Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness

Today’s blog introduces my new section, Ask Michael.

Seems that there are lots of blogs offering advice and inspiration so today I thought that I would perhaps try my hand at something a little different.   I have read a lot of the blogs out there so think maybe I might have the knack.

Life not what you thought it would be?  

How about…”All good things come to those who wait.”  Ooh,  how about “Life is what you make of it.”

Now you could sit around waiting for something wonderful though I would suggest you ask yourself if it really is that bad.  Okay, so maybe you’re one of those poor folk with a face full of flies and a sticky out belly button and is born into abject poverty and would prefer a loaf of bread over a fridge magnet quote but given that you are reading this, probably on a mobile phone, then I don’t think you’re one of them.

I imagine you have very few, if any, flies on your face and you probably have Amazon Prime Video and enjoy regular baths.  Maybe it could be better if you had NetFlix, but perhaps  just be grateful for what you have and keep working to try and improve yourself and your life and those around you because it could be a damn site worse and you could be wearing underpants that you got from a Lithuanian charity.

Feeling like a failure?  

Why not hang out with urine drenched homeless people and crack addled prostitutes for an afternoon?  You’ll feel so much better about yourself in to time, and will have a new found appreciation for the meagre amount you have achieved in life.  That is assuming they don’t rob you and steal your clothes and use you as a sexual plaything in a bus station toilet.

Lost your faith?

It will be fine I promise, in fact I would suggest you get out to the pub with a few mates and have some cocktails and shots and do some karaoke.  Chances are that whatever your faith strippers and flaming sambucas are on the do to list so enjoy it while you can.

You can always go back when you hit rock bottom, or at Christmas or on the day of the holy monkey god ascension day or whatever it is people go for these days.  We all know how much people of faith love welcoming back a lost soul, so they will probably have a barbecue for you, which would be lovely I am sure.

Let’s finish on a couple of things you could turn into motivational weight related fridge magnets shall we? 

I may have fat armpits, but at least I do not look like I have aids.

I beat anorexia!

I smell like pies because it makes me feel sexy.

That’s just a sample of my wisdom, and you’re feeling better now I imagine.  Not bad for a first attempt I reckon.  As you can see I am all heart and am here to share your pain.  

Feel free to leave a comment and I will happily advise you how to fix your life.

Fancy reading something else?

Ichabod the first

Badger and Fox

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

Photo courtesy of Geralt@pixabay

Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

18 thoughts on “Deep and insightfully insightfulnessness”

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