This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a chap who lived south of the border
placed a custom job sex doll web order
Tiny mouth, googly eyes
nipples large, like pork pies
a big butt ‘cos he like his dames broader
A rude one about a woman and her need for a particularly large penis.
A cavernous lass, quite pedantic
who insisted on cocks most gigantic
No nine inchers for her
(unless girth) she don’t care
Only upwards of twelve get her frantic
It’s Monday where I am. Let us start the week with a special bit of meaty madness…
A butcher, too fond of his meat
Rubbed himself with pigs ears and cows feet
Would spend weekend a quiver
As he fondled lambs liver
Would explode at the sight of meats sweet
Mmmmm tasty…
Married chap I know has him a mistress
Who it turns out will eat only citrus
Says her ass tastes sublime
Just like lemons and lime
And he raves of her tangerine Clitoris
I know I should be better than this.
Once a dirty scout master from from Kent
Spent weekends round young boys in a tent
Now he’s locked up in jail
With no prospects of bail
Passed around cells at night, sphincter spent
Oh I’m sure every family has been there. No? Oh…right…sorry. Well bet Im the only one with this title in a blog post EVER!
he watched plumber porn
Connected to the Bluetooth
while folks ate salad
Just pop her into the recovery position, she’ll be reet
An epileptic lass called Theresa
During sex would squirt high like a geyser
If pleased ever so right
Eyes rolled back in delight
And then squeal and go into a seizure
A hallmark moment…
Heard you’re under the weather and wheezy
and your bottom is really quite breezy
and you’re head’s thick and snotty
and your breath’s pretty grotty
lots of fluids and rest, take it easy
Confession time
A God fearing hooker Celeste
Who down on her knees would confess
Let the cleansing begin
Of her mouth full of sin
Get that massive big load off her chest
Aah the things we deny ourselves…
Once a lady with grace, class and poise
Had a craving for both girls and boys
She would keep it well hidden
What she thought was forbidden
And so got through so many sex toys
Life lessons, free. No need to thank me.
Once a chap who was wooing a lass
Treat her fine, with respect and such class
But he failed in his quest
She liked perverts the best
Who would crave her big boobs and fine ass
A moment of mirth as the world burns
A quite chilly vet from Cancun
Made a hat from a baby baboon
Made a scarf from some kittens
Turned some puppies to mittens
Found himself rather warm pretty soon
Feel free to borrow this gents. The ladies will swoon, trust me
How I love thee and all of your beauty
And your kind gentle soul it so moves me
You’re quite perfect it seems
Youre the girl of my dreams
With you vice grip vagina, round booty
Especially for you….you know who you are
A quite flacid husband called Bill
Pleased his wife, took a viagra pill
All night long, how he railed her
Now she walks like a sailor
With her sticky jizz thighs, what a thrill
Well it is Wednesday after all.
A betrayed french wife, Mademoiselle Eiffel
Went to jail, for she used Monsieur’s Rifle
Caught his with her next door
Eating puddings galore
Found him balls deep in her Sunday trifle
I should know better. I do.meh…
He thinks he’s funny
But he gambled on a fart
Faecal stained trousers
For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
Pyromaniac nympho called Linda
Took a lad home that she met on Tinder
Took some candles to bed
How he screamed as he fled
Burnt the poor fellows cock to a cinder
Meat based frolics
Once a perverted butcher called Pete
Did despicable things with his meat
It would so make you quiver
As he frolicked in liver
Rubbed his sausage with rancid pigs feet
Feel free to use it if you know someone in need!
You poor thing, heard you’re feeling unwell
That it’s itching and starting to swell
Hope you feel well real soon
And it doesn’t balloon
And explode with a pungent vile smell
A tale as old as time…
Once a waiter from Greece, tanned and handsome
Held the hearts of the tourist quite ransom
How the ladies would swoon
And his tips would balloon
But was into dads, grandads and grandsons
Ny what a big…er…hole you have…
A promiscuous lass from Aruba
Who’s vagina was shaped like a tuba
Massive labia, so wide
Men would rattle inside
on the plus side, you don’t have to lube her
Apparently that’s now a thing too…
In a manger a baby fulfilled
His dads prophesy, how the Earth thrilled
Cows and angels, some sheep
Wise men sighed, watched him sleep
Thirty years later, his dad had him killed
Guess this one is all about how youinterpret it…
Well aged hot wife chef quite fond of cooking
As they’d near the end of the nights booking
“No creampies, on my face”
She’d demand “It’s a waste!
Keeps my skin soft and rather young looking”
Bloody hell, that’s a bit grim, I will admit…
A young undertaker names Beth
Had a quite frightful case of bad breath
For she loved giving head
To the stiffening dead
How she loved the dank taste of sweet death
It’s just one. It will be fine. No one will know trust me…
A flatulent baker called Martin
Won all contests he’d entered his tarts in
His baked wares were the best
And he proudly confessed
“‘Cos as well as sweet treats, they have fart in!”
Afterwards 