Theodore Rufus Doggington the 1st. Say you love me…

Let me count the ways…

I don’t think Mrs Afterwards is overly concerned that I do not regularly profess my undying love for her. In fact I am sure I said I did the day we married twenty years ago and that I would let her know if I changed my mind.

What does seem to irk her immeasurably is that I will not confess to loving the dog. I will walk him and feed him. I will gladly make him buttered toast and a nice cup of tea for his breakfast. (He prefers white bread not brown and never drinks the tea.) I will even quite happily take him outside to do whatever dogs enjoy doing outside as many times a day as he chooses despite the weather and the pandemic desperate to kill me right now.

In fact, I am quite happy to let him have the last sausage, the best piece of cheese and even lick me in ways no woman ever has despite once having the second worse breath I have ever encountered after eating something quite horrendous on one of our walks.

I don’t, however, feel the need to say I love him.

I have reserved my love for a discrete and quite specific assembly of peoples, places and things and I was not really prepared to open up that list. In fact, I am not at all certain that there is even room on the page for new things. I am 50 this year, I ought to be making bucket lists – not being overly fond of dogs. Even really cute ones. With floppy ears. And I swear he smiles sometimes even though that is surely not a thing dogs do. Smirk maybe, but not smile.

All said and done, I must admit that I really do like him, and not just as a friend and I think about him a lot and love every minute I spend with him and…Oh ffs, am I going to have to make a new list?

Bloody hell…

Out in the van…Humber Bridge Country Park

Under the bridge

Just a few hours out and about meeting with my mum and sister and her family. A socially distanced walk in sleet and snow followed by hot soup and sandwiches and the obligatory tin of quality street.

The country park is wonderful positioned under and around the Humber Bridge and along the Hessle foreshaw and Ill definitely return in the summer.

I didn’t take many photos as it was too chuffing cold!

The joy of the van really is how it can make simple occasions that bit more special…

Happy days!

My wellbeing journey – Fit by 50 – 1st of January 2021

So here we go, first of the year and all that…

Okay so here we go, new year, new me, all those things we say on the first of a year, or the first of the month, or a Monday. Or perhaps after eating a whole bar of chocolate whilst sitting on the toilet.

Not that I’ve done that. Not a whole bar anyway.

Ive written plenty about my journey this year, and if you’re new here just scroll back and you’ll find details of my journey in between the dirty limericks and other bits and pieces I have been posting.

Anyway, I have given this section a new name which I think makes sense and am going to attempt to share a little more regularly on the matter as the weeks progress, counting down to my 50th in November.

It’s always easy to get going as everyone knows, but keeping it up is the challenge. To get me into the swing of things and through this first week I have set myself 4 key goals.

  1. 10000 steps a day, whether out walking the dog or on the treadmill
  2. Intermittent fasting, restricting my time to eat to between 12pm and 6pm
  3. Limiting my calorie intake to 2000 a day at the very most
  4. Drinking 2 litres of water every day

My aim is to lose another 60LBS (not sure how long it will take) but more important are trying to ensure I make permanent(ish) lifestyle changes.

So that’s it really. I’ll share how I get on and hopefully you will find it of interest. Or maybe you fancy doing it yourself? Up to you.

Happy new year!

Michael

Yup, still more of my ongoing journey of calorie deficit and intermittent fasting

A second and more learned opinion on my progress to date.

Okay so I will admit to having neither fasted nor counted calories over the Christmas period. Intentionally though, not because I was face down in a sherry trifle with a chicken leg in each hand in an act of delicious self destruction.

Sometimes you just have to not worry overly, try to remain somewhat in moderation and know that this is temporary only and have in mind exactly when you intend to get back on the horse.

Ive lost and gained and lost enough weight in my life to know the frustration of having to lose weight just to get back to the weight you once were and I am now far more mindful of this when I do choose to ignore the disciplines that have proven successful so far.

I am not in denial of my most carnal urges, and for this week I am enjoying them very much. Without guilt.

I love the sweet deliciousness of cocktails and nibbles and chocolate. I am a huge fan of the sensuous sweetness of whipped cream and the unctuous wonder of all things made of pig.

But with the new year on the horizon and opportunity to start things again I am looking forward to getting back to things in a few days time. But until then, I think I shall have a woo-woo and some baklava!

Theodore Rufus Doggington the 1st. Part of the Club…

Out and about

It’s a funny old thing but I had no idea how many people had dogs until we got our own. Everywhere I go there are people being dragged around the muddy byways of Halifax by hounds of such wonderfully varied shapes and sizes.

And what a friendly bunch they are. I have had more conversations with strangers than I thought possible and each time there seems to be an obligatory admiration of each others pooches and a standard set of questions as to age, breed and name.

It certainly feels like I have joined a club that has the requirements of having a pocket full of bagged dog poo as its membership card…

Even more of my ongoing journey of calorie deficit and intermittent fasting

A second and more learned opinion on my progress to date.

Well it was my annual health assessment this week, so I dragged myself over to Leeds to allow the nice folk at BUPA to do the things they like to do to me. Last years assessment was the beginning of a bit of a mini spiral for me when, just before Christmas, they declared me in fine shape which I took as a sign to eat, drink and be merry – and I then continued to do so post Christmas and into lockdown and by the time I looked at the scales in May I had put on about 10kgs.

I make no excuses for this, I like to eat. I like to drink, and whilst I am often a grumpy old fart, I can also be found being merry from time to time.

Anyway, this was when this most recent journey began. Fast forward one year and it was with great trepidation, and a little excitement, that I took off my coat and boots and stepped (wearing the lightest clothes I could find that morning) onto the scales.

Over 10KG down on last year. Throw in the 10KG or so that weren’t even on their records and that’s not bad going at all.

A battery of tests was to follow and it turned out my heart was okay, my BP in an ok range (I had ran out of tablets so it was a little elevated) and my cholestrol, blood sugar and haemoglobin were all looking good. My body fat was down 7% (though I am still more than a third made of fat) and my waist was down 7cm or some such.

So on the whole everything trending as I had hoped and they were obviously happy with the results.

At the end of the session the doctor even caressed my testicles and stuck a finger up my bottom which I am assuming was a reward for my fine efforts this year.

Winner winner!

Each day

Think this could have been better but I need to get the eldest out of bed and go to the tip…Happy Monday!

I tore the pages from the book

that holds the story of our lives

of darker times that might have been

and in their place I wrote these words

my promises to you.

Not to forget each day to live

and love and laugh and treasures mine

to hold most dear and know their worth

and thanks with grateful heart I give

all that I have to you.

When sunset paints with flames of red

the words we wrote on pristine page

We loved though time will pass us by

as stories gather dust upon

life’s shelf where now we lay.

Time and time again, no more

Words and more words and more words still…

Silver wisps of memories

The things that once so brightly shone

Now gone but one alone remains

Which fight the pull of time, refrains

From slipping through soft fingers

Clasped in prayer, in silence lingers

On that vision of her beauty, sweet

Her countenance so kind and meek

And one last time her forehead kisses

Always misses all they were and sunset burns

Like furnace flames

He smiles

And says goodbye

Corona Lock down Diaries – 3D Printing – Christmas thingymajig.

We isolate now so that when we gather again no one is missing…

Okay so I’m not technically locked down. Well not like I was before. That said I might be I really have no idea and find it all rather confusing most days so choose for the most part to remain at home where there are snacks and internet and things that don’t try to kill you.

Now I’ve probably not been printing as much as I ought to have and am putting that right presently but I thought I would share with you a little something I printed just today.

Now this is our Christmas tree.

It is a bit random and uncoordinated but that is because almost every bauble and trinket is something special collected over 20 year or so. There are things from before Mrs Afterwards and I were married, various unrecognisable ‘things’ the boys brought home at some point and a wide assortment of pretties we picked up on numerous travels. All lovely memories.

Today I printed this one for 2020. I will paint it gold I think and pop it on the tree tonight…

Screw you 2020!

Personal Pronoun Sex Limerick time.

Apparently that’s now a thing too…

A promiscuous temptress called Brenda

Not especially choosy on Gender

Whether he, she or Eir

Xemself, Hir, Shim – Don’t care

She’s ain’t fussy-  just wants sensual splendour

________________

I don’t think I’m ignorant, perhaps a little sheltered and middle aged white man and all that…I just honestly had no idea…read it for yourself…

gender pronouns – Bing images

My ongoing journey of calorie deficit and intermittent fasting

Manboobs, Sexy Pokemon and Sage Advice

So I am now about 7 months in and surprisingly pretty much still at it. That in itself is a huge surprise but I think something is seeping into my consciousness that tells me when I’m stuffing too much into my face or eating outside of the windows I have set for myself.

The weight loss is not as rapid as it once was and I did stall for a while but that was because I was eating too much and not moving enough. it’s pretty simple stuff but my goodness it’s hard when the Great British bake Off is on TV and I feel compelled to bake. And who knew that eating an entire cake would mean you wouldn’t lose weight that week. Shocking.

The fasting is probably easier than the calorie control, I mean what is so hard about not eating right. I say that tongue in cheek. Or cake in cheek. My biggest challenge is accidentally eating whilst I am making the boys lunches for school or perhaps making snacks and stuff. Quite often I will have a mouth full of something before I even realise.

And then there are those moments of ‘I don’t care I have tried hard for so long I am eating a handful of cake and then some ham with horse radish sauce on it at midnight.” That usually follows the “I wont eat much today as am going to have a bottle of wine later as it has been a long week” stage.

The “Oh well, tomorrow will be better” phase tends to be next to follow…

I have a full health scan in a few weeks so will be interesting to see how that pans out. I am hoping my blood pressure is looking better and I might treat myself to a prostate examination to celebrate! Kidding. 😉

Anyway, so this is 7 months apart and about 50lbs down. Mostly though just looks like I shaved 🙂

Theodore Rufus Doggington the 1st – Part Deux

or Teddy for short…

You can read Theo’s introduction here.

So…I’ve had him for about 5 weeks. How’s it going?

You know, I think I quite like being a dog owner. Or perhaps I like my dog. Either way, it’s been a pretty pleasant experience so far. We spend most of our time together given that I am working from home so I have had chance to put time into training him which means Ive been able to house train him with less than a dozen accidents (pee only) and he has also been sleeping all night so that’s some key boxes ticked.

He’s had his jabs now so from yesterday he can also go out for walks. That has been less successful but I just need to get him used to traffic and stuff. Nothing major to worry about. Equally, hes still a bit bitey but so much less than he was. He seems to have a thing for Mrs Afterwards’ feet which whilst funny is also dangerous as no one should touch her feet. Ever. The kids thought I was joking once and tried to tickle them and we nearly had to put them up for adoption afterwards.
What has amazed me is how much he has grown. He has literally doubled in size in a month. I mean how is that even possible. He’s putting on weight faster than me in lockdown which is quite something indeed!

I have an experiment I am going to be posting about which is going to explore that a little more, keep an eye out for it trust me it’s some serious scientific stuff for sure!

I will admit that I didn’t think that I would like him as much as I do, but as Mrs afterwards’ keeps telling me, there is no love like that of a grumpy old man and the dog he did not want.

With Christmas on the way and lockdown easing a little bit here I am looking forward to seeing what the next month holds for us both. Should be fun.