I woke one day only to find
Aliens probing my behind
Imagine if you will my shock
Lying undressed bar just one sock.
Now I’m not the type of chap to moan
but I’d only just set off for home
from work when there to my surprise
An alien vessel fills the sky.
And after that it’s quite a blur
I recall a creature with blue fur
and a cold insertion twixt my thighs
and tears streaming from my eyes.
Then nothing until I awoke
On a metal slab with another bloke
who struggled wildly to get free
and looked just as surprised as me.
And there we lay for quite a while
imprisoned by these creatures vile
until they entered fur and claw
with tails that dragged across the floor.
I blurted out “I must protest
I need to get this off my chest!”
They simply blinked big eyes and peeked
inside my new friends bottom cheeks.
“Now please forgive my attitude
I do not mean to be so rude
but bloody hell this is not fun
please do not rummage in his bum!”
No response, they weren’t aware
it was as if I was not there
they seemed intent on exploration
to my compatriots consternation.
“Now come on really must you poke
inside the bottom of that bloke?
What is it you hope to find
secreted inside his behind?”
I felt an anger from way down
that they’d picked me when leaving town.
Who would believe a humble tailor
with tales of an alien Impaler.
“I’ve hear you lot are so obsessed
with getting people quite undressed
then delving into their hind quarter
is that what your mother taught ya?”
I’m riled, enraged, my dander rising
“Please just stop my butt cheeks prising
and let me go back to my wife
I’m late, not called, and in real strife!”
I know not if it was my words
but my request it seems was heard
and soon they would to my pleas yield
and drop me off in a corn field.
I know not why they chose to take
folk such as us and prisoners make.
Folk laugh when I of my tale speak
how I cold not sit for a week.
One day perhaps I’ll understand
why people all across the land
are probed by these fowl creatures blue
today was me, tomorrow you?
Take heed in case one day you find
an alien in your behind
your wife doubting just where you’ve been
accusing you of deeds obscene
with strangers you picked up in town
finger pointing face a frown
“Think of the kids, please don’t get drunk
and let folk fiddle in your trunk”.