Its like going to church, just with a dildo. Well, depends on your church really…
Adult toy shop worker, Brenda
Had no chap, but a quite good pretender
Loved to take her work home
lube and clamps, when alone
And a dildo, a black double ender
Been forever since I did some of these. Found a new list to work to so let’s see where this leads…
Tied self to bed frame
Cuts off the circulation
passed out, lost a hand
Bondage – to bind. It’s right there in the word,
Been forever since I did some of these. Found a new list to work to so let’s see where this leads…
In Fingerless gloves
Through absence of feet aroused
Smooth, sensual stumps
Acrotomophilia – Arousal to amputees
To be honest I have heard of this one. Apparently some people (and by that I mean men. Pretty much it’s always men right….) Anyway, there’s some good money to be made from rubs from stubs. That what my research leads me to believe.
I need to burn my computer now because I should have known better than to google ‘weird kinks’) whilst not in incognito mode… Okay so I clicked a few links. I’m just naturally curious!
One about how to work out your manhood volume.
A perverse math’matician of note
to work out his cock volume, he wrote
“Times the length by the girth”
He reported with mirth
And then published with pics and did gloat.
Okay so I know that isn’t the calculation for working out the volume of one’s manhood. But no way am I googling that on the laptop the kids use from time to time. What sort of monster do you think I am.
Anyway, everyone knows you multiply the smallest radius of oval (minor axis) by its largest radius (major axis). Just not easy to get that into a limerick.
Though I did once read that it should be calculated using socks as a measure of volume. Ankle, sports, knee high. You get the general idea. Actually I once knew a chap who was an eye watering European size 12 Knee high. But that’s another limerick completely.
Happy Thursday !
No need to thank me.
High class hooker, quite skilled called Bianca
Lawyers, doctors, occasional banker
She would tempt and then tease them
with her bounties she’d please ’em
Gave her Pearl necklaces just to thank her
Ooh Brian you dirty, dirty little imp…
A virginal fellow called Brian
To get laid, he was tryin’ and tryin’
Efforts all came to nought
Then “eureka!”, a thought
Now each week, big boobed hooker’s he’s buyin’
Just a little something for you.
An amorous lad, Jeff from Devon
Met a girl and he promised her heaven
Fraught with amorous sighs
Reached aroused twixt her things
Turns out not quite a Kate, but a Kevin
February had 29 days, March 200 and April has 625. I have no idea what day or month it is to be honest…
This poor lad I know, self isolated
Spent his days watching porn, masturbated
Till his bits were quite raw
And his arms were real sore
And his balls were all red and inflated
…About Gender reassignment
A broad shouldered young fellow called Fred
“Bod’s a male, I’m female in my head”
He quite firmly asserted
Has his penis inverted
Keeps his balls in a jar near his bed
A broad shouldered lady called Brenda
Big old hands, hairy arms, legs quite slender
Wispy beard and top lip
Quite full breast, curvy hip
Size 12 feet, hard to classify gender
A fond farewell to these at last…
You’re the sun on my face
You’re the wind in my sails
My everything and my all
.
Im the breath on your windows
The rustling in your bush
Want to cut you open, climb inside
.
Breathing deep I inhale you, musty and wet
Hunched over your laundry basket
I squirm as my heart leaps inside
.
Carve you’re name into my desperate flesh
Your name drips from my lonely lips
I want to wear you , my corpse bride
It’s a little jarring in it’s construct but love makes you feel that way. Right?
My love knows no ends, let us be more than friends
Oh let me feel your rampant thunder
Thighs spread wide
Im ripped asunder
Use me, abuse me make me your floozy
Touch me , take me , make me yours,
apple in my mouth
Crawling on all fours
You’re my snow white, I adore, and I’m all of your dwarves
Damp, humid, clammy, dampish, Drippy
Dewy, dank, not-dry and oozy
muggy, moist and slippy
My heart will rhyme until end of time
I am your refuge, come, paint my walls.
My pink canvas, your magnolia strokes
I’m your sport, use my balls.
This one’s particularly bad. So bad it’s good right ?!?!
Oh let me feel the thrust and parry
your long sword deep and penetrating
piercing the armour of my heart
driving deep within my wanton soul
.
You are the marauder at my gates
the barbarian at my city walls
beard wet, wild eyed
loins girded in the skins of the moist beasts you have tamed
.
Lay siege to my heart as your ram batters my back doors
let me feel your furious love spill over my ramparts
My moat filled with your explosions
My portcullis trembling as you pound against my defences
.
Oh lay waste to my ladies vegetable garden
And run wild through my thick undergrowth
Take me, Impale me, I surrender
All I have is yours
Warm and squishy. One for the romantics out there…
Oh won’t you let me climb inside you
Let me wear you like a skin
And to feel your heart a beating
And to touch you from within.
.
What you see I want to witness
When you hear ill hear it too
When you nap ill snooze inside you
Let me be there when you poo.
.
From your innards i can feel you
As I’m nestled in between
I can feel your pain quite clearly
‘Twixt your liver and your spleen
.
Oh let me crawl right up inside you
Wont you let me show u love
There inside your flesh and sinew
Let me wear you like a glove
.
My desire knows no limits
And my love is absolute
Here its warm and wet and safe
Inside my juicy love skin suit
.
You know this will be inappropriate, I cannot help myself and I simply can’t deny the base creature that I am…
I can’t ignore a good haiku challenge. It will be uncomfortable going I am sure, but when it comes to inappropriate touching I will inevitably say things that some will not like.
Disciples of Christ
Touching children. It’s not wrong
if no one finds out
breathless lusting touch
is it wrong if it feels right?
cousin got pregnant
He wants to touch you
wrong? No, no – you asked for it.
Rapey old POTUS
Nope…all just a bit too easy.
RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #172 Wrong&Touch
Afterwards 