Up yours Christmas – 2 – I saw mummy

Dear Santa

I saw you kissing mummy underneath the mistletoe last night just like in the song which was very exciting. Or at least she said it was you.

I must say I didn’t know that there was a Jamaican Santa. You must get cold because you didn’t have a shirt or trousers on so will be having a word with my friend Kira who comes from Kingston and has never ever mentioned this.

I must say I do love your dreadlocks too.

I am surprised that mummy got any presents at all though because of how hard you were spanking her. She must have been very very naughty so its really kind of you to leave her something. Was it because she was begging for you to empty your sack so much? Probably right?

I don’t know why she was suggesting you dump everything down her chimney though because we live in Florida so dont have a fireplace. She has a terrible memory though and often forgets things like dinner and laundry . Was her forgetfulness why you kept asking her to say your name?

Anyway it was very kind of you to visit us especially because daddy is away with work so often.

Lots of love

James

P.s. She did actually share the presents with us even though you said she should take it all.

P.p.s She drank all the eggnog too I think because there was none left in the house but she did still have some on her chin. Greedy mummy.

.

Dark Christmas – Bells

Ding ding-aling ding ding ding

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


 

All through the night the warning bells

Ring out, he’s on his way

To find the children out of bed

And load them on his sleigh

 

To take them back to workshops dark

And toys and gifts to make

Beware if you don’t listen out

Your children will he take

And in their place the gifts he leaves

for your loss scant consolation

and so bad children disappear

Christmas night across the nation

 

He twists their minds their souls corrupt

As they slave at his command

So heed the warning bells this night

As he travels across the land

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Angel

Surprise! You’re having God’s baby!

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


 

As Mary sat one night appeared

to her an angel bright

to much surprise and some dismay

gave her an awful fright

 

“now steady on” she did proclaim

“you gave me quite a shock

Just barging in without due note

Or even single knock”

 

Now Gabriel was not one for

her small talk he confessed

and did insist “you have found favour,

a woman truly blessed”

 

She scratched her head and looked quite vexed

“I don’t now what you mean,

I’ve got a date I’m just off out

With this yummy Nazareen”

 

“You’re chosen child” Gabe did insist

“’amongst women quite unique

God wants you to have his baby”

She went pale and could not speak

 

“Woah no no no!

You’re joking right, this must be a mistake

Joe won’t ever believe me

This is far too much to take”

 

“Oh worry not” Gabe said “be calm

I’ll go and have a word”

“you know that I’m a virgin right”

She said “this is absurd”

 

“I’m not the type of girl who just

Puts out cos God decides”

Gabe smiled “too late, ‘tis already done

Your baby grows inside”

 

“Oh thanks indeed” she says resigned

To her heavenly chosen fate

“So just like that I’m up the duff

Without even one date?”

 

“You are my child” Gabe says and smiles

Then says “I must get going”

“I’ll pop in – see Joe – before I leave

Explain just what you’re growing”

 

“Oh right” says M “That’s it then right?”

And like that the Angel went

“I guess I should be grateful

‘cos my babies heaven sent”

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Rudolph

Reindeer are, it seems, just for Christmas

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


 

Through cold and dark

Through snow and ice

Each year in search of children nice

And wind does bite

With gifts in tow

They race ‘gainst time through falling snow

 

And at the head

Of sleigh and team

One reindeer whose nose does beam

Year after year

Enslaved and bound

He holds his master from the ground

 

Never to roam

Nor to run free

Whips lash to bring the gifts to thee

And at days end

When task is done

Back to his jail beyond the sun

 

And there he waits

Since years of yore

Routine the same forever more

One night a year

Sweet freedom tastes

Heart cold and black, each Christmas hates

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Light

A quick thing about a thing

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


 

Stars snuffed out as space he crossed

consuming all before

until a planet full of life

green hill ran to blue shore

 

A Timeless creature dark of heart

in search he roams the night

presented with this gift of life

and joy and streaming light

 

Each heart a feast each soul divine

each mind a thing to savour

he gorges, belly fat and round

lips smack tongue tastes sweet flavour

 

And over time into their world

they welcome him arms wide

and worship at his festival

tell tales by fire side

 

His garments red his beard like snow

red eyes, teeth sharp, blood claws

he stalks in search of prey at nights

until the winter thaws

 

And then he slumbers until once

again the frost awakes

and hunger drives him ever on

and heart and soul he takes

 

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Stable

And on that day a child shall be born, and his name shall be…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


Horse rubbed himself against the stable wall,  “Oh that feels so good” he said scratching an itch that had been troubling him for some time.  “That was some crazy goings on last night” he said to anyone that was willing to listen.

Cow looked up from her breakfast “Not a fan of babies myself” she answered “especially not squidgy pink human ones.”

Chicken clucked in agreement as Pig snorted.

“I’m just glad they’ve gone.  As if the way they treat us isn’t bad enough now they’re stealing our sleeping space” Pig said sharply.

“Apparently he was the son of God you know” Horse continued.

“Who?” said Cow chewing slowly.

“That baby, the Jesus one.”

Chicken clucked and flapped her wings and was about to speak when Pig interrupted.

“What are you on about?”

“Seriously” Horse said nodding, “I heard them say so.”

“Fuck off” said pig “why would God have his kid born in a stable” she asked grumpily.

“Pig, language” Cow snapped.

Pig wandered over to the trough and began to eat. “Seems a bit ridiculous to me that’s all” she said, food spilling from her mouth.

Chicken flapped her wings and opened her beak to speak but was again interrupted.

“It’s true” Horse said, “Apparently God sent those fellows with the camels and those shepherds “

“Why on earth would he do that?” Pig asked.

Cow looked at Horse.  Horse said nothing.

Chicken saw her opportunity and hopped up onto Cows back.  “I was speaking to Dog from two streets down” she clucked, “and you know what he told me?” she asked.

“Go on” Pig said finishing the last of the food in the trough.

“Well” Chicken continued, “Dog told me that there was a baby born over at their Inn last night too and there were apparently heavenly apparitions, a voice from the sky and a beam of light that shone on the baby when it came out!”

She paused for dramatic effect as the animals looked at one another.

“What did they call it?” Cow asked curiously.

“Darren” Chicken answered.

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Sleigh

My twisted Christmas continues…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


 

 

Sleigh bells ring and blood runs cold

The Fear runs through your veins

Night time falls and tales of old

They tell of just one name

 

His clothes blood stained, a heart of black

A list of wicked names

His jingle bells, on darkness dwell

Brings death and dark and pain

 

And should he find you unprepared

Through window, chimney, door

He sneaks inside your soul to take

Your days to end.  No more.

 

Into the night he whisks away

bad children, down to hell

Not fire, but ice and there to stay

And in his kingdom dwell

 

 

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Chimney

I seem to have a recurring theme starting here. I think I might have Santa issues…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


https://mindescapes.net/2017/11/30/mindescapes-christmas-challenge-2017/


 

As darkness falls and blankets pulled

up tight around your ears

across the town the crunch of boots

on snow and darkest fears

 

Door handles rattled, windows checked

Through letter box he peeps

Wild eyes, sharp teeth and fingers gnarled

As you pretend to sleep

 

He knows, he sees, he understands

Just how you have behaved

He watches day and night and follows

From the cradle to the grave

 

And should he know, perhaps suspect

You’ve not done as you should

Onto your roof he clambers

All because you’ve not been good

 

And down your chimney he will slip

When fast asleep you dream

And whisk you off to darkest lair

Where no one hears you scream