Screw you haiku

Canine shenannigans

Garden flourishing

Vile canine defecator

Rockery shitter

…..

So you know I got me a hound right? Well if not I did. Gorgeous little lab. Anyway, turns out despite having plenty of places to relieve himself he has become obsessed with befouling my beautiful lockdown rockery I worked so hard at.

This lovely little bouncing befouler seems hell bent on declining the offer of a whole selection of suitable defecation options in favour of besmirching my succulents.

Were working through it and I am not quite sure who will win to be honest. He already massacred one of my delicate alpines in a most upsetting manner after he had a few too many treats which agitated his tummy so 1-0 to him I guess.

On the upside though I did discover a hidden benefit of dog ownership when I got to the shop without a mask. Three poo bags tied around my head did the job nicely. Down side though was that I nearly bloody suffocated for the sake of toilet roll and a sliced loaf.

Happy days

Screw you haiku

My first world white middle class problem.

I really was not in the mood for this today.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find something to rhyme with ‘Shithole’.  Vole?  Mole? Pole?  They’re hard ly inspirational.

As if trying to rhyme with ‘Racist’ and ‘Orange’ isn’t hard enough now I have to put up with this.  The man has absolutely no consideration for people like me.  There are a myriad of derogatory phrases he could have used but no, he had to use that.

Thanks Donald, thanks a lot.

*EDIT ONE HOUR AFTER PUBLISHING

The ink on this is barely dry and now I have to work out rhymes for Stormy Daniels.  Honestly.  AS if my days arent busy enough without having to work out how to shoehorn the phrases “Dutch Steamboating” and “Golden haired sausage Gobbler” into a haiku.  They’re hardly light on the old syllables…

 

Screw you haiku

The cat made it perfectly clear who runs the house.

I’ve not written much of late as have been laid up unwell.  The cat seems to approve of this and has spent more time on my duvet than ever before.  Perhaps it is because there is no heating on in the house during the day and I am a source of heat, I know not.

I do though find it difficult to move her once she is settled and fast asleep and have been attempting to negotiate my way around the bed so as not to disturb her.  Earlier today this failed and shivering and desperate to get back into bed after visiting the doctor I had to very carefully move her.  Well, you can just imagine how very miffed she was with me and I swear she gave me the dirtiest look.  Like how very dare I.

Took me 2 whole packets of wet food and a promise to run the heating a little more often just to get her back on side.