Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

M is for Michael

that’s me…

Michael.  That’s me.

 

This seemed like a good idea when I did the title but now I am less sure.  If you’ve read me for more than a day or two then you know what I’m like and I don’t really need to tell you.  I have a wife and kids who I love, a life I enjoy immensely and very few filters or boundaries.

You know what, I think that will just about do.

You really don’t need to know that I love comics or rugby or television or films or coding or laughing or being grumpy, that’s all there for you to see.  You don’t need to know that I think Donald trump is a twat and that I find it quite heart breaking to see what he is doing to America because I grew up with all things American and it played a big part in my growing up.

And you dont need to be told that I like to make people laugh and dont take things too seriously and that I have a problem with authority and organised religion.  It’s all there to see in my writing.

Thanks for reading and I hope you continue to take some pleasure in what I put out there and if not, meh, I’ll get over it.

Michael

X

 

 

 

 

Stripped and polished – Room 101

As the bar began to empty her long nails traced patterns on his arm.  

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we.  101 words allowed only.

As the bar began to empty her long nails traced patterns on his arm.

“Nice colour” he said nervously

“You like it?” She asked smiling.  Of course he did. They all did.

“I…erm.”

She laughed leaning over and whispering in his ear.  “It’s blood red.”  The feel of her breath on his skin made his head spin and her perfume filled his senses.  “It’s of my own making” she continued, her nails now digging into his thigh.

“R-really” he stuttered, his jeans suddenly rather tight.

“Yes” she answered taking his hand and smiling.  “Come with me I’ll show you how.”

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Dark Christmas – Angel

Surprise! You’re having God’s baby!

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

 

As Mary sat one night appeared

to her an angel bright

to much surprise and some dismay

gave her an awful fright

 

“now steady on” she did proclaim

“you gave me quite a shock

Just barging in without due note

Or even single knock”

 

Now Gabriel was not one for

her small talk he confessed

and did insist “you have found favour,

a woman truly blessed”

 

She scratched her head and looked quite vexed

“I don’t now what you mean,

I’ve got a date I’m just off out

With this yummy Nazareen”

 

“You’re chosen child” Gabe did insist

“’amongst women quite unique

God wants you to have his baby”

She went pale and could not speak

 

“Woah no no no!

You’re joking right, this must be a mistake

Joe won’t ever believe me

This is far too much to take”

 

“Oh worry not” Gabe said “be calm

I’ll go and have a word”

“you know that I’m a virgin right”

She said “this is absurd”

 

“I’m not the type of girl who just

Puts out cos God decides”

Gabe smiled “too late, ‘tis already done

Your baby grows inside”

 

“Oh thanks indeed” she says resigned

To her heavenly chosen fate

“So just like that I’m up the duff

Without even one date?”

 

“You are my child” Gabe says and smiles

Then says “I must get going”

“I’ll pop in – see Joe – before I leave

Explain just what you’re growing”

 

“Oh right” says M “That’s it then right?”

And like that the Angel went

“I guess I should be grateful

‘cos my babies heaven sent”

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Frosty Goes Wild – Room 101

This one’s bloody awful. Sorry.

Let’s do another month of M’s prompts shall we.  101 words allowed only.

The cold wind stole her breath and the smell of tobacco filled her nostrils as gnarled fingers wrapped tight around her throat and pushed her up against the wall.

“Mmmm” She gasped, the moon reflecting on his deathly pale skin.

“Shut up” he snapped squeezing tighter, Ice running through her veins as she looked into eyes dark as coal. You “like carrots?” he asked, his laugh echoing through the night.

Struggling against his grip she gasped as he forced her slowly to her knees.

“Damn, there really must have been some magic in that old silk hat” he said grinning wildly.

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday: New & Experience

I don’t take many things seriously but I am going to make a concerted effort to do Colleen’s challenges properly.

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday

I don’t take many things seriously as you probably know but I am going to make a concerted effort to do Colleen’s challenges properly.  I have scant regard for the correct use of haiku and often do such beastly things to them but I think it is also important to show appreciation for the little blighters because they are so fabulous when done right.

This week the challenge was to use synonyms for NEW and EXPERIENCE.  I used FRESH and ENCOUNTER.  And its about change so that is another box ticked, and it is in the first person so I am thinking I have the structure and subject just about nailed at least.

Dark gives way to light

Each morning fresh encounter

eternal routine

Bleary eyed I greet the day

a moment in time passing

 

 

Dark Christmas – Rudolph

Reindeer are, it seems, just for Christmas

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

 

Through cold and dark

Through snow and ice

Each year in search of children nice

And wind does bite

With gifts in tow

They race ‘gainst time through falling snow

 

And at the head

Of sleigh and team

One reindeer whose nose does beam

Year after year

Enslaved and bound

He holds his master from the ground

 

Never to roam

Nor to run free

Whips lash to bring the gifts to thee

And at days end

When task is done

Back to his jail beyond the sun

 

And there he waits

Since years of yore

Routine the same forever more

One night a year

Sweet freedom tastes

Heart cold and black, each Christmas hates

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay

L is for loss

If I were not here tomorrow…

Were I to die tomorrow then there are so many things I would not get to tell my boys.  As melancholy a thought as it is it is one with which I have of late struggled though something I have yet to remedy.  Such words of wisdom that are a father’s to impart would go unsaid and they would quite possibly venture into this world as young men without my deep and considered understanding of so many things.

Whilst their mother would without doubt provide them the support they need as young men I would not be there to explain to them why they should always ensure they place the drill chuck back in the little holder thingy on the handle of the drill to ensure they are not forever heading to the DIY place to buy another.

I ask myself who, if not me, should be the one to explain why darts is a sport and motor racing is not and why being a Yorkshire-man is truly a privilege.

My heart is heavy with the thought that at my passing so ceases the chance for me to impart upon them how a man should approach washing dishes so as to ensure he never gets asked again.

Truly though I believe the greatest gift we can give them is our presence, time and attention without which we cannot pass on our biases and prejudice.

Good god, what if they grow up to be Manchester United fans?

 

My Weekly Fetish Haiku 26/12

Watching the Olympics will never be the same again.

Instead of stopping these it was suggested that I simply do one a week instead.  I’m sure you know which one this is right …

Down, arse over tit

slumped at the foot of the stairs

throbbing arousal

Climacophilia is, by all accounts, an arousal to falling down stairs.  How one finds this out I do not know.  Did someone tumble on something left on the stairs and by the time they dusted themselves off at the bottom they found themselves a little moist and in the mood for a long bath with some Kenny G playing?

People are forever tumbling downstairs after tripping on skateboards in cartoons, which leads me to thinking that perhaps it is not just hi-jinks and tomfoolery but in fact deviance and the work of mucky little filth mongers.

As if tumbling down a flight of stairs isn’t dangerous enough it is most definitely not something one would surely advocate sporting a throbbing erection.

What?  Don’t look at me – I am only sharing what is out there.

K is for Kids

Just to be clear. They are not for sale.

I have two and I love them very much, which is lucky for them because there are days when I think they might just be a little bit faulty.  Don’t get me wrong, despite their obvious flaws I still think mine are actually more pleasant than other peoples – and definitely yours – and I have the tedious photo’s and long winded stories to prove it.

I think/hope that my eldest may well have the most wonderful sense of humour as just the other day he asked whether the Germans were still looking for the Von Trapp family.  Now don’t get me wrong, as an Englishman I am of a mind to think that somewhere there is a lower level Ortsgruppenleitner with a hatred for sing songs that is still hopeful of apprehending them, but truth be told that’s probably just me being awful.  I was troubled enough to ask him whether he was serious, and I am still not actually sure.

The youngest is a precious little thing who has the most delightful ability to believe his own lies and I am most certain that he is destined for great things – probably in politics or banking.  Such is his conviction that I often have to refer to the internet to support any argument I may find myself having with him.

Still, I wouldn’t be without them no matter how much I was offered for them – and trust me the little blonde one is worth big money in certain parts of the middle east.  The elder brown haired one is probably worth less though he has broad shoulders and a strong back and would certainly do the work of at least one small mule.

Not that I’ve researched it.  Honest.

To be fair, had I tried to return them or asked for a repair I imagine I would have been told that any damage they are currently exhibiting may well be my fault.

 

 

 

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge: Nightmare & Horror

Haiku challenge using ‘Short’ and ‘Sexy’. I feel I may be being set up…

Ronovan provides the words.  Then a haiku follows.  Though mine are kinda haiku in form only and I believe senryu in every other way.

A knock at the door

unexpected guest nightmare

Horror, fake good will

https://ronovanwrites.com/2017/12/25/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-181-nightmarehorror/

Childish Christmas Insults

Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly

 

A POTUS loved by evangelic

praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric

But to me hes a dick

a piss drenched racist prick

no better than an ISIS cleric

 

Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved

so you better hope you have behaved

In the name of J Christ

he’s now after your wife

He requests her pussy waxed or shaved

 

Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂

 

A few days away.

For the first time in nearly 6 months I have just spent more than a day away from my blog. 

For the first time in nearly 6 months I have just spent more than a day away from my blog.  In the past Ive had the odd spell away, but nothing like this.  For 4 days in fact I have not made a post, read a comment or read anything anyone else has posted.

It was at first rather frustrating but there were these Ikea cupboards that needed to go up you see plus others that needed moving from one side of the bedroom to the other.  Now, in order to achieve that they needed to be dismantled which I kind of managed but then the dismantling was followed by shouting, swearing, sweating and me then apologising to the family for being a complete dick and a quite awful human being.

The second night I repeated my performance, to somewhat of a lesser degree, but again I was a twat and I will admit that I am this point thinking that I have issues.  No matter how hard I tried the combination of my complete ineptness and the quite obvious evil nature of these wardrobes brought out my inner twat.

Another night of it and by the time I had done them all I simply had no joy left in me and found it rather hard to return and it has taken a couple of days of cocktails, Christmas merriment and festive television to get me back to some sort of place where I have both the time and the inclination to write again.

I have some catching up to do I think but just glad my wife didn’t make me sleep in the garden this Christmas really.  She’s a frightfully patient woman.

Merry Christmas

Michael x

 

 

 

Dark Christmas – Light

A quick thing about a thing

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.

mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017

 

Stars snuffed out as space he crossed

consuming all before

until a planet full of life

green hill ran to blue shore

 

A Timeless creature dark of heart

in search he roams the night

presented with this gift of life

and joy and streaming light

 

Each heart a feast each soul divine

each mind a thing to savour

he gorges, belly fat and round

lips smack tongue tastes sweet flavour

 

And over time into their world

they welcome him arms wide

and worship at his festival

tell tales by fire side

 

His garments red his beard like snow

red eyes, teeth sharp, blood claws

he stalks in search of prey at nights

until the winter thaws

 

And then he slumbers until once

again the frost awakes

and hunger drives him ever on

and heart and soul he takes

 

 

Photo courtesy of pixabay