Dark Christmas – Bells

Ding ding-aling ding ding ding

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


All through the night the warning bells

Ring out, he’s on his way

To find the children out of bed

And load them on his sleigh


To take them back to workshops dark

And toys and gifts to make

Beware if you don’t listen out

Your children will he take

And in their place the gifts he leaves

for your loss scant consolation

and so bad children disappear

Christmas night across the nation


He twists their minds their souls corrupt

As they slave at his command

So heed the warning bells this night

As he travels across the land


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Angel

Surprise! You’re having God’s baby!

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


As Mary sat one night appeared

to her an angel bright

to much surprise and some dismay

gave her an awful fright


“now steady on” she did proclaim

“you gave me quite a shock

Just barging in without due note

Or even single knock”


Now Gabriel was not one for

her small talk he confessed

and did insist “you have found favour,

a woman truly blessed”


She scratched her head and looked quite vexed

“I don’t now what you mean,

I’ve got a date I’m just off out

With this yummy Nazareen”


“You’re chosen child” Gabe did insist

“’amongst women quite unique

God wants you to have his baby”

She went pale and could not speak


“Woah no no no!

You’re joking right, this must be a mistake

Joe won’t ever believe me

This is far too much to take”


“Oh worry not” Gabe said “be calm

I’ll go and have a word”

“you know that I’m a virgin right”

She said “this is absurd”


“I’m not the type of girl who just

Puts out cos God decides”

Gabe smiled “too late, ‘tis already done

Your baby grows inside”


“Oh thanks indeed” she says resigned

To her heavenly chosen fate

“So just like that I’m up the duff

Without even one date?”


“You are my child” Gabe says and smiles

Then says “I must get going”

“I’ll pop in – see Joe – before I leave

Explain just what you’re growing”


“Oh right” says M “That’s it then right?”

And like that the Angel went

“I guess I should be grateful

‘cos my babies heaven sent”


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Rudolph

Reindeer are, it seems, just for Christmas

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


Through cold and dark

Through snow and ice

Each year in search of children nice

And wind does bite

With gifts in tow

They race ‘gainst time through falling snow


And at the head

Of sleigh and team

One reindeer whose nose does beam

Year after year

Enslaved and bound

He holds his master from the ground


Never to roam

Nor to run free

Whips lash to bring the gifts to thee

And at days end

When task is done

Back to his jail beyond the sun


And there he waits

Since years of yore

Routine the same forever more

One night a year

Sweet freedom tastes

Heart cold and black, each Christmas hates


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Light

A quick thing about a thing

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


Stars snuffed out as space he crossed

consuming all before

until a planet full of life

green hill ran to blue shore


A Timeless creature dark of heart

in search he roams the night

presented with this gift of life

and joy and streaming light


Each heart a feast each soul divine

each mind a thing to savour

he gorges, belly fat and round

lips smack tongue tastes sweet flavour


And over time into their world

they welcome him arms wide

and worship at his festival

tell tales by fire side


His garments red his beard like snow

red eyes, teeth sharp, blood claws

he stalks in search of prey at nights

until the winter thaws


And then he slumbers until once

again the frost awakes

and hunger drives him ever on

and heart and soul he takes



Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Stable

And on that day a child shall be born, and his name shall be…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

Horse rubbed himself against the stable wall,  “Oh that feels so good” he said scratching an itch that had been troubling him for some time.  “That was some crazy goings on last night” he said to anyone that was willing to listen.

Cow looked up from her breakfast “Not a fan of babies myself” she answered “especially not squidgy pink human ones.”

Chicken clucked in agreement as Pig snorted.

“I’m just glad they’ve gone.  As if the way they treat us isn’t bad enough now they’re stealing our sleeping space” Pig said sharply.

“Apparently he was the son of God you know” Horse continued.

“Who?” said Cow chewing slowly.

“That baby, the Jesus one.”

Chicken clucked and flapped her wings and was about to speak when Pig interrupted.

“What are you on about?”

“Seriously” Horse said nodding, “I heard them say so.”

“Fuck off” said pig “why would God have his kid born in a stable” she asked grumpily.

“Pig, language” Cow snapped.

Pig wandered over to the trough and began to eat. “Seems a bit ridiculous to me that’s all” she said, food spilling from her mouth.

Chicken flapped her wings and opened her beak to speak but was again interrupted.

“It’s true” Horse said, “Apparently God sent those fellows with the camels and those shepherds “

“Why on earth would he do that?” Pig asked.

Cow looked at Horse.  Horse said nothing.

Chicken saw her opportunity and hopped up onto Cows back.  “I was speaking to Dog from two streets down” she clucked, “and you know what he told me?” she asked.

“Go on” Pig said finishing the last of the food in the trough.

“Well” Chicken continued, “Dog told me that there was a baby born over at their Inn last night too and there were apparently heavenly apparitions, a voice from the sky and a beam of light that shone on the baby when it came out!”

She paused for dramatic effect as the animals looked at one another.

“What did they call it?” Cow asked curiously.

“Darren” Chicken answered.


Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Sleigh

My twisted Christmas continues…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017



Sleigh bells ring and blood runs cold

The Fear runs through your veins

Night time falls and tales of old

They tell of just one name


His clothes blood stained, a heart of black

A list of wicked names

His jingle bells, on darkness dwell

Brings death and dark and pain


And should he find you unprepared

Through window, chimney, door

He sneaks inside your soul to take

Your days to end.  No more.


Into the night he whisks away

bad children, down to hell

Not fire, but ice and there to stay

And in his kingdom dwell




Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Naughty

Good luck getting this image out of your head once you’ve read it.

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


The gifts delivered to the homes

The reindeers put away

And Santa stumbles off to bed

But Mrs wants to play


“Now you look here” his wife insists

“I know you’ve been at work

But a woman has her needs you know”

And slowly starts to twerk


He cocks his head and strokes his chin

her bottom starts to shake

“Oh love I’m feeling tired”

No excuses will she take


She bumps and grinds her lips red bright

She wiggles and gyrates

Stockings, basque and ‘Screw me shoes’

Much longer she cant wait


His suit undone his belly proud

She nibbles, sucks and bites

Hes suddenly less tired

And his trousers feel quite tight


“Oh go on then” he smiles and slaps

Her playful on the arse

“One more bulging sack to empty

Then its off to bed at last”



Photo courtesy of pixabay

Tales of Tinsel – Room 101

101 words with a twist thrown in just because…

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we.  101 words allowed only.  I know I said I was done with them.  I lie.

Slowly Damien sneaked downstairs, not daring to breathe.  He’d heard something, and he was convinced it was him!  Christmas lights twinkled as he entered the room, his heart pounding, and there he saw a bearded, round bellied man silhouetted against the moonlight.

He had him!

“Sant…” he began to shout when suddenly he noticed two bodies lying unmoving on the floor.  He knew from the matching reindeer slippers it was mum and dad.

The man stepped grinning from the darkness carrying a large sack and raised a gun with his free hand and pushed it into Damien’s chest.

“Merry Christmas kid…”



Photo courtesy of pixabay

Christmas job satisfaction ain’t what it used to be…

It’s beginning to feel a lot like go screw yourself!


A fat bellied fellow who is often quite mellow

‘till it comes to the end of the year

Hits December quite stressed and things all seem a mess

And he’d kill for a steak and a beer


But alas he must graft and the toys he must craft

As the list don’t diminish in size

Thick and fast they demand on his doorstep they land

Letters bulging with needs long and wide


And he says to his wife “Baby this ain’t no life”

“Lets just quit and go live somewhere warm”

She replies “Oh my dear, we are bound up I fear

With the contact to which you are sworn”


He protests and he pouts and he stomps and he shouts

Insists “Amazon can do it just fine,

Or the Chinese perhaps, theyre industrious chaps

And their margins are better than mine”


“Oh dear Nick you sweet man you just do what you can

More than that you can surely not do”

And she gives him a hug and she makes him a mug

Of hot chocolate and a biscuit or two


Then he stomps back to work mumbling “god what a jerk”

As a letter he reads, just received

Me me me it insists as he reads through the list

Its so long its quite hard to believe


“No no no” Nick protests “I think it would be best

To go see this young chap straight away”

But his wife calms him down , “Babe just put on your gown

Head up stairs I’ll be there straight away”


As they climb into bed she caresses his head

Says “Now Nick you just need to remember

They’re just children with needs, ok some with pure greed

But you know what it’s like each December


It’ll be over soon and fore long will be June

And well take a few weeks, go away

Maybe go see some sights and we’ll spend a few nights

Somewhere nice you can pick where we stay”


And he grumbles and sighs and then smiles and his eyes

have that twinkle she knows what comes next

“You’re a star, and you’re right” then he turns out the light

Cos its time for some hot Christmas sex


Sorry about the ending, I’m tired and need to get to sleep 😊

Screw you, one and all.

Its probably wholly inappropriate and in rather poor taste. I’d not read it really.

To Everybody

I write this letter with some regret, though not much if I am to be honest.

I, Kris Kringle, hereby tender my resignation and would notify all concerned that I will be ceasing all and any Christmas related activities henceforth and with immediate effect.

Though there are many reasons for this decision, and it is not one that I take lightly, I have for the most part simply had enough and fancy a bit of a change.

The magic of Christmas seems now lost on so many and I no longer feel the support of the people I have for so long served, and I believe they would be best served by Amazon or Ebay or maybe just sending a really nice card or a letter saying something nice you don’t really mean.

The main reason though is the recent controversy my actions have attracted.  As I have repeated publicly on a number of occasions, and I would again insist right now, Elves are not children –  despite their stature.  The incident of March the 3rd this year so widely reported in the media was consensual and under the supervision of Mrs Kringle herself who is rather fond of that sort of thing.

I still contend strongly that there should be no bias against human elf relations.  I do not recall such an outcry when Aragorn and Arwen declared their love for one another, and they most certainly did not have to contend with people prying into their homes with long range telescopic lenses.  With hindsight perhaps we should have closed the curtains, but I am old fashioned and still believe in respecting the privacy of others – despite my day job.

Due to this hypocrisy, I must now work under the scrutiny of child services until they are satisfied that the welfare of my elves is no longer a matter for concern, and this is not a something that I am willing to tolerate for one day longer.

Whilst I accept that I am a public figure, what happens between consenting men and elves should be their business alone.  Despite the disapproval of so many sections of society it comforts me that I have found acceptance in some of the more niche communities on the dark web and my wife and I are proud of the fact that we are now widely attributed with being the creators of the “Upside Down Elvish Spit Roast” and the “Pixie Pile Driver”.

I know the children will be disappointed, but their demands have become most unreasonable in recent years and where once there was joy in building toys for them and seeing their little faces light up on Christmas morning these days we are mostly subcontracting to shoddy far east electrical suppliers who use child labour.  Whilst it is true that small hands make light work,  on balance I am probably doing children a favour.

I hope that you are able to secure a replacement for my position, perhaps the Chines might fancy it – they have the manpower and distribution channels I am sure.  For me, I am going to take a few weeks off and catch up on Game of Thrones and then my intention is to open a vape shop in California.  If you ever fancy a new bong or an electric cigarette pop by, I’ll do you a great deal.

Best Regards




Photo courtesy of free-photos @ pixabay