Screw you haiku

Canine shenannigans

Garden flourishing

Vile canine defecator

Rockery shitter


So you know I got me a hound right? Well if not I did. Gorgeous little lab. Anyway, turns out despite having plenty of places to relieve himself he has become obsessed with befouling my beautiful lockdown rockery I worked so hard at.

This lovely little bouncing befouler seems hell bent on declining the offer of a whole selection of suitable defecation options in favour of besmirching my succulents.

Were working through it and I am not quite sure who will win to be honest. He already massacred one of my delicate alpines in a most upsetting manner after he had a few too many treats which agitated his tummy so 1-0 to him I guess.

On the upside though I did discover a hidden benefit of dog ownership when I got to the shop without a mask. Three poo bags tied around my head did the job nicely. Down side though was that I nearly bloody suffocated for the sake of toilet roll and a sliced loaf.

Happy days

Some limericks

Just a few limericks to get them out of my head. Camping, drugs and a couple of perverts are on teh menu today.


Just a couple of quickies…


A supplier of drugs most sublime

said “No ones cokes quite good as mine

and you’ll never go back

once you’ve tasted my crack

and my weed is undoubtedly fine”


There once was a pervert,  Jaffar

who with puppies lured kids to his car

he got caught, locked away

and I’m quite glad to say

he got shanked in the showers, hoorah!


There once was a priest from Belize

Who’s penis hung down to his knees

but it only got used

on the boys he abused

gets beat nightly in jail, I’m quite pleased


A handy young camper from Kent

spent his weekends outdoors in a tent

but a wind came on through

ripped his home clean in two

left him soaked and confused, poles quite bent