Dark Christmas – Nice

Theres someone in your house and he means to do you harm…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


Red clad he stalks outside your home

He sneaks in while you sleep

Your kids he watches in their beds

through frosted windows peeps

 

You lock your doors and fasten shut

Your windows for you dread

Into your home he will still come

And find you in your bed

 

He looks for reasons, punishment

Will follow have no doubt

If you raise you voice or dare to cry

And god forbid you pout

 

For down your chimney he will come

His clothes all stained with black

And lingers in your living room

There with his bulging sack

 

He spills his goods upon your floor

They’re all the things you need

All wrapped with bows and glittery

The symbols of your greed

 

And unto him you pledge yourself

And worship at his throne

To him you pledge eternal self

Until he calls you home

 

Then in his workshop you will slave

and he feeds upon your pain

and day and night you’ll toil until

December comes again

 

Dark Christmas – Journey

Christmas with a little something extra thrown in just because…

Some interesting prompts over at Mindscapes  Thought I would do something a little different on the Christmas themes.


mindescapes Christmas Challenge 2017


With a hey and a ho

To Bethlehem they go

Cos it seems theres some count or some such

And he grumbles and moans

Of the distance he groans

And the stress he is finding too much

 

Cos she wont give him none

but she’s now 9 months gone

and insists she’s not been with another

she persists it’s not lies

that it came from the skies

he’s convinced that she’s been with his brother

 

He had wanted to leave

But no one would believe

She’s a cheat and she won’t meet his need

So he’s stuck, trapped he feels

As his wife she reveals

That god’s filled her right up with his seed

 

“Oh come on he insists

Do you think I am pissed”

Grabs the donkey and loads her on board

“If it looks like my brother

Then Im telling my mother

That you lied and that you are a fraud”

“Babe I promise” she sighs

“It was god twixt my thighs

I’d not cheat” and she feeds him a grape

But he rants quite aggrieved

And he just wont believe

“You ask me, sounds a whole lot like rape!

 

“Oh sweet Joe” and she smiles

And she charms with her wiles

And he sighs, his hot loins are still urging

He’d  just wanted some fun

Now she’ll soon be a mum

Him a dad, but they’re both still a virgin

 

His friends think that he’s mad

And will soon be a Dad

To a kid which he didn’t create

And he feels quite forlorn

And it soon will be born

and he’s trapped and this really ain’t great

 

So they take to the road

Donkey carries the load

And he thinks, “guess I’m stuck this is it”

They ride into the night

And a star it shines bright

His heart heavy and feeling quite shit…

Christmas job satisfaction ain’t what it used to be…

It’s beginning to feel a lot like go screw yourself!

 

A fat bellied fellow who is often quite mellow

‘till it comes to the end of the year

Hits December quite stressed and things all seem a mess

And he’d kill for a steak and a beer

 

But alas he must graft and the toys he must craft

As the list don’t diminish in size

Thick and fast they demand on his doorstep they land

Letters bulging with needs long and wide

 

And he says to his wife “Baby this ain’t no life”

“Lets just quit and go live somewhere warm”

She replies “Oh my dear, we are bound up I fear

With the contact to which you are sworn”

 

He protests and he pouts and he stomps and he shouts

Insists “Amazon can do it just fine,

Or the Chinese perhaps, theyre industrious chaps

And their margins are better than mine”

 

“Oh dear Nick you sweet man you just do what you can

More than that you can surely not do”

And she gives him a hug and she makes him a mug

Of hot chocolate and a biscuit or two

 

Then he stomps back to work mumbling “god what a jerk”

As a letter he reads, just received

Me me me it insists as he reads through the list

Its so long its quite hard to believe

 

“No no no” Nick protests “I think it would be best

To go see this young chap straight away”

But his wife calms him down , “Babe just put on your gown

Head up stairs I’ll be there straight away”

 

As they climb into bed she caresses his head

Says “Now Nick you just need to remember

They’re just children with needs, ok some with pure greed

But you know what it’s like each December

 

It’ll be over soon and fore long will be June

And well take a few weeks, go away

Maybe go see some sights and we’ll spend a few nights

Somewhere nice you can pick where we stay”

 

And he grumbles and sighs and then smiles and his eyes

have that twinkle she knows what comes next

“You’re a star, and you’re right” then he turns out the light

Cos its time for some hot Christmas sex

 

Sorry about the ending, I’m tired and need to get to sleep 😊

Head, shoulders, knees and oooh yeah baby.

So it turned out rather rude in parts…

I wrote this in response to something of a request from M.  Kinda.  Sort of.  I am pretty sure the comments goaded me into it.  Not that I take much encouragement on such things.  I am always willing to give things a try.  It probably goes too far… 🙂


Theres this woman it seems, met the man of her dreams

rather handsome and quite well to do

and they went on hot dates and they stayed out so late

so exciting being with someone new

 

Over time things progressed, and one hight she confessed

“no more waiting, I think that it’s time

let’s go back to your place” and they set off at pace

she was ready for pleasure devine

 

As she watched him undress, buttocks firm rock hard chest

pulse it raced then he ripped off her clothes

ran his hand up her thigh, made her groan squeal and sigh

goosebumps down from her head to her toes

 

Then he kissed every inch, gave her bottom a pinch

worked his way north to south quite intent

then he stopped at her feet, remarked “Oh what a treat”

but too long way down there he then spent

 

“Bloody hell” she proclaimed, his loins somewhat aflame

as he tongued, toe by toe, each in turn

and he sucked every one but her passion was gone

though her feet he continued to yearn

 

Ran his tongue ‘twixt her toes, “Oh please stop” she then goes

on to say “get your mouth off my feet!”

but he gobbles and licks, groans and then slowly spits

“Oh please baby they’re just quite a treat”

 

“How about this ” he asks, and she’s taken aback

“A caress with your soles quite divine

“I’ll lay back, use your feet, It will be quite a treat

up and down, and I’ll thrust up in time”

 

But she’s really quite shocked at the thought of his cock

‘tween her feet and she shouts “No, no, no!

How’d we get here so fast?  I don’t think it will last

get your clothes please I think you should go…”

 

“Baby please dont’ you know, it’s quite normal and so

many people like licking of toes

It’s my thing no big deal, give it time and you’ll feel

quite at home with just where my tongue goes”

 

“Not a chance” she replies, realises and sighs

“this won’t work out”.  Alas, such regret

As he dresses to go, “kiss goodbye?” she says “No!”

as his breath’s like old cheese, poo and sweat.

 

So quite sad, it’s the end and she calls up a friend

and explains that he’s gone and it’s done

and though he was very sweet his obsession with feet

not for her and just weird, not fun…

 

The army of dead babies

Not really sure where this came from. Not sure if the idea is cute or just creepy as hell.

If you cant sleep at all tonight

And you sense that something’s wrong

And the wind that whispers through the trees

Seems to sing a mothers song

 

Then close your eyes ignore the sound

Of gurlgles, howls and cries

Upon the wind as it blows through

The late October skies

 

Stay ‘neath your blanket warm and snug

Don’t open windows wide

For the army of dead babies

Will be marching by outside

 

Reminders of the choices made

The lives we took for granted

They seek once more a mothers kiss

On this night that’s most enchanted

 

From those we lost in pointless wars

To others cruelly taken

Not loved, not wanted, never held

And many more forsaken

 

With Ghoulish faces sunken eyes

A mother’s heart they seek

To take her back to realms of dark

To care for souls most meek

 

Into your homes they crawl inside

Mouths gaping and dead eyes

Foot of your bed they sit and wait

Soft gurgles tender cries

 

And should you wake and heed their call

Heart tender, cries to stem

Your soul they take and leave you dead

And drag you back with them

 

And from that day ‘til ages pass

And they again return to light

You tend the dead lost babies souls

That wander through the night

 


picture courtesy of pixabay

Fatties in Space Part 3 – Definitely still not for kiddies

You’d have thought I’d have given up on this idea by now wouldn’t you. But no. No I haven’t.

Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.  You really need to read those first for this to make much sense.  Not that it makes much sense.

 

The big day came around, as our pair left the ground

and to space they did head quite excited

soon of gravity free they would quite happily

give into their lust now ignited

 

Not constrained by their girth or the pull of the earth

they were sure to express their desire

to the chamber they floated, rotund hot and bloated

loins smouldered then soon set on fire

 

Hungry mouths warm wet lips bulging crotch quite pert nips

they cavorted and drifted through space

arching backs roaming hands loves wet warmth swollen glands

In huge bosom he buries his face

 

Set free from their weight, she’s the food on his plate

he devours from angles quite kinky

with his mouth he then pleases his tongue he then teases

and lord look where he just stuck his pinky

 

Heaving flesh they’re entwined to their passion resigned

hungry mouths they consume head to feet

Right way upside down how they both go to town

Like that time at the all you can eat

 

Now the entree is done and its time for more fun

its the main, shes bent over and waiting

Massive buttocks quite round what a sight most profound

he approaches his mouth salivating

 

Hands on hips legs akimbo, head thrown back like a limbo

how he handles her bulk into place

with no effort he fills her the pleasure it thrills her

Just like ribs, puts a smile on her face

 

Then with coital alignment and subtle refinement

its doggy, jack hammer then twister

little dipper, wheel barrow, for her age she’s quite narrow

though the Zebra Lunge gave her a blister

 

As they peak in their lust one more move is a must

and he grabs her and spins her around

They explode with delight and embrace close and tight

For the pleasure and love they have found

 

She caresses his chins and quite sated she grins

satisfied for the first time in years

pudding eyes drink her in shes his goddess of sin

such pleasure it brings them to tears


 

Well I think that is enough really.  I will miss them,

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

If I was not English

An ode to ignorance

So if I was not English, and I think I will suppose

The type of things I would enjoy, and ponder upon those

For foreign,  people often seem, when seen on the TV

their weird ways, their lovely teeth, they’re really not like me

 

If French all day Id feast on Cheese and pastries I’d consume

and walk around in open shirts, with frills and pantaloons

turn up my nose at things not french and art I would adore

and get myself a second wife and hide her like a whore

 

If Spanish I would surely sleep each day from noon ’till 5

I need a nap,  been up since 9, if not I’d not survive

Then mostly I’d eat squid for tea and sip on wine all night

and watch the Brits on holiday  – they drink and puke and fight

 

If German born Id surely spend efficient time at work

then home for beer and sausage and some sauerkraut, what a perk

in leather shorts I’d strut around, my bare chest on display

and dance to David Hasselhoff, fat bottom I would sway

 

Across the pond I think perhaps gun toting I would be

it seems it fine if I shoot dead the folk who bother me

Defend myself from innocents not like me, how sublime

I’d get myself grenades and guns, some rockets and a mine

 

 

OK, so I will stop that there.  I kind of lost my sense of humour the day that daft twat started shooting people at a country and western concert and found myself hating everyone and everything and just wondering how on earth do we end up doing such awful things to each other.  I got that far before I calmed down a little but still felt all of this frustration at the stupidity of people and then started writing and thought yeah Im just as bad, mocking people so I stopped but I then thought oh heavens just press publish because it is what you felt at the time.  I had this desire to just ridicule and mock, but not too severely.  Passive mockery if you will.

Anyway, it is what it is and I am what I am.  I do find humour in most things and most situations and for the most part think the world is quite hilarious.  Then I started taking myself far too seriously.

you should have seen what I had planned to write about the Chinese and the Italians…awful awful stuff.


Scratch – Daily prompt

Fly me to the moon – Sunday photo fiction

Faeries: The long winter

 

Your lunchtime limerick 24/9/17

Another day another limerick.

On being someone’s prison wife…

 

A posh boy addicted to coke

Stole a car and ran over a bloke

When the cops found him out

“My dads rich” he did shout

pretty mouth like his,  jail is no joke

 

Happy Sunday!


Want more stuff?  I have lots of stuff…

Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

More tea vicar ? 

Image courtesy of  me

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Fatties in space returns but not quite as you might have wanted.

You really should read this first before proceeding, but you don’t have to – it will just make more sense if you do..I am not ready for the full story but thought I would start exploring story lines through the medium of poetry.

 


It’s a tale of the round, and the girthy who found

a real love, one that’s true , one that’s strong

and the passion they share, but they’re rather aware

that they just cannot ‘go’ for that long.

 

For rotund they both are and alas the pair far

From in shape, ‘less that shape is a ball

He has always been big from when he was a kid

And she got real fat after a fall

 

So both desperate to please one another and tease

In the bedroom they try to delight

So as well as whipped cream for this sexy young team

Nacho cheese and choc pudding tonight

 

But they try none the less, she fits into a dress

Far too small for a gal of her size

but he gazes with love, says “it fits like a glove”

Then devours her like burger and fries

 

He heaves up his full frame, and she calls out his name

legs akimbo his hands on her hips

says “I fancy some kink, here what do you think?”

and eats onion rings from her nips

 

But before it begins pudding still on his chins

and the nacho cheese on her top lip

his legs started to cramp and she’s barely got damp

he tries hard but he’s losing his grip

 

“That’s enough” she cries out, “I do not want to shout

But I’ve needs and I need to be drilled”

So she books them a flight, taking off the next night

On the love ship, she will be fulfilled

 

For it heads into space at a jolly quick pace

They’ll be freed of this gravity curse

Yes it cost all they’ve saved, but they’re feeling depraved

And she wants to dress up as a nurse

 

So next time I will tell, and use words such as swell

And engorge and perhaps Ill use thrust

And Ill tell a bit more and you might just adore

The next verse in this tale of fat lust

 


 

More stuff?  No?  I understand…

Get well soon limericks 

Musings

More tea vicar ? 

Your lunchtime limerick 23/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Okay, enough offending people.  Back to life and stuff…

 

A cheeky young fellow from Rhyll

Thought his girlfriend was still on the pill

shed forgotten to take

What a costly mistake

Now they’re 18 with twins,  what a thrill

 

Tomorrow…something else

 

 

 


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Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

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Your lunchtime limerick 22/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

One last one I think, as if I haven’t offended enough people already this week.  

 

A Jewish lass, Emily fisk

put her eternal life greatly at risk

with shrimp mussels and cod

she’d offended her god

Now each day she eats hot lobster bisque

 

Bit ropey but it’ll do…

 


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Your lunchtime limerick 21/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

Continue my limericks on the fall from grace…

 

A Hindu lass hailing from Neath

caused her family much heartache and grief

and dishonour and shame

to the family name

As she sneakily gorged on roast beef

    

Back tomorrow with one last one I think

 


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Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!  Thanks as ever to Colleen for her prompts.  Check her blog out out here.

This weeks words are Gift and Song.

 

Intoxicating, lost

in the heady gift of song

melting to her voice

 

or maybe

 

thanks, the gift of song

an itunes voucher from gran

My phone’s an android

 

And back to serious

 

Song bird, gilded cage

Trapped, craving the blue expanse

I gift her freedom

 

Then back to silly, using Serenade instead of song

 

She smiles, crimson cheeks

He serenades from below

Dad’s Chamber pot thrown 

 

And one last Serious one

 

truly you’re a gift

you fill my heart with such song

My children my life

 

Ok ok one last silly one, for balance…

 

other worldly voice

Children crying dogs howling

clown under your bed

 

Think that’s quite enough for one  week…


More shenanigans?

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

End of days #writephoto challenge

Badger and Fox


 

https://colleenchesebro.com/2017/09/19/colleens-weekly-poetry-challenge-no-51-haiku-tanka-haibun-gift-song/

Your lunchtime limerick 20/9/17

Another day another limerick.

On the matter of losing one’s faith…continued

 

A Muslim chap hailing from York

had a secretive yearning for pork

so he gave up the life

shaved, de-shrouded his wife

gorging bacon and beans with a spork.

 

Tomorrow there will be beef…

 


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Faeries: The long winter

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Your lunchtime limerick 19/9/17

Another day another limerick.

On losing one’s faith.

 

A handsome poor priest name of Chad

Found that boobies they made him most glad 

So he gave up the life 

Found a super hot wife 

With big lips, curvy hips and rich dad 

 

Tomorrow…something about Pork…

 

 

 


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Faeries: The long winter

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Ronovans Weekly Haiku Challenge

Another week another Haiku challenge which I do rather enjoy.  this week the words to use are TOUCH and MISS.  I might try a few things.

Another week another Haiku challenge which I do rather enjoy.  this week the words to use are TOUCH and MISS.  I might try a few things.

How about a 3-5-3 haiku to start.

You left me

How I miss your touch

I hate you

Okay, now the good old 5-7-5. Perhaps a variation on the first.

 

How I miss your touch

Taliban cut your hands off

your hooks freak me out

 

Tanka perhaps, as a variation on the previous piece?

How I miss your touch

Taliban cut your hands off

your hooks freak me out

Up a bit, now left a bit

right there that’s it now scratch hard

 


https://ronovanwrites.com/2017/09/18/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-167-touchmiss/

Your lunchtime limerick 18/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

It was suggested I do some saccharin sweet limericks…Ill give it a try I guess.  Feels a bit weird to be honest.

To my children

Each morning I look at your smiles

even though you both put us through trials

how your mother she bore you

I simply adore you

so does mum though you did give her piles

 

that could be a hallmark moment!

 


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Your lunchtime limerick 17/9/17

Another day another limerick.

A jolly fat bellied chap , Nick

Christmas Eve of the children got sick

so he went to the pub

had some drinks and some grub

cancelled Christmas next day, what a dick

 

 


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Sparrow and Snake #writephoto

Faeries: The long winter

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Your lunchtime limerick 16/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

A limerick, at lunchtime.  The clue’s in the title really…

 

A hillbilly chap, quite obese

one day coverered his sister in grease

from her toes to her head

then he took her to bed

she gave birth to his daughter and niece

 

maybe another incest based limerick because they fun

 

I once went to school with a lad

who had a quite young looking dad

turned out his mums lover

was his hot older brother

that’s just wrong, quite disturbing and mad

 

Anyway, have a good Saturday, not going to be writing much else today got a lot to do…

 


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Your lunchtime limerick 15/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

A limerick, at lunchtime.  The clue’s in the title really…

A sturdy young chap, Roger black

Hard liquor each night he knocked back

Young vibrant and bold

But then he got old

Now he’s fat and addicted to crack

 


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The limericks I don’t usually publish

Move along, nothing to see and certainly not for kids.

For every limerick I write there is usually another I discard because it is inappropriate, childish, vulgar, twisted or just not the sort of things I would want my kids to stumble upon.

Today I will publish a few because I am in the sort of mood, and it’s the weekend and what are weekends for if not inappropriate limericks.  I had something of a request for more erotic asphyxiation stuff earlier this week.  I know I know, but there’s no accounting for the tastes of people.  

 

A conservative preacher, John Stead

Man of god but quite kinky in bed

by the cleaner discovered

bound, naked and buggered

Purple faced, plastic bag on his head

 

A plumber from Goole well endowed

love to take off his clothes in a crowd

and the ladies he’d please

as it hung to his knees

hand on hips, legs akimbo, so proud

 

A vicar from Grimsby most hated

spent a celibate life most frustrated

unless you count the young boys

who he used as his toys

’till they caught him and now hes castrated

 


Something more pleasant?

Ooh look at me being all topical!

Faeries: The long winter

Fences – FFfAW Challenge – 11th of July

 


photo courtesy of hypnoart at pixabay

 

Your lunchtime limerick 14/9/17

Another day another limerick.

 

A limerick, at lunchtime.  The clue’s in the title really…

A cuddly bus driver from cleaves

was beset by a posse of thieves

stole his clothes, bus and phone

left him stranded alone

and his modesty covered by leaves

 


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Heart and Window – TJ’s household Haiku

Today I bring you not 1, but 3 mediocre haiku in response to TJ’s challenge.

Today I bring you not 1, but 3 mediocre haiku!

 

Brave window cleaner

Poor man, his heart in his mouth

Curtains left open

 

Oh heart, fickle friend

open window, thieves sneak in

ransacked and ruined

 

still my beating heart

eyes the windows on the soul

How I  love cliches


Fancy something else?

Abandoned – Daily prompt

We unlikely few – An Armitage tangent

You absolute tanka!

 

https://amaviedecoeurentier.wordpress.com/2017/09/09/tjs-household-haiku-13/

Your lunchtime limerick 13/9/17

Another day another limerick.

A skinny young postman called pat

Who could eat but could never get fat

Pies and cakes, buns and sweets,

vegetables, breads and meats

Had a tapeworm you see, fancy that

 


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Your lunchtime limerick 12/9/17

Another day another limerick.

Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so. 

 

A chubby young fellow called Giles

Got a rather bad case of the piles

Doc said “Don’t be so glum –

pop this cream in your bum,

’till they’re gone just sit carefully and smile

 

 


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