It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
.
.
.
I had to do a wee but of research on this to get the imperial measurements as I am very much metric born and raised. Oh and yes I know, position matters here in the general up and down of things. Look you’ll work it out I am sure…Now my browser needs clearing. See the lengths I go to for your limericky pleasure!
The stores are already filling up!
Not yet Halloween
Yet thoughts turning to Christmas
Calm yourself perhaps
Another one of these. Art all by my fair hands!
Crisp autumnal days
Filled with rage out on the streets
Dog shit ‘neath the leaves
Shall we? Been sooo long since we did.
Autumn Leaves appear
At last Moobs will stop sweating
Fattie hates summer
It’s that time again
A young cow hand alone on the range
Felt a stirring, peculiar and strange
Watched steers evening till dawn
Loved their rumps, and the horn
Well lets just say that it made him deranged
You’d think I would have given up by now wouldn’t you…
Once this bloke I know works in a kitchen
Sausage got his aroused, he was itching
For a night of rough sex
But by morn was most vexed
As his anus was torn and needs stitching.
Shall we?
Though chasms divide
Hearts long, sweet caress do crave
Such needs unfulfilled
More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.
Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary
had a front bum that smelled like a fishery
She would hand down decrees,
Judgements, consider pleas
But if upwind then that was true misery.
Friday baby yeah!
Scant inhibitions
Do not neglect your hygiene
And scotch guard your couch
Damn you to hell
History dictates
No one can ever enjoy
A small black moustache
Hygiene. It matters.
Angles and filters
Perfect image does portray
Time the truth reveals
Better than being punched in the man boobs I suppose…
She with wonky boobs
and he with his wonky eyes,
true beauty beholds.
A Monday quickie for you
Broadband connected
God’s child once had no wifi
innocence stolen
Hey look leah I found my pen!
asbestos taste buds
faal, hot as satan’s anus
cooling yoghurt dip
Still not sure about these. Harder than they seem I tell ya!
Bright days end furnace
Crimson red and burnished gold
Quenched ‘neath horizon
Still not sure about these. Harder than they seem I tell ya!
silvery mistress
cold caress then turns away
always to return
god I need to work on these…
Just a normal haiku. Makes me feel a little dirty to be honest with you.
Rains turn autmn rust
and withering falll from bough
under foot to die
Oh I really don’t know about that. I even had to google ‘bough’. I mean I had to sit and consider the beauty of nature, how it made me feel, what emotions it evokes. That’s a lot of effort.
Far easier just rhyming Cock, sock and rock for a dirty limerick I reckon.
And screw you Monday too!
Sweet hyperbole
In pursuit of fair romance
oft on deaf ears falls
Hygiene. It matters.
Close and intimate
personal care neglected
Sweet ardour dampened
It’s Saturday here already.
Time brings forgiveness
and oft makes right hearts once wronged
forgiveness once more
Happy Monday everyone!
Two lives become one
familiar, boundries blur
Hearts drifting apart
So lovely…
How do I love thee
Perfect in every way
Sweet where others foul
The heart wants what the heart wants
Darkest desires
drive dubious decisions
lifetime of regret
Ignored sage advice
Never gamble on a fart
Flatulent folly
It’s Monday here already…
Emotions intense
Ebb and flow like oceans deep
Unpredictable
Afterwards 