Fatties in Space Part 3 – Definitely still not for kiddies

You’d have thought I’d have given up on this idea by now wouldn’t you. But no. No I haven’t.

Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.  You really need to read those first for this to make much sense.  Not that it makes much sense.


The big day came around, as our pair left the ground

and to space they did head quite excited

soon of gravity free they would quite happily

give into their lust now ignited


Not constrained by their girth or the pull of the earth

they were sure to express their desire

to the chamber they floated, rotund hot and bloated

loins smouldered then soon set on fire


Hungry mouths warm wet lips bulging crotch quite pert nips

they cavorted and drifted through space

arching backs roaming hands loves wet warmth swollen glands

In huge bosom he buries his face


Set free from their weight, she’s the food on his plate

he devours from angles quite kinky

with his mouth he then pleases his tongue he then teases

and lord look where he just stuck his pinky


Heaving flesh they’re entwined to their passion resigned

hungry mouths they consume head to feet

Right way upside down how they both go to town

Like that time at the all you can eat


Now the entree is done and its time for more fun

its the main, shes bent over and waiting

Massive buttocks quite round what a sight most profound

he approaches his mouth salivating


Hands on hips legs akimbo, head thrown back like a limbo

how he handles her bulk into place

with no effort he fills her the pleasure it thrills her

Just like ribs, puts a smile on her face


Then with coital alignment and subtle refinement

its doggy, jack hammer then twister

little dipper, wheel barrow, for her age she’s quite narrow

though the Zebra Lunge gave her a blister


As they peak in their lust one more move is a must

and he grabs her and spins her around

They explode with delight and embrace close and tight

For the pleasure and love they have found


She caresses his chins and quite sated she grins

satisfied for the first time in years

pudding eyes drink her in shes his goddess of sin

such pleasure it brings them to tears


Well I think that is enough really.  I will miss them,








If I was not English

An ode to ignorance

So if I was not English, and I think I will suppose

The type of things I would enjoy, and ponder upon those

For foreign,  people often seem, when seen on the TV

their weird ways, their lovely teeth, they’re really not like me


If French all day Id feast on Cheese and pastries I’d consume

and walk around in open shirts, with frills and pantaloons

turn up my nose at things not french and art I would adore

and get myself a second wife and hide her like a whore


If Spanish I would surely sleep each day from noon ’till 5

I need a nap,  been up since 9, if not I’d not survive

Then mostly I’d eat squid for tea and sip on wine all night

and watch the Brits on holiday  – they drink and puke and fight


If German born Id surely spend efficient time at work

then home for beer and sausage and some sauerkraut, what a perk

in leather shorts I’d strut around, my bare chest on display

and dance to David Hasselhoff, fat bottom I would sway


Across the pond I think perhaps gun toting I would be

it seems it fine if I shoot dead the folk who bother me

Defend myself from innocents not like me, how sublime

I’d get myself grenades and guns, some rockets and a mine



OK, so I will stop that there.  I kind of lost my sense of humour the day that daft twat started shooting people at a country and western concert and found myself hating everyone and everything and just wondering how on earth do we end up doing such awful things to each other.  I got that far before I calmed down a little but still felt all of this frustration at the stupidity of people and then started writing and thought yeah Im just as bad, mocking people so I stopped but I then thought oh heavens just press publish because it is what you felt at the time.  I had this desire to just ridicule and mock, but not too severely.  Passive mockery if you will.

Anyway, it is what it is and I am what I am.  I do find humour in most things and most situations and for the most part think the world is quite hilarious.  Then I started taking myself far too seriously.

you should have seen what I had planned to write about the Chinese and the Italians…awful awful stuff.

Scratch – Daily prompt

Fly me to the moon – Sunday photo fiction

Faeries: The long winter


Limerick o’clock!

Yeah you know what time it is!

A quite lovely temptress from Dover

loved to frolic and roll in the clover

She would lie in the dew

with a fellow or two

caught a chill, went without a pullover


This molester in charge of the States

filled with anger and bile how he hates

The sick and the poor

and the blacks even more

and brown people with Mexican traits


A chap from Niece grew a large beard

said his wife “Love, it looks rather weird,

So perhaps have a shave

and in bed please behave

don’t come near me until that thing’s sheared.”


A butcher from Leeds who loved pies

Cant resist them, though trust me tries

Now his belly’s quite round

and his man boobs profound

and you should see the size of his thighs

Love – FFFAW Challenge

After Dark Haiku – 29/9/2017

Faeries: The long winter









Like at your own risk…

I will admit, pressing the like button on things quite often causes me some consternation

I will admit, pressing the like button on things quite often causes me some consternation, especially if it is something sad.  I want to support and encourage, please do not get me wrong, but it often leaves me feeling rather uneasy.

I am quite sure that it would not be taken this way, but I recall feeling most conflicted recently when a Facebook acquaintance posted that he had cancer but was determined to fight it.  I wanted to applaud his resolve but would not want to give a big thumbs to his loss of a testicle in the same way I would if someone had posted a video of a  puppy falling over in a particularly cute way.  How can I like just part of it?

But beware, the risk runs deeper and you never quite know how your like might be interpreted.  My wife recently liked an article entitled “Child molesters face internet crack down”, and when I first saw it fleetingly it was somewhat truncated and all I saw was “Mrs Michael likes Childmolesters…”

What if the article had been “Big cock fighting ring smashed wide open” or “Many men now using public transport”.  How would I have felt then?

What if I was to like a news article which spoke of the injustice of being unfairly accused of a crime you did not commit entitled “Being fingered by a snitch ruined my life”.  I think it is most sad that this reservation that consumes me recently prevented me from expressing my thanks for the great work the police in America after reading an online article entitled  “Rape and murder incidents on the decline in New York”.

Perhaps I should just leave a nice comment or send a card…


More things from my brain?

Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

After Dark Haiku – 24/9/2017

Screw you, one and all.

TJ’s Household Haiku – Earth and Whirlwind

You know the drill.  2 Words, haiku, go!

You know the drill.  2 Words, haiku, go!

Thanks to TJ and his fab prompts!


She feels the earth move

Lost in passion sweet embrace

Whirlwind, take cover!


Obvious wasn’t it.


Whirlwind one night stand

Symptoms indicate it’s crabs

right back down to earth


I know, uncalled for.  


You reap the whirlwind

Emilio Estevez rocks!

Best western on earth


You never saw that coming though did you.  Emilio Estevez in a haiku :).  Can you name the western?

More shenanigans?

Blanketed in bliss

Fatties in space – The Poem. Not for kiddies

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge










These simply aren’t my fault.

I blame the United Nations for the quality of these haiku…

So sat at lunch Tuesday 19th of September and I thought I would scribble a few haiku, as one does.  Unfortunately on the TV behind me is Donald Trump at the UN and my intention to write of nature and butterflies and waterfalls and all manner of gorgeous natural wonderment ended up as what you read below.  I’m not even American so not sure why I care, perhaps it is because he is so vile.  Anyway, lesson learned is that your environment can have a huge impact on what you are able to write.

I then spent much of the rest of the day swearing at inanimate objects.

Donald at the UN

Flapping gums and tiny hands

Blah blah blah blah blah


Cuddly Korean

With your nuclear arsenal

And your dog soufflé


Rancid politics

Women ought to be in charge

Men are such morons

That is all I managed before punching a kitten in the face and making a pregnant lady cry, so foul was my demeanour.

More stuff?

Charlie’s Journey – OWPC Challenge

My neighbour Ifraheem

Footprints – An AFA Challenge


Daily prompt – Thorny

Armitage – Part 1

… I had suggested, and I thought quite wittily, that she fetch me a sandwich and a nice cup of tea …

I am just reposting this so I don’t lose it.  It was my first ever post less than 3 months ago but I really want to use that post as my blog intro and for the life of me I cannot work out how to do that so I am rehousing this one.  Sorry to clog up your feed with it.



I have never enjoyed Tuesdays.  Looking back at the significant moments in my life I am pretty certain that were they plotted on a chart of some description – perhaps a rather nice exploded pie chart –  not one of those milestones would appear after a Monday but before a Wednesday.

I recall quite clearly my first kiss and it was on a Friday afternoon in late summer, as far from Tuesday as one might hope to get.  My children were most definitely not Tuesday babies, preferring instead to squeeze their way into the work on a Wednesdays and Friday respectively and I married for the first time on a glorious Saturday in July and the second time it was a rather bleak Friday afternoon in March.  I could attempt to find a milestone moment on a Tuesday but I shall not because there simply aren’t any.  Of that I am certain.  I do not, therefore, hold out a great deal of hope as I put pen to paper, commencing with it as I am on a Tuesday evening  in early July.

Negative it may well seem, and perhaps I would agree that It is hardly the attitude with which to embark on any new endeavour, but such is my outlook as I sit here in the darkness typing.  “So why type?” I hear you ask.  Well the answer to that is rather quite simple.  My wife suggested it might help me unburden myself and provide me an outlet for things inside that would well be far better out and perhaps prove a route to obtaining a positivity which I apparently quite often lack.   I had suggested, and I thought quite wittily, that she fetch me a sandwich and a nice cup of tea which I was also lacking at that precise moment in time – but I received only one of her special withering looks and spent a rather uncomfortable evening in the spare bedroom  – sandwichless and parched.

Whilst I make no assertions that this is in fact anything other than late night ramblings, were I to consider this something more poetic and meaningful then as creative journeys go this is simply a first step.  Perhaps the journey has not yet begun and this is actually only the packing of a small overnight bag.  If this is the only thing I ever write then it could actually be the metaphorical equivalent of picking up an exotically illustrated brochure from the travel agents which I ended up leaving on the bus home and then deciding that actually I won’t go abroad this year and will instead potter around the house and maybe build a small wall in the garden.

Not that we have a travel agents.  That closed down when the rift opened.  As did most things around here.  If there is one thing that I am certain of it is the fact that unless the univers decides to undo that which it has done then at no time soon will I be packing a bag – whether overnight or otherwise –  to go anywhere because there simply is no longer anywhere to go to.









Gift and Song – Colleen’s weekly poetry challenge

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!

Here we go again.   I am going to be serious this week.  Feel my haiku!  Thanks as ever to Colleen for her prompts.  Check her blog out out here.

This weeks words are Gift and Song.


Intoxicating, lost

in the heady gift of song

melting to her voice


or maybe


thanks, the gift of song

an itunes voucher from gran

My phone’s an android


And back to serious


Song bird, gilded cage

Trapped, craving the blue expanse

I gift her freedom


Then back to silly, using Serenade instead of song


She smiles, crimson cheeks

He serenades from below

Dad’s Chamber pot thrown 


And one last Serious one


truly you’re a gift

you fill my heart with such song

My children my life


Ok ok one last silly one, for balance…


other worldly voice

Children crying dogs howling

clown under your bed


Think that’s quite enough for one  week…

More shenanigans?

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

End of days #writephoto challenge

Badger and Fox



Ronovans Weekly Haiku Challenge

Another week another Haiku challenge which I do rather enjoy.  this week the words to use are TOUCH and MISS.  I might try a few things.

Another week another Haiku challenge which I do rather enjoy.  this week the words to use are TOUCH and MISS.  I might try a few things.

How about a 3-5-3 haiku to start.

You left me

How I miss your touch

I hate you

Okay, now the good old 5-7-5. Perhaps a variation on the first.


How I miss your touch

Taliban cut your hands off

your hooks freak me out


Tanka perhaps, as a variation on the previous piece?

How I miss your touch

Taliban cut your hands off

your hooks freak me out

Up a bit, now left a bit

right there that’s it now scratch hard



Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge No. 50 #Haiku #Tanka #Haibun: VOICE & WATCH

My weekly assault of the gentle art of Japanese poetry

This week i shall attempt a haiku, a tanka and a haibun.


New shiny smart watch

controlling it with my voice 

Looking  like a knob 


Not a bad start.  Now lets tanka it up shall we

New shiny smart watch

controlling it with my voice

the king of the geeks!

You know you’re not on Star Trek

Wife looking quite embarrassed


True story…


How about we go full haibun.  Well as best as I can muster.  Still working on this element.  Poem, Prose, Poem for this one.

New shiny smart watch

controlling it with his voice

the king of the geeks!

You know you’re not on Star Trek

Wife looking quite embarrassed


But proud he stands, connected.  One with his devices.  He is man and he is confident – legs akimbo with hands on hips waiting patiently for her to emerge from the changing rooms and to see him with renewed eyes.  He feels taller, chin up, eyes bright as lesser men scurry laden with bags disconnected and alone.  But not he, not today.   Today is his day, and tonight he will delight her because he is connected and he feels alive.

Candles, wine, music

Children fast asleep in bed

warm breath on her neck

“Bloody hell you’re scratching me,

now you’ve laddered my stockings!”


Well I guess its something…sorry Japan


Here you go …something different.

Playground – Daily prompt

Ichabod the first

Partner – Daily prompt



photo courtesy of Thorr_deichmann at pixabay

I tried to say goodbye.

Proof that a dog is indeed mans best friend

Word prompt :  I tried to say goodbye – written in response to Michelle’s prompt at her sites Putting My Feet in the Dirt & Her Writing Haven.  

I tried to say goodbye today

But you wagged your tail and barked 

And followed me as I set off 

And chased me through the park


So back I walked and took you home

This time I would ensure 

the wife who I’d left home in bed

Would all the gates secure 


“You’ll not believe just who got out!”

I shout and summarise 

The story of our dogs escape 

But oh to my surprise…


It seems my pooch has helped me out 

My wife is not alone 

It seems he’s not the only one 

Who rather loves a bone.


I have neither a dog nor a promiscuous wife by the way, just in case you wondered.  🙂

Late night limericks 

A quick dose of inappropriateness

I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time.   So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone. 

A baker I know quite sublime 

Made cakes pies and puddings most fine 

Met a lass who he woo’d

with his sensual food 

Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”



A fellow with wife rather bland 

For insurance he schemed and he planned 

But his plot came to nought 

By the cops he was cought 

Now in prison he gets nightly manned  


Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer

What a weekend he had but i fear 

That his wife will discover 

His large breasted lover 

When the tests come back with gonorrhoea



A hubby his wife sadly binned

But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned

Such a flatulent hag

She’d eat chilli, he’d gag 

As it gave her quite horrible wind 


They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!

Screw you haiku – Volume 5

Just a few haiku, but no t so serious…


Dream guy, takes him home

so magnetic and charming

turns out hes married


Passion overwhelms

the neighbours call the police

curtains were open


married ten years

what happened to romance.  She:

close the bathroom door!


Chinese for dinner

kung po pork or king prawn foo?

all tastes same to me


I hate you haiku

syllables, five seven five

screw you I’m doing six


Day one of diet

Went for a massive curry

ill start tomorrow




want something different?

Even more limericks on sombre topics. Probably not for kids…

Faeries: The long winter

Armitage – Part 1


Colleen’s Weekly Poetry Challenge #47: Shadow & Light

Be wary of strangers on the internet, just saying…

The rules of this challenge are pretty simple, create a Haiku, a Tanka or a Haibun on the subjects of Shadow and Light.  I  try these each week, let’s see how this week’s efforts turn out shall we.  I’m going to try be serious, honest.  I know they’re meant to be about nature and such but I do like to use them to try and tell a shortened story too.

Ill start with a haiku…


He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man


Hmm…not sure where that came from? Maybe some more detail added through the medium of a Tanka, pretty much a haiku with extra lines expressing my feelings on the first 5 lines.  But I don’t think its strictly a rule.


He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 


Ok, so as a story it’s evolving., I am not allowing myself the luxury of a rewrite, I’ll see where it all goes in the Haibun.  Never done one of these before and it’s late so might play loose with the rules a bit.


The endless click of the keyboard, day and night, reaching out with twinkling eyes and sweet smile.  Lonely hearts embraced and dreams force fed foul lies and rancid hope. Offers of that which is lost, never had or which remained unknown are his to freely give and without compassion he loves and lusts and smiles at family photos and brushes his hair from his face and tells you how shy she is.  A first thought with the sun, and good nights murmured into salty pillows bookend the time apart and the minutes until they will be together at last.  They are lines he has used many times over, but well worn and trusted they pull at heart strings and ignite passions satisfied in the night.

He craves her darkness

His light consumed by her will

Turns out shes a man

A Nigerian you say?

Cannot get his money back 

Cold beers, new clothes and food on the table, you are a good boy – you make your mother proud.  Each day is full of promise, each night opportunity presents itself ripe and ready to be plucked and devoured with sweet juice covered chins laughing.  Flights are costly, but can you put a price on love.


Well that all turned out a bit weird didn’t it.  Oh well, it is what it is.  Bed time!

There are some previous efforts here

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 44 – #Haiku: HUNT & FIND

Screw you haiku Vol 4


Haiku Horizons prompt: “Taste”

A haiku challenge on the matter of “taste”

A few scribbles in response to the haiku challenge found at the link below.


Fighting with the wife

Me: “You’ve awful taste ! She:

“Yeah I married you!”

Lets try another…

Just a tiny taste

Maybe just one more mouth full 

whole cake devoured

And one last one

First stolen kisses

The taste of her lips on mine

Oh god a smoker


Fancy More?

Pesky butterflies – Weekly Weather Challenge: Hurricane

Badger and Fox

Ichabod the first

Screw you haiku Vol 4

Crude, infantile and fun to write.  Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Crude, infantile and fun to write.  Gotta be better than what’s going on in the world right?

Cannibals in love

“How do you feel about kids?”

“can’t eat a whole one”

First day of diet

Accidental carrot cake

I’ll start tomorrow

Spicy curry night

poppadoms and spicy dip

explosive repeats

miles from a toilet

buttocks clenched eyes watering

oh look a turtle!

having a fiddle

mood gone, discovered a lump

testicle lopped off

Want to read more of my stuff?  It’s not all like that promise…

A story about a girl

Some sci fi

and something for the kids


FFfAW Challenge – A steaming mug of dark and silky goodness

“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

The challenge was to write about the picture above in anywhere from 75 to 175 words.

“No, I am not drinking that!” Gordon insisted, forcefully pushing Colin’s arm away and turning his head in disgust.

Howling with laughter he offered the cup again.  “Come on mate” he slurred, taking a drink from the beer in his other hand,  “It’s chocolate honest!”

Gordon gagged as it was again shoved in his face.  “Oh god get that away from me!” he demanded “I don’t care how drunk I am I’m not touching it!”

Colin drank more beer.

“And how the hell did a man of your size even get that in the cup?” Gordon continued most vexed but not really wanting to know.  “you better not have made a mess in there we’ve just had it decorated and the wife will bloody kill me!”

Barely able to contain himself Colin lifted the mug to his lips.  “Okay if you won’t then I will…“

“Nooooo!” Gordon screamed.

“Ooh lovely” Colin said, licking his lips and offering it again grinning. “What did you think it was?”

“You’re such a dick” Gordon replied opening another beer.

175 words

Fancy something else?





Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge # 45 – #Tanka: Honey and Wine

The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.


The challenge was to write a Tanka (effectively a haiku with two additional 7 lines tagged on) and include the words “Honey” and “Wine”.  I think the first 3 are meant to set the scene and the next two express how I feel about it.  Not really cracked that bit yet…

I found this one rather tricky.

Sweet honey goodness

runs slowly into my mouth

No diet today

My inner Pooh bear unleashed

Wine fuelled hunger satisfied

Let’s try another


Wine poured, candles lit

Honey, let’s go to bed

Whipped cream, Ice, hand cuffs

This is not like fifty shades

the bloody sheets are ruined


Let’s try a more serious one…


Summer sun shining

Sweet scent of honey suckle

Warm winds on soft skin

Wilful seduction like wine

Warming caress on my lips




Maybe I will try something different next week 😊

Fancy something different?


this people find funny…

and this is quite sad



Stream of Conscious Saturday – Guess

The challenge was to write, unedited, on the subject of “Guess”

Apparently this is the challenge…

“1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.”

There are other rules and stuff which you can find here:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Aug. 12/17

I intend to give myself a minute to come up with an idea and then just type and see what comes out.  Starting…NOW!

Karl really did not like parties, he was awkward at the best of times and parties tended to make it worse, but Rachel had invited him, and Rachel made his heart beat faster and forget the most basic of words.

Kyle, who as wholly more suited to parties than he was due to his fabulous hair and skinny jeans had always advised him to play it cool with women and to try and make her laugh, though right now he wanted nothing more than to scurry off home and watch TV.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.  It was Rachel.

“Hey you !” she smiled giving him a hug “I am so glad you came!”

She smelled like vanilla milkshake, and he loved vanilla milkshake.  Not as much as banana but it was right up there.

“Hey yourself” was the best he could muster, holding onto her for a little longer than he probably should have.

She brushed her hair from her eyes and handed him a red cup of what he assumed was beer.

“Oh Guess what” she said excitedly putting her hand on his arm.

This was his chance Karl thought, Kyle’s words ringing in his ears.  He needed to be funny.  Make her laugh, girls loved to laugh right.

“Guess you say” he replied smiling awkwardly “Okay, lets see.  You have me at a disadvantage but I’ll give it a go.”

Karl rubbed his chin feigning contemplation.  Rachel looked a little confused.

“You’re really an alien and you’re here to take over the planet!” he exclaimed grinning.  Oh god please laugh.

Rachel did’t laugh, mostly she looked even more confused”

“No I was going to say…” Karl interrupted before she got to finish.

“Oh no wait, I’m not ready to give up yet” Karl continued.  “I love a challenge.”

Rachel took a drink from her cup and looked past him towards the door.  Karl knew he needed to make her laugh now or he might blow his chance.

“You were going to say that you wanted to get out of here and go somewhere quiet” he said trying his best to be cool and funny and seductive at the same time.

“Er no” Rachel replied taking another drink.  She paused for a moment, and Karl could sense someone stood behind him.

“Hey babe” said a voice which he instantly recognised as Kyles.

Rachel smiled uncomfortably “I was going to say I’d started seeing your mate and he was also coming tonight.”



Not easy that lark, you don’t really know where you’re going…or I didn’t.  I knew I wanted him to crash and burn and it to be awkward and to actually guess when she said “Guess what ” but that was it.  That took about 20 minutes and a few more to correct the typos which I fixed afterwards.  I found myself typing a bit slower that normal though to give myself chance to think…



Screw you haiku vol 3

The point of these?  I cant remember to be honest, I think perhaps it’s turning into a defiling of the haiku form really.

Some days the best I can muster is a handful of rather poor and inappropriate haiku.  Today is one of those.

For volume 1 and volume 2 click on the clicky things.

The point of these?  I cant remember to be honest, I think perhaps it’s turning into a defiling of the haiku form really.

First day of diet

ate a whole box of meringues

maybe tomorrow

Bottle of vodka

turns out I’m not the batman

seems I cannot fly

Wakes up, strange bed, her

Face like a thick pool of sick

damn beer goggles

Kids used my toothbrush

scrubbed the toilet bowl with theirs

dysentery, oops.

Not sure about these

Off to research haiku verse

I’m sorry Japan


For something a little more pleasant you might possibly like this…



Dash – a collection of hastily scribbled limericks – Daily prompt


>A fellow from Bangor I met

Had a shirt that was soaked through with sweat

As he’d been on the run

From a priest and a nun

And a Bishop whos wife he got wet


>A lady with bosoms aplenty

Proved a hit with the men of the gentry

They succumbed to her wiles

And her winks and her smiles

But to church she was oft refused entry


>A chap met a lass in a bush

Passion and lust what a rush

Pulses raced what a thrill

As they rolled on the hill

Until doctor confirmed he had thrush


>A wife bored at home with burst pipe

Hastily scrubbed with a wipe

As the plumber quite handy

Made her head swim like brandy

She was ready for plucking, quite ripe


>Please do not show these words to the wife

I really do not want the strife

“A grown man should man should know better,

your kids cold read this letter…

writing slightly rude rhymes, get a life!”




Bernard and Charles – Daily prompt

“Ill tell you what Charles” said Bernard, shuffling his newspaper and staring out of the large communal room window.  His eyes followed an older woman in a blue dress being walked by a small pack of dogs on the lawn outside. “Things are a lot better than they used to be you know”.

“Uh-huh, is that so?” replied Charles distantly, not looking up from his cross word and scratching his head through a thick mop of white hair.  He was having a real problem with three across.

“Oh yes, absolutely” Bernard insisted.  “Look at the world now.  It’s not like in our day Charles.  Kids don’t know how lucky they have it.”

Charles muttered loudly “20th century Canadian Liberal, four letters”?

Bernard wasn’t listening, intent only on voicing his opinions whilst continuing to watch the woman in the blue dress, who was now struggling to disentangle herself from the dog leashes which were now wrapped around her legs.

“They never had to deal with any of the things we had to deal with in our day you know!”

Charles lifted his head from his crossword.  “And what was it we had to deal with Bernard?” he asked.  Three across was really starting to frustrate him.

Bernard fell quiet, staring out of the window, his eyes fixed somewhere in the distance.

Charles knew it was mean of him to do that, he knew that Bernard wouldn’t remember.  He never did.

The woman in the blue dress had lost her battle with the dogs and was now attempting pick up a jack Russell in one hand and at the same time prevent the Chihuahua from attempting to mount a rather indifferent looking Rottweiler with the other.

Suddenly Bernard returned to the room, his face animated.  “Now that’s ambition Charles” he exclaimed, pointing towards the woman in the blue dress.

“Look at that, that little bugger doesn’t know it’s a Chihuahua!  It thinks it’s a Rottweiler Charles!”.

Charles looked over, smiling at his old friend.  “Indeed it does Bernard, indeed it does”






I don’t have a dog called Caper – Daily prompt

I do not have a dog, and his name is not Caper.  That is to say If I did have a trusted canine companion, then I am sure that Caper would be his name.  Not Brian, nor Carl.



I do not have a dog, and his name is not Caper.  That is to say If I did have a trusted canine companion, then I am sure that Caper would be his name.  Not Brian, nor Carl.

We do not go for long walks, and I do not have a special stick that I throw for him which he retrieves with such pleasure, dropping it at my feed for a treat and great praise.  If though , as I have supposed,  I did have a dog – named Caper (not Brian nor Carl)  – then we would most definitely enjoy the outdoors more than I do now and he would always be there for me through thick and thin as only a dog called caper could be.

I do not have a dog named Caper and Caper and I do not sit on the couch on a Saturday night and watch television and eat pizza together, but if we did it would definitely be pepperoni because that would be his favourite I am sure and Caper would almost certainly eat the crusts that I leave.

Because I do not have a dog named Caper, each morning I am not awakened by him, and he is not happy to see me as much today as yesterday but not quite as much as he will be tomorrow.

I do not have a dog, and his name is not Caper and he did not run out into the road in front of a car.


via Daily Prompt: Caper