A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
Permit me this one I have been frightfully grown up this week.
Once a grocer consumed with dark greed
rubbed bananas when he had the need
squeezed his nuts, groped his plums
slid courgette’s twixt his buns
Watermelon? He swallowed the seed
😉
Nasty. Real nasty…
A young grocer, reserved and upright
returned late from a hard day one night
Lonely wife had got kinky
left a cucumber stinky
and two aubergines covered in shite
It’s been a week. Let’s have one shall we…It works if you make Peking rhyme with squeaking trust me…
Once a buggery fan born in Peking
one day woke found his sphincter was leaking
used a cork from some rum
rammed it straight up his bum
worked a treat, when it walked made a squeaking.
One about a dildo bike
Once a cock mad na-tu-rist called Mike
bought himself a quite fab dildo bike
Grinning, rides through the grass
as it pummels his ass
Likes it dry, but use lube if you like
Contains wholly inappropriate language. I mean really bad. The ‘C’ word. You were warned.
A tourette’s suffering fine voiced young fellow
joined a group and sang sweet acapello
Until he stood at the front
shouted “Tit, shit, fuck, cunt”
in a rather deep baritone bellow
I went on a bit of a road trip today to look at a van (which I bought and shall cover in a future post). I was driving along a snowy back water in Cheshire pondering how I might do a gif drawing of a dildo bike with accompanying limerick (watch out for that on Saturday) when ‘accapello’ and ‘fellow ‘ just dropped into my head. That is often the way with limericks atually. I get the three rhying words and that usually ests up the whole thing.
Anyway this one occured to me. I rather enjoyed it and even had a chuckle, but alas I then forgot it. Now this actually happens a lot but I don’t usually mind because there are always more to be had but this one I liked.
After about 45 minutes of racking my brain it eventually came back to me and I am glad it did. Offensive on a number of fronts I am sure but I remain rather proud of it. Oh and there’s one to follow about a Dildo bike. Cannot wait to do the GIF for it!
I am easily influenced, so here are some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read and to be honest – are rather crude.
Okay…a few of the ones that make me chuckle that I often avoid writing because they go too far in some regards but I am in the mood for going too far today.
There was a young fellow from China
Met this lass with a massive vagina
he would rattle inside
she would say “It’s so wide,
but was tighter when I was a minor”
For every vagina based limerick I feel it should be balanced out with a penis based one. Just for good measure.
A well endowed fellow called Scott
has a dick he could tie in a knot
animals he could make,
dogs, swords flowers or snake
some girls found it incredibly hot
And just because I can one about anal sex.
lad I know, poor thing – anus quite wrecked
he hit forty so prostate got checked
turned out loved it so much
craved it poked, drilled and touched
far more pleasure that one might expect
You should be shocked at all of these and roll your eyes and tut. If you dont then you are part of the problem 😉
I am easily influenced, so here are even some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read.
I blame these on you lot for encouraging me…
A fine actor from Hollywood hailed
and young men he apparently nailed
one with mouth he did please
as he dropped to his knees
many more he’d seduce but he failed
Dairy sales man who worked in Calcutta
Had a mind that was oft in the gutter
Home he’d go self to please
Rub his bollocks with cheese
And his nipples he’d smother in butter.
There once was an old man from Chile
Now you’re thinking I’ll write of his willy
That would be rather sick
To write odes of old dick
I’m more grown up than that, don’t be silly…
An innocent chap from Taiwan
who kept puppies and sweets in a van
Gave away outside schools
Church bazaar’s, public pools
worse charity ever, stupid man!
Bloke next door has this girlfriend, most flirty
Who based on the noise, gets quite dirty
“God that stings” through the walls
Heard him shout, slips and falls
Bangs his head, seems she’s also quite squirty
Sorry. Kinda.
I am easily influenced, so here are some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read and to be honest – are rather crude.
Okay…I think they’re R Rated, I’m not really sure. I mentioned the limericks I often don’t do here, and a number of you egged me on to do them. So for the first time I’ll publish a few.
There lived a young chap in Caracas
Who had swollen, enlarged quite red knackers
thought he’d best see the doc
who grabbed hold of his cock
and gave them a shake like maracas
A saucy fun temptress from China
spent her cash on a custom vagina
was so very good looking
but just no use for fucking
though she might just let you 69 her
A mechanic from North Carolina
had the hots for a big burly miner
left his family in shock
when he ‘fessed “it’s the cock
I just like it way more than vagina”
A vicar quite down on his luck
found a great way to make a quick buck
to the members he went
said “I need to pay rent,
for ten dollars I’ll give you a suck.”
A builder from Cork name of Shamus
had a monstrous and cavernous anus
in his bottom he placed
knives, forks, bowls cups and plates
now he’s massive on YouTube, quite famous
Sorry. Kinda.
Afterwards 