A closeted fellow called Bryan
Said he didn’t like cock but was tryin’
So so hard to resist
Tip the size of a fist
Big thick shaft, massive balls, oh he’s lyin’
I should be better than this, I know…
A closeted fellow called Bryan
Said he didn’t like cock but was tryin’
So so hard to resist
Tip the size of a fist
Big thick shaft, massive balls, oh he’s lyin’
There once was a chap from Penzance
Who loved, woo’d, and married his Aunt
Had a kid, not the best
When you mess with incest
Born with 3 eyes, 2 cocks and no hands
stay well away…
A horny young lad from Korea
69ing, though had diahhorea
In the midst of the fun
Felt a stir in his bum
Filled his partners mouth, nose, eyes and ear
Suckling pig anyone?
There’s this butcher, finds piglets appealing
turns him on, curly tails and hot squealing
how it makes him flip out
when he touches their snout
rubs their bellies, gets hot at the feeling
Vegan friendly bum fun
A young Catholic greengrocer from Brest
At confession got stuff off his chest
“I put fruit up my bum,
mangos, strawberries and plum,
massive eggplants and swedes,” he confessed.
mmmmm tasty
Married chap I know has him a mistress
Who it turns out will eat only citrus
Says her ass tastes sublime
Just like lemons and lime
And he raves of her tangerine Clitoris
Diminuitive poetry. meh…
Sneaks downstairs at night
Rotund cake stealing ninja
Smamed by the fridge lights
mmmmm meaty…
A wayward young Muslim from York
Lost his faith, found a craving for pork
Chops, ribs, sausage and pies
Shin, cheeks, shoulder and thighs
Of his findness for snout, he would talk
Beastly…
farmer confessed one day when hard boozing
To arousal when livestock perusing
He would moan in his sleep
Dreams of round bottomed sheep
Mornigns wake up quite sticky and oozing
Sporty treats
There once was a lady from Brugge
Had a thing for young men doing luge
For spandex cannot hide
The thick treats as they slide
Be they tiny, mid range or quite huge
A love addled fellow called Victor
Knew this lass, in his dreams kissed and licked her
But she flatly refused
To be courted or woo’d
So alone, wanks to her facebook picture
Nasty girl
A young undertaker names Beth
Had a quite frightful case of bad breath
For she loved giving head
To the stiffening dead
How she loved the dank taste of sweet death
A limerick for you
Friend of mine tells of this chap she dated
Whos bum play need could not be sated
She’d spend hours, days, weeks
Hard at work ‘twixt his cheeks
Soiled the bed when he ejaculated
Don’t go acting all surprised.
A squirty young lass took her lover
Off to bed only there to discover
He was epileptic, and thrashed
During sex, how she splashed
Up the walls, on the floor and bed cover.
Why the devil not, eh!
A DIY lover, Matilda
Had a thing for her hot neighbour Builder
Stay composed? Oh she failed
When he hammered and nailed
And to watch him fill holes, nearly killed her
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a chap who lived south of the border
placed a custom job sex doll web order
Tiny mouth, googly eyes
nipples large, like pork pies
a big butt ‘cos he like his dames broader
Scientific!
A perverse math’matician of note
to work out his cock volume, he wrote
“Times the length by the girth”
He reported with mirth
And then published with pics and did gloat.
Now there’s a man who knows what he likes, and he likes what he knows.
There once was a Scotsman called Warren
Who kept treasures galore ‘neath his sporran
How the ladies would wilt
If he lifted his kilt
But he much preferred boys, tanned and foreign
Read it a few times, it does work I assure you…
A landscaper with uncontrolled hard on
to a customer did beg her pardon
He could not spare her blushes
When he worked with her bushes
Pitched quite a tent in her wild lady garden
Tricky limericky
Once a lass from the banks of the Humber
Who did quite shocking things with cucumber
What she did with a squash
Made you wince and say gosh
But oh how you’d kill for her number
A sunday quickie
Once a fellow most holy and pious
who’s wife like a desert was dry as
till she found masturbation
with the male congregation
For the larger of girth, had a bias
One from the archives
Once a cyclist of note, name of Mike
Big old smile as he peddled his bike
Look of bliss on his face
For the seat he’d replaced
With a dildo, he really did like!
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
So a businessman based up in Libya
from his trip brought home crabs and chlymidia
and a vase from Phuket
from a trans chap he met
and a rash from this lass from Namibia
It’s Monday where I am. Let us start the week with a special bit of meaty madness…
A butcher, too fond of his meat
Rubbed himself with pigs ears and cows feet
Would spend weekend a quiver
As he fondled lambs liver
Would explode at the sight of meats sweet