My Second Book…

Bugger, I seem to have written a second book

Quick recap for you… I have written before about why I started my blog.  For those who missed it one of the main reasons was due to a friend who’s wife (now ex), an aspiring writer and a vile human being, insisting that anyone that self publishes does so as an act of vanity which is probably why she had never been published and for the most part refused to work.  I proceeded to take up writing and publish a book of limericks – which I dedicated to her – just to spite her. Anyway, I have now pretty much finished a second one.  This one is much less filthy, has no mention of boobs or prostitutes or weird penis’ and is actually a children’s story book.  Still got some general fiddling and editing to do and need to get it all put on Amazon but hey-ho, there you go.  I won’t be dedicating this one to here either.  She’s had her turn. Oh and if youre looking for an amazing artist look up Naya Kirichenko, who did the art, damn she’s good and such fun to work with.
More to follow on this! My fist book can be found at the links below Paperback in the UK is here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011 And in the US here https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011 UK E-Book is here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07QF58TYM The US E-Book is here https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QF58TYM

1000 Posts

Well I never…1000 posts.

Well I never, this is post number 1000, and I’m not really sure where to start really.

I don’t think I will linger on why I started, I think I wrote about that somewhen once here if you’re interested, and it seems like 5 minutes since I wrote my 100th post so to get to a thousand is pretty fab.

As a writing journey it has been so much more rewarding and so much more fun than I could ever have imagined. Some days I find myself bursting with limericks an others its flash fiction but barely a day goes by that I don’t have something I want to put down on paper.

Fitting it all into a busy work and family life is never easy, and some days it takes a real effort and a lack of sleep to get written what I want to share. Last month I penned a 35000 word story to M’s fabulous prompts yet so far this month time seems to have escaped me a little and all I have managed is a barrage of limericks and haiku. There have also been loads of poems, posts about my life, pictures of where I live and a few on dieting even. Whatever it is I have loved writing every one and they all thrill me equally.

The biggest surprise for me throughout though has been the people. You lot. I think I wrote about it here but I cannot stress enough how important I have found the support of anyone and everyone who for whatever reason has chosen to follow or read me. I cant name you all but you know who you are. Thank you. Throw in all the wonderful people I have been able to follow (and I wish I had time to read and follow more than I do) and it all adds up to a most pleasant surprise indeed.

So what next then I ask myself? I am.not the most introspective of types so mostly I will just keep muddling on.

Well I am going to do a couple of books this year I think. One on Limericks of course (given that I have written over 350 of them), and I intend to turn the In-Between thingy into a novella and who knows what else. This certainly feels very much like the beginning only so thanks for sticking with me so far I hope you enjoy what is to come.

Michael x

Toilet Paper Troubles

Read this before I am forced to delete it…

M has another month of fab prompts that you can see here

Today it is Toilet paper troubles.


 

I saw the prompt and my mind instantly went back to an event a few years ago now that you might like.  You also might not but it’s a true story either way.

It was a lovely summers day and I remember being sat in the living room, as we English are prone to do when we have good weather, when my eldest could be heard laughing hysterically at the top of the stairs.  I’m talking out of control belly laugh.  He was about 7 at the time, and Tom my youngest about 4.

“What’s so funny Sam” I shout up the stairs and he can’t answer, simply pointing down the stairs and out into the garden.  I looked and was at first uncertain until I noticed Tom wandering around the garden with his trousers around his ankles trailing a good ten feet of soiled toilet paper behind him hanging from his bottom.

Obviously my first instinct was to grab my camera to get a good video and as Sam continued to howl hysterically I headed down the garden to capture the moment for posterity.

At this point my wife was alerted to something going on and I heard a cry of distress from the upstairs window an the thundering of feet down the stairs as sh and Sam hurried down the back steps and into the garden too.

“What the bloody hell is going on” she shouted *or something like that) “and why the hell are you filming it and not cleaning up.  Curiously that wasn’t a question that had crossed my mind.  Perhaps that just shows how different men and women are.

Before I know it a hasty investigation reveals that Sam had tossed Tom a loo roll when he said he needed to go (we only had one loo  in the house at the time which Sam was using) and told him to go in the garden.  Which Tom did.

“Get some carrier bags” she says to me “and put that bloody camera away.”

The look on her face suggested that she was not to be trifled with so I hurried into the house returning with bags to use to clean up the mess.  By this point Tom had pointed out where he had relieved himself and the wife took one of the bags to pick up his leavings. 

Probably should point out at this point that I have a quite terrible gag reflex and am prone to heaving and lurching at the sight of bodily fluids which would explain why I begin to gag, eyes watering, as she attempts to pick up the remains of Tom’s lunch. 

“Just help will you and pick up that toilet roll” she says pointing to the yards of soiled twin ply littering the garden.  I respond by gagging uncontrollably as I near it, which in turns sets off Sam who himself starts to gag.

“What is wrong with you people” she shouts as we both stand there gagging as she ties the bag full of Toms number two but this sight is simply too much for Sam who suddenly starts to projectile vomit across the garden.

“Oh god no “ she shouts panicked clutching a bag of the youngest’s poo as I crack up unable to do anything other that alternate between laughing and gagging, “Just help will you, god what are the neighbours going to think.”

At this point we were about to find out not what the neighbours thought but certainly what their dog thought as she trotted along and quite merrily began to eat Sam’s vomit.

It is all very much a blur from that point on but I know there was screaming and shouting and the dog looked most satisfied with whatever Sam had had for lunch and I eventually stopped gagging though it was too late to recover the position.

It wasn’t long after that we started planning to have the second bathroom put in.

 

 

 

A Sprinkle of Balderdash

M has another month of fab prompts that you can see here

Today it is A sprinkle of Balderdash.


For those of you who might have seen my blog in the last month you will have seen that I wrote a 30000 word story, day by day using M’s prompts. Given that my preferred medium of expression is the glorious 5 lines of a limerick, and the longest post I have ever done was about 500 words, I am not sure where the confidence came from but there you go.

Mostly it started out as waffle and balderdash but as the month went on I really rather enjoyed it and whilst it is not quite the 50000 words NANOWRIMO might ask of you it’s a start, so I thought I would share a few thoughts on the experience.

  • It was so important to make sure I wrote every day. I got behind after a weekend of enjoying the royal wedding and it was so hard to catch up so should I do it again I would ensure that time is put aside at all costs.
  • I discovered afterwards that there are two types of writers. Those that plan and the ‘pantsers’. ‘Pantsers’ are apparently people who make fly by the seat of their pants and plan very little. I think I lean more towards being a ‘pantser’.
  • Encouragement really matters. Those wonderful people amongst you who took time to read and comment, M for just doing the prompts, Dronsta who really helped with advice or people on Twitter who posted things on their own timelines which I found encouraging – it all really motivated me when I was struggling.
  • Editing can come later, this was pretty much a public first draft but getting the draft down became such a motivator. I can now revisit and do whatever I want with it but it is mine to play with at my leisure.
  • I had only ever written short flash fiction pieces before and the idea of writing 1000 words was massive daunting for me but day by day, line by line, I found that the stamina built pretty quickly and by the end I could churn out an unedited 2500 words in about an hour and a half.
  • When I completed it I wished I was a dog because It was such a thrill that I would happily have licked my own bollocks, and not just for hygiene reasons I tell you.
  • For a few days afterwards I have found it really hard to write. Oddly I found myself going through quite a few emotions having put so much into something over a short period. At times I felt stupid for doing it, others proud, and I really missed it which made doing anything else feel pointless. I did a bit of reading and this is apparently normal it seems.

So, if you’re wondering whether you can do it, absolutely you can just put some time aside, find people to support you and write, write, write…