Guess this one is all about how youinterpret it…
Well aged hot wife chef quite fond of cooking
As they’d near the end of the nights booking
“No creampies, on my face”
She’d demand “It’s a waste!
Keeps my skin soft and rather young looking”
A hallmark moment…
Heard you’re sick, quite unwell, chesty wheeze
Get well soon and stay hydrated, please
Hope you’re soon on the mend
It’s quite gross, can’t pretend
As your bum still explodes when you sneeze
Things don’t grow in the shade, alas…
There once was a baker from Crete
Who loved pastries, pies, cakes, all so sweet
Grew quite portly and round
If he looks at the ground
He now cant see his penis or feet
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
Fred, a cannibal, loved valentine
To devour someone sweet, 69
To the spleen, he would toast
As he ate anus roast
And sweet nipples he’d pickled in brine
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a Fruit and veg lover, obsessed
He would daily large eggplants molest
Rubbed Green beans on his loins
Cabbage stiffened his groins
Fruit salad oft rubbed on his chest
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A Cannibalistic Mechanic
So loved Cubans and all things Hispanic
Livers, kidneys from Spain
Tasty Mexican brain
Sweet Peruvian heart made him manic
Something nasty as were just about half way to weekend!
Once a mistress on more she insisted
Wanted love not just sex, dark and twisted
Tenderness, love, respect
Instead anus, quite wrecked
As her fellow her bottom rough fisted
One about sexy shaped vegetables…
A purveyor of veg called Anette
Who in lockdown saw veg and got wet
Courgette, egg plant and marrow
Carrots thick, long or narrow
Got her hot, cucumber so made her sweat
Its been ages, just getting back into it again…
Once a buxom lass sweetest Consuela
Seeking love, left her home, Venezuela
A Romanian chap
Who she met, gave her clap
Well endowed, called him, Vlad the impaler
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
A bored fellow from near the equator
Rubbed his cock with a rusty cheese grater
Not sure what he expected
But it blead, now infected
likely to drop off sooner or later
Nasty indeed
An embalmer who hailed from near Whiting
Found the deceased putrefaction inviting
Caressed post mortem stitches
‘till it stiffened his britches
Found the firm rigor mortis exciting
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a quite lonely farmer from Leeds
On his tractor he rode with dark needs
Dreamt of plouging and plucking
Quite aroused at bulls bucking
Fantasised about sewing his seeds
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a fellow a young lass was wooing
Did a fart and alas started pooing
Weel, so much for discreet
Soiled his pants in the street
And it dripped from his pant leg, foul viewing
Hey you. Yes, you…
A vigourous jerker from Kent
Found his penis one morning quite bent
Many years of abusing
Always left hand twas using
Left him crooked, lopsided, when spent
Stay well away. You have been warned.
Friend of mine met a girl, dating started
Shit himself when he thought he’d just farted
He was out on a date
Though it turned out quite great
Coprophiliac, got her legs parted
Not sure what a coprophiliac is? Google it. Dare you.
Actually it reminded me of these from years ago…
Nom nom nom
A quite fresh tasting woman called Coral
Who demanded each morning great oral
Kept herself super clean
Front and back, in between
Douched wih lotions sweet scented and floral
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A woman got picked up and drugged
and a fellow got beaten and mugged
but I said to the wife
at least we’ve a good life
she said “you’re cold hearted”, I shrugged.
Hey you. Yes, you…
There once lived a plumber in Dorset
loved ladies and great with his fawcet
spanner, plunger and rod
was a handy old sod
and should it not fit, he would force it
Probably intentionally offensive if I am to be honest…
There once was a pervert from Leicester
who young boys on the web would try pester
He then became a priest
and on children would feast
now a cardinal, hell bound molester
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A carnivorous chap from Tobruk
on the toilet he quivered and shook
for he would not eat greens
fibre, roughage or beans
and my god such a long time he took
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a chap who lived south of the border
placed a custom job sex doll web order
Tiny mouth, googly eyes
nipples large, like pork pies
a big butt ‘cos he like his dames broader
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Oh poor dear, heard the news, its reported
You’re unwell due to something you snorted
And your wife kicked you out
you picked up nasty gout
And to selling your ass you’ve resorted
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Heard you had a problem with your zip
and your foreskin, it had quite the rip
that you sqealed like a pig
jumped around, did a jig
as you bled from your balls to the tip
Got you some nasty right here. Dare you to google tarmacking.
Once a lonely young fellow called Bertie
Placed an add, for a lass, “Rather dirty,
Some big dildos you’re packing
Into kink and tarmacking
Intense BDSM, and face squirting”
Oh and if you do search up tarmacking its not my fault. I don’t even know how I know about it and I wish I didn’t but alas, I do.
This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Hope you feel better soon, hear you’re hurting
That your tummy’s upset, shit’s been squirting
And the bed’s rather soiled
Sheets will need to be boiled
Disinfect the walls, carpet and skirting
