My Haiku process

I find it hard to do serious haiku, they intimidate me and make me feel rather insecure. So I write these instead…

When I started with my haiku I found it hard to do the serious ones, the ones about nature and such.  The proper ones.  Instead I have always tried to write funny haiku about serious things.  My process is pretty simple, I write down a load of serious awful things just like the list below and then do my best to write something that might bring a smile to your face.  Life can be rather serious, and it really is good to laugh.

  • Getting aids
  • Catching your wife cheating
  • The death of a family member
  • Being diagnosed with cancer
  • Catching an STD



caught aids from a toilet seat

that’s where it’s from right?


caught her red handed

He wants you to say his name?

say my lawyers name!


Granny passed away

to be fair she was quite old

inheritance, YES!


Grim outlook, cancer

live like there’s no tomorrow

cake for every meal


frightfully itchy

the colour just looks all wrong

why is it oozing?









Cautionary limericks and one about that orange fool

just a few bits and pieces



A chap with a taste for wild nights

bought a hooker in basque and black tights

unprotected he played

wife found out that he’d strayed

came home scratched and all covered in bites


Young lovers but still in their teens

hormones on fire and tight jeans

got knocked up by mistake

what a big one to make

Oh well, so much for all of your dreams


A POTUS hailed “Son of a bitch”

as the players stood firm on the pitch

don’t you dare take a knee

it’s offensive to me

and my white privileged buddies, all rich



Blanketed in bliss

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Colleen’s teeny weeny Japanese poetry challenge

Haiku me baby one more time…

Using the words Ghost and haunt.  I shall start with a piece entitled:  ‘Drunken Liaison’

I wake up sweating

You haunt my sleep like a ghost

what was I thinking

Let’s try another

I’m the ghost, the dark

dreams haunted, hid under your bed

Gosh it needs a clean

Meh.  Maybe a Tanka

She ghosts him, ice cold

he haunts her, stalking every move

restraining order

“Get out of my damn bushes

now I’m calling the police!”

double meh

cold tranquil of night

ghostly noises emanate

haunt me all you like

In the garden you’re buried

such peace and quiet at last

piffle and tosh…

photo courtesy of Kudybadarota @ pixabay

Screw you Haiku

Daily Haiku’s are so last month.  I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently.

Daily Haiku’s are so last month.  I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently.  The deal was to take the rather serious haiku form and treat it with a little disrespect and hopefully a dash of humour. 

Secret Santa? No?

You make baby Jesus cry

Ebeneezer scrooge!


Doing shots, fun times

Chug chug, life of the party

threw up on the bed


Oh bugger my subconscious seems to be wandering to Christmas already.  No, no, no – that simply will not do!  


Got the kids a dog

cavorting, barks of delight

urine stained carpets


Taking out the trash

cabbage juice on my good shoes

bloody cheap bin bags


That’s more like it.  tales of the mundane.  Maybe 3 more.  That’s like a weeks worth of daily late night haiku right there.  

Need inspiration

Check Donald T’s twitter feed

juices flowing now


Donald: Players must stand

Women, non whites, poor, sick and

Muslim can kneel though


Oh Orange moron

with your juicy puckered lips

just ripe for prison


I know, enough is enough.


Your lunchtime limerick 30/9/17

Late night limericks 

My neighbour Ifraheem

Spirit and Joy – Colleen’s Weekly Haiku Challenge #52

My very serious attempt at a Haibun is in there somewhere!

Courtesy of Colleen Chesebo, another weekly Haiku Challenge.  It is the 52nd weekly anniversary, so I’m going to have a crack at the haiku, the Tanka and the Haibun.  Congrats Colleen!



Moved by the spirit

Preacher shouts loudly in tongues

Joy makes us donate


Let’s build on that with a Tanka

Moved by the spirit

Preacher shouts loudly in tongues

thrashes on church floor

he having a seizure? No?

apparently that’s god’s joy


Haibun. I think this is how they go based on what I have read.  They can vary.

As I watched him lowered into the ground I remembered the things I no longer have and am for that I am grateful.  At peace, I remembered and was thankful for those who’s beliefs and behaviour has guided me and helped me find my own path.  As I say goodbye Late spring sun shines dappled through the trees and the distant laughter of children at play serves to remind me of what matters most.

Returned to the earth

A life so well lived and loved

memories abound

A breeze promises rain and as I walk away I am content knowing that there were few regrets and  the echoes of life will ring on until they are no more and replaced by those influenced by what has gone before but has been forgotten.

Light fades at days end

Sleep and pass into darkness

a job so well done


See, I can kind of do serious 🙂

Something different?

Harvest – 99 Word Challenge

Like at your own risk…

A Pinch of Happiness


Pic courtesy of Pixabay.

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 50 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: VOICE & WATCH

My weekly assault of the gentle art of Japanese poetry

This week i shall attempt a haiku, a tanka and a haibun.


New shiny smart watch

controlling it with my voice 

Looking  like a knob 


Not a bad start.  Now lets tanka it up shall we

New shiny smart watch

controlling it with my voice

the king of the geeks!

You know you’re not on Star Trek

Wife looking quite embarrassed


True story…


How about we go full haibun.  Well as best as I can muster.  Still working on this element.  Poem, Prose, Poem for this one.

New shiny smart watch

controlling it with his voice

the king of the geeks!

You know you’re not on Star Trek

Wife looking quite embarrassed


But proud he stands, connected.  One with his devices.  He is man and he is confident – legs akimbo with hands on hips waiting patiently for her to emerge from the changing rooms and to see him with renewed eyes.  He feels taller, chin up, eyes bright as lesser men scurry laden with bags disconnected and alone.  But not he, not today.   Today is his day, and tonight he will delight her because he is connected and he feels alive.

Candles, wine, music

Children fast asleep in bed

warm breath on her neck

“Bloody hell you’re scratching me,

now you’ve laddered my stockings!”


Well I guess its something…sorry Japan


Here you go …something different.

Playground – Daily prompt

Ichabod the first

Partner – Daily prompt

photo courtesy of Thorr_deichmann at pixabay

Colleen’s Weekly Poetry Challenge #47: Shadow & Light

Be wary of strangers on the internet, just saying…

The rules of this challenge are pretty simple, create a Haiku, a Tanka or a Haibun on the subjects of Shadow and Light.  I  try these each week, let’s see how this week’s efforts turn out shall we.  I’m going to try be serious, honest.  I know they’re meant to be about nature and such but I do like to use them to try and tell a shortened story too.

Ill start with a haiku…


He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man


Hmm…not sure where that came from? Maybe some more detail added through the medium of a Tanka, pretty much a haiku with extra lines expressing my feelings on the first 5 lines.  But I don’t think its strictly a rule.


He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 


Ok, so as a story it’s evolving., I am not allowing myself the luxury of a rewrite, I’ll see where it all goes in the Haibun.  Never done one of these before and it’s late so might play loose with the rules a bit.


The endless click of the keyboard, day and night, reaching out with twinkling eyes and sweet smile.  Lonely hearts embraced and dreams force fed foul lies and rancid hope. Offers of that which is lost, never had or which remained unknown are his to freely give and without compassion he loves and lusts and smiles at family photos and brushes his hair from his face and tells you how shy she is.  A first thought with the sun, and good nights murmured into salty pillows bookend the time apart and the minutes until they will be together at last.  They are lines he has used many times over, but well worn and trusted they pull at heart strings and ignite passions satisfied in the night.

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 

Cold beers, new clothes and food on the table, you are a good boy – you make your mother proud.  Each day is full of promise, each night opportunity presents itself ripe and ready to be plucked and devoured with sweet juice covered chins laughing.  Flights are costly, but can you put a price on love.


Well that all turned out a bit weird didn’t it.  Oh well, it is what it is.  Bed time!

There are some previous efforts here

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 44 – #Haiku: HUNT & FIND

Screw you haiku Vol 4