Tag: sex

A Limerick.

…About Gender reassignment

A broad shouldered young fellow called Fred

“Bod’s a male, I’m female in my head”

He quite firmly asserted

Has his penis inverted

Keeps his balls in a jar near his bed

Your Tuesday limerick

It’s that time again

Once a virginal lassie from Bury

To her boyfriend she offered her cherry

“Damn wrong hole” she did cry

“You’re two inches too high!”

“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”

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I had to do a wee but of research on this to get the imperial measurements as I am very much metric born and raised.   Oh and yes I know, position matters here in the general up and down of things. Look you’ll work it out I am sure…Now my browser needs clearing.  See the lengths I go to for your limericky pleasure!

Hey look another limerick

More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.

Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary

had a front bum that smelled like a fishery

She would hand down decrees,

Judgements, consider pleas

But if upwind then that was true misery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Never After – Room 101

Just a quick 101 words

I haven’t done this for a while.  101 words.  Sometimes a beginning, sometimes an end.  Or even a frustratingly pointless middle.

With rain running down her face Maria smiled as she remembered that first meeting.    Mother said that she’d know when she met the one.  Mother was right.

She loved his charm, that assured way he walked over and god that confidence. Her pulse still raced at the thought, the way he looked at her with those dark eyes and the things she felt when he placed his hand unexpectedly on her arm.  He was intoxicating and too delicious to resist.

“I wonder if he has a brother?” She thought tipping the final shovel of soil over his face and walking away…

 

 

 

 

 

 

A final Creepy Love Poem.

A fond farewell to these at last…

This was the first…

Then this one…

This the third

You’re the sun on my face

You’re the wind in my sails

My everything and my all

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Im the breath on your windows

The rustling in your bush

Want to cut you open, climb inside

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Breathing deep I inhale you, musty and wet

Hunched over your laundry basket

I squirm as my heart leaps inside

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Carve you’re name into my desperate flesh

Your name drips from my lonely lips

I want to wear you , my corpse bride

Even More Super Creepy Love Poems. Feast on my cheese.

It’s a little jarring in it’s construct but love makes you feel that way. Right?

This was the first…

Then this one…

 

 

My love knows no ends, let us be more than friends

Oh let me feel your rampant thunder

Thighs spread wide

Im ripped asunder

 

Use me, abuse me make me your floozy

Touch me , take me , make me yours,

apple in my mouth

Crawling on all fours

 

You’re my snow white, I adore, and I’m all of your dwarves

Damp, humid, clammy, dampish, Drippy

Dewy, dank, not-dry and oozy

muggy, moist and slippy

 

My heart will rhyme until end of time

I am your refuge, come, paint my walls.

My pink canvas, your magnolia strokes

I’m your sport, use my balls.

 

 

 

 

 

More Creepy love poems

This one’s particularly bad. So bad it’s good right ?!?!

This was the first…

Oh let me feel the thrust and parry

your long sword deep and penetrating

piercing the armour of my heart

driving deep within my wanton soul

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You are the marauder at my gates

the barbarian at my city walls

beard wet, wild eyed

loins girded in the skins of the moist beasts you have tamed

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Lay siege to my heart as your ram batters my back doors

let me feel your furious love spill over my ramparts

My moat filled with your explosions

My portcullis trembling as you pound against my defences

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Oh lay waste to my ladies vegetable garden

And run wild through my thick undergrowth

Take me, Impale me, I surrender

All I have is yours

Creepy love poems

Warm and squishy. One for the romantics out there…

Oh won’t you let me climb inside you

Let me wear you like a skin

And to feel your heart a beating

And to touch you from within.

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What you see I want to witness

When you hear ill hear it too

When you nap ill snooze inside you

Let me be there when you poo.

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From your innards i can feel you

As I’m nestled in between

I can feel your pain quite clearly

‘Twixt your liver and your spleen

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Oh let me crawl right up inside you

Wont you let me show u love

There inside your flesh and sinew

Let me wear you like a glove

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My desire knows no limits

And my love is absolute

Here its warm and wet and safe

Inside my juicy love skin suit

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January’s Gifs. All rather rude.

Theyre out there embeddded in my bits and pieces…

I’ve rather enjoyed doing some of these this month.  Okay so stand alone these might look odd but I promise that in context they make perfect sense.

 

Screw you haiku

Screw you Haiku. Dirty Bastard.

Another Dirty Friday Limerick.

Oh him again. In limerick form.

 

 

 

Beyond the night sky

In space nobody can hear your thrumbus go sploosh…

I wrote a bunch of prompts you can read about the process here.  This is my response to one of them.

Gentrax wiped his brow as she entered the room.  There was a look in her eye and a sway in her gait that told him that it was time.  She was ready.  As she crossed the floor towards him he gulped and stared and watched with a hunger at the way Dorenta’s thrumbus pulsated with vivid green’s and blue’s.

Tonight would be the night that their clanbond would finally be fulfilled and he would take his rightful place in the glorious caves of the forefathers .

Standing before him she spread wide her trill and licked her lips.  The moonlight flooding into the room through the opening high in the cave ceiling made her scales flash irredescent.  “Present yourself” she said with an intensity in her eyes that left him breathless.

Gentrax stood from where he lay on the mat of rushes that he had spent the afternoon preparing.  His chest rose and fell and his skellit rattled, warm and moist, and she circled him drawing a clawed talon across his splintle.  He bit his lip as pleasure flooded through his body.

“Are you my betrothed?” she asked standing so close that he could almost taste her.

He answered as taught by the shamen.  “I am your betrothed and my body is yours.”

Gentrax smiled as she cupped his floosh, gently at first, and then squeezed until he winced.

“Impressive” she said as her thrumbus turned a dark crimson.

She was pleased , Gentrax told himself,  and if she was pleased then surely he would prove worthy.  She released him and then pulled him into her forcefully.  Her body hypnotic as she moved, as if to the very rhythm of the passage of time itself.  The curves of her body brushed against him and his tongue snaked from between his lips hungry for the taste of her.

“I am yours” he hissed as she lay on the rush bed and becloned form him to join her.

His skellit was already in full bloom, the lips pink and full.  She presented her trill, it’s small sharp teeth glistening in the moon light.  “Lie with me” she demanded.

Gentrax prostrated himself next to her and felt the weight of her against his back.  Pleasure coursed through his body as his floosh opened wide and its musky aroma filled the cave.

“You are ripe indeed” she said as she took his skellit deep inside her.  He felt the small teeth grip him tight and the mox of pain and pleasure left him breathless.  Her talons dug into his shoulders and he cried out as he felt her trill sever his skellit.

“Sweet delight” he mumbled as she rose up over him, her thrumbus now inky black as the night sky.   Talons pushed further into him and he began to bleed, the thick green life blood seeping through the reeds and onto the dusty cave floor.

“You are my betrothed” she roared as his eyes widened and his floosh exploded from between the spines on his back, his precious life giving nectar pooling between his scales for her to devour.

She licked her lips and leanign forward hungrily consumed it before again leanign over him, her mouth next to his ear.

“You have served me well my love” she said, her voice low and little more than a whisper.   Her jaw widened and her eyes rolled back into her head as he smiled knowing that he had proven worthy.

As she removed his head he rejoiced as he knew his race was run and tonight he would join the forefathers.

 

 

Fatties in Space – Part 5

I missed them so they’re back for another brief outing. as a prelude to something else.

Part 1 is here, Part 2 can be found here and part 3 is right here. Oh and here is part 4…

It’s best to read those first if you like poems and such about fat people shagging in space. Yes I know that’s not a real thing but its just a bit of fun. Use your imagination. 🙂

Time advances, desire, smoulders where once was fire

and our couple are settled, content

And theyre into a groove, life, careers on the move

at they end of their day both feel spent

And they slip into bed, where once passions burned red

a nice book, cup of tea, striped pj’s

And he turns, to suggest, and caresses her breast

but alas now asleep, snores away

And he gives her a nudge says “I ain’t packed your fudge,

sixty nined or devoured you for weeks.

Ive not sampled your breasts dumped my load on your chest

left hand marks on your plump bottom cheeks”

She insists thats it’s fine, they’ve just not had the time

but tomorrow for sure, it’s a date

so he lies in the dark seems they’ve just lost their spark

rubs one out as he just cannot wait

Then he ponders their lot, wonders how they’ve forgot

the wild nights here on earth and in space

and he vows to do better, make his heart’s true love wetter

falls asleep as he caresses her face