A couple of Haiku in response to Colleen’s weekly challenge
I think just a few haiku this week…
Eagles soar above
young chicks wait with hungry mouths
blood covered talons
Perhaps Ill try another with a different spelling…
Gall stones killing me
Sore? it’s bloody agony
overweight you see
More?
More limericks about sad things
Haiku Challenge – Hope and Stay
The intergalactic language of tea – Daily Prompt
Another day another limerick.
Another day another limerick. True story and so sad but see how the limerick form makes it just a little less sombre…
A chap’s lovely young bride named Jane
had a tumor alas in her brain
she died, you can tell
he’d insured her quite well
bought a quite lovely villa in Spain
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
What shall we look at today…hmmm
A church going chap who loved learning
one day felt a rather strong yearning
he’d enjoyed fifty shades
now feels wholly depraved
and wakes up every day with loins burning
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Today’s blog introduces my new section, Ask Michael.
Seems that there are lots of blogs offering advice and inspiration so today I thought that I would perhaps try my hand at something a little different. I have read a lot of the blogs out there so think maybe I might have the knack.
Life not what you thought it would be?
How about…”All good things come to those who wait.” Ooh, how about “Life is what you make of it.”
Now you could sit around waiting for something wonderful though I would suggest you ask yourself if it really is that bad. Okay, so maybe you’re one of those poor folk with a face full of flies and a sticky out belly button and is born into abject poverty and would prefer a loaf of bread over a fridge magnet quote but given that you are reading this, probably on a mobile phone, then I don’t think you’re one of them.
I imagine you have very few, if any, flies on your face and you probably have Amazon Prime Video and enjoy regular baths. Maybe it could be better if you had NetFlix, but perhaps just be grateful for what you have and keep working to try and improve yourself and your life and those around you because it could be a damn site worse and you could be wearing underpants that you got from a Lithuanian charity.
Feeling like a failure?
Why not hang out with urine drenched homeless people and crack addled prostitutes for an afternoon? You’ll feel so much better about yourself in to time, and will have a new found appreciation for the meagre amount you have achieved in life. That is assuming they don’t rob you and steal your clothes and use you as a sexual plaything in a bus station toilet.
Lost your faith?
It will be fine I promise, in fact I would suggest you get out to the pub with a few mates and have some cocktails and shots and do some karaoke. Chances are that whatever your faith strippers and flaming sambucas are on the do to list so enjoy it while you can.
You can always go back when you hit rock bottom, or at Christmas or on the day of the holy monkey god ascension day or whatever it is people go for these days. We all know how much people of faith love welcoming back a lost soul, so they will probably have a barbecue for you, which would be lovely I am sure.
Let’s finish on a couple of things you could turn into motivational weight related fridge magnets shall we?
I may have fat armpits, but at least I do not look like I have aids.
I beat anorexia!
I smell like pies because it makes me feel sexy.
That’s just a sample of my wisdom, and you’re feeling better now I imagine. Not bad for a first attempt I reckon. As you can see I am all heart and am here to share your pain.
Feel free to leave a comment and I will happily advise you how to fix your life.
Fancy reading something else?
More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies
Photo courtesy of Geralt@pixabay
Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
Yes, it is that time again…
A virginal groom of low worth
just 5 inches, got married in Perth
wedding night, all revealed
with delight his bride sqeualed
was not length that he’d measured but girth
Want more stuff? I have lots of stuff…
Image courtesy of pixabay
Mr Toad watched Mrs Frog hop over to him. “How delightful” he thought to himself.
“Good morning Toad” mumbled Mrs Frog with a mouthful of the rather delicious fly which she had happened upon, “how are you this morning?”
Toad shuffled alongside the pond and looked across to where Mrs Frog sat on her lily pad eating. “Good morning Mrs Frog” he replied and croaked, “you look well.”
Mrs Frog finished her fly before replying. “Indeed I am Mr Toad, thank you ” she replied “the water is cool and the flies are plentiful.”
“Good good” Toad continued, his dark eyes blinking as he scanned the ground for juicy worms. “it looks like another lovely day.”
“Oh most certainly ” said Mrs Frog. He was a handsome Toad indeed she thought to herself. “Would you like to join me for some breakfast?” she asked smiling.
“Breakfast?” Toad replied looking somewhat confused. “Breakfast with a frog?”
Mrs Frog laughed. “Mr Toad, we are not so different you and I, and it is only a spot of breakfast.”
Mr Toad was rather taken aback by the offer, he had never had breakfast with a Frog before. “I see” he replied, “I would then very much enjoy that.”
Mrs Frog jumped from her lily pad with a splash and soon hopped out of the pond to join him. Up close he was even more impressive, with his large round body, strong thick legs and such dry and bumpy skin.
Mr Toad watched Mrs Frog hop over to him. “How delightful” he thought to himself.
As Mr toad shuffled Mrs Frog hopped alongside, and they travelled together around the edge of the pond chatting, stopping occasionally to gobble a fly or share a juicy worm. Occasionally Mrs Frog would pop back into the pond for a quick dip before joining him again.
And so Mrs Frog and Mr Toad spent the morning together, and breakfast became lunch and lunch became supper. When the end of the day came Mrs Frog slipped back into the pond and Mr Toad walked off slowly back to his log.
“Same time tomorrow?” shouted Mrs Frog as she watched him walking away slowly, her heart racing just a little faster.
“Oh no I cannot” replied Mr Toad, “Tomorrow I have promised Mrs Toad that I will remain home and tend to the young toads, and I do not think she will approve.”
Mrs Frog’s heart sank.
Toad spoke once more, but Mrs Frog had disappeared below the surface of the pond and did not hear him.
“Unless of course I could perhaps pop around once they are all asleep?” he shouted.
Want more stuff? I have plenty of stuff.
The joy of saying stupid things 1.
Not a piece about Dr Who – Honest – Sunday Photo Fiction.
Photo courtesy of Josch13@pixabay
To enjoy with your lunch…
Jerome, a young fellow from Brugge
Had a passion for bobsleigh and luge
In Lycra he dressed
Ladies swooned most impressed
As his bulge was eyewateringly huge
That’s it…just one…already got a blinder in mind for tomorrow using the word “girth”
I am going to have to admit that I love writing these. Today I think I shall write about terrible things that happen to good people.
I am going to have to admit that I love writing these. Today I think I shall write about terrible things that happen to good people.
A woman that I work with a Saint
broke her spine when she slipped on some paint
She’s bed ridden and blue
Her hub said he’d be true
now he’s doing her mum, so he aint.
My friend had a wife quite divine
got addicted to cake, crack and wine
really let herself go
and her bottom did grow
only 30 but looks fifty nine
An arab chap born in Kuwait
stole the hub of a really good mate
it was all quite a mess
he looked good in a dress
now they’re married, he calls himself Kate
My sister got hammered one night
with her boyfriend got into a fight
so she stayed out real late
and then slept with his mate
now she’s single again, such delight
4. I like doing 4.
Want something different?
We unlikely few – An Armitage tangent
Probing – a cautionary tale – Daily prompt
J pulled his bedding up around his ears and refused to get out of bed. “No” he insisted, only his eyes showing above the blanket “tell dad that I’m unwell or something but I just can’t face it today.”
J pulled his bedding up around his ears and refused to get out of bed. “No” he insisted, only his eyes showing above the blanket “tell dad that I’m unwell or something but I just can’t face it today.”
Mo scratched his head and laughed “Bro, he will kill you you can’t miss this” he said “it’s the end of days – it’s a big deal.” He tugged at the edge of the blanket, “come on, seriously, he will go mad.”
J resisted but knew it was pointless, dad always got his way. “What am I even supposed to wear?” he snapped, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes. “Has he said what he wants me to wear?”
Mo smiled and threw him a robe. “Same as usual J, you know that now stop being such a baby. Anyway, it might be fun, he has all sorts of crazy stuff planned.”
“Probably better than giving cancer to babies I suppose” he snapped, “that gets a bit old after a while? ”
“Come on, we’re going to be late” Mo said pulling back the blankets from the bed.
“Fine, fine” J said getting out of bed and pulling on his robe. He ran his fingers through his long dark hair and took a drink from a small cup next to his bed. “So is he sticking to the stuff they’re expecting or does he have something else planned?”
“Mostly the same” Mo replied, “But he has managed to rope Lucifer and some of his mates in for some sort of big finale.”
“Oh super” J replied, “they’re a right bunch of arses, why are they involved?”
“Dad reckons that he needs to shake things up a bit and get them back in line” Mo said “apparently they’re getting a bit too unruly and there are way too many of them they’re really screwing things up.”
J adjusted his robes and pulled his belt tight. “What has he got planned for you?” he asked.
“Same as usual mate” he said “mostly whole sale irrational panic and paranoia and he wants me to be in charge of plagues.”
“Plagues, no way man I always get plagues why has he given you those?”
Mo headed towards the door. “Apparently he wants you on apparitions” he said, he knew how much J loved plagues.
“i tell you what” J said, visibly angry “i bloody hate apparitions and visitations – all those good looking women and all I get to do is terrify them. Have you seen me?” he asked holding out his hands, “I have awesome hair you have to admit. I should be getting so many of them but no, dad reckons we shouldn’t mix”.
“Hey, I hate this as much as you do you know that” Mo said calmly, “we both know this whole thing was a huge mistake that got out of hand but we had to control them somehow.”
J sighed, he knew it was their job but sometimes he wished it was just a bit more interesting. “I just can’t wait until it’s all over and we can get rid of them and just bring the family down.”
Mo placed a hand on J’s shoulder. “Not long now mate” he said reassuringly, “and until then let’s just try enjoy it eh – apparently he has something lined up with that Donald chap and the pudgy faced lad, said it will be a right laugh”
For more of this sort of thing you can take a look here
Fences – FFfAW Challenge – 11th of July
I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt
Photo courtesy of intographics @ pixabay
Get well soon.
To round off a day of mostly limericks one last post. Inspired by a comment by a reader at http://www.poetrummager.com who suggested limericks could replace traditional get well soon message. Thank you !
An infected promiscuous mate
Got aids from a lass on a date
He was once much much bigger
But now has a nice figure
Since infected he’s lost loads of weight
I saw your dad this afternoon
Heard your stomach looks like a balloon
And your bottom has leaked
But your temperature peaked
So I hope that you’ll feel better soon
Your mum said you just been for tests
For a lump that you found in your breast
Lets hope its not bad
Cos that happened to dad
And just after we laid him to rest
I saw your dad at the garage
said your scrotum is swollen quite large
Since you went to Bangkok
I bet it was a shock
When you saw the quite nasty discharge.
Right…that’s a lot of posts for one day, see you tomorrow perhaps.
Photo couryesy of Typographyimages@pixabay
A piece on beard growing and there is also a reference to a 3 way with the Clintons.
it seems that I have, quite by accident, grown a beard. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe it miraculously sprung up overnight, that would be silly, but I think it might have been sneaking up on me slowly over the last week or two whilst I have languished and enjoyed a fortnight’s holiday.
Alas though it is not a bear of much note. It is not a magnificent shag of a thing – full and glistening and well oiled. It is not styled or quaffed to accentuate my jawline nor is it the type that one might wear accompanied by the type of shirt a lumberjack may prefer.
No, it is none of these things and it does not in any way make me look trendy, sophisticated, well travelled or likely to be found sipping a rather pleasant coffee somewhere with free wi-fi.
It is instead a scratch homeless person affair which serves only to make me look like an ageing alcoholic with an aversion to bathing.
Year round, I am smooth cheeked and shaven headed for the most part and in fact I am usually rather thuggish looking in my appearance given the combination of the skin head and my tattoos. If I was to characterise my looks as a political party, then I would most certainly be Donald Trump’s right leaning Republicans.
It worsens though, because in addition to the accidental beard I also seem to have somehow acquired a ludicrous unintentional mop of hair curly hair to accompany it. So much of a surprise is it that I do not recall how I styled my hair when I was last in possession of any.
If my previous self was to be imagined as a statue-protecting-bed-sheet-wearing Republican then my current self is more likely to be caught in a very dirty pot fuelled three way with Bill and Hilary Clinton.
So what to do? I think I shall ponder my accidental beard and the accompanying unintentional hair and let you know what i decide to do, because the wife says she rather likes it.
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
Photo courtesy of Pexals @ pixabau
This just slipped out…next post will be more grown up promise
A chap from school who Id forgotten
got a vegetable lodged in his bottom
But he chose to do nowt
And it simply dripped out
A week later when it had gone rotten
OK…thats enough posts for today. Just needed to get that out before I forgot it. Seem to be on a roll.
just a few thoughts before I start the day
Just a few thoughts on the hotel before we head out and see what the day has to hold.
Other peoples kids
Drunkards bouncing down the hall
Flatulent neighbours
Four people one room
A night time cocophony
Really need a nap
Lying in my bed
Inches from another soul
In another room
Please shut your kids up
Next time we go up market
Tired and grumpy
Right…im off for an ice cream and to dip my toes in the icy north sea. I will let you know how it goes.
I have wanted to use the words “throbbing” and “Angela Merkel” in the same piece for some time. To be honest I would probably not bother reading this…
I can’t always muster anything too long when typing on my phone as its far too tricky but Im still awake and seems sleep is some way off.
It is half past midnight and I am in the Premier Inn in Scarborough with the wife and kids and the cocophony of the blissful sleep of others means that you get one more post. Pretty place Scarbrough. I wrote a post or two back why I am awake.
Anyway…my point was that I think I will just wrote one more piece. Perhaps something dirty about Donald trump and Angela Merkel.
Why? Since when did why matter?
How electric was her touch
proud Donald thought on meeting
He felt a stirring down below
As the Fraulein he was greeting
His mind it raced, perfume he smelled
So buxom quite devine
Strong back big hands delicious chins
He craved her “she’ll be mine!”
His mind it wandered, pulse it raced
He hungered for her touch
His little hands they craved to feel
Her German curves so much
Unable to control his needs
he turns Away from twitter
And sneaks away to please himself
Whilst hiding in the shitter.
“Oh Angela” he cries aloud
and dwells upon a kiss
Trousers round his ankles
Face contorted in pure bliss
OK I think I am going to bed this is just getting weird now.
Photo courtesy of 3dman_eu@pixabay
Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend
Word prompt : I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.
I tried to say goodbye today
But you wagged your tail and barked
And followed me as I set off
And chased me through the park
So back I walked and took you home
This time I would ensure
the wife who I’d left home in bed
Would all the gates secure
“You’ll not believe just who got out!”
I shout and summarise
The story of our dogs escape
But oh to my surprise…
It seems my pooch has helped me out
My wife is not alone
It seems he’s not the only one
Who rather loves a bone.
I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered. 🙂
A quick dose of inappropriateness
I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time. So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone.
A baker I know quite sublime
Made cakes pies and puddings most fine
Met a lass who he woo’d
with his sensual food
Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”
A fellow with wife rather bland
For insurance he schemed and he planned
But his plot came to nought
By the cops he was cought
Now in prison he gets nightly manned
Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer
What a weekend he had but i fear
That his wife will discover
His large breasted lover
When the tests come back with gonorrhoea
A hubby his wife sadly binned
But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned
Such a flatulent hag
She’d eat chilli, he’d gag
As it gave her quite horrible wind
They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!
August was my first full month of blogging, so I thought I would set myself a target of posting every day, and yesterday I completed it. So what did I learn?
August was my first full month of blogging, so I thought I would set myself a target of posting every day, and yesterday I completed it. So what did I learn?
Here’s a quick list, because I know you’re busy…
Anyway, I’m sure there are more things but I wanted to keep this relatively brief.
Michael
Here’s some other stuff you might like
Fatties in space – not one for the kiddies
Photo courtesy of pixabay
These seem to be, quite accidentally, on the matter of the oddities of marriage and such…
I know I know, they’re inappropriate and I probably do too many but theres a lot going on in the world so it gives me food for thought.
A lonely chap I know named Dom
bought an internet bride, it went wrong
because when she appeared
big hands, penis and beard
he’d clicked ladyboybrides.com
Not that I’m judging you know, I went to Bangkok many years ago and had a fabulous time and honestly, how was Dom to know.
A woman’s rich husband was boring
Old, obese, dull with bad snoring
said “just do what you will
and Ill pick up the bill”
so she shopped drank and spent her days whoring.
I must have read something on arranged marriages because there’s a theme developing here. I did go for dinner the other night with a chap who’s family arranged a bride for him. Maybe it was that. It dd not last if you’re wondering.
Carl does not like condoms he says
and convinces the ladies he sways
“Im catholic you see
withdrawal method for me!”
6 kids, 4 mums, one on the way
Carl is foolish. Do not be like Carl. I’ll give you one more shall I. 4 is plenty, I want you to come back next time you see.
Young lovers eloped and got hitched
after time his desires they switched
Now it’s gone really bad
and he fancies her dad
‘cos his big hands they have him bewitched
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/casual/
A heavy farmhouse door opened and farmer, the girl with the fat bottom and dog stepped out into the crisp morning air.
Dawn scratched at the edges of night across the far off hill tops setting the darkness on fire. A heavy farmhouse door opened and farmer, the girl with the fat bottom and dog stepped out into the crisp morning air. A light blanket of snow had fallen and it crunched beneath their feet as they walked.
He did not much care for the fat bottomed girl, she was prone top anger and tantrums and never gave him scraps from the table. He did love the snow though and leapt to catch a flake as it drifted through the still air.
Farmer laughed heartily. “Looks like a lovely day girl” Said Farmer to dog ,ruffling the hair on her head as she trotted along side him. He was a broad shouldered ruddy faced man with large hands, a round tummy and a thick shock of red hair atop his head.
The girl with the fat bottom complained bitterly about being out of bed so very early. “Why do I need to do this” she complained as they crunched through the snow. “I fetch the eggs each morning and help with the milking, can someone else not do it? It is so very cold.”
“Hush Ruby” said the farmer looking sternly at her “He’s your horse, you need to do this thank you very much”. The fat bottomed girl did not respond, but dog knew too well to stay out of her way.
“A good Morning to you” said Dog to the cows as the passed the shed.
“A good morning to you dog” the cows answered in unison, tails swishing “we are quite ready to be milked.”
But they weren’t heading out to milk, so dog trotted on, bristling around the farmers legs excitedly. He did so enjoy being up and about so early in the morning.
As they continued they passed the chicken hutch. “Good morning dog” said hen, pecking and scratching in the dirt between the small collections of snow. “have you brought us our breakfast?”
They had not, and dog greeted Hen and trotted on alongside the farmer.
“We’re okay for now girls” Dog heard hen call out as they crossed to the far side of the farm yard.
Farmer and the fat bottomed girl approached the fence and farmer reached into his pocket and pulled out an apple. With an outstretched arm he offered it up to horse as he wandered across.
“Morning horse” said dog excitedly “lovely day isn’t it”
Horse paused before he answered. “Do you know what the fat bottomed girl has been doing to the chickens?” horse asked slowly as he ambled across.
“I do not” said dog feeling confused.
“Hmm” replied horse gobbling up the apple, “not good” he munched, “not good at all.”
The farmer opened the gate and the fat bottom girl walked inside. “Now don’t take too long” he said to her pulling his coat tight around himself to keep out the chill. “Bring her up to the house and we will get her ready, the farrier will be here in a short while. ”
“What did she do?” Dog asked as the farmer opened the gate wider.
Horse did not answer…
Want to know what happens next? I wrote the piece below a while back, thought it might fit nicely and create a more complete story line.
One Word Photo Challenge: Horse
Want to read more of my stuff?
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
Photo courtesy of eskimokettu @ pixabay
Just a few haiku, but no t so serious…
Dream guy, takes him home
so magnetic and charming
turns out hes married
Passion overwhelms
the neighbours call the police
curtains were open
married ten years
what happened to romance. She:
close the bathroom door!
Chinese for dinner
kung po pork or king prawn foo?
all tastes same to me
I hate you haiku
syllables, five seven five
screw you I’m doing six
Day one of diet
Went for a massive curry
ill start tomorrow
want something different?
Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…
Proof that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…
Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world. Or, I just wanted a tenuous reason to post this on the daily prompt, you decide.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
A fellow alas premature
in his loving, his wife quite demure
Said “I need you to last
and not be so damn fast
cos you’re done fore I start, that’s for sure
A woman got picked up and drugged
and a fellow got beaten and mugged
but I said to the wife
at least we’ve a good life
she said “you’re cold hearted”, I shrugged.
Chap in charge of the choir last spring
said he just loves to make the boys sing
“Do it harder and faster!”
said the old choir master
you really do have a nice ring
A fellow joined up and no doubt
true patriot so he shipped out
Lost his legs to a mine
had some made now he’s fine
and he always gets parked when hes out
A cheating wife knocked up oh dear
Told her hub she was faithful all year
But the couple are white
and the kid black as night
so he left her for chicks, meat and beer
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Kostromo stirred beneath the cold earth, it’s weight heavy on her chest and her bones gripped by the icy fingers of winter.
I’m mostly just exploring an idea here but thought I would share it. I found a quite fabulous photograph and wondered what I might make of it. I haven’t planned this out particularly – maybe I should – but I wanted to just see what might come of it if I just sat down and started to write. If I can get this thought out then perhaps I can take it from there…
Michael.
Kostromo stirred beneath the cold earth, it’s weight heavy on her chest and her bones gripped by the icy fingers of winter. Opening her eyes slowly she could see only darkness and the crisp smell of winter filled her nostrils as she stirred and struggled beneath the rich dark soil.
Everything felt wrong, surely it was too early to be awake if the ground remained cold.
Her breathing quickened as she pushed to free herself, heart pounding and fingers clawing instinctively. The earth relented unwillingly and she stretched out an arm and felt a thick tree root between her fingers. It was oak, old oak, and she could feel so many summers coursing through it but yet it slept, silent and cold.
With all of her will she strained, but with so little strength she could not free herself from the darkness. She called out to the oak, confused and desperate.
“Oak, awake from your slumber”
She felt him stir, but he did not reply.
She gripped the root more tightly “Old oak, hear me” she continued “hear my voice and shed your icy slumber.”
Oak stirred again, and she could suddenly feel his life in the earth all around her and it felt good. She felt more alive, less cold.
“Who calls to me?” Oak said slowly, his voice deep and rich “who wakes me from my sleep?”
“Do you no longer know my voice old friend, have you slept so deeply?” she replied.
“Friend?” Oak said, recognising her voice “we no longer call you friend Kostromo, it is too many years since we trees have felt your touch.”
Kostromo gripped his root tightly, and she could sense a deep pain. “I do not understand dear friend” she replied “It is still winter, it is my time to sleep.”
“For a season only Kostromo ” he responded angrily, “for a season only you were supposed to sleep but you did not return to us, and the wood has long suffered under the spell of too many winters.”
She was confused but continued. “My friend, I am so sorry” she said “I do not know why I have slept so long, but I am awake now, I have returned to you.”
Oak paused before responding, the anger now gone from his voice leaving only sadness.
“For many it is too late faerie, many of our kind who once inhabited this wood have passed into nothing so long have they slept. Birch and Beech and Sycamore have long returned to the earth in which you now lie.”
As they continued to talk Kostromo felt Oak’s life force flowing through her, warming her and giving her strength.
“I need you to help free me Oak” she said “I am no use trapped in the earth, will you not help me?”
“Because we were once friends I will help you” he said, his giant roots beginning to move ever so slowly shifting and loosening the cold earth around her. With a snap and crack of ice they wrapped around her and began slowly pulling her upwards. Slivers of light began to appear around her as she neared the surface, the weight on her chest now gone.
Oak heaved her from the ground and lay her gently on the cold snow in front of him. She could feel the sharp cold on her skin, and opened her eyes slowly, squinting as they grew accustomed to the light.
“Indeed it is you” Oak said, his tone now warm and soft “it has been too long old friend, too long indeed.”
Want other different stuff?
something terrible happens in this one
In this one there is a girl in the rain
and this might make you laugh but maybe you wont admit it
oh and this one i am rather proud of
I started my blog about 7 or so weeks ago, and as it turns out this is my 100th post.
I started my blog about 7 or so weeks ago, and as it turns out this is my 100th post. I had envisaged that it would be something special but mostly it is a reflection of my experience to date trying my hand at writing. With the exception of the last week, being on holiday as I was and deciding not to write, I have had an absolute blast churning out whatever springs to mind.
I have not given any of it too much thought really, and seldom have I edited anything preferring instead to enjoy the pleasure of getting ideas out there and finding out what I enjoyed doing most. Along the way it seems some people have enjoyed some of what I have done which I will admit has been hugely encouraging. I am still unsure of what I really prefer writing so will continue to dabble until I decide what to focus on next.
Finding time to write has on occasion proven difficult but generally I manage to grab an hour or two at night and will type through my lunch at work if I am feeling really excited about an idea. I am looking at trying to establish a better writing routine as my desire to write ludicrous haiku is now to blame for the amount of time it has taken to paint the hall.
When I started I would simply sit down and type, but of late I’ve started keeping a little leather bound book with me to jot down ideas and explore thoughts which has proven particularly useful.
On occasion my phone will beep away as people read and comment on my posts. I haven’t paid too much attention to the numbers, but checking today I can see that I have generated more than 3200 views from 1040 visitors and 1330 likes. Readers from 68 countries have taken a peek at what I have been doing which I thought was pretty cool. I seem to have about 150 followers too but that includes about 10 from twitter where I publish things to but I don’t really understand twitter very well so really must take a look at that at some point.
WordPress has certainly lead me to reading a lot more too, with so many people to follow I’ve never been short of ways to pass the time and there are some fabulous writers out there which have given me inspiration. I have also loved participating in a load of the challenges out there, and in July I did the Daily Prompt every single day which I find a real catalyst. Each day I also try and respond to one of a number of challenges by other writers as they have given me great ideas too. Ill be listing those out in a future post!
So what will be the next 100 be on I ask myself? I’ve no idea though have a few ideas that I want to flesh out to try and do something more substantial whilst also continuing with the silly things like my limericks and haiku which I do so enjoy.
So, whether you’ve been part of my inspiration as a write or a reader, thanks so very much, I’m looking forward to seeing where this journey takes me next!
Be wary of strangers on the internet, just saying…
The rules of this challenge are pretty simple, create a Haiku, a Tanka or a Haibun on the subjects of Shadow and Light. I try these each week, let’s see how this week’s efforts turn out shall we. I’m going to try be serious, honest. I know they’re meant to be about nature and such but I do like to use them to try and tell a shortened story too.
Ill start with a haiku…
He craves her darkness
His light consumed by her will
Turns out shes a man
Hmm…not sure where that came from? Maybe some more detail added through the medium of a Tanka, pretty much a haiku with extra lines expressing my feelings on the first 5 lines. But I don’t think its strictly a rule.
He craves her darkness
His light consumed by her will
Turns out shes a man
A Nigerian you say?
Cannot get his money back
Ok, so as a story it’s evolving., I am not allowing myself the luxury of a rewrite, I’ll see where it all goes in the Haibun. Never done one of these before and it’s late so might play loose with the rules a bit.
The endless click of the keyboard, day and night, reaching out with twinkling eyes and sweet smile. Lonely hearts embraced and dreams force fed foul lies and rancid hope. Offers of that which is lost, never had or which remained unknown are his to freely give and without compassion he loves and lusts and smiles at family photos and brushes his hair from his face and tells you how shy she is. A first thought with the sun, and good nights murmured into salty pillows bookend the time apart and the minutes until they will be together at last. They are lines he has used many times over, but well worn and trusted they pull at heart strings and ignite passions satisfied in the night.
He craves her darkness
His light consumed by her will
Turns out shes a man
A Nigerian you say?
Cannot get his money back
Cold beers, new clothes and food on the table, you are a good boy – you make your mother proud. Each day is full of promise, each night opportunity presents itself ripe and ready to be plucked and devoured with sweet juice covered chins laughing. Flights are costly, but can you put a price on love.
Well that all turned out a bit weird didn’t it. Oh well, it is what it is. Bed time!
There are some previous efforts here
Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine
Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 44 – #Haiku: HUNT & FIND
The 35 Minute ride across the lake provides some rather lovely views of unspoiled coastlines and magnificent houses which you will never be able to afford…
I have only once ever before tried my hand at sharing something one might class at travel, which you can read here. it is not my strong point, so in the interest of self improvement here’s a little something else covering a recent trip with the family to the lakes.
Departing Lakeside on a grey yet pleasant day in the English Lake District we boarded the Tern, built in 1891, and headed out across Lake Windermere for the town of Bowness where we hoped to take in the World of Beatrix Potter exhibit and feed some ducks maybe.
The children were quick to confirm that the Tern does not in fact have on board WiFi and that in the middle of the lakes there is little or no 4G connection which is apparently ridiculous, stupid and completely backwards and likely to ruin your a previously rather pleasant morning.
The 35 Minute ride across the lake provides some rather lovely views of unspoiled coastlines and magnificent houses which you will never be able to afford and that may leave you feeling just a little dissatisfied with your lot in life. On the upside, the boat had clean toilets and a bar, which was nice.
The view from the stern of the boat offered fantastic views across the tranquil waters and also kept us away from the family who seemed set on allowing their screaming child to spoil said tranquillity with his monstrous howling inside the covered decks.
Historical and picturesque Bowness greets it’s visitors with a typically English understatedness and an array of row boats lined up which you can apparently rent but that most folk just take photos of because they have their good walking shoes on and don’t want to get wet.
A short walk through Bowness will bring you to the rather lovely Beatrix Potter attraction where you can enjoy an interactive 40 minutes with the wonderful characters of her books whilst liberal hippy looking types ram into the back of your legs with their prams and children named Sebastian and Bella run wild whilst their floppy haired father sips on his Starbucks and celebrates his children’s uniqueness.
What better way to pass time waiting for the boat back than a quick tootle on the land train. This was made extra special by the chap who seemed more content on playing candy crush and wishing for a different life that preventing his kids from hanging out of the carriage windows.
Throw in a packed lunch and a spot of shopping and It was back on the boat headed back to Lakeland for a quite magnificent afternoon tea. With magnificent waters edge views, sumptuous clotted cream and damson jam and the lightest of scones it was a quite perfect end to the day. It was also perfectly overpriced, just enough to keep the riff-raff out.
A perfect end to a lovely day.
here’s a few more photos if you’re still reading 🙂
Afterwards 