Problem was he liked to jog past schools and old peoples homes you see…
A well endowed runner from Dallas
Had real problems controlling his phallus
When out jogging would slip
From his shorts, shaft and tip
Couldn’t help it, intended no malice
One about really thick pubes…
Once a hirsute young nudist called Julie
Had a seventies bush, quite unruly
It just could not be tamed
Her thick dark pubic mane
Quite the warm winter muff, well and truly
Maybe someone out there needs to hear this. Maybe it’s you. Maybe youre a dirty little monkey indeed!
Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend
Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end
Feels like it may fall off
If you move fast or cough
And you near shit your pants when you bend
Its something I guess. It is Tuesday, so don’t expect too much. Not a fan of Tuesday…
Small organed chap from Jamaica
Had a wife, twas an orgasmic faker
Alas try as he might
He could not get it right
Nipples, neck, clit and tit, could not make her
Bloody hell that’s nasty
A drug loving hooker, Petunia
For five bucks, with a strap on, would ruin ya’
But worse, her Sister Beth
Would gave hand jobs for meth
Take a dump on your chest and then spoon ya
I like to think that one day it will come out that this is what’s on those secret Trump Tapes…
Trumpesque water sports fan, name of Trystin
Pretty mouth that he loved to have pissed in
Craved his balls to be squeezed
Nipples bit, clamped and teased
And on Tuesday’s a large handed fisting
Seems I wrote one…
4th of April last year I posted this. I actually forgot about it mostly. I sold quite a few copies and had some good reviews and am rather quite proud of it. I’m currently working on some other things right now…but below is the original post…It is wholly inappropriate by the way. In a good way!
_____________________________________
I have written before about why I started my blog. For those who missed it one of the main reasons was due to a friend who’s wife, an aspiring writer and a vile human being, insisting that anyone that self publishes does so as an act of vanity which is probably why she had never been published and for the most part refused to work. Writers retreats she enjoyed a plenty I believe.
Anyway, perhaps I ended up proving her point, but I suggested to my friend that I would from that day forth take up writing and publish a book before she did just to prove the point that surely it isn’t that hard and perhaps if she wasn’t such a horrible cow she might have achieved more.
Anyway, the result of that rant can now be found on Amazon in the form of my first book ‘A Collection of Inappropriate Limericks. Its only 300 or so of my limericks but it’s something I guess. Something I made that perhaps my grandkids will hold one day and ask “What the fuck was wrong with Grandad?”
Paperback out now with the E-book to follow on the twelfth mostly because I made a mistake setting it up and couldn’t work out how to remedy it.’
Oh and I dedicated it to her too. Seemed only right.
Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
–
UK E-Book can be preordered here for delivery on the 12th of April.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07QF58TYM
The US E-Book is here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QF58TYM
Who’d have thought it eh…
One about a ladies cavernous front bum
A voluptuous temptress from Cuba
A vagina shaped quite like a tuba
And she would not delay
To allow you to play
Her, so wide was she, no need to lube her
Just work on the speed of that last line…it works I assure you .
Sorry. Hope youre not having breakfast…
A horny young lad from Korea
69ing, though had diahhorea
In the midst of the fun
Felt a stir in his bum
Filled his partners mouth, nose, eyes and ear
One about sexy shaped vegetables…
A purveyor of veg called Anette
Who in lockdown saw veg and got wet
Courgette, egg plant and marrow
Carrots thick, long or narrow
Got her hot, cucumber so made her sweat
Happy Saturday you filthy animals 🙂
Once a pig loving lass from Majorca
Who’d scoff trotters, chops, Bacon and loin, her
Cravings got her so wet
for scotch eggs she’d forget
all her morals and for snout she’d pork ya
Just a little something for you.
An amorous lad, Jeff from Devon
Met a girl and he promised her heaven
Fraught with amorous sighs
Reached aroused twixt her things
Turns out not quite a Kate, but a Kevin
Go on, treat yourself.
Married chap with a thing for his gardener
Found his long garden hose quite the hardener
He would gaze at it’s girth
As it watered the earth
Made him wander and betray his partner
Oh it will do. Hardly great but these are tough times…;)
Once a chap who was self isolated
Day and night himself hard violated
He developed a cough
And his penis fell off
And his sphincter was annihalated
Pretty sure this is a thing. Bet there are web sites dedicated to it.
Once a fellow who gladly would savour
His gaseous girls rectal flavour
Inhaled her bottom gusts
and they filled him with lust
Made more foul by the beans that he gave her
____________
Here’s a follow up, a 2 for 1
____________
A foul smelling fan, name of Martin
Got turned on when his wife started farting
He’d breath in butt aroma
Made him quite a loud moaner
He’d explode when her butt cheeks were parting
_________
Sorry
Not sorry
February had 29 days, March 200 and April has 625. I have no idea what day or month it is to be honest…
This poor lad I know, self isolated
Spent his days watching porn, masturbated
Till his bits were quite raw
And his arms were real sore
And his balls were all red and inflated
One about butt hair
A hirsuite young temptress from Dover
You would see each time she was bent over
Not only her thong
But butt hair, thick and log
Which she styled in a fancy comb over
Go on, treat yourself
An oft aroused lass from Aruba
Had a vagina shaped like a tuba
Should the wind blow just right
It would play silent night
And in bed there was no need to lube her.
It’s Friday. Why not.
A food fetish fan from Bermuda
Had a wife but he wanted one ruder
Who’d rub guac on his nips
Place asparagus tips
Deep inside him then smear him in gouda.
One about leaking boobs
Breast feeding mum, Julie pickles
Had huge boobs but quite lopsided nipples
Left one gushed like a geyser
Gave her baby a seizure
But the right, rather small, only trickles
Just because…
Horny fellow who’s wife had Corona
Insisted she feast on his boner
How her cough made him jump
bit his cock off, a stump
is all thats remains of dick former
Okay so tenuous last line there…it si what it is…Perhaps too soon to be joking about such things but if you dont laugh sometimes you’ll end up losing your bloody mind.
Aren’t they the best type?
Forgetful chap who was inclined
To place objects inside his behind
Ended up youtube famous
For his cavernous anus
Left him gaping, but he did not mind
Let this be a warning to us all…
New years eve, chap had drunk some, well plenty
“Happy new year he cried, twenty-twenty
will be my year for sure”
then passed out on the floor
Shit his pants. Drink slow, quite elementary…
Ooh, bulgy!
There once was a lady from Bruges
Winter sports she loved, most of all luge
Got a thrill from the speed
and her sensual need
was fulfilled by tights shorts and men huge
Ooh excuse me
A legumephile lady of Queens
Just could not get enough of the beans
Kidney, Fava and more so
Haricot, Black and Pinto
Flatulent, blew a hole in her jeans.
