This week I shall explore those ‘get well soon’ limericks I so enjoy.
Once a chap who lived south of the border
placed a custom job sex doll web order
Tiny mouth, googly eyes
nipples large, like pork pies
a big butt ‘cos he like his dames broader
I know I should be better than this.
Once a dirty scout master from from Kent
Spent weekends round young boys in a tent
Now he’s locked up in jail
With no prospects of bail
Passed around cells at night, sphincter spent
For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
Pyromaniac nympho called Linda
Took a lad home that she met on Tinder
Took some candles to bed
How he screamed as he fled
Burnt the poor fellows cock to a cinder
Guess this one is all about how youinterpret it…
Well aged hot wife chef quite fond of cooking
As they’d near the end of the nights booking
“No creampies, on my face”
She’d demand “It’s a waste!
Keeps my skin soft and rather young looking”
One about a chap with a super hairy butthole. Because why the hell not.
A botanist, Daniel Mclarey
Had an anus, hirsute, super hairy
He would oft get it plucked
If he was to get fucked
But if not, overgrown, ’twas quite scary
For what she was about to receive…such great bounty indeed!
A Christian couple, just wed
Found themselves all alone on the bed
She went down on her knees
And he grinned “Oh yes please”
She said grace for such bounty, gave head
A hallmark moment…
Heard you’re sick, quite unwell, chesty wheeze
Get well soon and stay hydrated, please
Hope you’re soon on the mend
It’s quite gross, can’t pretend
As your bum still explodes when you sneeze
Things don’t grow in the shade, alas…
There once was a baker from Crete
Who loved pastries, pies, cakes, all so sweet
Grew quite portly and round
If he looks at the ground
He now cant see his penis or feet
To those who followed me because I wrote about dieting. This is probably closer to the real me. Sorry 🙂
Sex mad divorcee, now, online dating
Swipes and clicks left her moist, salivating
A transvestite off Grinder
Sweating, grunting, behind her
Tinder twins in each hand, masturbating
In case you know someone who broke their dick and got them a card but were unsure what to write
Heard you slipped on some lube near the hearth
And your penis, my god, broke in half
Bent at 90 degrees
it’s quite tricky to please
Here’s a card, I tried hard not to laugh
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
Fred, a cannibal, loved valentine
To devour someone sweet, 69
To the spleen, he would toast
As he ate anus roast
And sweet nipples he’d pickled in brine
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
Once a Fruit and veg lover, obsessed
He would daily large eggplants molest
Rubbed Green beans on his loins
Cabbage stiffened his groins
Fruit salad oft rubbed on his chest
Not to be confused with limerick every other day of the week…
A Cannibalistic Mechanic
So loved Cubans and all things Hispanic
Livers, kidneys from Spain
Tasty Mexican brain
Sweet Peruvian heart made him manic
Merry Christmas, or happy whatever you celebrate …have a lovely day!
A purveyor of filth, Nicky Klaus
A whoremonger, purveyor of whores
With his huge bulging sack
And his craving for crack
And a leather clad spank on all fours
Something nasty as were just about half way to weekend!
Once a mistress on more she insisted
Wanted love not just sex, dark and twisted
Tenderness, love, respect
Instead anus, quite wrecked
As her fellow her bottom rough fisted
Just because why not
A God fearing couple were waiting
Until marriage before consummating
He prayed “Give me strength please”!
And he fell to his knees
His unused testicles fast inflating
Why the devil not eh.
Devout young chap met each Thursday
Buxom wench who would service the clergy
She would take off her nickers
For Priests, Imams and Vicars
And enable arousing liturgy
Bloody hell that’s nasty
A drug loving hooker, Petunia
For five bucks, with a strap on, would ruin ya’
But worse, her Sister Beth
Would gave hand jobs for meth
Take a dump on your chest and then spoon ya
Sorry. Hope youre not having breakfast…
A horny young lad from Korea
69ing, though had diahhorea
In the midst of the fun
Felt a stir in his bum
Filled his partners mouth, nose, eyes and ear
One about sexy shaped vegetables…
A purveyor of veg called Anette
Who in lockdown saw veg and got wet
Courgette, egg plant and marrow
Carrots thick, long or narrow
Got her hot, cucumber so made her sweat
Its been ages, just getting back into it again…
Once a buxom lass sweetest Consuela
Seeking love, left her home, Venezuela
A Romanian chap
Who she met, gave her clap
Well endowed, called him, Vlad the impaler
Bad Michael!
A fellow that I know who sweats
quite profusely as he has tourettes
does not know where he’ll be
when it escapes him you see
and will shout out quite loud “SHITTWATFUCKCOCKEATMYBUMBOOBSLICKMESPANKMECALLMEJULIEFRONTBUMJIZZTITS”
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.
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Okay I know, ity doesn’t rhyme 😉
Happy Monday!
Well it has been a while I guess, I’m a tad rusty
A faecal historian from Goole
Fascinated by fine bygone stool
How he took such delight
In a large corpalite
And if corn filled it made him quite drool
A thing about someone and a thing. Mostly.
A bored fellow from near the equator
Rubbed his cock with a rusty cheese grater
Not sure what he expected
But it blead, now infected
likely to drop off sooner or later
Nasty indeed
An embalmer who hailed from near Whiting
Found the deceased putrefaction inviting
Caressed post mortem stitches
‘till it stiffened his britches
Found the firm rigor mortis exciting
Afterwards 