Corona Lock down Diaries – Day Eleventytwelve – Green Fingers

In an English country garden…

I’ve never been one for gardening, the extent of my green fingered interests lying mostly with occasionally mowing the lawn and popping to the tip to throw away all the dead plants Mrs Afterwards bought in an attempt to brighten up the back way.

About 2 weeks before lockdown we started a building project, a cellar conversion is underway with a new entrance meaning the builders had to dig our where previously I was cultivated a lovely collection of weeds, hosepipes and rusting bicycles. As they dug out for the steps and the new door they discovered a mass of old stone which seemed to have been used as backfill when the house was built in 1906. Driven, I think, by my love of cutting corners and looking for shortcuts I insisted that they not worry about moving it but to leave it and I would instead build a rockery.

I then went away to research rockeries.

Anyway, long and not particularly interesting story short, Ive spend the past many weeks putting together what I think passes as one (who knows how long has passed – we are, as you know, in lockdown time and that doesn’t move like real time) . Something I am sure will be proven by bearded scientists in years to come in an attempt to explain just how it was possible that people got so fat during quarantine when they swear they went for a long walk everyday and ate lots of salad.

There was membrane laying. rock piling, soil carting, plant planting, fountain fitting, light fitting and pebble placing. The photos below show my progress.

I would note that as pretty as I think it looks, I am currently having some problems with finding it all a little creepy and unnerving. The plants (I just went for alpines and succulents) are spreading at a phenomenal rate. The succulents doubled in size in a week and I swear to Jeebus they sing this sweet little song when I look at them but I know that they want to lay spores inside my orifices and control me and make me do their bidding.

Fuck them! Might just lay a patio.

Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

9 thoughts on “Corona Lock down Diaries – Day Eleventytwelve – Green Fingers”

  1. I know that was a lot of work and the finished project looks good Michael as does the entrance to the cellar area. I have stones all around the house … river rocks, lava rocks and this time of year, all the flying seeds get in between the rocks and weeds grow – they don’t need dirt, all they need is sun and a little rain and they germinate. What a PIA. The elm seeds are small, look like eyeballs and settle in between the rocks. I also used the landscape fabric and put Preen (weed inhibitor) underneath that … didn’t do any good. I have a garden with mulch too – same thing happens. At one time I spent hours and hours picking the weeds. Now I just rumple up the mulch and they can stay in the rocks … it is a project for younger legs!

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  2. Sounds like you need A flame thrower! Shading how thingd take root isnt it! Ive a peony that i cannot eradicate no matter what i do…its my nemesis

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  3. You’re right – I now shut my eyes to it, but funny I was just looking at this mulch made out of rubber and a rubber landscape edging … it looks bad in one side. I had an issue on a side no one sees as a big pyracantha bush blocks it from the street. The two dimwits next door to me (who’ve now moved) had multiple bird feeders. When they changed the feeders to put in new seed, they flung the spent seeds into this mulched area. The birds never eat all the seeds, especially the thistle seeds. Soon I had these mammoth thistles growing between the mulch – thistles are rhizomes which means the roots grow sideways so no way you could yank them out. I had to take everything out and dig out each weed. When I ask them to stop, they said “you complain too much – you complained our dog barks too much.” No words. Yes, it was a basset hound and they put it out every day at 3:30 a.m. They each worked in a factory so went out for breakfast together before their shift began at 6:00 a.m.

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  4. Oh gosh, sounds like a real blessing that they have moved away. It always amazes me how easily weeds take root yet to plants take some real effort at times

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  5. Michael, I spent two solid days working in the yard to make it look presentable – gorgeous cooler weather but windy and the maple seeds, (which we call “helicopters” over here) were flying everywhere, as were those tiny elm seeds. Two days of rain coming up and the heat comes back – weeds by the weekend – ugh!

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