B is for Balls

This is serious stuff, and not wholly unpleasant…

A few weeks ago I went to Leeds to see this chap who quite tenderly caressed my testicles and probed my bottom.

Okay, now that I have your attention I will clarify that it was part of a health assessment and the chap was most qualified to do so given the certificate on the wall.  He also had a white coat and a stethoscope, so that pretty much qualifies him to do what the dickens he fancies to my tender parts.

I would say that the certificate  didn’t specifically mention those activities, that would just be weird, but it all  looked particularly official so I just assumed it covered it.

My point is, and it is a serious one, that many men neglect these things and end up dead.

There are some pretty harrowing figures out there on the matter of men’s health.  Did you know that 1 in 8 men in the UK will get prostate cancer in their lives?  It is the most common cancer in men in the UK, and yet so many of us do nothing about it in terms of prevention.

What’s the point you ask?  My point is don’t neglect your health gents. You might actually find that you enjoy it, you never know.

Head over to www.prostatecanceruk.org if you want more information.

 

Tomorrow: C is for Christmas

My Haiku process

I find it hard to do serious haiku, they intimidate me and make me feel rather insecure. So I write these instead…

When I started with my haiku I found it hard to do the serious ones, the ones about nature and such.  The proper ones.  Instead I have always tried to write funny haiku about serious things.  My process is pretty simple, I write down a load of serious awful things just like the list below and then do my best to write something that might bring a smile to your face.  Life can be rather serious, and it really is good to laugh.

  • Getting aids
  • Catching your wife cheating
  • The death of a family member
  • Being diagnosed with cancer
  • Catching an STD

 

1982

caught aids from a toilet seat

that’s where it’s from right?

 

caught her red handed

He wants you to say his name?

say my lawyers name!

 

Granny passed away

to be fair she was quite old

inheritance, YES!

 

Grim outlook, cancer

live like there’s no tomorrow

cake for every meal

 

frightfully itchy

the colour just looks all wrong

why is it oozing?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More limericks about sad things

my quest to determine whether a limerick can make the most horrid subject a little less so…

my quest to determine whether a limerick can make the most horrid subject a little less so…

 


I fellow I know, a romancer

lovely wife, healthy kids and great dancer

had it all so he thought

but it all came to nought

when he died really young of brain cancer


These Twins at birth were separated

who later in life met and dated

they had kids, sad to say

hip conjoined by the way

now in freak show they’re quite celebrated


“You’re adopted” says father to son

“and I’ve just had a chat to your mum

It’s just not working out

we don’t want you about

this parenting lark’s just no fun.”


 

Want to read more of my stuff?

This is kinda funny

and this kind of sad

This was just fun