Screw you haiku

Canine shenannigans

Garden flourishing

Vile canine defecator

Rockery shitter

…..

So you know I got me a hound right? Well if not I did. Gorgeous little lab. Anyway, turns out despite having plenty of places to relieve himself he has become obsessed with befouling my beautiful lockdown rockery I worked so hard at.

This lovely little bouncing befouler seems hell bent on declining the offer of a whole selection of suitable defecation options in favour of besmirching my succulents.

Were working through it and I am not quite sure who will win to be honest. He already massacred one of my delicate alpines in a most upsetting manner after he had a few too many treats which agitated his tummy so 1-0 to him I guess.

On the upside though I did discover a hidden benefit of dog ownership when I got to the shop without a mask. Three poo bags tied around my head did the job nicely. Down side though was that I nearly bloody suffocated for the sake of toilet roll and a sliced loaf.

Happy days

Author: Michael

Husband, dad,programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

14 thoughts on “Screw you haiku”

  1. Hahahaha! You give a whole new meaning to the term ‘shithead.’ Loved this, and your limerick yesterday, as well. It’s good to see more of you here. Keep coming with the dog pics…love ’em!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so far behind in Reader it is pathetic but as I scrolled through the last five days I saw there and had to cherry-pick and read it. I am laughing because I recently did a 5K virtual walk for an animal shelter and bemoaned that all three dogs we had never became housebroken – the cocker spaniel would go out on a long walk and come in and squat in the middle of the hall rug … that went over like a fart in church, so he got his walking papers. I said was it us or them (clearly us). An aunt got a pup and within a day or two was asking for the door. Try some netting until Theo learns the rockery is off limits. I laughed at your mask. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you’ll succeed as you’re home with Teddy all the time. So, he’s not going to chew on things because he is bored as soon as you leave the house for work for hours on end. My next-door neighbor’s house is very close to mine and I work from home and in the kitchen at the table. She leaves for work at 8:00 … by 8:05, the dog realizes it is alone and goes into her room, under my kitchen window, and whines and cries the entire day. It is a Bichon Frise and they are temperamental … labs are not like that at all. Here in the U.S. we are hearing about the British sportscaster who started doing videos on his two labs, Olive and Mabel. Have you seen them – they are funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh yes Ollie and Mabel were part of lock down fun here. They Have quite the following..

    Im hoping i can get theo to be able to be alone plenty…I’ve got time to train him thanks to lockdown…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, lockdown is a blessing for training a pup. They are fun to watch. I’ve seen some of those videos … I really laughed when they both went in the murky water and his commentary on that. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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