A Christian couple, just wed
Found themselves all alone on the bed
She went down on her knees
And he grinned “Oh yes please”
She said grace for such bounty, gave head
A Filthy Limerick!
For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
Category: limericks
Limerick? Go on. Treat yourself.
Empirical proof is always worth the effort
A keen mathematician, Tallulah
Would not let young boastful chaps fool her
Evidence, she’d insist
Even before they kissed
And checks both length and girth with a ruler
Well, well, another limerick….
A dirty one about putting people in one’s mouth.
Astute mathematician, Horatio
Pythagarus Fan, loved fellatio
He could tell at first sight
If it’d fit or be tight
Could guess length, girth, and shaft to mouth ratio
Get well soon…Limerick Tuesday.
A hallmark moment…
Heard you’re sick, quite unwell, chesty wheeze
Get well soon and stay hydrated, please
Hope you’re soon on the mend
It’s quite gross, can’t pretend
As your bum still explodes when you sneeze
Monday. Yeah, sod that.
Things don’t grow in the shade, alas…
There once was a baker from Crete
Who loved pastries, pies, cakes, all so sweet
Grew quite portly and round
If he looks at the ground
He now cant see his penis or feet
Nasty, Nasty Limerick time. Been a while.
To those who followed me because I wrote about dieting. This is probably closer to the real me. Sorry 🙂
Sex mad divorcee, now, online dating
Swipes and clicks left her moist, salivating
A transvestite off Grinder
Sweating, grunting, behind her
Tinder twins in each hand, masturbating
Limerick. Enjoy.
One about how to work out your manhood volume.
A perverse math’matician of note
to work out his cock volume, he wrote
“Times the length by the girth”
He reported with mirth
And then published with pics and did gloat.
Okay so I know that isn’t the calculation for working out the volume of one’s manhood. But no way am I googling that on the laptop the kids use from time to time. What sort of monster do you think I am.
Anyway, everyone knows you multiply the smallest radius of oval (minor axis) by its largest radius (major axis). Just not easy to get that into a limerick.
Though I did once read that it should be calculated using socks as a measure of volume. Ankle, sports, knee high. You get the general idea. Actually I once knew a chap who was an eye watering European size 12 Knee high. But that’s another limerick completely.
Happy Thursday !
A Get well Limerick? No? Oh go on.
In case you know someone who broke their dick and got them a card but were unsure what to write
Heard you slipped on some lube near the hearth
And your penis, my god, broke in half
Bent at 90 degrees
it’s quite tricky to please
Here’s a card, I tried hard not to laugh
A limerick. A Warning..
Ouchy…
A much betrayed woman called Brenda
Her hub banged her sister and friend yeah
Now locked up, doing time
But she really don’t mind
Put his cock and his balls in a blender
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A Valentine Limerick for you.
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
Fred, a cannibal, loved valentine
To devour someone sweet, 69
To the spleen, he would toast
As he ate anus roast
And sweet nipples he’d pickled in brine
Get well soon
ouchy
Hope you feel so much better today
And the swelling and pain’s gone away
And the tear in the tip
That was caused by your zip
Will be healed up real soon, hip hooray!
A dirty limerick
Happens all the time I am sure.
A virginal bride, shy, averted
Her gaze from all things quite perverted
But her tastes soon they shifted
To all things dark and twisted
Nickers off, gimp mask, dildo, she squirted.
Saturday Limerick.
What a year indeed…
A philandering chap with a mistress
Took another, then two more at Christmas
Dirty threesome in May
Then for June he turned gay
He got aids, gonorrhoea and syphilis
Your Sunday Limerick.
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a Fruit and veg lover, obsessed
He would daily large eggplants molest
Rubbed Green beans on his loins
Cabbage stiffened his groins
Fruit salad oft rubbed on his chest
Hey, look, another limerick…
Always wear an apron
A buck naked naturist, Brian
A new hobby of cooking was tryin’
Threw the meat in too quick
Burnt the tip of his dick
When a juicy thick steak he was fryin’
A Thursday Limerick for you.
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A Cannibalistic Mechanic
So loved Cubans and all things Hispanic
Livers, kidneys from Spain
Tasty Mexican brain
Sweet Peruvian heart made him manic
A dirty limerick. Because it’s Tuesday.
#Bumfamous # Blessed #Prolapsed
A limelight obsessed chap called Shamus
On the web so desired to be famous
Failed on insta, Tik Tok
But he had a huge cock
Now makes gay porn, makes cash pounding anus
Another Limerick.
Because it’s Sunday
A Christian chap from Seahouses
Who’s girlfriend with fine ass arouses
For his Lord he resists
Peach bum, perky tits
And exploded all over his trousers
A limerick just for you. And you. And you, and you, and you.
Enjoy. Or don’t. But secretly do.
A vet from round our way quite smitten
By felines, especially kittens
He made two into hats
And a load into spats
Then the leftovers made into mittens
L I M E R I C K K K
And with a religious theme
A fan of the clan, angry man
Had a son, tiny hands, orange tan
Lost a landslide election
Inspired insurrection
Lost his shit, got himself twitter ban
Limerick o’clock
It’s something I guess…
A purveyor of decadence, Lionel
Would oft dress in a gimp mask and vinyl
Found it tricky to pick
For he so adored dick
But also loved all things vaginal
Limerick. Again.
Bet youre now in the mood for a banana and a couple of satsumas
A veg obsessed gym lover, Ned
Would take melons and eggplants to bed
Stuff his ass with cumquats
Which fell out doing squats
So he juiced them and drank them instead
Well, well, another limerick….
One about everyone’s favourite racist
A piss coloured POTUS of note
Lost his job, is protesting the vote
With the loss of his powers
It’s back to golden showers
With hookers, be kind though, don’t gloat
Limerick? Go on, treat yourself.
Shall we? I think so…
A grocer of note, Gerry Nichols
Who in his butt place large pickles
He would squeal with surprise
As juice ran down his thighs
And guffaw as it really quite tickles
A nasty limerick. At Christmas? Oh surely not.
Merry Christmas, or happy whatever you celebrate …have a lovely day!
A purveyor of filth, Nicky Klaus
A whoremonger, purveyor of whores
With his huge bulging sack
And his craving for crack
And a leather clad spank on all fours
