Category: limericks

If you’ve read me for any length of time you know I love limericks.  Why?  Because they’re such whimsical fun.

Mostly they just kind of appear in my head you know, without much effort.  I will think of a theme, find a couple of words that rhyme and they just magically appear.  Or maybe I have a start or an end line that makes me chuckle and I take it from there.

Now, there are a lot of limericks I do not write that rattle around brain.  Some are just awfully filthy and/or just go too far in terms of good taste and seem rather crass.  The English language is somewhat to blame too, because how am I supposed to not think of the obvious when suck, luck and fuck all rhyme.

You try not to write a limerick about Donald trump having his bottom fiddled with when famous and anus also go perfectly well together.  it is not an easy thing and I am a weak man.  Mostly I like to write those ones on public lavatory walls or teach them to other people’s young children.

Alas I must though have some sort of filter because whilst I don’t mind offending people it should never be done just for the sake of offence.

Anyway, here are a few of the starting or ending lines from some of them them – feel free to perhaps make up your own using them.

Some starts

A well endowed teacher called Rick

An uncle quite fond of incest

A woman with breasts double D

A preacher man down on his luck

There once was a woman quite fussy

and how about a few endings…

and exploded all over her face

and a penis the size of a marrow

and collapsed into bed with her dad

and a clitoris the size of a grape

and removing a shoe from his anus

anyway…sorry about that.  I’ll go now.

My friend met this lass one December

Gender fluid, trust me I remember

One day she’s a bloke

Next a woman, no joke

Took a lot to not always offend her him them shim …look, she had a lovely bottom and they were very happy and that’s all that matters right.  Love is never simple but well worth the effort and labels really can get in the way sometimes.

X

A Peruvian who so loved his llama

When it died shipped it to an embalmer

When returned he was thrilled

Sexily posed and quite filled

Now he spoons it at night, sans pyjama

A naturist nun loved a giggle

and to dance and my word did she jiggle

Pendulous she would swing

Heaving breasts, quite the thing

And her bottom quite wildly she’d wiggle

There once was a POTUS called Trump

An orange small handed vile lump

Make things great?  There’s no hope

Your wife’s boobs he will grope

And your sister he’ll most surely hump

Kangaroo – OWPC Challenge

The great plan of the gods

Harold