haiku

Yup, Screw you haiku

Oh sweet 5/7/5 how I defile thee so willingly

Only faith and hopes

Does span the bridge of excess

When yule tide passes

Screw you haiku returns

With a flacid whimper

Christmas excess calls

There in the shade does not grow

what was once in light

Your Tuesday limerick

It’s that time again

Once a virginal lassie from Bury

To her boyfriend she offered her cherry

“Damn wrong hole” she did cry

“You’re two inches too high!”

“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”

I had to do a wee but of research on this to get the imperial measurements as I am very much metric born and raised. Oh and yes I know, position matters here in the general up and down of things. Look you’ll work it out I am sure…Now my browser needs clearing. See the lengths I go to for your limericky pleasure!

Screw you haiku

The stores are already filling up!

Not yet Halloween

Yet thoughts turning to Christmas

Calm yourself perhaps

Screw you haiku

Another one of these. Art all by my fair hands!

Crisp autumnal days

Filled with rage out on the streets

Dog shit ‘neath the leaves

Screw you haiku

Shall we? Been sooo long since we did.

Autumn Leaves appear

At last Moobs will stop sweating

Fattie hates summer

Another limerick

It’s that time again

A young cow hand alone on the range

Felt a stirring, peculiar and strange

Watched steers evening till dawn

Loved their rumps, and the horn

Well lets just say that it made him deranged

Well, well, another limerick….

You’d think I would have given up by now wouldn’t you…

Once this bloke I know works in a kitchen

Sausage got his aroused, he was itching

For a night of rough sex

But by morn was most vexed

As his anus was torn and needs stitching.

Screw you haiku

Shall we?

Though chasms divide

Hearts long, sweet caress do crave

Such needs unfulfilled

Hey look another limerick

More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.

Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary

had a front bum that smelled like a fishery

She would hand down decrees,

Judgements, consider pleas

But if upwind then that was true misery.

Yup, screw you haiku

Friday baby yeah!

Scant inhibitions

Do not neglect your hygiene

And scotch guard your couch

Screw you haiku!

Damn you to hell

History dictates

No one can ever enjoy

A small black moustache

Wednesday Screw you haiku.

Hygiene. It matters.

Angles and filters

Perfect image does portray

Time the truth reveals

Haiku Tuesday Baby!

Better than being punched in the man boobs I suppose…

She with wonky boobs

and he with his wonky eyes,

true beauty beholds.

Hey! Screw you haiku!

A Monday quickie for you

Broadband connected

God’s child once had no wifi

innocence stolen

Hey! Screw you haiku!

Hey look leah I found my pen!

asbestos taste buds

faal, hot as satan’s anus

cooling yoghurt dip

Just another normal Haiku

Still not sure about these. Harder than they seem I tell ya!

Bright days end furnace

Crimson red and burnished gold

Quenched ‘neath horizon

Just a normal Haiku

Still not sure about these. Harder than they seem I tell ya!

silvery mistress

cold caress then turns away

always to return

god I need to work on these…

Just a normal haiku. Makes me feel a little dirty to be honest with you.

Rains turn autmn rust

and withering falll from bough

under foot to die

Oh I really don’t know about that. I even had to google ‘bough’. I mean I had to sit and consider the beauty of nature, how it made me feel, what emotions it evokes. That’s a lot of effort.

Far easier just rhyming Cock, sock and rock for a dirty limerick I reckon.