Hey. Psst. You, yes you. Got a nasty limerick for you.

It’s just one. It will be fine. No one will know trust me…

A flatulent baker called Martin

Won all contests he’d entered his tarts in

His baked wares were the best

And he proudly confessed

“‘Cos as well as sweet treats, they have fart in!”

An animal lovers Tuesday limerick.

Not one of my better ones but it’ll do. Not like there are loads of bestiality limericks out there to compare it to…

A compassionate vet from Uganda

Stroked a cat whilst sat on his veranda

Took his love just too far

Touched a dog in his car

Now gives hand jobs to monkeys and panda

Limerick. Enjoy.

One about how to work out your manhood volume.

A perverse math’matician of note

to work out his cock volume, he wrote

“Times the length by the girth”

He reported with mirth

And then published with pics and did gloat.


Okay so I know that isn’t the calculation for working out the volume of one’s manhood. But no way am I googling that on the laptop the kids use from time to time. What sort of monster do you think I am.

Anyway, everyone knows you multiply the smallest radius of oval (minor axis) by its largest radius (major axis). Just not easy to get that into a limerick.

Though I did once read that it should be calculated using socks as a measure of volume. Ankle, sports, knee high. You get the general idea. Actually I once knew a chap who was an eye watering European size 12 Knee high. But that’s another limerick completely.

Happy Thursday !

A Limerick. Because it’s…actually I have no idea what day it is…

Ooh Brian you dirty, dirty little imp…

A virginal fellow called Brian

To get laid, he was tryin’ and tryin’

Efforts all came to nought

Then “eureka!”, a thought

Now each week, big boobed hooker’s he’s buyin’

A Get Well Soon Limerick…

Maybe someone out there needs to hear this. Maybe it’s you. Maybe youre a dirty little monkey indeed!

Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend

Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end

Feels like it may fall off

If you move fast or cough

And you near shit your pants when you bend

 

 

Dirty, dirty, oh so dirty Monday limerick

I like to think that one day it will come out that this is what’s on those secret Trump Tapes…

Trumpesque water sports fan, name of Trystin

Pretty mouth that he loved to have pissed in

Craved his balls to be squeezed

Nipples bit, clamped and teased

And on Tuesday’s a large handed fisting

Thursday’s filthy limerick

One about a ladies cavernous front bum

A voluptuous temptress from Cuba

A vagina shaped quite like a tuba

And she would not delay

To allow you to play

Her, so wide was she, no need to lube her

Just work on the speed of that last line…it works I assure you .

A Limerick. On a Sunday. It is Sunday right?

February had 29 days, March 200 and April has 625. I have no idea what day or month it is to be honest…

This poor lad I know, self isolated

Spent his days watching porn, masturbated

Till his bits were quite raw

And his arms were real sore

And his balls were all red and inflated

Fatties in Isolation

Bet you’d forgotten about these two…I had…

The last year I have not been particularly active on my blog, but there was a time when I was prolific. Having more time on my hands has me returning a little more often and dusting off the ideas I had parked. Today I think I will revisit one of my favourite series of pieces and bring it up to date. You can see all the previous pieces at the links below. I think. It’s mostly just dirty poetry about a curvaceous couple having sex in space as I recall. I think I even did an audio poem version.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/31/fatties-in-space-not-one-for-the-kiddies/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/09/23/fatties-in-space-the-poem-not-for-kiddies/

https://afterwards.blog/2018/07/15/fatties-in-space-the-poem-audio/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/10/14/fatties-in-space-part-3-definitely-still-not-for-kiddies/

https://afterwards.blog/2018/07/28/fatties-in-space-part-4-the-poem-audio/

https://afterwards.blog/2019/01/14/fatties-in-space-part-5/

Bloody hell I did a lot of that didn’t I…

Anyway let us return to the present…

____________________________________

So some time has elasped and our couple content

watch tv, go for walks, quiet evenings are spent

with warm slippers, and tea and a nice box of chocs

Now she eats praline creams where she once ate his cock

And sweet caramel swirls feed his most basic cravings

Seems an eon since balls deep they were misbehaving

But we’ve all been there, right?

Grown complacent and settled

Since the humming bird sampled from soft pink sweet petals

Work gets in the way, rowdy kids take their toll

Rather just read a book where you once rode the pole

If efforts arent made then lusts embers can fade

Now you’re getting quite fat instead of getting laid

But seems things are afoot, it’s a changed situation

For our couple are now in enforced isolation

Social distancing worries have them safe at home

And for weeks now they’ve been pretty much all alone

And without the distraction and stresses and strains

And with time on their hands seems they start to refrain

From excuses and reasons not to both enjoy

The pleasures of flesh and fun toys to employ

Like the bike not forgotten theyre back on the horse

Shes not wuite as flexible, he’s breathless of course

But the thril of the bliss and the gratification

Oh the sweet benefits of this home isolation…