naughty – Afterwards

Dark Christmas – Bells

Ding ding-aling ding ding ding

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

All through the night the warning bells

Ring out, he’s on his way

To find the children out of bed

And load them on his sleigh

To take them back to workshops dark

And toys and gifts to make

Beware if you don’t listen out

Your children will he take

And in their place the gifts he leaves

for your loss scant consolation

and so bad children disappear

Christmas night across the nation

He twists their minds their souls corrupt

As they slave at his command

So heed the warning bells this night

As he travels across the land

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Angel

Surprise! You’re having God’s baby!

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

As Mary sat one night appeared

to her an angel bright

to much surprise and some dismay

gave her an awful fright

“now steady on” she did proclaim

“you gave me quite a shock

Just barging in without due note

Or even single knock”

Now Gabriel was not one for

her small talk he confessed

and did insist “you have found favour,

a woman truly blessed”

She scratched her head and looked quite vexed

“I don’t now what you mean,

I’ve got a date I’m just off out

With this yummy Nazareen”

“You’re chosen child” Gabe did insist

“’amongst women quite unique

God wants you to have his baby”

She went pale and could not speak

“Woah no no no!

You’re joking right, this must be a mistake

Joe won’t ever believe me

This is far too much to take”

“Oh worry not” Gabe said “be calm

I’ll go and have a word”

“you know that I’m a virgin right”

She said “this is absurd”

“I’m not the type of girl who just

Puts out cos God decides”

Gabe smiled “too late, ‘tis already done

Your baby grows inside”

“Oh thanks indeed” she says resigned

To her heavenly chosen fate

“So just like that I’m up the duff

Without even one date?”

“You are my child” Gabe says and smiles

Then says “I must get going”

“I’ll pop in – see Joe – before I leave

Explain just what you’re growing”

“Oh right” says M “That’s it then right?”

And like that the Angel went

“I guess I should be grateful

‘cos my babies heaven sent”

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Rudolph

Reindeer are, it seems, just for Christmas

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

Through cold and dark

Through snow and ice

Each year in search of children nice

And wind does bite

With gifts in tow

They race ‘gainst time through falling snow

And at the head

Of sleigh and team

One reindeer whose nose does beam

Year after year

Enslaved and bound

He holds his master from the ground

Never to roam

Nor to run free

Whips lash to bring the gifts to thee

And at days end

When task is done

Back to his jail beyond the sun

And there he waits

Since years of yore

Routine the same forever more

One night a year

Sweet freedom tastes

Heart cold and black, each Christmas hates

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Light

A quick thing about a thing

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

Stars snuffed out as space he crossed

consuming all before

until a planet full of life

green hill ran to blue shore

A Timeless creature dark of heart

in search he roams the night

presented with this gift of life

and joy and streaming light

Each heart a feast each soul divine

each mind a thing to savour

he gorges, belly fat and round

lips smack tongue tastes sweet flavour

And over time into their world

they welcome him arms wide

and worship at his festival

tell tales by fire side

His garments red his beard like snow

red eyes, teeth sharp, blood claws

he stalks in search of prey at nights

until the winter thaws

And then he slumbers until once

again the frost awakes

and hunger drives him ever on

and heart and soul he takes

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Stable

And on that day a child shall be born, and his name shall be…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

Horse rubbed himself against the stable wall, “Oh that feels so good” he said scratching an itch that had been troubling him for some time. “That was some crazy goings on last night” he said to anyone that was willing to listen.

Cow looked up from her breakfast “Not a fan of babies myself” she answered “especially not squidgy pink human ones.”

Chicken clucked in agreement as Pig snorted.

“I’m just glad they’ve gone. As if the way they treat us isn’t bad enough now they’re stealing our sleeping space” Pig said sharply.

“Apparently he was the son of God you know” Horse continued.

“Who?” said Cow chewing slowly.

“That baby, the Jesus one.”

Chicken clucked and flapped her wings and was about to speak when Pig interrupted.

“What are you on about?”

“Seriously” Horse said nodding, “I heard them say so.”

“Fuck off” said pig “why would God have his kid born in a stable” she asked grumpily.

“Pig, language” Cow snapped.

Pig wandered over to the trough and began to eat. “Seems a bit ridiculous to me that’s all” she said, food spilling from her mouth.

Chicken flapped her wings and opened her beak to speak but was again interrupted.

“It’s true” Horse said, “Apparently God sent those fellows with the camels and those shepherds “

“Why on earth would he do that?” Pig asked.

Cow looked at Horse. Horse said nothing.

Chicken saw her opportunity and hopped up onto Cows back. “I was speaking to Dog from two streets down” she clucked, “and you know what he told me?” she asked.

“Go on” Pig said finishing the last of the food in the trough.

“Well” Chicken continued, “Dog told me that there was a baby born over at their Inn last night too and there were apparently heavenly apparitions, a voice from the sky and a beam of light that shone on the baby when it came out!”

She paused for dramatic effect as the animals looked at one another.

“What did they call it?” Cow asked curiously.

“Darren” Chicken answered.

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Sleigh

My twisted Christmas continues…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

Sleigh bells ring and blood runs cold

The Fear runs through your veins

Night time falls and tales of old

They tell of just one name

His clothes blood stained, a heart of black

A list of wicked names

His jingle bells, on darkness dwell

Brings death and dark and pain

And should he find you unprepared

Through window, chimney, door

He sneaks inside your soul to take

Your days to end. No more.

Into the night he whisks away

bad children, down to hell

Not fire, but ice and there to stay

And in his kingdom dwell

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Naughty

Good luck getting this image out of your head once you’ve read it.

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

The gifts delivered to the homes

The reindeers put away

And Santa stumbles off to bed

But Mrs wants to play

“Now you look here” his wife insists

“I know you’ve been at work

But a woman has her needs you know”

And slowly starts to twerk

He cocks his head and strokes his chin

her bottom starts to shake

“Oh love I’m feeling tired”

No excuses will she take

She bumps and grinds her lips red bright

She wiggles and gyrates

Stockings, basque and ‘Screw me shoes’

Much longer she cant wait

His suit undone his belly proud

She nibbles, sucks and bites

Hes suddenly less tired

And his trousers feel quite tight

“Oh go on then” he smiles and slaps

Her playful on the arse

“One more bulging sack to empty

Then its off to bed at last”

Photo courtesy of pixabay

A couple of rather rude limericks.

I am easily influenced, so here are some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read and to be honest – are rather crude.

Okay…a few of the ones that make me chuckle that I often avoid writing because they go too far in some regards but I am in the mood for going too far today.

There was a young fellow from China

Met this lass with a massive vagina

he would rattle inside

she would say “It’s so wide,

but was tighter when I was a minor”

For every vagina based limerick I feel it should be balanced out with a penis based one. Just for good measure.

A well endowed fellow called Scott

has a dick he could tie in a knot

animals he could make,

dogs, swords flowers or snake

some girls found it incredibly hot

And just because I can one about anal sex.

lad I know, poor thing – anus quite wrecked

he hit forty so prostate got checked

turned out loved it so much

craved it poked, drilled and touched

far more pleasure that one might expect

You should be shocked at all of these and roll your eyes and tut. If you dont then you are part of the problem 😉

More R Rated Limericks.

I am easily influenced, so here are even some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read.

I blame these on you lot for encouraging me…

A fine actor from Hollywood hailed

and young men he apparently nailed

one with mouth he did please

as he dropped to his knees

many more he’d seduce but he failed

Dairy sales man who worked in Calcutta

Had a mind that was oft in the gutter

Home he’d go self to please

Rub his bollocks with cheese

And his nipples he’d smother in butter.

There once was an old man from Chile

Now you’re thinking I’ll write of his willy

That would be rather sick

To write odes of old dick

I’m more grown up than that, don’t be silly…

An innocent chap from Taiwan

who kept puppies and sweets in a van

Gave away outside schools

Church bazaar’s, public pools

worse charity ever, stupid man!

Bloke next door has this girlfriend, most flirty

Who based on the noise, gets quite dirty

“God that stings” through the walls

Heard him shout, slips and falls

Bangs his head, seems she’s also quite squirty

Sorry. Kinda.

R Rated Limericks.

I am easily influenced, so here are some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read and to be honest – are rather crude.

Okay…I think they’re R Rated, I’m not really sure. I mentioned the limericks I often don’t do here, and a number of you egged me on to do them. So for the first time I’ll publish a few.

There lived a young chap in Caracas

Who had swollen, enlarged quite red knackers

thought he’d best see the doc

who grabbed hold of his cock

and gave them a shake like maracas

A saucy fun temptress from China

spent her cash on a custom vagina

was so very good looking

but just no use for fucking

though she might just let you 69 her

A mechanic from North Carolina

had the hots for a big burly miner

left his family in shock

when he ‘fessed “it’s the cock

I just like it way more than vagina”

A vicar quite down on his luck

found a great way to make a quick buck

to the members he went

said “I need to pay rent,

for ten dollars I’ll give you a suck.”

A builder from Cork name of Shamus

had a monstrous and cavernous anus

in his bottom he placed

knives, forks, bowls cups and plates

now he’s massive on YouTube, quite famous

Sorry. Kinda.