Feel free to borrow this gents. The ladies will swoon, trust me
How I love thee and all of your beauty
And your kind gentle soul it so moves me
You’re quite perfect it seems
Youre the girl of my dreams
With you vice grip vagina, round booty
Especially for you….you know who you are
A quite flacid husband called Bill
Pleased his wife, took a viagra pill
All night long, how he railed her
Now she walks like a sailor
With her sticky jizz thighs, what a thrill
Well it is Wednesday after all.
A betrayed french wife, Mademoiselle Eiffel
Went to jail, for she used Monsieur’s Rifle
Caught his with her next door
Eating puddings galore
Found him balls deep in her Sunday trifle
I should know better. I do.meh…
He thinks he’s funny
But he gambled on a fart
Faecal stained trousers
For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
Pyromaniac nympho called Linda
Took a lad home that she met on Tinder
Took some candles to bed
How he screamed as he fled
Burnt the poor fellows cock to a cinder
Meat based frolics
Once a perverted butcher called Pete
Did despicable things with his meat
It would so make you quiver
As he frolicked in liver
Rubbed his sausage with rancid pigs feet
Feel free to use it if you know someone in need!
You poor thing, heard you’re feeling unwell
That it’s itching and starting to swell
Hope you feel well real soon
And it doesn’t balloon
And explode with a pungent vile smell
A tale as old as time…
Once a waiter from Greece, tanned and handsome
Held the hearts of the tourist quite ransom
How the ladies would swoon
And his tips would balloon
But was into dads, grandads and grandsons
Ny what a big…er…hole you have…
A promiscuous lass from Aruba
Who’s vagina was shaped like a tuba
Massive labia, so wide
Men would rattle inside
on the plus side, you don’t have to lube her
Apparently that’s now a thing too…
In a manger a baby fulfilled
His dads prophesy, how the Earth thrilled
Cows and angels, some sheep
Wise men sighed, watched him sleep
Thirty years later, his dad had him killed
Guess this one is all about how youinterpret it…
Well aged hot wife chef quite fond of cooking
As they’d near the end of the nights booking
“No creampies, on my face”
She’d demand “It’s a waste!
Keeps my skin soft and rather young looking”
Bloody hell, that’s a bit grim, I will admit…
A young undertaker names Beth
Had a quite frightful case of bad breath
For she loved giving head
To the stiffening dead
How she loved the dank taste of sweet death
It’s just one. It will be fine. No one will know trust me…
A flatulent baker called Martin
Won all contests he’d entered his tarts in
His baked wares were the best
And he proudly confessed
“‘Cos as well as sweet treats, they have fart in!”
Not one of my better ones but it’ll do. Not like there are loads of bestiality limericks out there to compare it to…
A compassionate vet from Uganda
Stroked a cat whilst sat on his veranda
Took his love just too far
Touched a dog in his car
Now gives hand jobs to monkeys and panda
No wonder he looked so familiar
Once a girl found a boy like no other
Loved him so, wanted to be a mother
Kid was born with three legs
Fifty teeth like clothes pegs
Seems alas he was her long lost brother
One about a chap with a super hairy butthole. Because why the hell not.
A botanist, Daniel Mclarey
Had an anus, hirsute, super hairy
He would oft get it plucked
If he was to get fucked
But if not, overgrown, ’twas quite scary
For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
A Christian couple, just wed
Found themselves all alone on the bed
She went down on her knees
And he grinned “Oh yes please”
She said grace for such bounty, gave head
A hallmark moment…
Heard you’re sick, quite unwell, chesty wheeze
Get well soon and stay hydrated, please
Hope you’re soon on the mend
It’s quite gross, can’t pretend
As your bum still explodes when you sneeze
Things don’t grow in the shade, alas…
There once was a baker from Crete
Who loved pastries, pies, cakes, all so sweet
Grew quite portly and round
If he looks at the ground
He now cant see his penis or feet
To those who followed me because I wrote about dieting. This is probably closer to the real me. Sorry 🙂
Sex mad divorcee, now, online dating
Swipes and clicks left her moist, salivating
A transvestite off Grinder
Sweating, grunting, behind her
Tinder twins in each hand, masturbating
In case you know someone who broke their dick and got them a card but were unsure what to write
Heard you slipped on some lube near the hearth
And your penis, my god, broke in half
Bent at 90 degrees
it’s quite tricky to please
Here’s a card, I tried hard not to laugh
Ouchy…
A much betrayed woman called Brenda
Her hub banged her sister and friend yeah
Now locked up, doing time
But she really don’t mind
Put his cock and his balls in a blender
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
Fred, a cannibal, loved valentine
To devour someone sweet, 69
To the spleen, he would toast
As he ate anus roast
And sweet nipples he’d pickled in brine
ouchy
Hope you feel so much better today
And the swelling and pain’s gone away
And the tear in the tip
That was caused by your zip
Will be healed up real soon, hip hooray!
What a year indeed…
A philandering chap with a mistress
Took another, then two more at Christmas
Dirty threesome in May
Then for June he turned gay
He got aids, gonorrhoea and syphilis
Afterwards 