Tag: haiku

Fetish Haiku – Forniphilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

Read here if youre wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku.”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Forniphilia

 

Be my slutty chaisse

my dirty coffee table

sweet filthy futon.

 

Okay so when I first saw this one I read the following:

Forniphilia Turning a human being into a piece of furniture

I now know it’s more than that but I wrote the haiku before investigating and I kind of reckon I will just leave it at that.

Fetish Haiku – Liquidophilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

I was prompted by one of my regular readers to perhaps explore the world of fetish in haiku form.  Well it was something like that, I don’t recall exactly but before you know it I am googling the most astonishing things and writing small Japanese poems about them.  I know they’re not strictly haiku – they do though have the haiku structure.

Some of stuff I have heard of but a lot of it took me somewhat by surprise.  I am rather concerned over the search history on my phone because it is pure filth.  All in the name of research mind.

Anyway, I shall leave it up to you to google the title below if you dare.

 

Liquidophilia

You filthy bugger

get them out my bloody pint

wet dripping bollocks

 

Screw you haiku

Just a little something to lighten the mood…

The serious art of the haiku defiled with everyday shenanigans.  Or is it senryu?  Meh…

 

Brown boats in the sun

Slowly I watch them pass by

Sewer overflow

 

Gold summer showers

Trickling down orange skin

hospitality

 

Still drunk eyes open

the stranger in the bed wears

the face of regret

 

Eighties Hub insists

Got aids from a toilet seat

A likely story

 

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Smooth & Hand

After a couple of days off I think I will just ease back into things with some silly Japanese poetry thingies.

I have learned over time that these are more senryu than haiku, but hey-ho they’re mostly the right syllable count, which is something I guess.   

 

Ron’s haiku challenge

Use ‘Smooth’ and ‘Hand’.  I snigger.

So bloody childish.

 

Smooth silken bonds, tight

Powerless, cedes upper hand

Safe-words: ‘It’s too big!”

 

Smooth hands tell a tale

Soft as a babies bottom

The world’s worse builder

 

Think that’ll do don’t you…

Ronovon’s Haiku Challenge: Spooky & Night

I do rather like a good haiku challenge. Gives me something to defile, because I do rather like a jolly good defiling.

2 words.  Haiku.  Simples.

 

Spooky chilling ghoul

at night hovers over me

god, put make up on

 

Spooky spectral fright

whispers in the dead of night

noise under my bed

 

Spooky tap…tap…tap…

light on cutting through the night

clown at the window

 

spooky child’s giggles

patter of feet in the night

baby died last year

 

RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #173 Spooky&Night

 

Screw you haiku

So when is a haiku about a disease you picked up overseas not actually a haiku?

When I started this writing lark I was rather conscious of befouling the wonderful art of the haiku.  Mine are rather non traditional and as far as haiku go really only conform to the syllable construct.  Thanks to Colleen I have since discovered the senryu which is probably more akin to what I’ve been writing,

Senryu (also called human haiku) is an unrhymed Japanese verse consisting of three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Senryu is usually written in the present tense and only references to some aspect of human nature or emotions.

So without further ado a few senryu.  Given I’m enjoying some time in Portugal I thought I would write about diseases picked up whilst abroad.

 

Oh throbbing red lump

Wriggling underneath the skin

Bursts spewing spiders

 

Delights of Delhi

Arse on toilet head in sink

Don’t drink the water

 

Ladyboy surprise

Guess I;ll try anything once

Sphincter quite destroyed

 

Amsterdam delights

Toasted,  red lit buxom wench

Need penicillin

 

TJ’s Haiku Challenge: Flower & Simply

Dirty haiku about Mick Hucknall

Before you read this you really ought to familiarise yourself with the man that is Mick Hucknall.  But be wary of getting too close, he is surely smouldering.

 

Oh sweet Mick Hucknall

Simply red and solo king

Titian haired flower

 

Lover of repute

scores deflowered, fiery lord

simply delicious

 

ladies simply swoon

Flowery ginger bollocks

rampant love machine

 

flower, oh simply

I want to fall from the stars

straight into your arms

 

Okay so I never intended to suddenly be writing dirty poetry about Mick Hucknall but hey, that is the lure of the man!  

Apparently…

 

https://amaviedecoeurentier.wordpress.com/2017/10/08/tjs-household-challenge-2/

Cautionary limericks and one about that orange fool

just a few bits and pieces

 

 

A chap with a taste for wild nights

bought a hooker in basque and black tights

unprotected he played

wife found out that he’d strayed

came home scratched and all covered in bites

 

Young lovers but still in their teens

hormones on fire and tight jeans

got knocked up by mistake

what a big one to make

Oh well, so much for all of your dreams

 

A POTUS hailed “Son of a bitch”

as the players stood firm on the pitch

don’t you dare take a knee

it’s offensive to me

and my white privileged buddies, all rich

 

 

Blanketed in bliss

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Colleen’s teeny weeny Japanese poetry challenge

Haiku me baby one more time…

Using the words Ghost and haunt.  I shall start with a piece entitled:  ‘Drunken Liaison’

I wake up sweating

You haunt my sleep like a ghost

what was I thinking

Let’s try another

I’m the ghost, the dark

dreams haunted, hid under your bed

Gosh it needs a clean

Meh.  Maybe a Tanka

She ghosts him, ice cold

he haunts her, stalking every move

restraining order

“Get out of my damn bushes

now I’m calling the police!”

double meh

cold tranquil of night

ghostly noises emanate

haunt me all you like

In the garden you’re buried

such peace and quiet at last

piffle and tosh…

 

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/10/10/colleens-weekly-poetry-tuesday-challenge-no-54-ghost-haunt/

photo courtesy of Kudybadarota @ pixabay

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Heart & Need

Minuscule Japanese poetry

Not really written much lately. Let’s get back into the swing of things with some light Haiku work.

A slave to loves need

the heart wants what the heart wants

mistakes made in haste

Guess it’s a start

Son has stomach ache

he thinks it’s a heart attack

Just needed a poo

another?

I hope for the day

Donald needs a new heart, gets

a poor black muslim’s

How wicked I know.  Aslan will surely punish me.  Bed I think…good night.

 

Fragile whispers

Harvest – 99 Word Challenge

A Pinch of Happiness

https://ronovanwrites.com/2017/10/09/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-170-heartneed/

Haiku Challenge – Silk and Skin

Haiku, tanka, what more could u want…

Another week another Ronovan writes Haiku challenge.  Haiku, Tanka, Haibun…they’re all options.

I do like these, they allow me to explore the good, the bad and the downright ugly when it comes to my ability to write minuscule Japanese style poems.

Lets start with the 3/5/3 Haiku and do something quite obvious.

 

Silk on skin

a sweet summer breeze

cooling wind

 

Now for a right old defiling

 

Silk against my skin

caressing me as I move

I love the wife’s pants

Okay maybe a Tanka now.  Thats the old Haiku with two more lines added on of 7 syllables each because …well why the hell not!

 

Her skin is like silk

Caressing her, pulse racing

winter frosted breath

Oh wait I’m still wearing gloves

Think she needs a new razor

 

It’s something I guess.  Happy Tuesday!

 

Mouse and Cat

Scratch – Daily prompt

Harold

Screw you Haiku

Daily Haiku’s are so last month.  I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently.

Daily Haiku’s are so last month.  I think it’s time to bring back a more meaty haiku ensemble a little less frequently.  The deal was to take the rather serious haiku form and treat it with a little disrespect and hopefully a dash of humour. 

Secret Santa? No?

You make baby Jesus cry

Ebeneezer scrooge!

 

Doing shots, fun times

Chug chug, life of the party

threw up on the bed

 

Oh bugger my subconscious seems to be wandering to Christmas already.  No, no, no – that simply will not do!  

 

Got the kids a dog

cavorting, barks of delight

urine stained carpets

 

Taking out the trash

cabbage juice on my good shoes

bloody cheap bin bags

 

That’s more like it.  tales of the mundane.  Maybe 3 more.  That’s like a weeks worth of daily late night haiku right there.  

Need inspiration

Check Donald T’s twitter feed

juices flowing now

 

Donald: Players must stand

Women, non whites, poor, sick and

Muslim can kneel though

 

Oh Orange moron

with your juicy puckered lips

just ripe for prison

 

I know, enough is enough.

 

Your lunchtime limerick 30/9/17

Late night limericks 

My neighbour Ifraheem

After Dark Haiku – 30/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

 

 

Vile orange Donald

Where would I be without you

Haiku-less for sure

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

After Dark Haiku – 29/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

 

Scratching on window

Should not have gone to watch IT

I swear it’s a clown

 

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

After Dark Haiku – 28/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

 

Christmas wrap for sale

Screw you, I’m not buying it

It’s still september!

 

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

Haiku Challenge – Sweet and Scent

Haiku, tanka, what more could u want…

Another week another Ronovan writes Haiku challenge.  Haiku, Tanka, Haibun…they’re all options.

I do like these, they allow me to explore the good, the bad and the downright ugly when it comes to my ability to write minuscule Japanese style poems.

Lets start with the 3/5/3 Haiku and do something quite obvious.

Oh Sweet blossom

a springtime bouquet

scent divine

Normally I like to defile the haiku and try and make them humorous because they can be such frightfully serious things.

 

Sweet scent alluring

filling me with a hunger

she smells like sausage

We all like sausage right?  Apart from vegetarians obviously.  And quite a lot of religious types.  Okay, I like sausage.

 

She smiles sickly sweet

Best friend, her scent alluring

then texts your husband

We all know the type right.  

 

Okay maybe a Tanka.  Thats the old Haiku with two more lines added on of 7 syllables each because, let’s be honest, 17 syllables is just not enough sometimes.

Bright summer bee buzz

sweet floral scent delicious

white clouds in blue skies

plaid picnic blankets outstretched

warm sunshine on soft pink skin

 

It’s something I guess.  Happy Thursday!

TJ’s Household Haiku – Earth and Whirlwind

After Dark Haiku – 25/9/2017

Screw You Haiku 11/9/17

 

After Dark Haiku – 27/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

 

Golden autumn leaves

Disguised, they stick to my shoes

Bloody dog owners!

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

Spirit and Joy – Colleen’s Weekly Haiku Challenge #52

My very serious attempt at a Haibun is in there somewhere!

Courtesy of Colleen Chesebo, another weekly Haiku Challenge.  It is the 52nd weekly anniversary, so I’m going to have a crack at the haiku, the Tanka and the Haibun.  Congrats Colleen!

 

Haiku

Moved by the spirit

Preacher shouts loudly in tongues

Joy makes us donate

 

Let’s build on that with a Tanka

Moved by the spirit

Preacher shouts loudly in tongues

thrashes on church floor

he having a seizure? No?

apparently that’s god’s joy

 

Haibun. I think this is how they go based on what I have read.  They can vary.

As I watched him lowered into the ground I remembered the things I no longer have and am for that I am grateful.  At peace, I remembered and was thankful for those who’s beliefs and behaviour has guided me and helped me find my own path.  As I say goodbye Late spring sun shines dappled through the trees and the distant laughter of children at play serves to remind me of what matters most.

Returned to the earth

A life so well lived and loved

memories abound

A breeze promises rain and as I walk away I am content knowing that there were few regrets and  the echoes of life will ring on until they are no more and replaced by those influenced by what has gone before but has been forgotten.

Light fades at days end

Sleep and pass into darkness

a job so well done

 

See, I can kind of do serious 🙂

Something different?

Harvest – 99 Word Challenge

Like at your own risk…

A Pinch of Happiness

 

Pic courtesy of Pixabay.

After Dark Haiku – 26/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

Long and tiring day

Nice cup of tea before bed

up all night peeing

 

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

After Dark Haiku – 25/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

 

 

Under-cooked chicken

Looked done and quite delicious

we need more bathrooms!

 

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.  Tomorrows is better.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

TJ’s Household Haiku – Earth and Whirlwind

You know the drill.  2 Words, haiku, go!

You know the drill.  2 Words, haiku, go!

Thanks to TJ and his fab prompts!

 

She feels the earth move

Lost in passion sweet embrace

Whirlwind, take cover!

 

Obvious wasn’t it.

 

Whirlwind one night stand

Symptoms indicate it’s crabs

right back down to earth

 

I know, uncalled for.  

 

You reap the whirlwind

Emilio Estevez rocks!

Best western on earth

 

You never saw that coming though did you.  Emilio Estevez in a haiku :).  Can you name the western?

More shenanigans?

Blanketed in bliss

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After Dark Haiku – 24/9/2017

Lets see whether a daily haiku works shall we?

Each night, around midnight a haiku based on things close to my heart.

Donald hates protest

Loves to Grab the headlines, and

your wife’s vagina

I imagine this will be the pretty poor standard, so don’t get your hopes up.

Want to read something different?  These are all quite funny I think.

More tea vicar ? 

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 49 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: Soar & Wait

Screw you, one and all.

Screw you haiku volume…6?

More haiku, and today I will be using the phrase “Dead hobo doorway”

 

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much.  Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous.

 

The snap of the glove

Not completely unpleasant

Prostate checked out fine

 

Left his phone unlocked

Wife browses the internet

Sweating profusely

 

Waves crash like thunder

grey skies, cold waters, time flies

Makes me need a wee

 

Red dress and pale skin

Heads turn, hearts race, open mouthed

Wardrobe malfunction

 

Cold blue winter skies

Crisp snow covers city streets

Dead hobo doorway

More stuff from my brain meat…

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

I tried to say goodbye.

 

These simply aren’t my fault.

I blame the United Nations for the quality of these haiku…

So sat at lunch Tuesday 19th of September and I thought I would scribble a few haiku, as one does.  Unfortunately on the TV behind me is Donald Trump at the UN and my intention to write of nature and butterflies and waterfalls and all manner of gorgeous natural wonderment ended up as what you read below.  I’m not even American so not sure why I care, perhaps it is because he is so vile.  Anyway, lesson learned is that your environment can have a huge impact on what you are able to write.

I then spent much of the rest of the day swearing at inanimate objects.

Donald at the UN

Flapping gums and tiny hands

Blah blah blah blah blah

 

Cuddly Korean

With your nuclear arsenal

And your dog soufflé

 

Rancid politics

Women ought to be in charge

Men are such morons

That is all I managed before punching a kitten in the face and making a pregnant lady cry, so foul was my demeanour.

More stuff?

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

My neighbour Ifraheem

Footprints – An AFA Challenge

 

Daily prompt – Thorny

Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!  Thanks as ever to Colleen for her prompts.  Check her blog out out here.

This weeks words are Gift and Song.

 

Intoxicating, lost

in the heady gift of song

melting to her voice

 

or maybe

 

thanks, the gift of song

an itunes voucher from gran

My phone’s an android

 

And back to serious

 

Song bird, gilded cage

Trapped, craving the blue expanse

I gift her freedom

 

Then back to silly, using Serenade instead of song

 

She smiles, crimson cheeks

He serenades from below

Dad’s Chamber pot thrown 

 

And one last Serious one

 

truly you’re a gift

you fill my heart with such song

My children my life

 

Ok ok one last silly one, for balance…

 

other worldly voice

Children crying dogs howling

clown under your bed

 

Think that’s quite enough for one  week…

More shenanigans?

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

End of days #writephoto challenge

Badger and Fox

 

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/09/19/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-no-51-haiku-tanka-haibun-gift-song/