A lewd husband, bum obsessed, inventive
Begged his wife for love, back door, incentive
Of her beauty he’d gush
For a crack at her tush
She’d not budge, no way, anal retentive
A Monday Limerick
Well it’s Friday here…
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Category: limericks
It’s a limerick. Of course.
Why not eh…
A flight steward, Oliver Brown
A mile higher of sensual renown
He would find himself spent
At a bumpy ascent
But preferred it much more, going down.
Another Friday Limerick.
Friday! Result!
Lonely fellow from North of the border
Bought his ladies online, made to order
Silicone lips and tits
Plastic nipples and clits
arse cheeks plump, narrow waist, shoulders broader
A Friday Limerick.
Friday! Result!
Once a devoted girfriend named Julie
Vowed to love her beau, madly and truly
But when out on the town
Knickers soon were pulled down
On the vodka quite wild and unruly.
A Thursday Limerick.
Not to everyone’s liking I am sure.
There once was a fellow called Jesus
Connoisseur of the finest of cheeses
“Bring some Brie” he’d insist
“I’ll make wine, we’ll get pissed”
Red, white, rose – whatever he pleases.
A Wednesday Limerick.
Well it is Wednesday after all.
A betrayed french wife, Mademoiselle Eiffel
Went to jail, for she used Monsieur’s Rifle
Caught his with her next door
Eating puddings galore
Found him balls deep in her Sunday trifle
A Tuesday Limerick.
Wholly inappropriate for a Tuesday. Actually scratch that. perfectly suited for a Tuesday.
Christian couple in love, most appealing
Was desire but they fought it, prayed kneeling
Waited patient ’till wed
In Christ’s love took to bed
Balls so blue when he came, hit the ceiling.
A Monday Limerick.
Let’s have a few of these this week shall we…
Once a fine undertaker named Pete
Had a secret, though kept it discrete
Until caught late one night
Cleaner shaken, the sight
Of him rubbing himself on dead feet.
A Limerick.
A broad shouldered lady called Brenda
Big old hands, hairy arms, legs quite slender
Wispy beard and top lip
Quite full breast, curvy hip
Size 12 feet, hard to classify gender
A limerick. For no real reason.
Just because…
Once a vet, quite the lover of rats,
mice and gerbils, but not fond of cats
Made a fine pair of mittens
from some cute persian kittens
and a tabby he made into hats
And another limerick…meh
Nasty indeed
An embalmer who hailed from near Whiting
Found the deceased putrefaction inviting
Caressed post mortem stitches
‘till it stiffened his britches
Found the firm rigor mortis exciting
I do love me a limerick as you know…
Shall we? It involves body parts and a selection of greases
A stammering tart from Calcutta
Rubbed her bottom with handfuls of butter
Smeared oils on her tum
Grease upon her front bum
“Ch-Ch-Cheaper than lube”, she would stutter
A Friday Limerick
Well it’s Friday here…
Loose bowelled Hermaphrodite from Nantucket
Had a penis so yeah, she would suck it
He would caress her clit
Explode cum, squirt, n shit
Near the bed kept a mop and a bucket
Okay so I realise that that first line hardly flows and is somewhat jarring but how often will I ever get to use the phrase “Loose bowelled hermaphrodite”. And I wanted to combine with the limerick classic location of Nantucket which I seldom use. Just let me have my moment okay 😊
Another limerick
It’s that time again
A young cow hand alone on the range
Felt a stirring, peculiar and strange
Watched steers evening till dawn
Loved their rumps, and the horn
Well lets just say that it made him deranged
Been a while. Lets have a limerick.
Just to get things started again
Hot curry fan who too loved basmati
Rice, samosas and tasty chapati
He’d add chili’s galore
Declared “Please, please add some more”
Left his anus on fire and quite tatty
Sunday Limerick
Really rather vile
Nasty mortician hailed from Brasilia
Spent his nights sweating hard, necrophilia
When suggested instead
Go for live not the dead
He protested “Ive not heard a thing sillier.”
Wednesday filthy limerick
The yin to my poetic yang…
Friend of mine met a lass from Bermuda
He pursued, flowers, food, woo’d and screwed her
But within ’bout a week
Realised, quite the freak,
As she cried, strap-on lubed, “Let’s get ruder!”
Yet another Wednesday limerick!
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a quite lonely farmer from Leeds
On his tractor he rode with dark needs
Dreamt of plouging and plucking
Quite aroused at bulls bucking
Fantasised about sewing his seeds
It’s just turned Friday here so I think that warrants a limerick.
Another day another one of these…
Well off fat lad from New York called Vinny
hookers nightly would rent and wherein he
placed himself , getting laid
but alas he got aids
on the plus side at least now he’s skinny
Limerick. Don’t act surprised.
Because why the devil not eh 🙂
Friend of mine met this lass, not realising
That her bum was quite uncompromising
During candle lit sex
Massive fart, and then next
thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising
A limerick of course…
A bit gross tbh…
Once a vet with unhygienic habits
Would enjoy gerbils, squirrels and rabbits
She got pink eye, and worse
Traumatised a poor nurse
As her bottom it writhed with plump maggots.
……
Sorry…the last line occurred to me and made me gag/chuckle so U went with it…
Yawn, yet another limerick.
Thursday baby yeah!
Lonely farmer confessed one day when boozing
To arousal when livestock perusing
He would moan in his sleep
Dreams of round bottomed sheep
Mornigns wake up quite sticky and oozing
My First Book – For those who missed it last time…
Seems I wrote one…
You can read about the WHY here…but it’s out there. 300 of my finest limericks. Currently trending at number 359 in the limericks category on Amazon!
After a few people have read it I am probably about ready to admit I am kinda proud of it now. 🙂
Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
There are ebook versions too.
Thursday here, so here’s a limerick.
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a fellow a young lass was wooing
Did a fart and alas started pooing
Weel, so much for discreet
Soiled his pants in the street
And it dripped from his pant leg, foul viewing
A Wednesday limerick
Something nasty as were just about half way to weekend!
Once a mistress on more she insisted
Wanted love not just sex, dark and twisted
Tenderness, love, respect
Instead anus, quite wrecked
As her fellow her bottom rough fisted
