Fetish Haiku – A is for Acrotomophilia

Been forever since I did some of these. Found a new list to work to so let’s see where this leads…

In Fingerless gloves

Through absence of feet aroused

Smooth, sensual stumps


Acrotomophilia – Arousal to amputees

To be honest I have heard of this one. Apparently some people (and by that I mean men. Pretty much it’s always men right….) Anyway, there’s some good money to be made from rubs from stubs. That what my research leads me to believe.

I need to burn my computer now because I should have known better than to google ‘weird kinks’) whilst not in incognito mode… Okay so I clicked a few links. I’m just naturally curious!

Screw you haiku

Canine shenannigans

Garden flourishing

Vile canine defecator

Rockery shitter

…..

So you know I got me a hound right? Well if not I did. Gorgeous little lab. Anyway, turns out despite having plenty of places to relieve himself he has become obsessed with befouling my beautiful lockdown rockery I worked so hard at.

This lovely little bouncing befouler seems hell bent on declining the offer of a whole selection of suitable defecation options in favour of besmirching my succulents.

Were working through it and I am not quite sure who will win to be honest. He already massacred one of my delicate alpines in a most upsetting manner after he had a few too many treats which agitated his tummy so 1-0 to him I guess.

On the upside though I did discover a hidden benefit of dog ownership when I got to the shop without a mask. Three poo bags tied around my head did the job nicely. Down side though was that I nearly bloody suffocated for the sake of toilet roll and a sliced loaf.

Happy days

Oh look a haiku. No, actually dont.

I promise I wont do more of these…

Gym kit malfunction

who’d ever have imagined

hidden in small shorts

 


I know I am a grown man and that I should know better.  I know I can produce things of a more edifying nature.  I know should be a better example to my children and generally a better human being but alas I am not.

Look what dad made boys!  Don’t tell mum!

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