M does a marvellous set of prompts each month, today the prompt was Spontaneous Eruptions. I am sure you aren’t surprised at what I came up with. I recorded it too though so you can listen rather than actually reading it. See how kind I am…I hope it works.
https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/2018/07/01/july-writing-prompts/
The Legend of Arty McFarty
Once a fellow of some girth, a man of little joy or mirth
Who sad spent all his days self loathing and most glum
Teased by all and not respected and each night upset reflected
On his life which was quite empty and no fun
He had no wife and children none and friends alas were all now gone
And so he pondered his existence and felt small
And he came to the conclusion he was under the illusion
That he really ought to not be here at all
Quite intent to bring an end and without life or love or friend
At the cliff top he now stood, but lo a vision
It was the ghost of his dead mum and she insisted with his bum
He’d seek revenge on those who point with such derision
She spoke kinds words and reassured and from the cliff top he was lured
And she reminded him that he was in her heart
and he indeed possessed a gift and it so gave his heart a lift
when she proclaimed he had the world’s most fearsome fart
And so with deadly fierce eruption he blazed a trail of fowl destruction
Wreaking vengeance on all who had made him sad
At work he let off in a lift, three people had to miss a shift
it made a lass have fits and nearly killed one lad
His bottom spewed such fearsome gases that his neighbour now wears glasses
When into her letter box he let one out
He could hear her scream and stumble and she dropped her apple crumble
And threw up when out into the street ran out
He blew off down at the store and the milk curdled and then more
Or less the whole place had to be evacuated
At the pub he was oft goaded so near the fire he exploded
Watched it burn with joy, oh how these folk he hated
Farted then into a pram and in the face of an old man
then on a beggar who would oft be rather rude
And to a church he made a visit, left his own unholy spirit
and to a shelter where he dropped one on the food
And so he found his true life calling with his anus most appaling
Havoc he did wreak and eyes did stream
And all his days he spent unleashing anal thunder most unpleasing
Vile bottom burps most nasty and oh so obscene
