A young cow hand alone on the range
Felt a stirring, peculiar and strange
Watched steers evening till dawn
Loved their rumps, and the horn
Well lets just say that it made him deranged
Another limerick
It’s that time again
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Tag: Funny
Wednesday filthy limerick
The yin to my poetic yang…
Friend of mine met a lass from Bermuda
He pursued, flowers, food, woo’d and screwed her
But within ’bout a week
Realised, quite the freak,
As she cried, strap-on lubed, “Let’s get ruder!”
It’s just turned Friday here so I think that warrants a limerick.
Another day another one of these…
Well off fat lad from New York called Vinny
hookers nightly would rent and wherein he
placed himself , getting laid
but alas he got aids
on the plus side at least now he’s skinny
A limerick of course…
A bit gross tbh…
Once a vet with unhygienic habits
Would enjoy gerbils, squirrels and rabbits
She got pink eye, and worse
Traumatised a poor nurse
As her bottom it writhed with plump maggots.
……
Sorry…the last line occurred to me and made me gag/chuckle so U went with it…
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Thursday baby yeah!
Lonely farmer confessed one day when boozing
To arousal when livestock perusing
He would moan in his sleep
Dreams of round bottomed sheep
Mornigns wake up quite sticky and oozing
Well, well, another limerick….
You’d think I would have given up by now wouldn’t you…
Once this bloke I know works in a kitchen
Sausage got his aroused, he was itching
For a night of rough sex
But by morn was most vexed
As his anus was torn and needs stitching.
Here you go, another limerick.
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Limerick ?
A limerick for you
Friend of mine tells of this chap she dated
Whos bum play need could not be sated
She would spend hours, days, weeks
Hard at work ‘twixt his cheeks
Soiled the bed when he ejaculated
Hey look another limerick
More than 600 limericks and first time I have used ‘front bum’.
Yeah I know, surprised me too.
Woman, goodstanding of the judiciary
had a front bum that smelled like a fishery
She would hand down decrees,
Judgements, consider pleas
But if upwind then that was true misery.
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Not sure if this is a thing but I am sure it is somewhere. It works if you get the rhythm. Not that you want to . You’ve been warned.
A perverted yet grateful lass Julie
In bed, poo obsessed and unruly
Do a crap on your chest
In it sign “All the best,
Twas surely a real treat, yours truly.”
Oh wow look, yet another limerick.
Something for the weekend.
Horny friend of mine met this girl called Grace
Adams apple and quite stubbly face
Such a shock he received
At night’s end quite deceived
Her explosion all over his face
Monday Limerick…
It’s somethign I guess.
Jerome, a young fellow from Bruges
had a passion for bobsleigh and luge.
In tight lycra he dressed,
ladies swooned most impressed
as his bulge was eye wateringly huge.
Saturday fruit-based-sex limerick
Permit me this one I have been frightfully grown up this week.
Once a grocer consumed with dark greed
rubbed bananas when he had the need
squeezed his nuts, groped his plums
slid courgette’s twixt his buns
Watermelon? He swallowed the seed
😉
Monday. Limerick. Go.
Nasty. Real nasty…
A young grocer, reserved and upright
returned late from a hard day one night
Lonely wife had got kinky
left a cucumber stinky
and two aubergines covered in shite
A Sunday Limerick.
It’s been a week. Let’s have one shall we…It works if you make Peking rhyme with squeaking trust me…
Once a buggery fan born in Peking
one day woke found his sphincter was leaking
used a cork from some rum
rammed it straight up his bum
worked a treat, when it walked made a squeaking.
Another Dirty Friday Limerick.
One about a dildo bike
Once a cock mad na-tu-rist called Mike
bought himself a quite fab dildo bike
Grinning, rides through the grass
as it pummels his ass
Likes it dry, but use lube if you like
Friday limerick. Explicit and not for children
Contains wholly inappropriate language. I mean really bad. The ‘C’ word. You were warned.
A tourette’s suffering fine voiced young fellow
joined a group and sang sweet acapello
Until he stood at the front
shouted “Tit, shit, fuck, cunt”
in a rather deep baritone bellow
I went on a bit of a road trip today to look at a van (which I bought and shall cover in a future post). I was driving along a snowy back water in Cheshire pondering how I might do a gif drawing of a dildo bike with accompanying limerick (watch out for that on Saturday) when ‘accapello’ and ‘fellow ‘ just dropped into my head. That is often the way with limericks atually. I get the three rhying words and that usually ests up the whole thing.
Anyway this one occured to me. I rather enjoyed it and even had a chuckle, but alas I then forgot it. Now this actually happens a lot but I don’t usually mind because there are always more to be had but this one I liked.
After about 45 minutes of racking my brain it eventually came back to me and I am glad it did. Offensive on a number of fronts I am sure but I remain rather proud of it. Oh and there’s one to follow about a Dildo bike. Cannot wait to do the GIF for it!
A limerick because it’s thursday
Old school with nothing weird…kinda…sorta…
Once a man with legs crooked and bowed
staggered drunk late one night down the road
when he started to vomit
got flung over a bonnet
and a semi squished him like a toad
Well I dont know where that came from but it’s somethign I guess. It’s only a dodgy limerick after all, not like Im out luring kids into vans with puppies and sweets.
Oh those yummy dirty bits
A poem. About bits. Of stuff.
There are those who will dine
on fine foods and great wine
and who want just the finest of treats
But not me, no, no way
I’m quite proud when I say
Im a fan of the less refined meats
Give me Pies filled with heart
though it does make me fart
give me puddings of tripe, brains and balls
though it makes me quite gassy
I can still keep it classy
and with gravy for sure eat it all
Give me chicken arse flan
I’m not bothered with ham
give me dishes pile high with pig scrotum
I’ve this recipe for stew
with the balls of gnu
and some others, so good, ‘cos I wrote ’em
Oh I cannot resist
the dark meats on my list
how i crave juicy brains, spine and liver
feed me pies filled with wings
of all high flying things
lick my lips in delight how I shiver
Dont cast doubt or dispute
nature’s leftover fruit
say ‘perhaps’ if your offered intestines
you might just take delight
at each savoury bite
as you wash it down with rich red house wines
A quick limerick.
To celebrate the day having a ‘Y’ in it.
There’s this butcher, finds piglets appealing
turns him on, curly tails and hot squealing
how it makes him flip out
when he touches their snout
rubs their bellies, gets hot at the feeling
A limerick about stuff
As all good limericks should be. And some rubbish ones.
Epileptic priest had a dark twisted feeiling
found the choir boys quite cute and appealing
Touched himself, had a seizure
and like a yellowstone geyser
Ejaculated and splattered the ceiling
How you doing…
A limerick of sorts
Married lass with a terrible habit
A few drinks and well, she would grab it
She just could not resist
Wild affairs when she’s pissed
Now divorced sits at home with her rabbit
Watch that sugar
A limerick
Thetes this chap I know with diabetes
Still insists on his cakes and his sweeties
With delight he’ll devour
Chocolate bars every hour
Gangetene struck, no toes on his feeties
Yummy grease and lard
A limerick for you
One a chubby young fellow from niece
Had a craving for lard, fat and grease
A desire for cake
For fried foods he did ache
Now his stomach hangs down to his knees
Limerick.
Well, its something I suppose
Once a big strapping fellow called andy
Saw his wife’s thong n thought “that looks dandy”
He perfected the look
With a shave and a tuck
Now on weekends prefers to be Mandy
