My entry in to the Carrot Ranch #7 contest

the challenge was to do 75 words on a murderous theme as I recall

The sausages sizzled and spat in the pan as the inspector sat to the table.  “Have you eaten?” she asked spooning fat over them and watching them turn from pink to golden brown “I make them myself you know”.

“Homemade?  Really?” he answered.  “They do smell great, what do you feed them?” He asked his mouth watering.

“Oh you’d be surprised what a pig will eat” she answered smiling “you can feed them absolutely anything.”

Carrot Ranch Random Words Challenge

107 words using ‘Acid Rain’. Easy enough right?

Wednesday dipped the nose of his tractor and sent her plunging straight through the heart of the cloud.

The radio crackled into life, “how’s it going up there mate?”

“Still early days Stella” he replied as the dash gauges confirmed he’d pulled in nearly three litres on that run.

“We need this Wednesday, everything depends on you cloud farmers.”

“I know” he snapped as he brought her around for another pass, heart racing.

“You got any quality readings yet?”

He held his breath as the sample data began to load onto his HUD.

“Negative” he cursed as the data finished loading, “acid rain, I repeat acid rain.”

100 word Wednesday – The Chase

Just a couple of old folk out for a drive.

“I swear they’re following us, they’ve found us” Flo screamed, taking a sharp turn tyres screeching. The small white car behind them did too.

“Take a left” Bert exclaimed, grabbing his pistol from the glove box and pulling the handbrake. Three sharp pops later the car careered into a lamp post, a white haired driver slumped over the wheel.

Bert got back into the car. “Drive!” he shouted.

“Perhaps Flo doesn’t want the coat she left at church” Mary asked herself as the bullet passed through her eye into her brain and opened up the back of her skull.


Haiku Challenge – Sweet and Scent

Blanketed in bliss

A Pinch of Happiness



Kangaroo – OWPC Challenge

I wonder if I could take one in a fight? Doubt it.

The challenge – write something using the work prompt: Kangaroo.  The prompt comes from Jennifer Nichole Wells fabulous site.  

Try as I might I have been completely incapable of coming up with an idea of interest on the matter of the Kangaroo.  For three months I have churned out all manner of things on a ludicrous breadth of subjects but the Kangaroo has me flummoxed.

I think perhaps I find them rather underwhelming, despite their large feet and ability to box grown men in the circus which should be more impressive than it actually is.  I look at them and I feel nothing inspiring despite the wonder I am sure some would say they are.

I know that probably makes me beastly, but I think it might just be the vacant look on their faces that I find so very dull, and I am sorry but it makes me want to punch them.   Right in the face.

Now as cruel as that might seem, given their ability in the ring I am pretty sure I would be able to claim self defence if I was found wrestling one to the ground in the street.

If I was going to dispose of any large amount of them, and obviously this is just hypothetically speaking – I think that a tornado would be my weapon of choice.  Let us assume that they went a little crazy and started stealing babies as animals in Australia are, I believe, quite prone to do.  Dingo’s stole Azaria Chamberlain if her mother is to believed so I don’t think it is too far a stretch of the imagination.

It’s not like I’m proposing a koala stole a chubby toddler, that would be ludicrous. Koala’s are far too weak for that.

Anyway, back to my kangaroo filled tornado.

The thought of a couple of thousand of them whisked into the air and spinning uncontrollably looking all perplexed and bewildered has me chuckling far more than it should.  Sorry.

Right, as I was saying – nothing to see here and fingers crossed next week’s prompt has me more inspired.

Sorry Jennifer.

More stuff to read perhaps?

Glorious – Daily Prompt

Motivational Monday

Get well soon limericks 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

I set myself a challenge this week…

Just how much could I do in one week?

If my wife sees this then she might remark, “Not a lot”, and that would probably be fair.

At the outset of the week I set myself a challenge of getting onto WordPress a lot of the ideas I had stored up and to just see what I was capable of spewing out over 7 days.  In addition to writing I also set myself the challenge of reading as much as I could too.  A kind of total immersive experience.

As a bit of context, I have a job and a family and other commitments so it was very much a case of seeing what I could fit in where.  I do a typical 8-4 in a large bank running a team of programmers, the boys have rugby Wednesday and Thursday evenings, it was my nephew’s birthday on Wednesday and I didn’t get out of work until well after 6 on Friday.  Oh, most of Saturday and Sundays are spent doing something rugby related somewhere in Yorkshire too – so time is at a premium.

So how did it go?

Well by the time this is published I think I will have managed in the region of 27 posts during the week and have read somewhere in the ball park of 300 other peoples articles.

When it comes to reading it was simply a case of getting up one hour early each day (at least) and spending from 5.30 am to 6.30 am reading, liking, commenting or sometimes skipping over other peoples work.  A week or two ago I actually read every single post in The Daily Prompt.  Over 200.  I think it was on flavour.

There was some great stuff that I have taken inspiration from, new people I am now following and I seem to have picked up new followers on the way.  If I had something constructive or really enjoyed a piece I said so, I didn’t just constantly like, I tried very much to engage in what I was doing and with the author.

As for writing, it was very much a case of being disciplined and creative with my time.

I planned the week, did a spreadsheet of what I wanted to do each day and tracked it day by day.  Many of my pieces were related to weekly challenges from other bloggers so knowing what came out when was key.

So after a week I seem to have produced :

  • 7 Daily limericks plus one Sunday Limerick piece
  • 10 Pieces of flash fiction or micro fiction stories
  • 5 Haiku posts, some in response to other peoples challenges
  • half a dozen commentary type pieces, often based on what’s been going on in the world.

Each night I would try grab an hour or more after the kids were in bed, and if I was helping them with their homework I would perhaps write when I was doing that – either in my note book or on my tablet.  I’ve watched less TV too.  Something had to give.

At work I was more disciplined about taking a lunch break and would use 30 to 40 minutes writing.  I will also admit to writing a fair few limericks on some of the more tedious calls I have to attend from time to time.

One morning I took the youngest to tutoring which is 45 minutes, and in that time as I waited I managed to write the outline for 3 more short stories, so waste not want not.

I then proceeded to post 3 or 4 a day.  Was it necessary?  Could I have stored them up? I simply wanted to write, I wasn’t really bothered by those sort of thoughts.  I may post nothing this next week, and if that’s the case then so be it.

As for the numbers, not something I spend a lot of time worrying about, but it was by far my best week ever.  I do know I had more likes, comments, views and visitors than any other week, and I don’t think my quality was greatly diminished – I still tried to do my best with the things I tackled.

I did think I might have been short of inspiration for so many pieces but I was surprised by just how much I still had left by the end of the week – I think I now have more ideas that I started with.  It feels to me like the creative process, once stimulated, really can run away with itself.

That’s just my experience though, I have only been doing this for a few months so don’t claim to know much about this lark – I only know I enjoy doing it.



I tried to say goodbye.

Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend

Word prompt :  I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.  

I tried to say goodbye today

But you wagged your tail and barked 

And followed me as I set off 

And chased me through the park


So back I walked and took you home

This time I would ensure 

the wife who I’d left home in bed

Would all the gates secure 


“You’ll not believe just who got out!”

I shout and summarise 

The story of our dogs escape 

But oh to my surprise…


It seems my pooch has helped me out 

My wife is not alone 

It seems he’s not the only one 

Who rather loves a bone.


I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered.  🙂

Headline News – #Sunday Photo Fiction

“What you got in the box?” Thomas asked quizzically as Wednesday stepped from the car.

“What you got in the box?” Thomas asked quizzically as Wednesday stepped from the car.  He was dressed head to toe in black, which seemed wholly inappropriate for the desert.

“A head” replied Wednesday very much as if that’s exactly what he didn’t have.  “I cut it off of one Alphonso White!”

“Whoa!  That’s big money you got in there amigo!” said Thomas excitedly, taking the box and opening it to take a look inside.

“It is indeed my friend” Wednesday replied proudly.  “Biggest mobster on the Eastern Seaboard – huge bounty – and I have his pudgy wee head in a box!”

“How’d you bag him” Thomas asked looking somewhat panicked.  These were not the sort of people whose head you snatched willy nilly.  “His people know you took him?”

“No they don’t, it was a complete fluke” Wednesday grinned, “I was following him to get an idea of his security and the daft arses ended up in a big old pile up, everyone dead.  I managed to nip in and lop off his noggin!”

Thomas closed the box and handed it back, and pointed to a convoy of black SUV’s hurtling towards them.

“I think we may have a problem…”



200 words

photo © A Mixed Bag 2009

For more on Thomas and Wednesday take a look here


“I think that today I shall stay in the pool” said Hippo as the sun began to creep over the horizon, a fiery line drawn against the silhouette of the hills beyond.

“I think that today I shall stay in the pool” said Hippo as the sun began to creep over the horizon, a fiery line drawn against the silhouette of the hills beyond.

“Is that not what you do every day?” Crocodile asked with a mischievous toothy grin

“It is indeed” Hippo responded, his ears twitching.  “It keeps me cool when the sun is most fierce”

Hippo heaved his huge frame from the riverbank.  “And what are your plans today?” he asked crocodile.

“Today I shall do what I did yesterday, and what I shall do tomorrow” Crocodile said.  “I shall go to the pool and then I have some breakfast.”

“And are you going to try and eat me again” Hippo laughed, “It was ever so funny when you tried that.”

Crocodile remembered all too well the day he met his old friend and laughed.  “You tasted terrible anyway” he joked.

“The sun is getting up!” Said Hippo, “Come on lets get going, all the good spots will be taken.”



Want to read more of my stuff that’s not about hippos and crocs me but about  and zombies and people and rude poems and life and stuff?