A purveyor of decadence, Lionel
Would oft dress in a gimp mask and vinyl
Found it tricky to pick
For he so adored dick
But also loved all things vaginal
Limerick o’clock
It’s something I guess…
Category: limericks
Limerick. Again.
Bet youre now in the mood for a banana and a couple of satsumas
A veg obsessed gym lover, Ned
Would take melons and eggplants to bed
Stuff his ass with cumquats
Which fell out doing squats
So he juiced them and drank them instead
Well, well, another limerick….
One about everyone’s favourite racist
A piss coloured POTUS of note
Lost his job, is protesting the vote
With the loss of his powers
It’s back to golden showers
With hookers, be kind though, don’t gloat
Limerick? Go on, treat yourself.
Shall we? I think so…
A grocer of note, Gerry Nichols
Who in his butt place large pickles
He would squeal with surprise
As juice ran down his thighs
And guffaw as it really quite tickles
A nasty limerick. At Christmas? Oh surely not.
Merry Christmas, or happy whatever you celebrate …have a lovely day!
A purveyor of filth, Nicky Klaus
A whoremonger, purveyor of whores
With his huge bulging sack
And his craving for crack
And a leather clad spank on all fours
A Wednesday limerick
Something nasty as were just about half way to weekend!
Once a mistress on more she insisted
Wanted love not just sex, dark and twisted
Tenderness, love, respect
Instead anus, quite wrecked
As her fellow her bottom rough fisted
A Limerick. Dirty.
Go on, read it, I dare you …
Married chap I know has him a mistress
Who it turns out will eat only citrus
Says her ass tastes sublime
Just like lemons and lime
And he raves of her tangerine Clitoris
Personal Pronoun Sex Limerick time.
Apparently that’s now a thing too…
A promiscuous temptress called Brenda
Not especially choosy on Gender
Whether he, she or Eir
Xemself, Hir, Shim – Don’t care
She’s ain’t fussy- just wants sensual splendour
________________
I don’t think I’m ignorant, perhaps a little sheltered and middle aged white man and all that…I just honestly had no idea…read it for yourself…
Hey, look, another limerick…
Just because why not
A God fearing couple were waiting
Until marriage before consummating
He prayed “Give me strength please”!
And he fell to his knees
His unused testicles fast inflating
Limerick Wednesday
One about boobs
A large breasted hooker, Celeste
Did declare that her breasts were the best
Local chaps were invited
And the prospect excited
To put her proud claims to the test
Eat my big fat get well soon election limerick
Do it. You know you want to.
Heard you’ve probably lost an election
And it’s years since you’ve had an erection
And your kids are all shits
And your empires in bits
Hope you die from a nasty infection
Mostly Ive avoided politics and Donald the last few years but just a little something for him. You don’t like it? You’re a fan of him? Please unfollow me. Really. Bye.
A Monday Limerick.
Why the devil not eh.
Devout young chap met each Thursday
Buxom wench who would service the clergy
She would take off her nickers
For Priests, Imams and Vicars
And enable arousing liturgy
Limerick. Monday. Done.
No need to thank me.
High class hooker, quite skilled called Bianca
Lawyers, doctors, occasional banker
She would tempt and then tease them
with her bounties she’d please ’em
Gave her Pearl necklaces just to thank her
A Ye-Olde Limerick just for you
Something a little…’bawdy’ I think is the word.
A wench with a bosom a plenty
Bedroom skills quite a hit with the gentry
For a couple of shilling
She’s both ready and willing
Come around her back alley for entry
Limerick. Been a while.
One about ‘tucking’. I write mostly from a place of ignorance. Sorry.
There was a trans fellow called Betty
Who when ‘tucked’ would get sticky and sweaty
What a frightful affair
When at last it got air
Pale and sickly like day old spaghetti
A get well soon Limerick. Take it. Take it all.
Taste the rainbow…
Oh you poor thing, I hope you’re well soon
Heard it’s swollen up like a balloon
That there’s swelling and weeping
And dripping and seeping
Then a discharge that stinks out the room
A Limerick. Because it’s…actually I have no idea what day it is…
Ooh Brian you dirty, dirty little imp…
A virginal fellow called Brian
To get laid, he was tryin’ and tryin’
Efforts all came to nought
Then “eureka!”, a thought
Now each week, big boobed hooker’s he’s buyin’
Here’s Thursday’s filthy limerick
Testicle centric
Prospective lover to his lady June
“One ball’s shrivelled just like a prune”
Nervously he confided
“And I’m somewhat lopsided
Other’s swollen just like a balloon.”
One about a jogger with a rather large problem
Problem was he liked to jog past schools and old peoples homes you see…
A well endowed runner from Dallas
Had real problems controlling his phallus
When out jogging would slip
From his shorts, shaft and tip
Couldn’t help it, intended no malice
Another Limerick
One about really thick pubes…
Once a hirsute young nudist called Julie
Had a seventies bush, quite unruly
It just could not be tamed
Her thick dark pubic mane
Quite the warm winter muff, well and truly
A Get Well Soon Limerick…
Maybe someone out there needs to hear this. Maybe it’s you. Maybe youre a dirty little monkey indeed!
Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend
Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end
Feels like it may fall off
If you move fast or cough
And you near shit your pants when you bend
A Limerick…Meh
Its something I guess. It is Tuesday, so don’t expect too much. Not a fan of Tuesday…
Small organed chap from Jamaica
Had a wife, twas an orgasmic faker
Alas try as he might
He could not get it right
Nipples, neck, clit and tit, could not make her
Friday’s Filthy Limerick!
Bloody hell that’s nasty
A drug loving hooker, Petunia
For five bucks, with a strap on, would ruin ya’
But worse, her Sister Beth
Would gave hand jobs for meth
Take a dump on your chest and then spoon ya
Dirty, dirty, oh so dirty Monday limerick
I like to think that one day it will come out that this is what’s on those secret Trump Tapes…
Trumpesque water sports fan, name of Trystin
Pretty mouth that he loved to have pissed in
Craved his balls to be squeezed
Nipples bit, clamped and teased
And on Tuesday’s a large handed fisting
Did you know I wrote a book?
Seems I wrote one…
4th of April last year I posted this. I actually forgot about it mostly. I sold quite a few copies and had some good reviews and am rather quite proud of it. I’m currently working on some other things right now…but below is the original post…It is wholly inappropriate by the way. In a good way!
_____________________________________
I have written before about why I started my blog. For those who missed it one of the main reasons was due to a friend who’s wife, an aspiring writer and a vile human being, insisting that anyone that self publishes does so as an act of vanity which is probably why she had never been published and for the most part refused to work. Writers retreats she enjoyed a plenty I believe.
Anyway, perhaps I ended up proving her point, but I suggested to my friend that I would from that day forth take up writing and publish a book before she did just to prove the point that surely it isn’t that hard and perhaps if she wasn’t such a horrible cow she might have achieved more.
Anyway, the result of that rant can now be found on Amazon in the form of my first book ‘A Collection of Inappropriate Limericks. Its only 300 or so of my limericks but it’s something I guess. Something I made that perhaps my grandkids will hold one day and ask “What the fuck was wrong with Grandad?”
Paperback out now with the E-book to follow on the twelfth mostly because I made a mistake setting it up and couldn’t work out how to remedy it.’
Oh and I dedicated it to her too. Seemed only right.
Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
–
UK E-Book can be preordered here for delivery on the 12th of April.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07QF58TYM
The US E-Book is here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QF58TYM
Who’d have thought it eh…
Afterwards 
