between climate and weather.

I read once that a people get the government they deserve and I have to ask myself what the hell did you Americans do to deserve this?

You know, I don’t think I can even do a limerick on this right now.  Who’d have thought eh.

Fuck you Donald Trump and fuck anyone who supports you.   You’re all idiots.

A bit OTT I admit

I think this would be fun read aloud all dramatic.

Oh Donald

Piss soaked and rancid monster

Eating the babies of the poor for breakfast

Fried, boiled or poached

Race doesn’t matter when it dribbles from your gaping rectum


You sit atop your mountain of ill gotten gains

Face contorted, scant comfort

Self proclaimed saviour of Christmas

Move over Jesus

the GOP have a new messiah


Cold shrivelled heart beats slowly

Small fingers reaching, searching

Stabbing at late night screens

Drifting into sleep

Dreaming of teens


Bring him your poor huddled masses

Tossed onto his raging fire

Warming himself

Cries music to his ears

Heartless Evangelicals applaud


A slow descent into madness calls

Paranoid, mind full of echoes

Until an end

Cold, feeding the worms

As feet dance merrily above

Childish Christmas Insults

Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly


A POTUS loved by evangelic

praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric

But to me hes a dick

a piss drenched racist prick

no better than an ISIS cleric


Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved

so you better hope you have behaved

In the name of J Christ

he’s now after your wife

He requests her pussy waxed or shaved


Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂


A very Donald Christmas

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

I believe he likes watching parades

and with family plays cards and charades

now this might seem quite mean

and to some most obscene

but I hope he gets cancer or aids

Vermicious knids

Thoughts on things which I am completely unqualified to comment upon.

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we…this one is in response to the Weaving Words prompt.

I was never a political creature you know and, whilst this may surprise you, I am still not.  Yes I will admit to being somewhat obsessed with writing about the Donald but that is simply because I find him a quite repulsive creature and worthy of derision and mockery because of who he is and the quite terrible things I believe him to have done.

Ever since the ascendancy of his star I have found myself more and more interested in the politics of America and if I am not careful I shall soon find that I make a liar of myself when it comes to whether I am, in fact, politically inclined.

The thing is though, I am English,  so it matters very little where my persuasions lie.  Curiously I find  to myself far less inclined to care one jot about our very own Brexit shit storm and instead find myself compelled to understand more about just what the devil is going on across the pond.

Anyway, I have researched the basis of the political parties, delved into their history and attempted to understand as much as I can about them whilst reading as much as I could about just what is going on.  I am not an over complex sort though, and find myself already making some very basic assumptions about American politics, politicians and sometimes it’s people based on very little information and the behaviour of the people who represent the parties.

It remains a work in progress, and whilst I am quite certain that I would be blue and not red where it a choice I needed to make there is something else of which I am more and more certain the more I learn.  The GOP are such vicious beastly and quite ferocious creatures by all accounts that even they would make the vermicious knid seem tame by comparison.  I am not sure about all of it’s members obviously, but those in positions of power that I have been looking at have left me rather shocked.

I will keep working on it, and happy to have my mind changed but I think it will be quite some stretch given what I have seen. This is not to say the other lot are a whole lot better, I am sure they are equally abhorrent if you look closely enough.

Anyway, I know I am not at all qualified to comment on such things and it is rather ignorant of me to do so but I will nonetheless.  Now I will shut up.

Goodnight x and get back to writing that limerick about the chap who likes his bottom fiddling with.


P.S. It’s funny you know, when I sat down I honesty intended to write a poem about a boy who fought the knids.  Oh well…

A Late Night Limerick

Need a hand with that get-well-soon card? Perhaps feeling a touch on the gassy side?

This week they will be on the matter of getting well soon, so if you know someone who ails you are more than welcome to borrow them if you’re thinking of sending a nice card and some grapes perhaps.  Let’s ease in nice and slow with something pleasant shall we.  There’s plenty of time for it to go awry I assure you.

I heard you’re quite bloated today

And you stomach’s all growly  you say

Just give in,  let it out

Unleash hell have no doubt

You’ll feel better quite soon, fart away


Ha that picture with this poem made me chuckle.   There must be a fetish haiku in it surely…

photo courtesy of pixabay

Oh Donald…

You’d think Donald would give you an endless source of things to write about right?

If you’ve read me for more than a day or two you know I like to write limericks about Donald trump.  Yes I know he’s an easy target, but he provides such wonderful content that I cannot but want to.

Sadly though, it is getting harder and harder to do so.  Before I have had chance to write about something the orange baby has done he goes and does something else even more ludicrous.

He recently managed to be quite awful to a war widow expressing that her husband had ‘Known what he was signing up for’ when he joined the military.  Bad enough, but then he goes onto one of his stubby fingered twitter assaults to dispute the claims.  “Okay” I am thinking, “I can perhaps wax lyrical about this!”.  I then realised it was more than likely going to emerge that, by the time I pressed ‘publish’, he would already be on the twitter defending the alleged fake news that he had then thrust his diminutive  hand between her legs, licked her mouth with that little pink tongue of his and exclaimed “and now I know what I’m getting into!”

The world’s gone mad I tell you !

Just a quickie

Zoom zoom zoom

I don’t really have time to write this weekend as I am coordinating a rugby festival for 800 children but a few limericks occurred to me today so Ill just get these out of my head as I need to make some room for other things.  

There once was a Farmer of note

had a thing, quite obscene, with a goat

Neighbours frowned, disapproved

as they did acts quite lewd

“We’re quite happy” he said, quote, unquote

Wrong I know but stuff happens.  I lived on a farm and there was this cow with no ears and one day one of the lads who milked them was found…Actually no I’ll stop there.

A chap I know finds Santa scary

with his beard so big white and hairy

and his bulging great sack

and his lock picking knack

Christmas eve, keeps the lights on quite wary

anyway moving along swiftly.  Let’s end with a Donald one.  If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you know how much I like to write about him.

There’s this POTUS who loves groping mums

wives and sisters and aunties and nuns

You’ll be next, not discreet

he will send off a tweet

share his conquest of you with his chums

Goodnight 🙂


Screw you haiku volume…6?

Driving made me super gay

Edgar – A FFfAW word challenge

Courtesy of Free-Napster@pixabay



Motivational Monday

In England they were chopping off peoples heads for not liking the right type of Jesus…

Turn on the television and you might think it was the end of the world.  I don’t care for religion but know plenty for whom it is most fulfilling and some of them seem rather excited by the prospect of it being the end of days and disappearing into the clouds.

Theres that orange American maniac picking a scrap with that quite ludicrous Korean buffoon, we have terrorists running amok with a new story of some sort of attack in London every few weeks and there are storms with rather unusual names bearing down on one place or another whenever I choose to pay attention to the news.

So, this got me to thinking – is it now really worse than it ever was or have things always been this way?  I figured the best way to answer this was some research and a considered response, and then I changed my mind almost immediately and decided to base this whole piece on conjecture and supposition.

So – what conclusion did I come to I don’t hear you ask.  Well, I think mostly no, it isn’t worse that it ever was  – in fact I think the world’s a better place, or at least no worse that it has been for many a year.

Terrorists?  Oh please, we have always had terrorists and people happy to chop off  other people’s heads for one god or another.  Remember the Crusades?  Only difference is that we can live stream if via Facebook now so more people are aware of it.

War?  I am certain that anyone who might whip u graph of conflict across the ages would prove my assertion that it’s probably no worse now in terms of one lot of people who want to do something beastly to another lot of people for mostly no reason at all.

Terrible things that happen to children?  You think the awful things that have happened to kids only started in the 50’s and 60’s?  How do you think your chimneys used to get cleaned?  Small hands make light work indeed.  Paedophilia isn’t a recent phenomenon I am certain, it’s just out in the open and no longer swept under the carpet.

Global warming?  Okay I might give you that one – though if the Donald is to be believed you’re wrong on that point too.

I quite like the world I live in, though I am a white middle aged male living in suburban England.  I am not a pot bellied starving African with a face full of flies so I may have to give you that one too though I bet if I wasn’t so lazy I could find evidence that says it’s been pretty horrid in parts of Africa and other places for as long as we can remember.  At least now we try and help out and we write catchy Christmas songs to raise money to feed the starving.

People may well be fleeing Africa for the promised land of Europe but it is not that long ago that we were fleeing Europe for America because all of our potatoes had gone a bit manky and in England they were chopping off peoples heads for not liking the right type of Jesus…

And do not get me started on how great smart phones are or the ability to stream Netflix in the depths of inner Mongolia whilst or just how brilliant all the different types of Oreo cookies are.

The world really isn’t all that bad I reckon, and I am pretty sure that if I did some real research I would prove that it used to be pretty rubbish for most people in the last 2000 years.  Maybe its now just not as rubbish for more people that it used to be.

I might be wrong but I am too ignorant to ever find out…


More stuff?  I have a lot of stuff if you fancy it…

I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt

Bernard and Charles – Daily prompt

Partner – Daily prompt


photo courtesy of photoshopper24 @ pixabay