More R Rated Limericks.

I am easily influenced, so here are even some of the limericks you certainly don’t want your kids to read.


I blame these on you lot for encouraging me…


A fine actor from Hollywood hailed

and young men he apparently nailed

one with mouth he did please

as he dropped to his knees

many more he’d seduce but he failed


Dairy sales man who worked in Calcutta

Had a mind that was oft in the gutter

Home he’d go self to please

Rub his bollocks with cheese

And his nipples he’d smother in butter.


There once was an old man from Chile

Now you’re thinking I’ll write of his willy

That would be rather sick

To write odes of old dick

I’m more grown up than that, don’t be silly…


An innocent chap from Taiwan

who kept puppies and sweets in a van

Gave away outside schools

Church bazaar’s, public pools

worse charity ever, stupid man!


Bloke next door has this girlfriend, most flirty

Who based on the noise, gets quite dirty

“God that stings” through the walls

Heard him shout, slips and falls

Bangs his head, seems she’s also quite squirty


Sorry.  Kinda.

Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

13 thoughts on “More R Rated Limericks.”

  1. Ooh, can you do “Carry on, keep calm” limericks?
    Carry on and keep calm is so British
    Great for an Anglophile fetish
    I don’t know how they’d go,
    But you’ve a dirty old soul
    So I’m sure you’d create quite a finish!
    Sorry, couldn’t help myself! How fun! I love your limericks!

    Liked by 1 person

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