Screw you haiku

My first world white middle class problem.

I really was not in the mood for this today.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find something to rhyme with ‘Shithole’.  Vole?  Mole? Pole?  They’re hard ly inspirational.

As if trying to rhyme with ‘Racist’ and ‘Orange’ isn’t hard enough now I have to put up with this.  The man has absolutely no consideration for people like me.  There are a myriad of derogatory phrases he could have used but no, he had to use that.

Thanks Donald, thanks a lot.

*EDIT ONE HOUR AFTER PUBLISHING

The ink on this is barely dry and now I have to work out rhymes for Stormy Daniels.  Honestly.  AS if my days arent busy enough without having to work out how to shoehorn the phrases “Dutch Steamboating” and “Golden haired sausage Gobbler” into a haiku.  They’re hardly light on the old syllables…

 

Screw you haiku

The cat made it perfectly clear who runs the house.

I’ve not written much of late as have been laid up unwell.  The cat seems to approve of this and has spent more time on my duvet than ever before.  Perhaps it is because there is no heating on in the house during the day and I am a source of heat, I know not.

I do though find it difficult to move her once she is settled and fast asleep and have been attempting to negotiate my way around the bed so as not to disturb her.  Earlier today this failed and shivering and desperate to get back into bed after visiting the doctor I had to very carefully move her.  Well, you can just imagine how very miffed she was with me and I swear she gave me the dirtiest look.  Like how very dare I.

Took me 2 whole packets of wet food and a promise to run the heating a little more often just to get her back on side.

Mouse and Cat

The rain had been falling all for days, pitter patter against the window panes of the old farm house. Cat stared out at the grey sky and decided that she would most certainly not be going outside.

The rain had been falling all for days, pitter patter against the window panes of the old farm house.  Cat stared out at the grey sky and decided that he would most certainly not be going outside.   He did not like the rain one little bit, and nothing would shift him – not even the little mouse he could see scurrying about at the edge of the log pile.

The fire crackled as the fat bottomed girl walked past.

“I don’t blame you for not going out “ She said, stroking cat behind the ears, “I’d stay inside if I was you too.”

Cat yawned and stretched himself out on the window ledge as the fat bottomed girl pulled on her coat and wellington boots and headed outside into the rain.  The door banged closed and Cat watched her disappear across the farm yard, past the log pile where mouse hid beneath an old stump and towards the barns where the cows would be huddled together ready to be milked.

Cat closed his eyes listening to the rain and was soon fast asleep.

As Cat slept mouse scurried across the yard from puddle to puddle, making her way between the log pile and the old farm house.  She scuttled up the small tree next to the window behind which cat was now fast asleep, and dropped lightly onto the window sill.

Mouse did so enjoy the rain because she knew full well that cat would not venture outside when the weather was so miserable.  She had once seen cat caught in a downpour and how she had laughed and laughed as cat hurtled back to the farm house, desperate to get inside only to discover that he had been locked out.  What a bedraggled dripping mess he was indeed.

As cat slept, mouse watched Cat closely from the safety of the other side of the window.  Never before had mouse been so close to a cat.

“What a curious creature” mouse said to herself, whiskers twitching.  She pressed her nose up against the glass to get a better look.  “Doesn’t look so scary to me.”

Cat stirred and opened one eye to see mouse staring straight at him.  As the rain fell the large Ginger cat and the small brown mouse stared at each other, neither moving.  Cat’s tail then twitched ever so slightly as mouse wrinkled her nose and then spoke.

“Good morning Cat” she said, but cat could not hear her through the glass and above the noise of the rain.

Cat opened both eyes and sat upright.  Mouse shifted nervously but remained on the window sill, perhaps feeling brave because of the glass that separated them.

Mouse stood up on her hind feet and stared at cat.  “Don’t look so scary to me” she said “I don’t see what all the fuss is about.”

Cat licked his lips and swished his tail, head to one side wondering what this mouse might be saying.  Did she not know who he was, did she not realise that he was rather fond of plump little mice?

Mouse dropped back onto all fours and seemed to parade up and down on the window sill as the rain continued to fall even heavier.

“You don’t scare me cat” mouse shouted, tapping on the glass with a tiny paw.  “this is my farm yard” she insisted and continued to scurry up and down the window sill feeling most brave, stopping only occasionally to pull faces at cat or wiggle her bottom at him.

Cat continued to watch mouse as she paraded up and down in front of him, his tail swishing and his whiskers bristling.  He saw the fat bottomed girl emerge from the milking sheds and head back across the farm yard as the rain began to lessen.  Mouse was so preoccupied that she did not seem to notice.

“That’s it” cat said to himself, “just a little closer”.

The fat bottomed girl was nearly at the door before mouse heard her, the rain now almost stopped.

Cat leapt from the window sill as the door opened, and in a flash mouse realised what was about to happen and darted for the tree next to the window, her heart beating frantically.  As the door opened cat rocketed across the farm house floor, past the crackling fire and out of the door just as mouse reached the foot of the tree.

Mouse knew she had but a moment to get to the log pile, and cat was closing in on her fast.  She skirted a small puddle as cat splashed across the yard heading for her, eyes wide and an intent and savage look on his face.

“Run mouse, run” she shouted to herself “he’s coming!”

Cat leapt through the air, paws outstretched and claws out as mouse lunged into the log pile.  Cat flew into a rather large stump and crashed to the ground, shaking his head.

“I know you’re in there!” he said as mouse crawled deeper into the pile.  “It’s only a matter of time Mrs Mouse” he continued, “you cannot stay in there all day.”

“I’m not scared of you” mouse squeaked, though she most obviously was, but it was starting to rain again and she knew cat would not remain outside long.

As the rain began to fall the fat bottomed girl opened the door and called cat inside, and he raced off to the warmth of the farm house.  As mouse emerged from the log pile, she looked back at the house and saw cat sitting in the window cleaning himself.

“I’m not scared of you cat “ she shouted as she scuttled back to her home, “and I am not afraid of the rain either!”


More stuff perhaps?

Fatties in space – not one for the kiddies

Screw You Haiku 11/9/17

The intergalactic language of tea – Daily Prompt

Mouse and Sparrow


photo courtesy of alexas_fotos@pixaba

Partner – Daily prompt

No lies, it’s about precisely nothing

Upon seeing the daily prompt, ‘Partner’, I would imagine that I was not alone in thinking that this would be an ideal opportunity to write a piece on my relationship with my wife.  It would be insightful and honest and lay bare the ups and downs of a modern relationship.

I imagined that I would share wisdom and experience in a light hearted yet uplifting way and it would prove enlightening and encouraging for others as they would see their own relationship in ours.  I would talk about love and compromise and friendship and laughter and…

Okay…I’ll stop there.  I can’t type that with a straight face.

I was mostly going to write about the impact of going to the toilet in front of one’s partner.  I had also considered something humorous on how to be certain that the kids are asleep and not just pretending and instead hatching a plan to burst into the bedroom with a “Surprise!!!” at the most inopportune moment.

Both of those will not now see the light of day though as I mentioned the general ‘Partner’ subject to my wife and her reaction was “as long as you don’t write about me I don’t care what you write.”  There was no malice in it though she did, quite coincidentally, have a rather large knife in her hand at the time so I took her advice seriously.

Therefore, this is mostly a piece about what you will not be reading, so I posted it with a picture of a cat just because.


Want to read more of my stuff?

This is kinda funny

and this kind of sad

This was just fun


 

Https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/partner/

Photo courtesy of cocopasasienne @ Pixabay