Fetish Haiku – Melissaphilia

I should tell the joke about the woman who asks her lover why is your organ so small. He replies “I didn’t know I was playing in a cathedral.”

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.


Oh to feel your sting

Delicious striped temptation

Drink of my nectar


Melissaphilia is by all accounts the sexual attraction to Bees and Wasps.  I…well it’s…actually no I have nothing.  Not a sausage.

Fetish Haiku – Chasmophilia

I should tell the joke about the woman who asks her lover why is your organ so small. He replies “I didn’t know I was playing in a cathedral.”

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

 

Wide gaping empty

Beckons needing to be filled

Let me fill your holes

 

Eeuw that is actually kinda really dirty.  Sorry.

 

Chasmophilia, and I kid you not, is an attraction or arousal to or brought on by chasms, gorges, gulleys, valleys, caves and other geological forms of emptiness.  I’m guessing it’s all about filling those gaping holes…Hot!

Fetish Haiku – Xylophilia

Got wood?

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Xylophilia

Oh sultry two by four

Hard length between my fingers

Knotty pine temptress

 

Xylophilia is an attraction to wood.  Not man-wood, I’m talking Beech, Birch, Oak and such. Whatever makes u happy I reckon…

Fetish Haiku – Metrophilia

This is apparently a thing too.

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun. If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Metrophilia

Oh write me an ode

sweet verse to make me explode

Hot loins to unload

Poetry. Not apparently just dirty stuff but just poetry. Oh this is all frightfully confusing. I know haiku shouldn’t rhyme but I thought I would because of reasons.

Fetish Haiku – Maschalagnia

Musky appeal

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Maschalagnia

Head down inhaling

hot musky heady odours

tangy on the tongue

 

Armpits.  Some people are get all amorous for pits.  Fair enough I guess.

Fetish Haiku – Formicophilia

I am too scared to google this any more than I have

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Formicophilia.

Skin crawling, writhing

slowly up the water spout

delicious creepies

 

Look I’m not sure if I am being had here but the internet reckons its all to do with become aroused by insects crawling on you.  I know, I’m not sure about it but Im not researching any further in-case someone looks over my shoulder and sees what I am googling.  Give a new meaning to incey-wincey spider though right…

Fetish Haiku – Emetophilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

Read here if you’re wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku?”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Emitophilia

Regurgitating

pulse racing, licking of lips

slow, breathless, retching

 

 

 

Turns out the idea of watching someone vomit is trouser stiffening for some folk.  I shit you not.  Who’d have thought eh.  Maybe your neighbours are emitophiliacs?  No?  You never know don’t be so sure.

Only another 4 to go after this dont worry.

Fetish Haiku – Forniphilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

Read here if youre wondering “why the bloody hell is he writing fetish haiku.”

Now, if you’re my wife then I am sorry wife, it was only meant as a bit of fun.  If you’re my parents – you probably have yourself to blame to some degree.

Forniphilia

 

Be my slutty chaisse

my dirty coffee table

sweet filthy futon.

 

Okay so when I first saw this one I read the following:

Forniphilia Turning a human being into a piece of furniture

I now know it’s more than that but I wrote the haiku before investigating and I kind of reckon I will just leave it at that.

Fetish Haiku – Liquidophilia

I will only do these for a week or so I promise.

I was prompted by one of my regular readers to perhaps explore the world of fetish in haiku form.  Well it was something like that, I don’t recall exactly but before you know it I am googling the most astonishing things and writing small Japanese poems about them.  I know they’re not strictly haiku – they do though have the haiku structure.

Some of stuff I have heard of but a lot of it took me somewhat by surprise.  I am rather concerned over the search history on my phone because it is pure filth.  All in the name of research mind.

Anyway, I shall leave it up to you to google the title below if you dare.

 

Liquidophilia

You filthy bugger

get them out my bloody pint

wet dripping bollocks