Just because…
Horny fellow who’s wife had Corona
Insisted she feast on his boner
How her cough made him jump
bit his cock off, a stump
is all thats remains of dick former
Okay so tenuous last line there…it si what it is…Perhaps too soon to be joking about such things but if you dont laugh sometimes you’ll end up losing your bloody mind.
Aren’t they the best type?
Forgetful chap who was inclined
To place objects inside his behind
Ended up youtube famous
For his cavernous anus
Left him gaping, but he did not mind
Let this be a warning to us all…
New years eve, chap had drunk some, well plenty
“Happy new year he cried, twenty-twenty
will be my year for sure”
then passed out on the floor
Shit his pants. Drink slow, quite elementary…
Ooh, bulgy!
There once was a lady from Bruges
Winter sports she loved, most of all luge
Got a thrill from the speed
and her sensual need
was fulfilled by tights shorts and men huge
Ooh excuse me
A legumephile lady of Queens
Just could not get enough of the beans
Kidney, Fava and more so
Haricot, Black and Pinto
Flatulent, blew a hole in her jeans.
Â
…About Gender reassignment
A broad shouldered young fellow called Fred
“Bod’s a male, I’m female in my head”
He quite firmly asserted
Has his penis inverted
Keeps his balls in a jar near his bed
Its been ages, just getting back into it again…
Once a buxom lass sweetest Consuela
Seeking love, left her home, Venezuela
A Romanian chap
Who she met, gave her clap
Well endowed, called him, Vlad the impaler
Bad Michael!
A fellow that I know who sweats
quite profusely as he has tourettes
does not know where he’ll be
when it escapes him you see
and will shout out quite loud “SHITTWATFUCKCOCKEATMYBUMBOOBSLICKMESPANKMECALLMEJULIEFRONTBUMJIZZTITS”
.
.
.
Okay I know, ity doesn’t rhyme đ
Happy Monday!
It’s been a few weeks…here you go.
There once was a slut from Tunisia
Had a quite awful case of amnesia
Every morning emerging
From her sleep a fresh virgin
Then go search for a fellow to please her
It is Monday after all. Just about. It just about rhymes. Kinda.
Eproctophilia out in the garden
met a flatulent lass “Beg your pardon”
She proclaimed, did a toot
He breathed in her bum fruit
And it gave him a fart fuelled huge hardon
Look I know, takes some effort reading it but it just kind of slipped out. Â Reminded me of the time I did those haiku about fetishes and then when I was teaching in that time and left the research on the laptop when I plugged in in front of about twenty 10 year olds.
You know what time it is!
There once hailed a young man from Dublin
saw the doctor who said “It’s quite troubling,
that it’s looking most queer
could be syphilis I fear
as it’s covered in puss and is bubbling.”
It’s that time again
Once a virginal lassie from Bury
To her boyfriend she offered her cherry
“Damn wrong hole” she did cry
“You’re two inches too high!”
“Does it hurt?” he asked, she replied “Very!”
.
.
.
I had to do a wee but of research on this to get the imperial measurements as I am very much metric born and raised. Â Oh and yes I know, position matters here in the general up and down of things. Look you’ll work it out I am sure…Now my browser needs clearing. Â See the lengths I go to for your limericky pleasure!
Count your blessings!
Hygienically challenged from Lincoln
was a lass who’s front bottom was stinkin’
She neglected to wash
men would try, but oh gosh
she would only get laid if they’re drinkin’
Well it has been a while I guess, I’m a tad rusty
A faecal historian from Goole
Fascinated by fine bygone stool
How he took such delight
In a large corpalite
And if corn filled it made him quite drool
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
A bored fellow from near the equator
Rubbed his cock with a rusty cheese grater
Not sure what he expected
But it blead, now infected
likely to drop off sooner or later
Well it’s Friday here…
A lewd husband, bum obsessed, inventive
Begged his wife for love, back door, incentive
Of her beauty he’d gush
For a crack at her tush
She’d not budge, no way, anal retentive
Why not eh…
A flight steward, Oliver BrownÂ
A mile higher of sensual renown
He would find himself spent
At a bumpy ascent
But preferred it much more, going down.
Friday! Result!
Lonely fellow from North of the border
Bought his ladies online, made to order
Silicone lips and tits
Plastic nipples and clits
arse cheeks plump, narrow waist, shoulders broader
Friday! Result!
Once a devoted girfriend named Julie
Vowed to love her beau, madly and truly
But when out on the town
Knickers soon were pulled down
On the vodka quite wild and unruly.
Not to everyone’s liking I am sure.
There once was a fellow called Jesus
Connoisseur of the finest of cheeses
“Bring some Brie” he’d insist
“I’ll make wine, we’ll get pissed”
Red, white, rose – whatever he pleases.
Well it is Wednesday after all.
A betrayed french wife, Â Mademoiselle Eiffel
Went to jail, for she used Monsieur’s Rifle
Caught his with her next door
Eating puddings galore
Found him balls deep in her Sunday trifle
Wholly inappropriate for a Tuesday. Actually scratch that. perfectly suited for a Tuesday.
Christian couple in love, most appealing
Was desire but they fought it, prayed kneeling
Waited patient ’till wed
In Christ’s love took to bed
Balls so blue when he came, hit the ceiling.
Let’s have a few of these this week shall we…
Once a fine undertaker named Pete
Had a secret, though kept it discrete
Until caught late one night
Cleaner shaken, the sight
Of him rubbing himself on dead feet.
Â
A broad shouldered lady called Brenda
Big old hands, hairy arms, legs quite slender
Wispy beard and top lip
Quite full breast, curvy hip
Size 12 feet, hard to classify gender
Just because…
Once a vet, quite the lover of rats,
mice and gerbils, but not fond of cats
Made a fine pair of mittens
from some cute persian kittens
and a tabby he made into hats
