Limericky icky

You must see these coming by now surely

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Get well soon hear you contracted syph

and its pungent and rancid don’t sniff

cos it’s looking quite green

get antibacs and some cream

stay downwind cos god you sure whiff

 

Lick my limerick

Or did I mean ‘like’? Oh I do get mixed up…

Once a builder, an eye for perfection

met an architect fond of inspection

day by day how he woo’d

took her out for some food

and insisted “come see my erection”

 

 

 

A Sunday Limerick ;)

Should have posted it yesterday but I was too busy enjoying the wedding and drinking cocktails and enjoying a day only us Brits can really do properly…

 

A royal couple, face beaming with smile

but he’ll have to wait still for a while

seems he’s rather quite keen

this romantic young dream

he can’t wait to take her up the aisle

 

Whilst it can’t buy you love look what it can buy.

I think she got some of it on sale.

Flush with cash, dame from North Carolina

who so craved a sweet custom vagina

said her beau “looks fantastic

though your clit’s made of plastic

and your labia’s hand made in China”

More Get Well Soon

Perhaps you know someone feeling a little under the weather and feel stuck for what to write in the get well soon card. Fear not I have you all sorted.

Get some rest you’ll feel better I’m sure

Once it heals it will not feel so sore

You’ll be soon back to boozing

When you clear up the oozing

And next time just say no to the whore

 

Get Well Soon

Perhaps you know someone feeling a little under the weather and feel stuck for what to write in the get well soon card. Fear not I have you all sorted.

Eeuw I hear it’s all swollen and smelly

and there’s bits that are wobbly like jelly

I’d suggest get some cream

as it shouldn’t be green

leaking yellow puss onto your belly.

 

The great plan of the gods

Apparently, all terrible things happen for a reason.

A few weeks ago my family and I were invited to dinner at a rather fabulous Indian Restaurant in Leeds by one of the chaps who works for me to say thanks for the support I gave him whilst he was fighting thyroid cancer.

During the course of the meal, I think just after the quite delicious lamb main course had arrived,  his friend remarked that Allah most certainly had a plan for him and whilst he had given him the cancer in the first place he had also taken it away.

How very kind I thought, and it struck me that this Allah fellow sounds a whole lot like Jesus’ dad don’t you think.  He’s often attributed with giving children leukaemia and such to prove that all things happen for a reason and then turning up with jazz hands and a big old “Taadaa” when things are all cleared up to take the credit for a job well done and to check in on what lesson you’ve learned whilst watching your child suffer excruciating pain.

“He sounds like a bit of a dick” I said to my wife afterwards.  She suggested I be a little more respectful of other people’s beliefs, and because of how rude I can be she would be taking back the kidney she given me a few years ago to teach me a lesson.

I am happy though to say that my friend is now fit and well, regardless of who fixed him up.  I do hope the doctors send some sort of thank you card to a god of one description or another because it really was quite good of whoever stepped in to take this potentially life ending disease back.

Perhaps though him and the other gods would be so kind as to stop giving people awful diseases, because the doctors would have considerably less to do and they could maybe get a little more golf in.

Oh, and she never gave me a kidney – but you knew that right 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Photo courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.