R Rated Limericks.

I am easily influenced, so here are some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read and to be honest – are rather crude.


Okay…I think they’re R Rated, I’m not really sure.  I mentioned the limericks I often don’t do here, and a number of you egged me on to do them.  So for the first time I’ll publish a few.  


There lived a young chap in Caracas

Who had swollen, enlarged quite red knackers

thought he’d best see the doc

who grabbed hold of his cock

and gave them a shake like maracas


A saucy fun temptress from China

spent her cash on a custom vagina

was so very good looking

but just no use for fucking

though she might just let you 69 her


A mechanic from North Carolina

had the hots for a big burly miner

left his family in shock

when he ‘fessed “it’s the cock

I just like it way more than vagina”


A vicar quite down on his luck

found a great way to make a quick buck

to the members he went

said “I need to pay rent,

for ten dollars I’ll give you a suck.”


A builder from Cork name of Shamus

had a monstrous and cavernous anus

in his bottom he placed

knives, forks, bowls cups and plates

now he’s massive on YouTube, quite famous


Sorry.  Kinda.

Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

14 thoughts on “R Rated Limericks.”

  1. Quite possibly, only slightly, Benny Hillish, maybe not… balls hanging… maybe funny… maybe dragging… dirty… just a little… maybe… a lot…

    “Quite amusing!”

    She said laughing and turning red. While delightfully dirty and uncomfortable images danced in her head.

    😈(so corrupted was she)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha! Great stuff.

    Fun and Dandy went to the store
    to have snack and some chippies.
    Fun turned his nose up:
    I don’t want getting bloated with all them fattening stuff!
    So turning his friend upside down, he licked Dandy like candy.


    Liked by 1 person

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