Some Saturday night limericks

A couple of limericks about adultery, one about a man with a small penis and one about middle aged spread.

 

Just a couple more limericks.  Been rather tied up back end of this week and I went to the pub last night so all I have managed over the last few days are the limericks I scribble in my notebook when I am on a conference call of some description at work…

 

A bank robber from Toremelinos

stole to get cash for his penis

to enlarge was his wish

but the products are pish

now he’s locked up in jail with men, heinous

 

‘My Friend’ watches far too much telly

middle aged, double chins and round belly

legs and arms got quite thick

now he can’t see his dick

and his man boobs they jiggle like jelly

 

A husband one day proclaimed dead

seems his wife shot him right through the head

on his phone saw a text

“Banged your sister, you’re next!”

really made quite a mess of the bed

 

Farmers wife with a craving for men

got caught cheating again and again

hub quite angry threw fits

then he chopped her to bits

fed her parts to the pigs in his pen

I tried to say goodbye.

Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend

Word prompt :  I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.  

I tried to say goodbye today

But you wagged your tail and barked 

And followed me as I set off 

And chased me through the park

   

So back I walked and took you home

This time I would ensure 

the wife who I’d left home in bed

Would all the gates secure 

      

“You’ll not believe just who got out!”

I shout and summarise 

The story of our dogs escape 

But oh to my surprise…

     

It seems my pooch has helped me out 

My wife is not alone 

It seems he’s not the only one 

Who rather loves a bone.

   

   
I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered.  🙂